C H A P T E R | THIRTY-SEVEN
SHIFTING
𝙳 𝙴 𝚂 𝚃 𝙸 𝙽 𝙸 𝙼 𝙴 𝙺 𝙷 𝙸
"MOMMY," Brooklyn looked up from the book she was reading in her lap at the table while Khloe was busy on the couch painting her nails, "Mommy?" She repeated to Destini who was cooking in the kitchen at the moment.
"Yes Brook?"
"How long do we have to keep reading these boring books and doing boring stuff until we can watch T.V. and use the computer againnnn," Brooklyn wined and sat her book down, "It's sooooo boring in this house and it's summer - - maaaaa we're supposed to be playing in the pool and having fun, not reading books and staying cooped up in the house."
"Yeah mom," Khloe looked up, just having to add her two cents, "Don't you think keeping us cut off from the world is a bit irrational?" Destini looked at Khloe like she'd lost her mind and quickly Khloe looked back down at her nails and kept painting, "I'm just saying."
"Eat your sandwiches," Destini said, pointing to the sandwiches she'd made for the girls and put down on the table, "You kids today are too immersed in all this digital stuff," that was the excuse that Destini gave the girls but really she wanted to keep them from their father's scandal which was hot on the presses and in the media as of right now. "I know what time of the year it is thank you for reminding me Brooklyn," she said, "But you don't read enough and so that's why I made a reading list for all of you."
"How come Kayden doesn't have to read?" Brooklyn said snappily, "What's she gonna do?"
"She can't read, dummy," Khloe rolled her eyes at Brooklyn, "Duh."
"Yeah - - can't weeadd," Kayden repeated Khloe, looking up from her toys that she was playing with beside Brooklyn, "Duuuh."
"Mommy can I go live with grandma," she rolled her eyes at the both of them, "It's better than having to live with Dr. Evil and her mini-me over here who repeats eveeeeeery single thing that Khloe says."
"Hater," said Khloe, getting up and walking out into the living room and seconds later Kayden followed right after her.
"Seriously, mommy," Brooklyn sighed, "I miss Spongebob. I wanna watch T.V."
"Yeah well you'd have to find the T.V. in order to watch it and to do that you'd have to find the keys because I locked them all up," Destini smiled and shrugged, "And you'll never find that," she had taken all the T.V.'s except for the one's in she and Carter's room.
"Ugh," Brooklyn said as Destini walked out of the room with a plate and sandwich. She got up from her chair and waited until she saw Destini disappear and then walked into the living room where Kayden and Khloe were, "Look, we gotta get those keys and get to the T.V.s."
"What? How are you gonna hook it up? Do you know how to hook up a T.V. Brooklyn?"
"No but - -,"
"Okay," Khloe said, blowing on her nails, "My point exactly. Getting the keys won't do anything for us."
"What about the movie room?" She snapped and stepped on the floor, "Oh my God why didn't I think of that sooner - - the theatre. If we get into the theatre we can watch all the T.V. we want - - come on Khloe you know how much you looooove sitting in daddy's chair."
"Mommy locked that too, Brook."
"Okay but if we get the key to the theatre then we can watch T.V. without having to set up anything. There's no way mommy took that big ass movie screen down. No way."
"Good point," Khloe looked up and bit her bottom lip, "But how would we do it? Where would we look? Where would mommy hide those keys?"
"Hmmm," Brooklyn rubbed her chin, "I don't know - - I don't think - -," and then it instantly clicked for both girls as they said in unison, "Daddy's studio!"
"Shhhhhh," Kayden said, knowing her sister's were up to something devious, "Mommy," she pointed down the hall.
"Right, right - - good job Kayden. Okay, here's the plan. Me and you go into the art studio and look for the keys and Kayden can be the look out and tell us if mommy or daddy comes down the hall.
"Okay," Khloe got up, "Usually I wouldn't work with terrorists but this time Brook, we need each other."
"Shut up little miss prissy pants and come on - - we don't have much time before mommy comes back looking to see if we're reading."
"Okay," she nodded, "Kayden you got the plan," they both looked down at Kayden and saw her picking her nose, "Eww Kayden - - Brook this isn't gonna work she's not even listening."
"Get your mini-me in check," Brooklyn said as she led the way, "Cause we're about to break into this theater."
● ● ●
Destini walked down the hallway and entered she and Carter's bedroom, finding Carter busy writing something down on a legal notepad. She closed the door behind her and sat the plate down on the nightstand, "Babe," she said sweetly, "I made you some lunch," she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Oh," Carter looked up, wearing his square framed reading glasses as he wrote, "Thanks, ma."
"How you feeling?" She crawled up closer to him and sat beside him, "Better?"
"I'm fine," she noticed that he was writing and looking over documents from work but what he was working on didn't seem like work, "Just working."
"What are you working on?"
"Updating my will," Carter said, writing and looking back at the pad. She looked down at the wedding ring on her finger and sighed, knowing that the death of Midknight was not only taking a toll on him but furthering the strain of their marriage. Carter wasn't himself - - he was turning into something different - - someone she wasn't completely familiar with and above all he seemed terribly sad but he was hiding it.
"Your will?" She said, "As in what you're leaving to who when you die?" He nodded, "Carter why? Why are you doing that?"
"Whatchu' mean why? You're supposed to update it every now and then," he shrugged, "Plus, neva' know when it's your time. I want to make sure all my shit is covered when I die and I have some new requests."
"Requests? Like what?"
"I want to be buried, not cremated," Carter said, "And when I'm buried I want to be buried beside my mother - - Billie - - my real mother," he continued writing, "My sperm donor - - aka Shawn - - wouldn't let me be with her in life so I'd like to at least be with her in death."
"Damn," she sighed and crawled up to him, running her fingers through his curls, "That's deep baby," she looked at him, knowing he was going through the ringer from all that had happened, "It's good that you're doing that but do you know where she's buried?"
"No but I intend to find out."
"I see," she kissed his cheek and kept playing in his hair, "I don't like it when you talk about dying like that, though."
"It's life, Destini," he said sullenly, "We're born only to die."
"Carrrterrr."
"What," he said, "It's the truth. People die everyday. When it's my time I want things the way I want them."
"Fine," she said, "But I don't like to talk about it - - it just - - it scares me and I don't plan on you going anywhere any time soon, Carter. You better not be planning on that either."
"I had a dream," Carter said without looking up, "I don't know - - like it was telling me something - - something about death - - I don't rememba' it all but it woke me up out of me sleep."
"What? Something like you dying? You had a dream about dying?"
"Yeah," he said, "Something like that."
"Well it was just a dream - - they're called dreams for a reason," she snuggled up to him, "And you aren't going anywhere any time soon," she repeated, "Not til' we're old and gray and the girls are grown and married with their own children and all," Destini smiled and kissed his neck though Carter was staring at the page he was writing on. When she saw that he wasn't smiling with her, her smile slowly faded and she watched him put down his things and get out of bed, "Have you thought more about Shawn's funeral?"
"What's to think about," Carter said, putting his things away and into the safe - - he wanted his will to be kept a secret until his death for obvious reasons, "I'm not going to that man's funeral. Go, for what?"
"Because he's your fatha' and regardless of what's happened he meant something to you," she watched him in the bathroom from the bedroom, "Remember how you would always brag about Shawn to me even when we were teenagers you would always tell me how good of a man he was. You'd tell me how much you idolized him and how you wanted to be just like him. Carter, people aren't perfect but we're people not God. We're gonna make mistakes. You've made a hell of a lot and I've always forgiven you."
"Don't bring forgiveness and God into this, Des," Carter said, "I've made up my mind and I don't want to go. I'm not going. Period."
"Fine," she said, "I just really hope you've thought this through. I don't want you to regret not going to your father's funeral when you put in all this effort to find out your biological parents. They told you that you might not get a fairytale ending, Carter - - they warned you."
"I don't wanna hear that shit right now," he looked up from the sink and into the mirror where he saw Destini laying in bed and stared seriously, "Dead the conversation - - now."
She sighed and got up from the bed, seeing him holding two pills in his hand and taking them with some water. Destini noticed that he wasn't feeling well - - he kept rubbing his head and massaging his hands like his fingers were bothering him along with a headache. She bit her bottom lip and leaned on the door for a minute, watching him and then she came closer, "What's wrong," she knew but she wanted him to tell her, "Why do you keep doing that with your hands, bae?"
"I keep getting these cramps in my hands," Destini sat on the counter in front of him, feet hanging off the edge and pulled him to her by the hands, "And I have a fuckin headache like you wouldn't believe."
"What are you taking?"
"Advil."
"Just Advil?" She looked down at his hands and massaged them for him, remembering that the doctor said that muscle and joint pain in the hands, arms, and legs was a possible sign of the tumor, "Why don't you draw anymore in the studio," she asked curiously, "Is this why?" Destini lifted his hands that were paining, massaging them.
"I hope I'm not getting arthritis or some shit," he said, "What do you mean? Yeah - - why you interrogating me like I did something wrong? The fuck, Des?"
"Because you're lying to me," Destini said outright, "And I know you are. Carter, how can you look me - - your wife - - in my eyes and just lie to me continuously like you've done? I deserve way more than that," he snatched his hands away, "Come back here."
"I don't have time for this shit."
"I know about Dr. Price and I know that you've been getting treated for the headaches," she said calmly, "What I don't know is why you'd sit up here and act like everything's fine when you could be seriously sick. Huh? Why would you do that to me - - I'm not your fuckin' enemy Carter - - I'm not."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh no?" She laughed and shook her head and then went in the cabinet and found the pills he'd been taking, "There," she threw them at him, "That's what I'm talking about, Carter. That shit right there."
"Okay so I saw a doctor - - so what? Ain't that what you wanted? You wanted me to get it checked out so I did and at the time we were barely speaking and now you mad? Get out of hea' and get realistic."
"Get realistic? Okay, the doctor told me that it could be cancerous and that the signs were headaches and muscle and joint pain - - look at you - - you're in pain Carter - - you have to stay on these pain killers in order to not be hurting. Why are you STILL lying to me? It's hereditary and you know it."
"Destini you're really starting to annoy me."
"I know you're going through shit right now but you can't keep ignoring what's important and not telling me shit like that - - just like the fuckin' IRS showing up hea' asking all these fuckin' questions and shit and the F.B.I. too - - Carter you need to tell me what the FUCK is going on because I'm starting to get really fuckin' scared for our future and this family. On top of it all you're getting sicker and we're just not fuckin' talking about shit! I don't like it - - I don't."
"I'm getting the shit treated Des! What else do you want me to do? I can't do shit - - I can't make the fuckin' tumor just fuckin' go away! Gotdamn - - it's like what the fuck do you want from me? I'm dealing with a whole fuckin' lot - - I got the F.B.I. AND the IRS hounding my ass and work on top of that - - right now I don't have time for all this nagging and shit."
She took a deep breath, "I'm trying to fuckin work with you. YOU know that."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you about seeing the doctor but I'm seeing him now and I'm gonna get betta," Carter lowered his voice, "I have another appointment with him next week - - we'll go together - - both of us and you'll be right there with me hearing everything that's going on. Baby, I just didn't want to scare you with it. I'm gonna be fine, aight?"
"You don't know," she said stubbornly and Carter pulled her closer, "Carter I just want you to let me be there for you and you're being so selfish. This involves me, you, and our children. I want you to come to me about whatever you're feeling. We're a family and we're supposed to be bestfriends not just husband and wife."
"I know - - I know, ma," he sighed and kissed her forehead, "You're coming with me next week right? I want you thea'."
"Promise?"
"I promise," he said, "It's me and you against this thing no matter if it's cancerous or not. We gonna be alright."
● ● ●
"I'm sorry you couldn't come," Carter looked at Joy with a face of stone, wanting to say that he wasn't sorry but he didn't, "I just wanted you to know that Shawn loved, you Carter - - he did," she said, "So did I. When I found out - - you know you were always welcomed."
"I appreciate what you're sayin' but I didn't come to talk about that," Carter said, "Joy I need to know where Billie's buried and I know you know."
"I do," she nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes, a combination of missing Shawn and seeing Carter. She gave Carter the location of Billie's burial and as she held his hand with the information on a piece of paper she looked up at him, "Carter," she breathed, "If I never see you again you take care of yourself, okay?" He watched the tears falling down from her eyes, "And from the bottom of my heart and on behalf of Shawn, I am so sorry for what you went through."
Carter didn't waste any time - - he needed to go to Billie's grave immediately. The address led Carter to a cemetery that was in upstate New York, similar to the areas that Shawn had taken Carter before when he was younger. Carter spoke with the groundskeeper of the cemetery knowing that he would need help finding her in all this land.
"What did you say her name was again?"
"Felicia," Carter said, following the groundskeeper, "Felicia 'Billie' Jones."
"I don't see her," he looked around in the area based on the archived books that the cemetery kept, "Maybe she's in one of the stone memorials?" Carter's expensive shoes trodded around in the grass, dressed immaculately as he usually was looking all around on the headstones for Felicia's name.
"I don't know," said Carter, getting a little frustrated, "I was told she was here - - says so in your books too."
"Oh, Mr. Mekhi I think I found her," the groundskeeper waved Carter over to a shoddy section where it looked as if the grass needed to be cut and the weeds pulled, "Here she is. Felicia Jones." The groundskeeper looked at Carter, "I'm technically not supposed to let - -," Carter pulled out his money clip and peeled off a few hundreds and handed them to the groundskeeper, not taking his eyes off his mother's unkempt final resting place.
"Give me a few minutes alone," he said staring at the metal plate amidst the grass crowding her.
"Of course, sir," the groundskeeper said and quickly disappeared, leaving Carter there by himself.
Carter stared down at the grave through his Gucci shades and he couldn't believe it. Here he was finally close to her - - his mother. He couldn't believe that no one had even bothered to clear off her grave or at least get her a decent headstone - - she didn't even have a headstone, all she had was a cheap copper, rusted looking plate with her name and date of birth and death. There were no flowers, only weeds, and there were no kind words, no marble - - Shawn had left her there for dead and didn't give a fuck about it.
He couldn't control himself, tears fell from his eyes, seeing the condition the grave was in combined with Midknight and his hand in the whole thing and all the pressures bearing down on Carter. Carter fell to his knees there in the grass and took his hand and wiped off the weeds, dust, his tears, and grass and started bawling like a baby.
"I'm so sorry mommy," Carter said, remembering the day that he'd seen her at the group home, "You came - - I know you came back for me and you wanted to save me," he cried, "He just left you here and didn't give two fucks about it!" He placed his head against the name plate, "He didn't love eitha' of us - - I'm so sorry mommy - - do you recognize me? Do you rememba' me?" He cried harder, "It's me - - your son - - Carter. I'm gonna get you outta here mommy - - I promise - - I'm not gonna leave you here like this - - I swear it...I'm gonna get you something nice," he wiped his tears, "A nice headstone and - - and - - everything." He took a deep breath, "I barely knew you but I miss you so much - - I love you."
Carter spent an entire hour there just talking with Billie and feeling close to her. After he got himself together he found the groundskeeper in the office, "Everything okay?" Carter hid his red eyes with his shades, "You need anything else?"
"I want to move the grave."
"Well Mr. Mekhi that grave's kinda old," he said, "Once they're down there for that long the process is kinda tough digging it back up."
"I don't care how much."
"It's pretty expensive to - -,"
"I don't care," Carter said, "I'll spare no expense," he licked his lips and nodded, "I want her to have a stone walk in memorial and how ever much it costs I'm willing to pay and I'm willing to pay today in cash if you need me to. I want this done, sir - - no matter what."
● ● ●
"Okay I want you all to work on that next eight count," Stoni said, stepping out from the stage dressed in her leotard and leg warmers, "By tomorrow we should all have that much down. Bonne?"
(TRANS: Good)
"Oui, oui!" The group of dancers said to Stoni in unison, speaking some of their native tongues of French that she had to learn when she first came out to Paris months ago. After having Zyair, she was hard pressed to go back to school for dance and when Carter moved she and Zyair out to Paris before the birth of the baby she enrolled in one of the top dancing schools in France and continued on with her education.
Stoni, jogged off the stage, seeing Simone, one of her classmates out in the audience watching them rehearse and watching Zyair for Stoni while she practiced with her group. When Stoni saw the face of her baby, smiling and held in Simone's lap clapping and giggling she grew instantly happy.
"Zyyyyyyyzyyyyy," Stoni said making funny faces as she walked up and walked down the aisle before Simone and Zyair, leaning over the seat to face them, "Hiiiiii mama," she smiled seeing Zyair, nearly a little more than eight months old reaching out for her with those bright green eyes that she'd gotten from her father, "You miss mommy?" Stoni kissed Zyair's cheek while running her hand over Zyair's curly hair, "You saw mommy dancee? You diddd?"
"You were great," Simone said in her thick French accent, "I think the show will be good," she nodded and stood up, getting her things, "Zyair loved it too," Simone pinched Zyair's chubby cheeks, "Didn't you? You almost make me want a baby, Stoni. She was so good with me."
"DON'T!" Stoni said laughing, "It's helllll," she shook her head, "But I love my Zyzy - - she's so cutteeee," Stoni playfully bit her cheeks as Zyair laughed, "Merci beaucoup, Simone," she said letting out an exhausted breath, "Time for us to go home."
(TRANS: Thank you.)
"I'll see you tomorrow, Stoni," said Simone, grabbing her bag. She leaned down and kissed Zyair's cheek, "Adieu, petite ange."
(TRANS: Goodbye, little angel.)
"Say adieu, Zyzy," Zyair just cooed and giggled, "Okay, let's get your coat on and we'll go home. You hungry? Me too - - what abooooutttt - - spaghetti?" She smiled at Zyair just cooing, "Si, bien? Yes?" Stoni put Zyair's arms into her coat, one little arm at a time, wrapped her up in a scarf and then got her own coat on, her bag, diaper bag, and headed out the door for home.
When Stoni arrived home she threw down her bag and opened the door entering the apartment to the sound of Zyair's crying, "Okay mama okay, I'm gonna get you some food and some juice," she rushed to the kitchen with crying Zyair in her arms and grabbed a sippy cup, trying to wean her from the bottle at this point and then poured some apple juice inside it, "There," she gave the cup to Zyair, "You gonna drink from the sippy cup for mommy tonight? No more bottle," she shook her head no illustrating what she meant.
She'd been teaching Zyair English, Spanish, and French, speaking to her in different languages knowing that she was starting to form words. Incidentally, Zyair liked to babble Spanish words the most which drove Carter crazy because he didn't know Spanish. "Ah! Good girlll," she rubbed Zyair's hair when Zyair drank from the sippy cup without complaining for her bottle.
Stoni picked Zyair up and placed her in her chair when she heard the phone ringing, "Hello?" She put the phone on speaker so that she could start on dinner while she talked without looking at the call waiting, "Oh look Zy, auntie Allison sent us something in the mail - - it's pictures," she placed them down in front of Zyair to look at, "Hello?"
"Babydoll," Stoni's stomach dropped when she heard Carter's voice on the other end of the phone. She was torn between cussing him out because she and Zyair missed him - - they hadn't seen him since his last visit, "Whatchu' doin?"
"Feeding your daughter," Stoni said, with obvious annoyance in her voice.
"Why you sound like that?"
"You know why I sound like that, Papi," she said, looking back every now and again to make sure Zyair was alright, "Where are you?"
"Getting off a plane," Carter said, speaking on his cell as he jogged down the steps of the jet, "Guess where I am?"
"Iono," she said, rolling her eyes, "Not here."
"Why you bein' salty, baby doll come on - - guess."
"No," she said, biting her bottom lip, "I'm mad at you," she leaned against the kitchen counter and played with the packaging of the tomato sauce, "I'm not even talkin' to you right now."
"Maaaa," Carter whined, "Please don't do this - - please I'm begging you. Not tonight, pleaseee."
"Dada," Stoni saw Zyair getting excited in her chair and walked over to the table.
"That my baby? Zyyyyyyzyyyyyyyy," Carter said through the phone, "Guess what mama?" Stoni rolled her eyes once again, "Daddy just got off the plane - - I'm in Paris."
"Ayi - -You what, Papito?"
"Just touched down in Paris," Carter said with cool laughter, "I'm on my way over thea' right now, ma. Keep her up for me. See you in a lil' bit."
-