C H A P T E R | THIRTY-ONE
DOWN LOW, DOUBLE LIFE
𝚂 𝚃 𝙾 𝙽 𝙸 𝙵 𝙻 𝙾 𝚁 𝙴 𝚂
SHE sat quietly on the edge of the bed, nearest the window and stared out at the street watching the throngs of passing cars whizzing by and the sounds of life in the city. Being there, in the environment completely different than the one she'd known all her life made her reflect on a few things. For one the house that she lived in was filled with reminders and remnants of him all throughout. Essentially it was his house - - a gift he'd given her - - but his nonetheless. She looked down at the clothes that she was wearing and realized that they were clothes given to her by him.
The same could be said of the jewelry she donned and the shoes on her feet. Carter had provided everything for her - - given her everything that she needed so that she should not want for a thing so what right did she have to tell him that aborting the child growing inside her was a horrid idea? Did she really have any solid ground to stand on when it came to anything, being that he was her sole provider? Though it was her body, the decision it seemed, should at last be Carter's and not hers...right? At least this was the way that Stoni began to rationalize the abortion that Carter had arranged and that she had agreed to.
She spent the night before in the bed alone crying her eyes out, unbelieving that she was actually about to let those terrible doctors probe and violate her body with their cold, hard, and impersonal tools. Stoni couldn't actually believe that she was going to allow something so precious be taken away from her - - but then what about all that the two of them had to lose? She couldn't get the pain that having this child would cause out of her head either. The child could ruin so much for Carter and the same could be said for Stoni and her career as a dancer. It seemed as if she was damned if she did and damned if she didn't.
"Do you want to bring these pajamas or the pink ones?" Allison's voice drew Stoni's attention away from the window momentarily and over to where she stood, packing Stoni's overnight bag. She was told that the procedure was usually an out patient procedure but sometimes they would detain patients for a night just to make sure that everything went smoothly. So, in case she needed to stay there, she was told she needed to pack a bag, "I know you like the blue ones but I wasn't sure if you wanted that one or the pink ones."
"It doesn't matter," Stoni shrugged her shoulders, thankful that Allison was packing her things for her. She wasn't sure that she had the strength to do anything else but mope about like a lost puppy, "Just pack whatever you want."
Allison sighed, knowing her best friend's predicament well, and wishing that there was something she could do to help her but she knew the effects of this man - - of Carter - - were irreversible ones. Never had she seen a woman, in all her days of hearing about him and seeing how he treated women, resist him or disobey his wishes. Basically, what Carter said, went. Allison also knew that he had Stoni's mind so wrapped around his finger that she wouldn't dare try to rebel against what he told her to do - - he had her and he had her good.
"Can you promise me something," Allison said and came over to her sullen friend, sitting by the window, "Can you promise me," she grabbed Stoni and laid Stoni's head on her shoulder while stroking her hair as motherly as possible, "Promise me that you really thought about this, Stoni," she didn't want Stoni to get upset but she wanted her to be sure that she knew what she was doing by agreeing to the abortion, "You know it's not too late to back out now. Sure, raising a baby is hard but living with the guilt of an abortion is a weight to bear too."
"What can I do," Stoni said weakly, knowing that the word had been spoken, "It's what he wants - - it's what he thinks is best and - - it's what I have to do."
"You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
"I can't raise a baby," she sobbed into Allison's chest, "I'm nineteen years old - - I have so many opportunities with my dancing - -," she cried, "Ally I got the lead role in the spring concert. If I have this baby I'll be letting so many people down - - Carter being the main person."
"All this about him," she grabbed Stoni's face, "And nothing about Stoni. What about what Stoni has to deal with, hm? He's not the one who's about to be laying on that table - - you are."
"What about his family? He doesn't want one with me. He's still with his wife."
"Are you surprised? Stoni, men like him don't leave their wives they just constantly cheat on them," she was about to go off into a whole different conversation but she stopped herself, knowing they'd been down that road before.
"Allison what can I do now?" She looked up at her friend with pleading eyes, "I love him - - I love him so much and I - - you'll never understand me and him. No one ever will. Not unless you've been there and you're in it - - no one will get the situation between Carter and me."
"Well help me to get it. Honestly, I don't understand how you can love someone who is splitting his love between you and his wife. It's not possible to be in love with two people at once - - at least I don't think," she sighed, "I don't like what he's done to you, Stoni. That's all. Look at you - - you're an emotional rollercoaster and I love you and only want you to be happy. He's hurting you more than helping you." Stoni didn't want to talk about it anymore so she sat there quietly and watched the window while the tears escaped her eyes.
Minutes later, still in Allison's embrace, they both heard the sound of footsteps and smelled the scent of Versace men's cologne floating its way inside the room. Allison was the first to turn around and take him in and next Stoni turned around and stared at his tall figure standing in the doorframe. His handsome face was sullen with emotion written upon it and worry in his brows. Both women could tell that he had been worrying about the matter just as they had.
Stoni took a deep breath, tearing her eyes away from all six foot of him and stared quietly at the floor in a moment of unspoken shame. Allison stood up and kissed Stoni's forehead, "Be strong okay?" She said to Stoni, "And you call me as soon as you're done and I'll be right here waiting for you," she had committed herself already to being there for Stoni as soon as she got the abortion.
She'd wait on her hand and foot and see to it that her bestie got better as soon as possible and that she had someone there with her knowing how Carter had a tendency to leave Stoni in the house alone. But then what could Allison really expect from a man who juggled different women and three kids.
"Hey, Ally," Carter said to Allison as she walked away from Stoni and near the door. However he was only met with Allison's cold stare and eventually her back as she simply walked past him without responding. She was furious with Carter for everything and had been since day one when he preyed on her friend. He couldn't do much to ease his wound from her rudeness toward him but he decided to ignore it and to focus on the person whom he'd come for - - Stoni, "Are you ready to go?" Carter said, not moving from the door.
"Yeah," she got up, feeling the baby shifting inside her - - she knew surely it was, "I'm ready," Stoni grabbed her overnight bag and met Carter, trying to avoid his eyes at all costs.
"Hey," he grabbed her chin and looked down at her, "Remember why we're doin' this," he said, "It's what's best for both of us, baby doll. I wouldn't ever want to put you in harms way - - you know that right."
"You already did that," she muttered under her breath, "Let's just go."
He sighed, knowing there wasn't really much he could do or say to that and grabbed her bag from her, carrying it out to the car. They both slid inside the confines of the Bentley and the tension inside was so thick one could cut it with a knife. A million things were going through his mind but more specifically, he felt that she thought he didn't care as much as he should have.
How could he make her see that he was genuinely affected by what was happening? How could she know, look into his heart, and see that he wanted her to do this because he knew having a baby would only burden her more than help her - - his baby at that. She was only nineteen and he knew she wasn't ready; he remembered the hell that Destini went through when she was pregnant with Khloe and how they struggled through those times. He didn't want Stoni to have to struggle through them as well and he didn't want to fuck up the delicate balance of his home life either.
Stoni stared straight ahead as he drove off into the traffic of Manhattan. He drove further away from the city, through the Holland tunnel and out the city limits of the state of New York. There was no way in hell he was going to have her get the procedure done in the city - - the tabloids would have a field day and Destini might find out that way, especially with her being in the city now. So, Carter had found a place for them to go out in Delaware, further enough removed from the prying eyes of others and secret enough to keep their little situation on the low.
Periodically he would look over at Stoni and see her unmoved, staring out the same as she had been before with saddened eyes looking like she was on the verge of tears. He'd see the water in her eyes since he came to pick her up but he hadn't seen a tear fall yet.
Honestly, he felt like shit at this point and began to blame himself for what had happened. The car was quiet, not even the radio was playing, only the quiet solitude of their individual thoughts. As he drove through New Jersey he focused on the road ahead of him and knew that it would be paved with nothing but heartache for her and he'd pay for it every step of the way.
Carter took another glance over at Stoni and this time he saw the tears welling in her eyes fall down her cheeks in a silent cry. He ran his tongue over his lips and reached over with his right hand and grabbed her hand, squeezing it tight as if to let her know that they were in it together. He brought her hand to his lips, kissed it and held it, "I love you," he said, knowing that she would be forever changed from this experience.
● ● ●
"Do you have any questions?" The doctor said as Stoni sat there on the cold operating table, "Is there anything you want to know about the tools we'll use or the procedure itself?" Stoni didn't say a word.
"Is it gonna hurt her afterward?" Carter spoke up, knowing that Stoni had mentally checked out of the situation - - she was already traumatized and he couldn't lie, after seeing all of the medical equipment they were going to use on her he was beginning to feel uneasy. His stomach was churning and he began to worry more and more about her safety, "It just seems like all of this is - - well, it's a lot," he said pointing to the different equipment, "I'm just worried about how she's gonna feel durin' and afta', you know?"
"I assure you Mr. Mekhi that everything here is approved by the American Medical Association and my staff is well equipped to handle the procedure. We're well versed in this type of operation. We've performed quite a few," that made him feel even more uneasy.
"The most pain she'll feel afterward will be about equivalent to having a period. Cramps and bleeding and there may be some tenderness but nothing that would be unbearable. We're going to give her anti-biotic medication to wart of any infection as well because the procedure is quite invasive and its easy to contract bacteria down there."
"Oh," he nodded his head, "Okay - - I mean," he sighed and looked at Stoni who said nothing, "Is it possible for me to stay in the room while its being done? I don't want her to be in here by herself."
"I'm sorry Mr. Mekhi," the doctor said, "You'd have to wait out in the waiting room."
"Well can I stay at least while you're putting her under the anesthesia?" He said, standing up, "When she falls asleep I'll go in the waiting room - - I just wanna be here. I know I'm askin' a lot but - -,"
"Of course," she nodded and understood, "Ms. Flores if you'll just take this gown and disrobe. I'll be right back and we'll get started." Stoni took the gown and slid off the table and wordlessly began to undress as Carter stood there feeling all types of ways. She had nothing to say at this point but she couldn't stop the silent tears that came from her eyes here and there.
"I'm gonna stay in here with you as long as I can," Carter said to her softly, "Okay?" She said nothing to him. "Stoni will you talk please, ma, it's drivin' me crazy," he said, "I know you're mad at me - - I know it's fucked up but shorty I'm doin' all I can to be supportive right now." Still nothing, "You don't think I'm scared too," he whispered aloud, "I'm shittin' bricks right now and I - -,"
"All set, Ms. Flores?" Said the doctor.
"Yes," Stoni said and laid down on the table while the doctor and her nurses helped to prepare the anesthetic, "I'm ready." She had no choice but to be ready now.
"Mr. Mekhi, if you'll stand over here," said the doctor as she grabbed the mask and put it over Stoni's mouth, "Now Ms. Flores just breathe normally and you'll feel a little drowsy after a few minutes. We'll take it from there," Carter stood by Stoni's side, holding her hand even if was against her will, holding it tight and wanting to be there for her more than anything.
Moments later he felt someone tapping him and they quietly instructed him to go out to the waiting room. With his nerves all over the place he let go of her hand and walked slowly out to the waiting area, running his hand over his hair and pacing back and forth. He was nervous as hell - - losing his mind and losing his grip. Carter didn't last out in the waiting room for more than a minute before he was charging back through the doors of the operating room. The nurses were startled half to death and the doctor, with a tool in her hand was taken aback by Carter just busting in through the doors. He couldn't do this.
"Don't touch her with that," Carter said as he walked over to the table and took the mask off Stoni himself, "I can't do this - - I can't watch her suffer like this - - I can't do this shit to her," he felt his eyes stinging, "Take her off this table - - take all this shit off of her."
"Mr. Mekhi you can't - -,"
"I don't give a damn what you gotta do but get her off this shit, right now!" Carter barked at them, when they didn't move fast enough.
He began unhooking things himself and pulled her medicated body up from the table, half incoherent from the anesthesia. He sniffed up what would have been tears in order to save face and picked her body up in his strong arms, carrying her out of the operating room giving a fuck about what they thought of him or what the people in the waiting room thought of him carrying a half clothed, half coherent young girl out of the hospital and dared anyone to say something to him.
He couldn't in good conscience allow Stoni to go through with this - - not when she was carrying his seed inside of her and not when he truly loved her. They were going to bring this child into the world and let the chips fall where they may.
● ● ●
When Stoni woke up she knew he was there, the scent of his cologne was heavy in her nostrils and his arms were wrapped tightly around her. He hadn't let her go since he'd picked her up from the operating table and he swore to God that he didn't intend to. She glanced out the window and noted that it was no longer daylight out and knew she'd been out for a while but she was slightly hazy on what all had happened.
"How you feelin'?" She heard Carter say to her and open one eye looking down at her head resting on his chest as he had been sleeping with her.
"A little nauseous," Stoni replied, "Papi," he looked down at her, "What happened exactly?"
"I realized how much of an idiot I am," Carter said, "Baby doll I was a fool to think I could let you go through with something like that. When I saw all that shit they was gonna do to you and the baby - - man something in me just snapped," he sighed and licked his lips, "Shorty I couldn't live with myself if I let you get that abortion," he shrugged his shoulders, "I couldn't do it."
"So - - you mean you - - we're - - we're gonna have," she swallowed the lump in her throat, "A baby..."
"Yeah..." he said, with a heavy sigh, "We're gonna have a baby."
"Wow," she slowly sat up and looked deep into his green eyes, in shock all over again, "Papi I'm scared. I don't know how to have a baby - - I don't know how to be a mother," she said, "What am I gonna do? What am I supposed to do?" She grabbed her chest, "What if I do it wrong and school - - what about school, I - - I - -,"
"I have three kids," Carter said, "I think I know a little something about babies. You're not up the creek without a paddle, ma," he chuckled a little, "Iono how we gonna do it - - but we gonna do it - - we gotta do it," he said seriously, getting up from the bed and walking over to the long floor to ceiling windows.
"What about Destini," she said, slowly getting up and following him over, "Are you gonna tell her about the baby?" Carter said nothing, "Carter why did you do it?"
"Why else," he said, "I told you already," he grabbed her, pulling her body to his and rubbing her stomach as she stood in front of him with her back against his chest and her eyes overlooking the river and the city lights, "I love you," he wrapped his arms around her, "In love with you," Carter kissed her neck, "And I'm gonna play the hand I was dealt."
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