C H A P T E R | THIRTY
WRECKLESS LOVE
June 8, 19xx.
***
"Do you think someone's gonna adopt us today?" Carter heard those words that he always heard, ten years old with bright green eyes from God knows where he'd inherited them from and chest filled with the hot Brownsville air. "There's a lot of people here."
The group home was allowing them to have recess, which usually went all day in the summer months when school was let out. He and a handful of the boys he roomed with at the city orphanage were busy spending their recess time playing football. Carter was what the ladies at the orphanage called 'unusually fit' for his age so they just knew that he'd be on one of the football teams that the kids had formed there in the summer.
The various teams fought over Carter and who's team he would play on simply because of his physical appearance - - he was very sought over and it would amuse the administration how serious they were over these summer leagues. They understood it though - - children who were wards of the state like Carter - - no family, no nothing but the group home itself took great value in little things they enjoyed.
"Why do you always ask that," said ten year old Carter, flushed face and rosy cheeks from jogging up and down the court, "Man can't you just focus on the game," Carter said to his roommate Kareem. They shared a bunk together - - Carter got the top bunk because he was much bigger and Kareem got the bottom because he wouldn't challenge Carter for it and had no desire to.
"I don't know," said Kareem, "Sometimes I just wonder."
"People want babies," Carter had accepted that after the first three years of being there, "They don't want grown kids like us," he shrugged and panted, catching his breath, "Don't worry about it Reem," Carter put his hand on Kareem's shoulder, "One of these days me and you we'll get out of here," Kareem and Carter were very different in the regard that Carter chose not to deal with his feelings about the group home but Kareem was much more sensitive and he'd known what life was like to have somebody out there before child protective services took him from his mother.
"You don't ever wonder though? Like, maybe there could be hope even though we ain't babies?"
"I can't miss what I ain't never had," said Carter, "You had your moms and dad but not me. I came from nobody," he shrugged, "So 'ion miss no body like how you miss your motha'."
"She might come back," Kareem said lowly, "That's what this lady at church told me," Carter sighed and looked out at the stripped jungle gym and cracked pavement and tried for a moment to be optimistic but it didn't last. He didn't want to say to Kareem that she was gone for good, but he knew that he and Kareem had come from two different sensibilities. He supposed having that someone lingering on the outside made Kareem honestly hold out hope that some day his mother would return. That and the fucked up things that Kareem had seen in his life, "Carti, you think?"
"Yeah," Carter lied in order to spare Kareem's feelings, "Yeah I think it could happen," he sighed, "Hey where's our ball? Let's play again," he said in order to lighten the mood.
"It went over there," Kareem pointed across the concrete, and there laid their ball at the feet of some woman standing there holding herself, running her hands up and down her arms as the wind blew. They weren't surprised to see strange people around - - in fact they always saw them - - families that came in and watch them and were thinking of adoption but Carter and Kareem never got picked.
It was as Carter had said, always the younger children that the families wanted, not older kids like themselves, "You gonna go get it?" Carter nodded and jogged over to where the ball was and in one quick motion he swiped up the ball from the woman's feet and turned to run back away but her words stopped him.
"Hey," said the woman to Carter's back, "Hey you," she said in a low voice that made Carter feel awkward. He turned around and looked at her strangely and paid attention to her this time. She had auburn hair, long and curly and a very pale face - - he wasn't sure if she was white or black - - but she had these soft green eyes that reminded him of something so close to him and gave him an eerie feeling about himself. She was thin and wore a thin cardigan over the dress she had on and the smile she tried to wear as well, "That your ball?" She asked as she kneeled down to Carter's level.
"Yeah," Carter nodded his head slowly, "It's mine," he couldn't escape her eyes and couldn't shake the feeling of awkwardness either, "Me and my friend were playin' with it."
"I see," she seemed to be holding something back, Carter watched her as she sniffed and knelt down a little more, "Where'd you get those," she smiled a little wider now, "Hmm?"
"Get what?" Carter said back to her, "Whea' I get what?" She was just as intrigued by his eyes - - they complimented him well, standing out in the sea of faces she saw out there playing. She could easily pick out the little boy with the flushed cheeks and the tawny complexion and those unmistakable emerald eyes.
"Those eyes," she said, "They're beautiful and this hair," she said touching his curly head of thick black coils.
"They are? It is?" He'd heard it before but she made him question it all, "Oh," he looked at her strangely, "Thanks lady. They make me cut it all the time cause they say I look like a black sheep dog when it gets too long - - and no one wants to adopt a sheep dog," he laughed, poking fun at his own self, "I guess it's a good idea - - cause if its too long its hot in the summa'."
She laughed, "That's pretty funny. I can imagine it being hot - - I have a friend who's hair is the same way," she said, "Hey, my name's Billie," she said and smiled again, "What's yours?"
"Carter," he said, "Thanks, Billie."
Kareem came running over, tapping Carter, "Hey they say we have to go inside now - - rain's about to come - - you coming?"
Carter broke away from the glance of the woman and looked at Kareem, feeling unusual and so unlike himself, "Yeah," he nodded, "I'm comin'," he nodded again, a little disoriented, "Um," he looked at her seeing strange things in her eyes, "I gotta' go. Bye, Billie."
"Bye Carter," she watched him and felt a wave of emotion coming over her as his long lashes batted and stared at her the midst of their exchange, "You take care of yourself, alright?" He nodded his head slowly and began to walk away with Kareem.
"Who was that weird lady?" Asked Kareem, "That was awkward."
"I don't know," Carter said as they made their way back to their bunks. Carter climbed up on top and grabbed his notebook and a pencil, "She said her name's Billie."
"She even got a weird name too," Kareem said as Carter began to sketch on the notebook paper, "That's not a girl name."
"I know," he decided he'd draw her eyes first - - those deep eyes that made him so uneasy. The same eyes he could have sworn saw tears in as he walked away. Carter had a knack for drawing and he wanted Billie to be his first portrait - - he couldn't get her face out of his mind.
"Hey," Kareem said, "Maybe she'll adopt you."
"I don't think so," said Carter, "I don't think she'll be back."
● ● ●
He jumped out of his sleep, awakening from the dreams of his childhood he often had. He jolted so violently that he woke Destini up out of her sleep and she turned over to see Carter sitting there wide eyed, staring at the wall as if he'd seen a ghost. "Carter," Destini called out to him as he sat there and looked at the wall, in his emerald eyes was a look she'd seen before so she had a clue of what this was about, "Carter," he wasn't responding and he seemed to not know where he was with strangeness in his looks, "Carter, are you okay?"
"Huh?" He finally snapped out of it but he looked at her strangely, "Huh?"
"Is everything okay?"
"Yeah," he nodded, "I'm good, I'm good." She sat up with him, both of them still naked from their drunken rendezvous after the club last night and she laid her head on his back.
"Why you jump up like that," she traced her fingers over the skin of the back of his shoulders, "You scared me out of my sleep," she placed a kiss on his shoulder, "Come here," she grabbed him and pulled him backward with her and laid his head on her bare breast, running her fingers through his curly hair as he laid there, "You had that dream again didn't you?"
"How'd you know?" Destini looked down at the beautiful man who apparently needed her comfort at the moment and watched him closely.
"Because you always do that when you have that dream."
"I still don't know what it means," he whispered lowly, grabbing her free hand and locking them with his. Destini reached her lips down and kissed his face enjoying the moment that she wished there was more of.
She wished that things didn't have to come to this and that they didn't have to have a drunken night in order to bring them together and even this wasn't permanent. Now she'd have to figure out how she would deal with the children and him being there. "I don't either," she said, "Maybe God's tryin' to tell you somethin'."
"I told Midknight I wanted to find my real motha and fatha'." Carter blurted out to Destini, "And he got so pissed off - - Des, he was fuckin' yellin' at me. I think he thinks I'on appreciate him or somethin'."
"That's odd," she knew Carter worshipped the ground Knight walked on, "He probably just feels like he's been a fatha' figure to you so he'd feel threatened if you found your real parents. He doesn't want to be forgotten about."
"I would neva'," Carter said looking at her as if wondering how she could suggest that, "I know he got my back - - he's like my family. I just wanna know who my biological parents are."
"You ready for that truth? If so, go for it - - if not- - ," she could see his eyes changing, "Carter if you want to find them I'm behind you. I'll do what I can to help you," Destini knew it would be wise to just offer her support because finding his biological parents seemed very important to him now, "We'll do it together, okay?"
"You really mean that? You really support my decision?" She nodded and kissed him.
"Meanwhile, get your ass up and put your clothes on before the girls come in here and we have to explain shit we don't want to," he laughed and looked up at her, "I'm serious Carter," he nodded without really hearing her out and climbed on top of her pinning her to the bed, "I meant everything that I said last night, Carter. I meant it - - we're not back togetha'. I don't want that right now."
"Ah'right," he said kissing down her neck, "Fine - - we not - - everything still stands," Carter sucked a spot against her neck, hearing Destini's soft moan and felt her hands wrap around the back of his neck and her leg around his waist, "We're not togetha'."
"Good," she said, "I'm glad we undastand one anotha' for once," she giggled, "Carrrterrr," Destini giggled again, "Stop kissin' that. You gotta go forreal - - they'll come in here and we're toast."
"They sleep," he continued on his path of destruction, "It'll be so quick," Carter's tongue slid down the valleys of her breasts and between, down her stomach and to her belly button, "You know you'on want me to stop," he dipped his tongue in her belly button and felt her shutter, "Wasn't it good last night?"
"Yeah," she said like a helpless victim, "Fucck," she moaned, "It was soooooooo good last night," and it was - - she hadn't had anything but her vibrator in MONTHS, "But I don't wanna fuck shit up more."
"Well I...wanna...fuck...you..." he said, between the kisses he placed on her thighs, "So..."
"I gave you an inch and you're takin' a mile, Carter."
"I gave you a few inches," he laughed nastily, "At least you know that's what I'm good at."
"You are such an asshole," she laughed, covering her mouth knowing she was loud.
"Shhh," Carter whispered, "You gonna get us in trouble."
"This is my daddy's house all over again," Destini said laughing, "Remember how I used to sneak you in - - mmmm," she moaned, "And we - - we'd have to be so quiet - -," she moaned again feeling him placing hickies on her thighs, "Sssssss - - "
"Mommy me and Kayden are hungry!"
"Oh shit," Destini grabbed a cover when she saw Brooklyn and Kayden busting through the door, "Carter it's- - ,"
"Who's big feet are these?" Brooklyn's eyes lit up, she knew those huge ass feet anywhere, hanging off the bed, "Daddy? DADDDYYYYY!! Daddy's here!"
"Daddy's here?" Khloe heard Brooklyn all the way from her room and came running in, "Daddy is that you in there?!"
"Uh," Carter cleared his throat under the comforter, "Yeaaaahhh....I was just tryna find - - mommy's earring - - it got lost underneath here."
"Oh we'll help!"
"No!" Carter grabbed the covers, "No - - because I don't want you to uh - - uh - - cut yourself," he came back up, knowing he was naked and held the covers over them both, "Oh look I found mommy's bracelet."
"I thought you said it was an earring," Brooklyn said, "Oooooooooooohhhh were yall havin' sex? Ooooooooooooooh mommy and daddy we caught you. I'm tellin' grandma about this."
"No - - No - -!" Destini and Carter said in unison, "Don't do that - - grandma doesn't need to know."
"Well, you know what I need a lil somethin'," Brooklyn looked around.
"My pants," Carter pointed, "Get that clip out - - the gold one," she walked over and retrieved the golden money clip and the wad of cash there, "Okay how much will this one cost me, Joanna?"
"I can count," she peeled back a few hundred dollar bills, "Thanks daddy!"
"Brooklyn how much money did you take - - lemme see that - -," before he could stop her she was running off with Kayden.
"Daddy can you make some of those gooood pancakes like you used to make?" Khloe said, standing by the door, "The blueberry chocolate chip ones?"
Carter looked up at Destini, knowing this was exactly what she didn't want to happen but he couldn't say no to his girls. "Yeah baby, I'll make em for all of us," he said, "Lemme hop in the showa' and I'll come out and make em."
"Yaaay!" She ran over and kissed Carter's cheek, the most happy and affectionate she'd been in a while, "Daddy," she wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm so happy you're here," and seconds later, she went running off to watch TV with her sisters.
"I swear to God," Destini stood up from the bed and shook her head, "I'm gonna kill your ass," she pointed at him.
Carter rose a few moments later and walked into the bathroom, in the nude, and turned on the shower. Destini bit her lip looking at his naked profile over her shoulder and couldn't help but feel some type of way - - it had been a while. "Kill all that noise," she heard him say from the bathroom while the water ran, "And get your ass in this shower with me, ma," it was happening all over again - - she was finding him sexy and falling back in love again whether she wanted to admit it or not.
● ● ●
When they got out the shower and Carter started cooking, the apartment was instantly lively as it used to be in the old house when Carter was there and they had family time. Cartoons were playing on the television, food was cooking on the stove, laughter was resonating all throughout, and family was all around.
Carter was at the stove flipping over his famous blueberry chocolate chip pancakes - - always a weird combination to Destini but he and the girls loved it. When she came out from the shower she found the house in complete disarray but she couldn't even be mad at it. All her girls were getting along, their faces were happy and Carter's was too.
"Okay, now Brooklyn you get the syrup," Carter said to Brooklyn, "And Khloe you gotta help me flip it over - - you know how to do it?"
"I think so," she said smiling up at him, so happy he was there, "Wait daddy show me how to do that trick where you flip it in the air."
"Carter don't let her get burned over by that stove," Destini warned, watching them all smiles.
"I won't - -, come here Khloe I'mma show you," he picked Khloe up from the counter and she ducked under his arms and stood in front of him, "First you gotta hold it like this," she put her hand on the spatula with him, "Make sure you got room - - we got room? We'on wanna put anybody's eye out."
"Check!"
"Okay now look at the pan and scoop the pancake up, just a little - - aight now this part is hard, you ready?" She nodded.
"Wait - - wait - -," Destini said laughing, "I have to record this," she ran and got her camera and started filming, "Okay Daddy and Khloe tryna' do the flipping trick - - take one," Destini said laughing in the camera, "We have some spectators here too," she recorded Kayden and Brooklyn standing there, "Do you think they got a shot?"
"I think they need me on their team," Brooklyn boasted into the camera, "Me and Kayden."
"Alright well lets see," Destini zoomed in on Carter, shirtless, wearing sweat pants and Brooklyn in her pajamas standing in front of him, "Okay Daddy and Lo - - ya'll ready?"
"Yes, we need complete concentration for this," Carter said smiling into the camera, "This should not be tried at home - - I'm a professional," he looked at Khloe, "Ah'right Lo - - you ready?" She nodded, "1...2...3... toss it!" Khloe flipped it upward with the help of Carter and the pancake went flipping up in the air and on the plate magically.
"Yaaayyy! Oh my God! We did itttt!" Khloe said looking up at Carter in surprise, "Daddy I knew you could still do it!"
"Is there anything you'd like to say to the people watching at home, Daddy," Destini said laughing and putting the camera in Carter's face, "What you wanna say?"
"Well, first off - - I'd like to say that it took practice to become Carter the Great, you know," Carter spoke in a faux British accent that he always did when he was playing around, "I'd like to thank my lovely wife Dess-tah-nee, without you I wouldn't have my assistants - -," he pointed to the girls, "When I was just a little boy in London I knew I'd be great- -," Carter busted out into laughter and broke his fake British accent while every one else laughed along with him.
"I wanna do mine, too - -," Brooklyn ran over and dunked underneath Carter's arms and stood in front of him, "Daddy teach me too!"
"Ah'right..,Brook's next - -, same thing okay? Just watch, daddy."
By the time they had each learned how to do the flip trick, ate their pancakes, and watched cartoons together, the girls were full from breakfast and knocked out on the couch. The kitchen was a complete mess, there was flour everywhere, chocolate chips, orange juice spilling off the table, syrup, the whole nine. Destini sighed and looked at the mess but her sigh brightened when she saw Carter at the sink starting on the dishes. Destini walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist and kissed his tatted shoulders, standing up on her tippy toes to reach his tall height.
"Breakfast was so good, Carter," Destini whispered in his ear and bit down on his lobe, "You did a good job."
"I'm glad you think so, ma," he licked his lips and turned around, "I think our lil soldiers think so too," he nodded his head over at the girls, all sleeping.
"Let me put them in the bed," Destini said and scooped them all up, one by one and placed them in their bedrooms.
When she came back she heard Carter say, "I'm bout to put some clothes on though and head out for real. I respect what you said - - I want you to know that."
"I know you do," she said as he grabbed her chin and leaned down to kiss her lips. Carter stared into her eyes, his green orbs so intent on her that she felt like she was melting and weak in the knees all over again. He kissed her softly and ran his fingers through her hair as he slid his tongue inside her mouth, his deep passionate kiss enough to make her moist between her legs, "Mmmm," she moaned against his lips and broke away for a moment, "Stay anotha' night, Carter," she wrapped her arms around him, "Stay with me."
"That's what you want, ma?"
"No," he tilted his head and looked at her as she said this, "It's what I need."
He tensed his jaw and smiled, "Oh yeah," she nodded as he grabbed her hips and sat her on the counter amidst all the mess around them from breakfast. Carter bit her bottom lip and sucked it as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
She reached down and reached into his sweats, "You gon gimmie some more of this too?"
"You want some more?"
"Ain't that what I'm saying," she said.
"I want you to say it exactly," Carter whispered into her ear.
"Okay," said Destini as Carter hiked the shirt she was wearing up, "I want some more, Carter," and as soon as she got the request out of her mouth, she felt that she was receiving exactly what she asked for. She clamped her teeth down on her bottom lip and dug her nails into his waist and shoulder blade, one leg wrapped around him and moaned aloud, "Stay anotha' nightttt...just one more...."
"I will babe," said Carter, "I'm all yours."
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