⚠️[WARNING: 21+!]⚠️
I had become a weak person. It was all because of love. But it wasn't his fault. It was me. I had let myself fall into darkness. But this dark world, felt heaven to me. Because It was a world in which I could live with Jimin. All I had to do was listen to every word he said. That's all it took to make him proud of me. I knew deep down that it was not right. Living like this was a sin. Having to live under his rules only.. having to obey him only.. it was not how love worked. I understood there was something wrong with this. I also knew that what's wrong with it wasn't so much that I was doing it, as that I didn't care it was wrong. But it didn't matter anymore because we were both insane. How can the crazy judge the crazy? He became a sadist, and he'd made me into the perfect masochist. Or maybe it had already been there, waiting for the right circumstances to present themselves.
I walked into the room and looked around me. As soon as I saw it, I regretted making this choice.. The place scared the hell out of me. I had read it in so many books and seen many movies about it, but seeing it in real.. made me realise how fucked up it was. My heart started to pound as I walked around and saw all the sex tools. Whips, chains, leathers, there were all kinds of things. It was so much more than what I had imagined. Why am I doing this.. Why am I even in a place like this.. Is this really what I want? It was. It was exactly what I wanted. Exactly what I craved for. Seeing it scared me, but at te same time it gave me so much excitement. I turned around and faced Jimin. He was standing there, looking at me. Waiting till I gave a reaction.
"A-Are you going to use all this on me?"
"Yes I will, and you'll have to do as I say. Cause in this room, only my rules count"
Damn. Did he think he was Christian Grey or something.
"And what if I don't?"
He bit his lip as he was looking at me intensively. Dammit.. why did he look so hot.
"I'll punish you, in a way you won't like it"
He said with a smirk on his face. I could see how bad he wanted to use all those tools on me. To just let me suffer with pain again.
"And.. what if I don't want this?"
"I'll make you want it"
"How?"
He walked my way and grabbed me in his grip. He smashed his lips on mine and pushed my body against the wall.
"Just by fucking you hard and make you come for me"
He whispered into my ear as he kissed me down my neck.
"I want it, I want you, I want all of it. Please fuck me hard. I'll do as you say, I'll be your submissive"
I moaned out while he gave me wet kisses. He grabbed my body and lifted me up.
"Then we can finally start now"
He said, placing my body infront of a wall with chains. He took off my clothes one by one. Every move he made, made me more nervous. I didn't know if I was ready for this.. but I wanted it. The mixed feeling of fear and pleasure excited me. He was done taking off my clothes, leaving me naked infront of him. He looked at the bondage on my leg. He took it off and kissed my wounds.
"I see it's still here"
Still? I realised I didn't even know what day it was. How many days was I passed out..?
"How long ago was it?"
"Oh don't you know Aliah. You were in the hospital for a week. I had beaten you up pretty hard. Does it still hurt?"
He grabbed my head and kissed me. This was insane..
"Why didn't you just kill me? You wanted me death. Is it just an accident that I'm still alive? Are you planning to kill me again? What is it that you want Jimin? Just fucking tell me!"
Everything he did confused me. I always believed that he'd never be able to kill me. That he wouldn't do it. But as things got more messed up, I was starting to lose that bit of hope. He made me end up in a damn hospital.
"What I want is just you Aliah. Why don't you get it? You know I'll do anything for you. Even if I have to kill you with my own hands, I'll do it if I have to"
He grabbed my hands and placed it above my head. He covered my eyes with a black piece of fabric. He grabbed the chains and placed it around my wrists.
"Jimin.. do you really love me that much? Is this really called love?"
I said as my voice started to crack. He was dangerous. He could do anything to me. But I didn't even think of leaving him. Of running away from him. I had totally lost myself to this beautiful monster infront of me.
"I do. I love you so much Aliah. It's the most tragic love there is. The most dangerous kind of love"
He said while he cuffed my hands to the wall. He slightly let his hand slide on my boob. He took my nipple and pinched it. I threw my head to the back as he touched me.
"I won't let you suffer anymore Jimin. It's all over now"
He grabbed a leather whip and let it slide over my bare skin.
"No you're wrong. Seeing that beautiful face of yours makes me suffer every day. I just want to destroy it again, make it drip with blood again. It makes you look so fucking beautiful"
He slightly let the wip slide on my cheek. My breath started to get even louder. He was so messed up. And it was just getting worse. But somehow i was equal to him.
"You're crazy Jimin"
I moaned out to his touch.
"I know"
He flicked the leather whip against my boob and I flinched.
"Do you like that?"
He flicked the whip against my boob again, twice as hard. I moaned out to the pain.
"Yes, I like it"
He trailed down the leather wip on my belly. He hits me again and I scream out. He slides the whip further down my skin, reaching to my sensitive place. I couldn't handle this feeling. He hits me above that place and I cry out loudly.
"Please I can't.."
He hits me again on the same place and I scream out to the pleasure. He moves the wip over to my sex, making the leather touch all the wetness.
"You're so wet babe"
He suddenly turns my body around harshly
"Bend for me"
I did as he said and bend over. He spanks my ass hard with the leather. He used all his strength, and spanked me. It hurted so fucking much. My ass was burning, and it was only getting harsher.
"Please.. Jiminah, fuck!"
I screamed, cried, begged for him. And all that made him spank me harder. I wanted it all. He threw away the whip and placed his lips on my wounded skin. He touched my ass, slightly moving his finger into me. His finger went deeper in me, making me scream out his name. I was so wet by his touch. He pulled out his finger and inserted it in my mouth.
"This is how you taste babe"
He licked off my salive and turned my body back around. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him, while he pressed his lips harsly on mine. He kissed me hard and I spread my legs around his waste. I wanted to touch him so badly but I couldn't. I wanted to see his beautiful face and body, dripping with sweat. But I couldn't.
"Please Jimin, let me touch you"
I said as our lips were still attached.
"No I can't, it's one of the rules inside this room. I'm the only one who's in control"
He deepened his tongue in my mouth, making me almost choke. He grabbed my thighs tightly as he trusted inside me. I cried out again, while listening to his moans into my ear. My arms that were above my head were hurting from the tight cuffs. He trusted inside me again and again, each trust going deeper and harder. I was screaming through the whole room, while he painfully slammed harder into me. His lips on my sweaty neck, leaving love bites all over it. I couldn't handle it anymore and came. Soon after he released into me and pulled out. He slowly puts me down on the ground. I tried to stand but soon collapsed, having no strength left. He held my body in his arms and released the cuffs and blindfold. My whole body collapsed into his arms. I was so tired and out of breath. I couldn't even stand anymore.
"Aliah, I love you a lot"
He murmured into my ear as he was holding my body in his arms. He lifted me up and walked me to the bedroom. There was no energy left to talk back. I wanted to say the words back. But my body gave up, and I fell asleep as I felt his arms around me. This is all I wanted. Just Jimin and me. I was so happy to be with him. I wished this moment would never stop. That tomorrow wouldn't come. I just wanted to be in his arms forever.
I opened my eyes slowly and looked around me. I remembered again. I was in some kind of house Jimin had build for us. I'm in this house with a wanted murderer. I don't know anything.. what actually happened, where we are, what Jimin is planning on doing.. It's impossible to stay here forever and hide.. What is he up to.
I walked down the stairs and there I saw Jimin. I walked slowly so he couldn't hear me. I had to be careful with him, he was still dangerous. He turned around and saw me. As soon as he saw me I grabbed a knife and held it out. It was the only way to get answers from him.
"What are you doing Aliah? Trying to kill me?"
I slowly walked his way, holding the knife.
"Tell me the truth Jimin. I want some fucking answers!"
He walked closer to me, without even hesitating. He wasn't even a little scared of me. Not even afraid I'd do something.
"What do you want to know? I thought I was already clear"
"No! I want to know everything. What are you planning to do with me huh? What is the meaning of all this? First you tried to kill me, then you kidnapped me from the hospital and tied me up here, and now you tell me you want to live here with me? Do you really think that's possible? To hide here forever?!"
I had enough of his game. It wasn't faire anymore. I just couldn't believe him anymore. I always listened to him, did everything he wanted. But it had to stop. I had to come to my sense! Why did I always play along with his madness.. I had completely lost myself. Even at that moment.. I was just trying too hard. Trying to stick up for myself. But deep inside, I just wanted to throw away the knife and hold him. Tell him I'd stay here forever with him. But I was fighting myself, trying so hard to do the right thing. In reality I was just a weak person, who already lost this battle of love. He had always been my biggest enemy in life. The biggest mistake. The biggest fear.. but I loved him too much. And he loved me back. That was the biggest problem. That's why I could never win. I knew it was already too late.
He grabbed the sharp knife in his hand, letting it cut into his skin. His blood started to drip from his hand.
"You shouldn't question me Aliah. It's against my rules. I really hate it when you act like this. You've really disappointed me just now.. after everything I've done for you, you're still doubting me.. it makes me mad. I guess I have to punish you for acting like this. I have to show you that I'm the only one in control"
He pulled the knife out of my hand, as his hand was dripping from all the blood. His gaze was so dark, as if he was looking into my soul. I didn't dare to look into his eyes. I closed my eyes and waited for his punishment. I expected him to beat me up again, to use violence. But he didn't. Instead he lifted me up and carried me somewhere. He probably took me somewhere else to beat me. He should've come up with a better punishment. I wasn't even scared of his violence anymore.
"Where are you taking me! Just let go of me!"
I moved around, but he had me tight in his grip. He walked into a long hall and stopped infront of a door. He opened it and walked me inside. It was one big empty cell.
"You'll have to stay here for a while. I hope you'll learn your lesson"
"What? Are you going to leave me in this place? No Jimin please!"
I grabbed his arm so he wouldn't leave. He kissed my forhead and losened my grip.
"Aliah, I do this because I love you. I have to make it clear to you. This is the only way"
He turned around and walked away. I ran after him and grabbed him.
"No Jimin! Don't leave me here alone! Don't do this to me! I know.. I know you love me! Please just.. don't leave me.."
He pushed me away and I fell on the ground.
"I know you don't believe me. You think I'm just crazy, like all of them"
He walked away and closed the door. He was gone. He left me alone in this dark empty cell. His last words kept repeating in my head.. 'You think I'm just crazy, like all of them'
I realised it wasn't about disobeying him. I hurted him. He trusted me, and I fucked up. He was alone.. even when I was with him, he felt lonely. Because I was just like all the others. He loved me so much, believed in me, and I screwed it up. These past years when people told me he was a murderer, a psychopath, I'd get so mad.. but I did exactly the same thing to him. I kept blaming him. He must've been broken.. Whenever I try to help him, I mess it up even more. And now, I just don't know what to do. I'm locked up here.. maybe he'll let me rot in here. I hope so. He doesn't need someone like me. He's better off without me. It's all my fault. His life turned out like this because of me. I deserve to die. I layed down on the cold ground and closed my eyes. I started to talk to him, in hope he was watching me on a camera.
"Jimin, I'm so sorry for everything. I love you. I love you so much. But please.. don't love me back. I don't deserve it. I really hate myself for everything I've done to you. In the end.. I couldn't save you. I'm sorry"
-
A week had passed since I was in the cell. It was torture. Everyday was the same. I woke up. He would deliver some food without showing up. I'd eat and after that I'd talk to him, even though he wasn't there. And then I'd just lay on the ground, thinking of him. Sometimes I'd scream out, begging him to come. But It never worked. He never came. I needed him. I wanted him so badly, even if it was him beating me. I just needed something. To feel anything at all. But I was just lonely. And I started to believe he'd never show up again. That he just left me here to die. That thought made me scared the most. The thought of being abandoned by him.
I layed there on the ground, just as usual. I looked up at the ceiling and cried. He was done with me. I was sure of it. He left me. I got up and swept my tears away.
"Jimin, I can't handle this anymore"
I slowly opened up my buttons and started to touch myself. I needed something.. I was so desperate. I couldn't handle this nothingness.
I thought of his touch and moaned out his name. I suddenly stopped. I was stupid.. there is no way he'd leave me. He must be still watching me. It must be part of the punishment. The door can go open any time. Maybe I have to be in here for another week or month or year.. or maybe he'll come today. I'm not sure but.. he will come. I just have to hold on a little more and wait. Jimin would never just leave me. I just know he loves me, I should've realised it sooner.
Suddenly I heared to door go open. I looked over and saw Jimin standing there. Finally.. it's finally over. I tried to get up and run to him. I wanted to hold him, to touch him. But my body was so weak.
"Jimin.."
I held out my hand to him. He walked closer to me and grabbed it. He pulled my body in his arms and held me. I cried out loud, I missed him so much.
"Jimin I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again, I won't ever doubt you again. I'm so sorry"
I cried out. He said nothing and just held me tight. I realised I had been missing something big.. the reason to all this. The reason how he behaved. There must be a big scar in his heart. Something I don't know about. If I want to save him, I have to find out what his scars are.. I need to do something and save him.
"Aliah, I had to suffer so much leaving you here behind. But I had to do it.. I had to show you how much I love you. Cause I want you to believe me"
I looked up into his eyes. My tears kept falling. I always thought I was the one who was scared of being abandoned. That I was the one who feared this love most. But it was him. He was terrified. So afraid that one day I'd just leave him. He needed me. And I've let him down.
"I know Jimin. I know.. I was wrong, I treated you wrong. It's all my fault, I'm sorry"
He kissed my face and looked into my eyes.
"Aliah, my love for you is killing me.. it turned me into this monster. But everything I do is for you"
I crowled up in his arms. I never wanted to leave his arms, never.
"I'm sorry for everything"
He locked his lips on mine and kissed me.
"Oh and one more thing, you're not allowed to touch yourself. I'm the only one who can touch you"
I got really embarrased and looked away. Dammit, he really was looking at me through a camera.
"I uhm.. it wasn't what it seemed.."
He smiled at me as I blushed.
He lifted my body up and carried me out of the cell. Finally I saw light, I saw things. It felt like years in there. He placed me on the bed and layed down next to me.
"Aliah you want to know the truth right? About everything that happened in my life. About all my scars."
I looked at him as we were laying on the bed.
"Yes, I want to know"
I couldn't believe it. He was finally ready to open up.
"Promise me.. that you won't leave me once I tell you. Promise me that you'll be able to handle the truth"
"I promise you Jimin"
Even though I promised him, I had never imagined the truth would be so intense. That's why I failed to keep my promise to him.