I glanced up at the man in the cathedral, his words lost in the wind. He was desperate, crying out to try and make people fear him, but I didn’t see that in the faces of the men and women around me. Instead we were all smiling, tearfully and with nostalgic thoughts of people we’d lost in the backs of our minds but grinning nevertheless. The heat of the fire behind me was a comfort, no longer dragging me into an abyss of darkness. She was with me, I could feel it. The horse, the fire, the very heavens above all held that glint, that beauty and strength of the woman who loved me. I knew that Jinxx was yelling at me, chasing after me to try and stitch the wound on my side closed, but I also recognized that if we didn’t do something now, we may not get the chance again.
My feet unconsciously turned me towards Eagle, hands grasping his mane as I leapt into place. I was in raptures at the idea of being astride with this animal, understanding in an instant what Light felt. How could she be here though, with me as she said? In the end, as the soul is laid to rest…what is left of the body? Are we just shells and I imagined the entire ordeal with Light, CC, and Pitts? It was almost unthinkable to wonder if I had truly lost it, but the grin splitting my mouth was one that wasn’t apprehensive of death. The concept was simple but whether or not Light had visited me was more pertinent at the moment. Would she be with me as we ran into battle?
The crowd around me was watching, wondering what I was going to do from the back of this creature. I was just waiting a moment, hoping she would give me a sign. My eyes glanced up at the sky, the sun starting to rise on the horizon. How had night come and gone without notice? I had fought, and flesh and blood, I commanded an army; through it all, I gave my home for a moment of glory. Teeth began to grind, eyes filling with tears. I missed her…was it worth it?
A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around my middle, though when I looked down there was nothing there. Heart in my throat, I couldn’t help smiling. She was here, no one could see her but I could feel her. It took away that question, that wonder of if I had gone crazy and if, when I died, I would simply fade. She was proof of something I had never believed in before; she was always validity of something better. I beamed like a fool, turning the horse to face my men, my soldiers…my wild ones. We were one and the same, hearts beating to the same tempo while minds linked. This was it, this was the end.
And we would make it one to remember.
“My brethren, we have all felt the sting of F.E.A.R., all shared in the agony and torture of this place. We have a chance at future not riddled in pain, a brightness that all of us can grasp! I know many of you are scared of dying but look at the field around you! There are dead all around, but not a single of them is you!”
The eyes were looking at me now, sparks of hope turning to flames of victory in an instant.
“In the end, as you fade into the night…who’s going to be telling this story!? Who will be telling the story of our lives!” I paused, looking to Jinxx and Doll and Ashley. “Who will remember your last goodbye?” I turned back to the men, walking the horse so I could meet each of their gazes. “If we don’t fight now, if we don’t end this now there will be no future for you or me or any one of us! It’s the end…”
My fist raised into the air, watching the hope blossom in all of my soldiers’ faces, their weapons held high above their heads as a cry of conquest went up. Dirtied, bloodied and fearless, they looked to me for leadership. The arms around my waist moved, fingers touching my face. I saw her as I turned, a glimpse of the Light I knew, the woman I loved. I wasn’t afraid of anything because she was here and this was it, this was the end of it all.
I turned to the militia, hand drawing my sword, and pointing to the heavens.
“And I’m not afraid to die!” I rounded on the cathedral, one hand in the mane of the black beast and the other around the hilt of a katana. “To Light, to those who have fallen, to our future, our kids and our families!”
I put my heels to the horse as I had watched Light do a thousand times. I held his mane, a roar echoing through the citadel as hooves crashed over cobblestone and flesh, blood splashing through the air. Men and women followed me, the din of hundreds of voices going up around me as we rushed towards the church. I could see the little man, the leader who had spoken of our futile end in blood; he was now panic struck, feet scurrying into his study as we came rushing to the unmanned doors that sat slightly ajar. Eagle burst through them with ease, the gap wide enough for us to move through.
The inside was ornate as always, the horse’s hooves thundering by pews that went on for ages. Stained glass windows created a kaleidoscope of color on the stone floors, images of the faith of F.E.A.R. painting every inch of the elegantly carved innards of the church. It was a dark setting, walls painted in grays and blacks to prevent any flicker of hope while the color from the windows only made the place appear as though it were in the very belly of hell. The classic symbols decorated the altar, familiar book at the head. As we moved towards the front of the pews, I grabbed one of the tapestries by the end, ripping it down and scaring the shit out of the horse beneath me. He nearly ran away with me, but turned back as armored soldiers of F.E.A.R. began to pour from one of the hallways.
They had no motivation to fight though, their feet rushing at us with a lethargic pace. I nearly questioned what they were doing until, startlingly, they threw down their weapons.
“We surrender!” called the captain. I pulled the horse up, brow raised.
“What?” I replied, watching as they took a knee.
“We are done fighting the people,” he uttered, fist over his breast, “We were created to serve and protect, not just be slaves to the religion.” I was taken aback.
“Are you fucking serious?” The astonishment was apparent in my voice.
But it only took a moment for it all to come crashing down.
A man came leaping over the pews, hellfire in his eyes as he rushed towards the soldiers at the front of the church. It took only instants for him to reach the captain, sword coming down and decapitating the man; his head rolled a few feet away, expression as shocked as I felt as gore sprayed like a fountain from the remnants of his body. The red spilled over the ground, knees giving as he fell to the ground with an audible thump. Silence pervaded the area, and I held my breath for a moment, feeling the horse beneath me start to quiver. As the assailant rose from his stance, I knew in the pit of my gut that Light had been right all along.
Standing in front of me and the wild army, blood staining his face and clothes, was Cracken.
Laughter erupted from the psychotic man.
“Kill them all!”
He raised his gore laden weapon, but no one moved, no voices went up in unison to agree with him. Anger blossomed inside of me, the black creature beneath me becoming unsettled as he started to strike the ground with his front hooves. He lurched towards Cracken, ears pinned and mouth gaping. I held him back as much as I could but I felt his fury.
“You thought he was going to really give in?! Look at his men!” he pointed to the soldiers who were armed once more, fear in their eyes and stances. I shook my head.
“That wasn’t your decision to make,” I snapped, eyes now cold as I stared at him. His upper lip twitched.
“You’re not the only leader here Sixx-”
“And you’re not a leader at all,” I growled, “Light was.”
“And now where is she? Dead, dead, dead and burned and buried. She’s nothing and you’re nothing. What the hell have you done for any of these people! I gave them shelter, I lead them to this, not you!”
“You didn’t do anything but talk and you left me behind. Who else have you left?”
“Fuck you Sixx. I left you for dead because we couldn’t risk the whole operation for you.”
“Light was right for beating the shit out of you,” Jinxx voiced, “You’re a fucking asshole.” Cracken started to cackle.
“You people are so blind! I’m the one who started this.”
“You didn’t start anything!” I heard Doll pipe, “We did. Without us, you’d be nothing.” He narrowed his eyes.
“Fuck you too. Fuck all of you! I did this for you! I started this! I-”
The next thing I saw was an arrow sticking out of Cracken’s chest.
My heart sank but at the same instant, there was a feeling of gladness as the man fell to his knees. I don’t what it was about him, what charisma had caused me to believe in him in the first place. He fell face down, blood leaking out of his obvious dead body. Light had been right all along; he was never the man to follow. She had been the one to listen to, the one who should have been the leader of this rebellion this entire time. Now it was my job, my turn to take the reins. I knew who had shot him, the young man behind with the armor and bow the obvious choice. I raised a brow.
“The captain was my father,” the young man explained and I nodded.
“He was a dumbfuck anyway. You still with us?” I questioned, tensions rising as I hoped they were still willing to join. It was sketchy anyway, these guys weren’t exactly trustworthy but we could use the men. If they were willing, I would take them in a heartbeat.
The boy took off his helm, revealing dark hair and lightly bronzed skin. He nodded.
“There are only about twenty of us and the rest of the regimen is guarding the upper portions of the tower,” he explained, looking over the bruised and fiery army behind me, “But if we take them by surprise, we’ll win for sure.”
Eagle bristled slightly. I gritted my teeth.
“Why join us? What’s the benefit for you?” He sighed.
“My father joined the guard to protect the people, not just the leaders of this operation. They lied to us, said you all were just a bunch of common thugs out to poison the minds of the innocent. When we found out about the torture chambers a few nights ago, my dad lost it. His men, these guys behind me, are loyal to him…even in death.” The bitter sadness in his voice was apparent, his eyes sweeping over the dead image of his father. He was tough not to cry; something in me decided to trust.
“What’s your name kid?” He met my gaze.
“Antonius,” he replied, the thought making me smile. How ironic.
“Alright Antonius, lead the way. If you fuck with us, there’s not much we can do but kill you.” I turned to the army behind me, their faces full of confusion. “This is it guys, we win this, we take this church and it’s all ours. The future is ours.”
The militia bristled, ready for the fight. I slipped off of the horse, knowing that he couldn’t follow up the stairs but if he stayed with Jinxx and Doll down here at the bottom, they had a fighting chance. There was no way I was letting them get into the fray; their future was already standing on the edge of a knife. I turned to my friends, watching as their eyes narrowed and their anger started to show. I shook my head.
“We’re not staying Sixx,” Doll started but I put a hand up to her.
“You’re pregnant Doll. You really think I’m going to let you go up there when you could have this instead? If we win, you and Jinxx have a shot at a real life together. I already lost Light, I’m not going to let you guys die too.” I looked to Jinxx, finding fury in his eyes and wondering what I could do to convince him that this was the right thing to do. This had to be done right; if they were caught in the fray, if they died, I would never forgive myself.
A hand squeezed my shoulder, but I knew no one could see who was behind the gesture. I wanted to reach up, to take her hand in mine and have her next to me to convince these two to stay behind with the horse. I knew I couldn’t do that.
“I get why Doll shouldn’t go with you Sixx, but you can’t leave me behind again. I’m not gonna listen to you goddammit!”
A cry went up from the back of the army.
“They’re getting away!”
“What!” I called.
“The leader of F.E.A.R.! He has a small guard but they’re trying to run!”
“Fuck,” I whispered, whipping around so that I could get back on the damn horse. They weren’t going to get away. “Go through the tower, kill anyone who tries to fight back! Ashley, get on.”
Ashley looked at me in disbelief.
“The fuck do you mean-”
“I mean get on the fucking horse Ashley! We have to go now! We can’t let them get away!” Ashley was still hesitating.
“I’ll go with you,” Jinxx announced, stepping up to the horse, “Ashley, lead the men into the cathedral. Take the whole place.”
“You can’t go-”
“I’m going with you. Doll, please stay here.”
“I’ll stay with her,” someone piped and I glanced around to see Antonius, “The rest of my men will go with yours, but I’ll protect her.” Jinxx narrowed his eyes.
“You give your word?” he questioned. Antonius gave a curt nod.
“We found my wife in the torture chambers along with my sister. I’ll never know why they killed her, but it would be my honor to protect someone else’s partner.”
Jesus this guy had been through a lot.
“Alright then, let’s go Jinxx,” I said, offering a hand to him to help him up. He scrambled up the side of the horse, “Hold on with your legs, balance and put an arm around my waist. It’ll help you stay up.” He nodded, putting his arm where it should be as I turned Eagle about.
I had been born a saint and every day that I sinned, I still wanted to be holy, to make things right. This was the moment, the instant where I could do it and turn the tides. This was the end, the start of something brilliant. We would never give in, never give up until the last breath was taken from us. The leader of fear couldn’t be allowed to live; he was the sign of our oppression, the reason we had been thrown into darkness. If he lived, there would always be a chance of F.E.A.R. returning to glory. I couldn’t let that happen and knew that no one could sleep until his head was on a stake. He had shot Pitts, been the reason CC was gutted and was the absolute cause of Light bleeding to death in my arms.
He was everything I ever hated about this place.
“Yah!” I cried, kicking the horse with my heels as the crowd began to part. We rushed through the army, rallied by the cries of the soldiers around us who whooped and raised their weapons. As we rushed from the citadel, they poured into it. The sounds of metal clinking as they ran started to ring through the hall, the remnants of our militia moving through to the inside of the church. We would gut this place and secure our future.
Jinxx and I ran into the morning light, the citadel square bathed in the luminescence of the sun. Ruby and vermillion glinted off the white cobblestones, purple intestines and dying black skin painting the gangrene image of death and desolation. Eagle leapt over bodies as we ran, gaining speed as the leader came to sight. Jinxx held onto his weapon as I held to mine, ire growing as we saw four soldiers guarding the evil man, all bodies horsed. Eagle reached forward as though he could feel the excitement, anxiety and vehemence flowing through both Jinxx and I. It was like he knew what the man in the distance meant to us, what he was and what he stood for. The black beast thundered on even as some of the soldiers stayed behind to fight us.
The first man went down without a fight, a spear Jinxx had ripped out of a stinking body sticking out of his chest as he fell from the brown horse he had been on. The next wasn’t so easy, but I felt Jinxx pat me on the shoulder. I knew what he was going to do, and despite my hesitation, I knew there wasn’t much of a choice. I slowed Eagle and let Jinxx off, watching for a moment as he stood off with the man and the golden horse.
It wasn’t long before Jinxx was sitting on the mount, awkwardly, but nonetheless.
Eagle and I were far off though, chasing the three remaining enemies down with flashing hooves and frothing flanks. He bared his teeth, ears pinned as we reached one of the horses. He slammed into the steed, sending me flying through the air. I quickly tucked and rolled, watching once I was settled as the black stallion fought tooth and nail against the other creature. A sword cut through the side of his shoulder, exposing muscle.
“No!” I screamed, leaping to my feet and running. I found my sword along the way, glad to have it in hand as I reached the man on the second brown horse. I slashed through his thigh, waiting for him to turn to me so I could relieve him of his head. It rolled onto the ground, but the damage to my horse was already done.
Eagle trotted up to me, his limp obvious as he stepped towards me. He didn’t seem to feel much though, ears still pinned as he kicked at the next mounted creature to come up with a man trying to cut through sinew and bone. I leapt out of the way of the dangerous hooves, unable to do anything as my horse screamed and slashed. The soldier tried to fight off the black stallion but Eagle turned about, kicking though the air and sending the armored man flying; his smashed rib cage was enough evidence to prove his death.
A gunshot rang through the air, my heart stopping as I wondered where the bullet would go. The black stallion screamed and fell, a giant thud causing my body to go numb. I turned to him, watching the red gore spurting from him in waterfalls of deep crimson.
“Fuck!” I cried, “No no no no no, fuck!”
Jinxx rode up on the golden charger but I wasn’t paying much attention. The black stallion was thrashing, his mouth gaping as horrible, dying screams echoed from his gaping mouth. He tossed his head, his legs, his body moving as he tried to fight off the grim reaper, but I knew what was happening. I tried to comfort him, offering soothing words as he continued to thrash. I touched his neck, amazed as he instantly quieted and his head fell upon the cobblestones. With tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I kneeled for a moment, running my hand over the great cheek of this incredible animal.
“It’s alright boy,” I whispered, “She’s waiting for you.”
In the next instant, the light left his eyes and his chest stopped moving. The great horse who had saved both my life and Light’s life on so many occasions, was gone. Fury rose in me as I watched the priest who had shot my friend dashed through the gate on the back of a white horse.
He was getting away.
“Go, I’ll meet you out there,” Jinxx said, handing me the golden creature he had ridden up on, “I’ll get one of the others.” I looked to the horses running around the area, one with a dead man dangling from his back while the other was completely unmanned and panic stricken. I nodded, taking the reins from Jinxx.
“I’ll meet you out there,” I replied, clapping him on the shoulder.
I leapt into the saddle, unsure exactly how to use it so I just went. I spurred the horse and leaned with him as we thundered through the remaining parts of the city. The priest had made it to the desert, the hot sun now starting to make an appearance. I knew I could catch him out there and was excited by the idea of his imminent demise. This was it, this was the end and I was ready for it. I would end this, and we would be free. The golden animal beneath me was willing and earnest, rushing with flying speed but none of the determination from the friend I had just lost.
As we exited the city and the shining sea of gold met my eyes, I was shocked and nearly pulled up my mount at the sight of what was riding next to me. My heart leapt into my throat, eyes pricking with tears as I saw the fiery red haired woman with her bow and arrows astride a black mount. She was smiling, eyes knowing and ready for the next step. She was letting me know that we were in this together, that she had never left.
And neither had Eagle.
I caught sight of the priest, his horse stopped in the distance. We were catching up on him but it only took a few moments for me to realize there was a gun pointed in my direction. It didn’t matter though, we were moving towards him with all hell’s haste and even if he shot me, he wasn’t going to make it either.
The gun was fired, white hot pain lancing through my shoulder but the horse was unfazed. I kicked him to an even faster pace, not caring what happened when we reached the priest as long as he was dead.
As it was, I leapt with sword in hand off of the golden creature and watched as another bullet passed into my body. I didn’t feel it though, the sight of the priest’s hopelessness almost delicious as my sword sank into his heart like butter. We flew through the air, my feet on his belly as we landed in the sand with my katana still in his chest. He was gasping as we landed, eyes bulging and teeth gnashing. The cowl had fallen from his face, and to my shock I found him to be a man my age. It was amazing what a difference we were, what polar opposites we were.
“Fear…fear…” he whispered, the whites of his eyes flashing. Blood sprang around the wound where my weapon had started to drain his life, the sand around him turning to a deep bronze as the red blood mingled with the golden grains. The man’s orbs started to roll into the back of his head.
Soon enough, he took his last breath.
I smiled, breathing heavily as I ripped my blade out of the wound while a sense of relief passed through me. It was over, it was all done and said. We had won and the idea was ridiculously impressive, an impossible feat made possible. I looked to the sky, beaming with all the happiness in the world.
“Sixx!” called Jinxx and I turned to watch him ride up. He eyed the dead priest before turning to me with astonishment. I smiled.
“It’s over,” I stated boldly with a touch of laughter, “It’s finally fucking over.” I could see something wrong with my friend’s expression so I had to ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Sixx, you’re bleeding.”
I glanced down at my abdomen, noting how a stream of red was dribbling down from a hole that appeared black and burned. It was odd to watch it begin to flow more swiftly from my body, white skin a stark contrast to the deep crimson pouring from me. My eyes were wide as I reached up to touch it, feeling no pain but recognizing that it was in a bad place. As my arm moved, a fresh spurt of liquid far darker and more ominous came from the hole with much more volume than before. It was the left side of my belly, down low…probably my liver. I looked back to Jinxx just as my knees buckled.
“No! No Sixx, you can’t die! This is…you can’t!” he cried as he caught me, placing my head in his arms. I smiled, tasting rust in my mouth. It wasn’t painful though nor was I feeling the fear of passing on.
“Jinxx, who we are isn’t how we live. We’re more than our bodies. Everything is more,” I whispered, though I wasn’t sure I was making sense. He looked to me with confusion, shaking me and calling to me but I couldn’t hear him anymore. There was a ringing that drowned out all other sound. My eyes started to darken, the world turning from a brightly lit, hot place to a limpid warm darkness that tunneled around my sight. Everything was leaving and Jinxx became a far off memory as did the rebellion, the dead horse, my dead woman and all the corpses that littered the citadel.
I blinked and suddenly there was a red haired woman staring down at me with a halo of sun surrounding her face. Her skin was glowing white, creating a fiery image to her, as though her very hair were divine flames. She reached a hand down to me.
Time to go home Andy, she uttered, You’ll rise again and relive this glory. We’ll do it together. I grinned.
“Light.”
I reached up to take her hand, feeling the warmth pass from her to me. As I rose to my feet, I glanced around to see CC, Pitts and the unknown boy again, but there was a new addition. Ashley was smiling back at me now, obviously joining the dead along with me. I nodded in his direction, noting how everything held a healthy glow. Eagle stood by, nibbling on blades of grass that seemed to have popped up out of nowhere. It took a moment for me to realize we were in a meadow, the sun shining down on us with a warmth while the breeze remained cool. The horse lifted his head, ears perked towards me and seemed to acknowledge my presence with an honorable notion before he continued to eat.
The unknown boy smiled at me, his eyes hazel and warm like Light’s. Without hesitation, somehow I knew that was her brother she had lost when I first met her. How far we had come and how far we had fallen. This place was so different, so radiant and open. Where the hell were we?
“Andy,” the sweet voice of the woman I loved called to me, “We‘re home.”
I turned to her, feeling as her lips crashed into mine. The taste of her was incredible, a breath of fresh air even. I smiled, leaning into her and placing my hands on her waist. I had never felt so light, so incandescent. She was here, I was here.
In the end, as we fade into the night, they would tell the story of our lives.