|Sarah's P.O.V|
"Do you really have to go?" My sister Logan whined as she helped me pack my bag. Both of us just shoving my dirty clothes in randomly. A weak smile formed acrossed my lips remembering that Logan wanted to see me smile at all times.
"You'll see me in two weeks. Graduation is literally around the corner." It's true, Aspen and I will be graduating, house hunting, and job finding all at the same time. At least I think we will if she still wants to live with me. These past couple days I haven't really spoken to her. We've texted- her more than me, but I just haven't been up for a good talk.
Shoving the last bit of clothing into my suitcase, Logan proceeded to zip it up. As she made it around the case, she let a big huff escape her lips. I looked over at her not expecting tears to be in her eyes, but there were. And before I could comment about it, she let out a whimper, letting all her emotions come out at full throttle. Instantly I wrapped my arms around her, confused to why she was crying.
"Two weeks isn't that long, we've gone longer." I said, figuring she was crying about me leaving. My hands rubbed her back gently, wanting to calm her down before she spoke.
"It's not that, it's just I'm so proud of you." She choked out, leaving my heart filled with joy. Hearing my sister say this made my eyes start to water. Hugging her tighter, I laughed.
"Stop you're going to make me cry." It was true. Whenever someone got emotional, I was bound to get emotional with them. Slowly letting go of her, I looked Logan in the eyes. They were watery with black smears around her lids. She shot me a sad smile before whipping her face with the back of her hands.
"I wish I was more like you Sarah," Logan confessed, walking over to my bed and sitting down. She looked over at a frame I had of myself and our dad. The picture was at the park we went to in London. It was me on the swing and he was pushing me. Back then it was my favorite picture and I can still say it is my favorite now. Logan picked it up so she could study it more closely. She was silent for a couple seconds before she let out a chuckle. "More smart and actually want something in life. I think that's why Dad was so proud of you. He knew you were in for a bright future." My sister looked over at me for a second before setting down the picture frame gently on my nightstand.
Standing there with my arms crossed, I felt my heart starting to speed up at the thought of our father. He always told me as a little girl that I had potential. I never knew what it meant, but he was right. To be honest, I think I've been living a life I wanted to live.
Moving my suitcase onto the ground, I took a few steps so I could sit right next to my sister. As I felt my butt hit the mattress, I rested my right hand against her left one. Studying her long and skinny fingers, I looked at mike that looked exactly like hers. I really didn't know what to say to her. A 'thank you' would be stupid and crying would be pathetic. So I simply decided on mentioning a positive thing Dad said about Logan. (Shocker, right?)
"One time I was listening in on him and mom's conversation because I was a snoop," I had no shame of admitting I was a snoop. If I said I wasn't, I'd be lying. Logan nodded while giggling. She knew it was true. Letting out a little laugh, I continued on with what I was saying. "Anyways, Dad was like 'Logan could be in the Olympics if she keeps practicing'." Logan has always been great at sports and even I was jealous of her at times.
Looking over at her, wanting to know how she was going to take this, I waited for Logan to look at me. She never did, only sat there with a blank expression on her face. And it wasn't too soon before a stray tear rolled down her cheek and into her lap.
"He was and still is proud of you. We've both made mom and Dad proud Logan. Not just me, also you." The sibling competition was over between us and I needed her to know that Dad was just as proud of her as he was of me. Squeezing her hand a littler tighter, she squeezed back. Logan continued to cry silently, tear after tear rolling down into her lap. It was hard to watch her like this, so I wrapped both my arms around her and brought her into a hug. She didn't deny or accept, only sat there like before. But I didn't care, all I wanted to do was comfort my sister who has been dying on the inside this whole time.
"Let it out, it's okay." And once again she was balling in my arms. Her body shook tremendously and I knew it was going to be impossible to calm her down as quickly as I did last time. But seeing Logan cry here in my arms made me realize it's okay to cry and let all of your emotions out. As much as I wanted to cry with her, I held back. This was Logan's moment, not mine
*
Hugging my mother and my sister for the last hundredth time, I passed the gates to board the plane. We all waved, sending air kisses, but all of us knew we'd see each other soon. So I turned around and took my time to walk up the terminal and into a plane that had people. It was no private plane, it was an normal jet with a variety of different people.
Walking down the isle, I wanted to sit on the wing and luckily there was a spot open for me. Sitting down in the empty row, I got out my phone and instantly put in my ear buds. I knew soon I'd have to take them out to listen to the announcement, but I really didn't want to talk to anyone.
Resting my head against the window, I waited for one or two more people to fill up my seat, but my eyes closed way too soon before I could tell if someone did. I was tired, and I'm pretty sure I slept all the way until it came down to the last hour and a half. Waking up to a elderly lady reading next to me and another man who must of been in his late forties, I let out a long yawn. Both of them didn't acknowledge me, but that didn't bother me at all. My eyes found their way to the window which showed a dark sky. Honestly I loved the night, especially when I was going to arrive to a bright city.
Clicking my phone screen a view times, I clicked on my music app before hitting 'shuffle.' The first song that came on was Hanging By A Moment by Life House.
Oh wonderful, just another love song that will remind me about Niall Horan. Rolling my eyes, I clicked the lock button on my phone and shut my eyes once again. I knew I want going to be able to fall asleep again, but I liked resting my eyes.
As the lyrics flowed through my head, I really listened to the meaning of this song.at first I didn't get it, but then I kept replaying it and replaying it. Soon we were landing in New York and if anyone asked me to sing this song by heart I knew I could.
Maybe it was about finding God and getting closer to him, but I took it in a different way. As if It was only Niall and I in this world. Both of us wanting to run away from our issues we've had and just taking in our love for each other. That's what I want, but of course I know how to ruin things and hide from my problems.
Pulling out my ear buds rather forcefully, I wrapped them up and shoved them in my sweatpants pocket. My stomach was slowly dropping as we got lower and lower to the ground. Lights from the city shown bright through the window. The place I've learned to call home was calling my name. For once since my departure with Niall I felt excited, happy. In no time I was walking off the plane and out of the airport. The only luggage I had was a suitcase and a small carry on. Waiting on the busy street for a cab to pass, I waved my hand frantically hopping someone would see me.
The second cab did and he pulled over to the side of the road quickly. I waisted no time with throwing in my bags and sitting in the back seat. The cab driver was an older guy, probably around fifty. He wore a baseball cap and a bright smile on his face. I was never the person to be afraid of strangers and riding in taxi's/ cabs. So being alone didn't bother me.
"Where to?" He asked, an east coast accident was clear. We met eye contact in the review mirror as I told him.
"The university please." I said as kindly as possible and in seconds we were off. Cab drivers in New York don't mess around. They know how to get to a destination quick. In the passing time I stared out the window, taking in the business of New York. People crowed the streets along with bikes and cars. All these people and the only person I want to be with is Niall.
It's always been him and it might always be him. Even if him and I wouldn't last, my feelings for him could never change even if I had to lie to myself they weren't there.
Getting closer to my temporary home, I began to get more antsy just to get back in Aspen and I's dorm. Most of the students probably would be gone. Spring break is still in session, but that doesn't bother me. I like being alone, relaxing and doing my thing.
The cab pulled up to the familiar building I knew by heart. I thanked the man before I grabbed my bags and walked slowly up the dark sidewalk and to the dorm building. Two lights where on, the rest were off. It's sad thinking some people don't have a place to go on breaks like these.
Using my key to unlock the front door, I walked in slowly making sure none of my bags got caught like the time before. The last thing I need is to get stopped in the door without any help. Looking around the main lobby, only the desk light was on. It was nothing unusual, but just kind of creepy being here alone. Deciding to get myself to my dorm quickly, I unlocked that door and shut it quiet softly. I've seen scary movies where the girl stays at college for spring break and someone ends up murdering her. I don't want to be that college girl.
Locking the door behind me, I flicked on the lights and I came into view with the dorm Aspen and I left about two and a half weeks ago. Beds unmade, the microwave wide open, a view shirts scattered around and of course a half eaten donut left by my best friend who couldn't finish it in time.
I smiled, genuinely happy to be back. Setting my bags to the side, I figured I could unpack tomorrow, I then thew my keys onto the small table. It was around ten o'clock and all I wanted to do was sleep. Running a hand through my messy dark hair, I walked to Aspen and I's small bathroom. It was mostly bare do to all the products we brought along. As bad as I wanted to sleep, I knew I had to take a shower.
Stripping myself from my plane outfit, I turned on the water that never seemed to get hot enough. The smelly scent filled the room and slowly steam began to craw out from behind the curtain. Bring my hair to one side of my shoulders, I stepped in the small shower and hung my head below the stream of water. It felt nice and relaxing, making my stiff neck feel hundred times better.
It's crazy to think I was just in another country today. Seeing my mother and my sister, watching movies and crying my eyes out, eating my mothers food and snacking until I couldn't snack no more. But here I am, back in New York and away from my hometown that I swore I never wanted to leave when my father was alive. It was my safe place, my sanctuary. It's funny how feelings and plans can change in seconds. Once my father died all I wanted to do was get out of the small town and move away. The urge to move away from Ireland was so intense I would threaten to buy plane tickets and leave. My way of grieving was different than the rest of my family. Logan got even more bitchy and never said a word to me and my mom kept quiet, cried until she couldn't cry no more. Seeing my mom like that made me want to get away even more.
And then I did. I got my wish and followed my dream which lead me to New York. My wish found me Aspen and a major I was so intrigued by. New York was my escape from all my worries back in Ireland. Including Niall. Oh was it an escape from Niall. All the homework and parties drew my mind away from him. But I couldn't help myself to just think about him at least once a day. Of course I wouldn't try to, that's why I tried to find as many distractions as I could. The distractions would help, but Niall Horan always found his way into my mind. Some how, some way. Either it was me watching Tv and seeing him on it or Aspen brining up something with One Direction. Even hearing his songs made me want to hide and cry. His voice has always been so beautiful, and every time I'd hear a song I'd think back to the day he told me he was going to audition.
Stupid things would even remind me of him. Like seeing the chemistry lab while I walked down the hall or seeing a child kick around a soccer ball. All those things would lead my mind to Niall. Niall spilling chemicals on me, Niall beating me at soccer, Niall this, Niall that. It was always about Niall. And for so long I wanted to hide the feelings I had for him.
'Oh I hate Niall Horan, he's an asshole.' Of course he was, but it didn't mean I wasn't still hopelessly in love with him deep down. My love for him was buried underneath all his wrongdoings and hurtful words. I wanted to make me see him as a terrible person and not the person who I fell for. I told myself he never liked me and was only trying to get to my sister. It worked, but once I got closer to Niall these past weeks... especially those last days... Niall never meant to hurt me. That one night in the hotel where I confessed my feelings to him, I knew he was telling the truth. And hearing him explain made me fall more in love with him than I already was.
But I lost my chance because I'm too selfish. I don't want to feel the pain I felt when Niall first hurt me again. God forbid he would hurt me again, but I don't want to take that chance.
Niall is better without me and I'm better without him. It's always been that way and I think it always will be.
-Authors Note-
"She must of finished The Vampire Diaries." -you guys while seeing my book pop up in your notifications.
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•Kiley