~ Chapter 31: Build It Up Or Fall Apart ~
[ Justin’s POV: ]
“Justin.”
I stood there, my feet frozen deep into the ground. My head was spinning. I felt nauseous, dizzy, anxious and disgusted all at the same time. I fucked up. I fucked up big time. I messed it all up and I screwed up my chances with anyone, really.
“Justin!” Za shouted again, this time earning my attention. I snapped back to reality and blinked at him. “What happened? You completely blanked out…”
I didn’t say anything, feeling the hairs on my arms rise the minute I heard footsteps approaching us. It took less than five seconds for Jackie to then show up at the living room, her face blushed as she shyly looked up at us. I immediately locked my phone and stuffed it back into my pocket, feeling my heartbeat pick up twice its normal pace.
“Jackie…” I whispered, my voice gentle. What should I do? What should I do?
Za cleared his throat, awkwardly watching us. We were all quiet for a moment before I let out an involuntary sigh. Without even thinking, I reached out my hand as a way to seek some comfort from something—anything—but I ended up grabbing Jackie’s hand and squeezing it tightly, loving the way her hand fit into mine. Jackie looked down at our intertwined fingers and I smiled at her sadly.
“You should go,” I spoke softly, brushing my thumb lightly across her skin. Jackie’s face fell.
“W-Wait… Wh-Wh-What?” she mumbled, heartbroken. “I thought… Wait… What?”
My heart ached. I wanted to hold her forever, to bring upon the same amount of comfort to her as she brings to me. But I know that, no matter how many times she promises me she ain’t leaving, she will. There’s not a doubt in my mind that she’d leave me. Specially when she finds out about… The bimbo I was stupid enough to get pregnant.
I didn’t want to let her go. I wanted to show her the world. I wanted to make her happy. To see her smile and think damn, did I do that? I wanted to continue to see that cute blush of hers. And, quite simply, I just want to hear her voice and feel her touch.
Is that too much to ask?
“Go home, Jackie,” I said slowly, staring at the floor. I couldn’t dare look her in the eyes. I loosened my grip on her hand, only to feel her squeeze back harder.
“Justin, no..” she whispered. “Wh-… What did I do? Whatever it is, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, please don’t make me leave.”
She looked like she was about to cry and the guilt started to spread throughout my bloodstream like rapid fire. It wasn’t my intentions to make her this upset.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, trust me,” I protested. “But… It’s best if you go.”
“I want to stay,” she whimpered. “Please let me stay…”
“Jackie, I said leave.”
“No…” she sobbed softly. “I don’t want to go.”
“Jackie,” I warned, my temper kicking in. It’s a bad, natural habit I have—I get easily pissed at people when they refuse to follow my directions. It’s a terrible thing to have, I know. But it’s not like I can control it. I’m the most impatient person in the entire universe, I swear to god.
Tears surfaced Jackie’s eyes as her lips quivered. “I’m sorry…” her voice was shaky, “Whatever I did… I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.”
“Then let me stay!”
“No!” I yelled, forcefully pulling out my hand from hers and forming a fist.
“Justin,” Za called out after me, attempting to calm me down. He pulled me away from Jackie and I punched his shoulder, hard.
“Stay the fuck away from me man,” I screamed, shoving Za against the wall. “Don’t fucking touch me or I’ll slice your penis to bits.” I hit him once more before he grabbed both my arms and shoved me away from him. I stumbled backwards and Za caught me by my shirt’s collar.
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that,” he growled lowly, landing a punch across my face. I spat out from the pain and held my cheek where it hurt. Moving my jawline as if to test if it was broken, I smirked at him.
“You hit like a pussy,” I mocked, kicking him in the shin and watching him fall to the floor. Once I heard the thud created by his body hitting the ground, I began to kick him in the stomach.
“Justin!” I heard Jackie scream from about four feet behind me, but I didn’t listen. I continued hitting Za until he eventually grabbed me by the ankle and pulled it forwards, causing me to fall too. He quickly regained his strength and got on his feet. Before he could land another punch on me, he paused upon hearing Jackie’s cries. She was yelling at us to stop, tears streaming violently down her face. I could feel my heart ripping in two, and Za merely sighed before getting off of me.
“Don’t be this way, bro,” he whispered at me, lending a hand towards me. I frowned, grabbing it and he helped me stand back up.
“I’m sorry for hitting you,” I muttered, wiping the dust off my clothes.
“I’m not talking about the fight,” he looked me dead in the eyes, seriousness in his tone. “I forgive you for it, but right now there’s a girl, who I can already tell means the world to you, just waiting for you to start treating her right—to give her what she deserves. Why are you pushing her away?”
I glanced at Jackie, who was staring at us. I could see the fright in her eyes. She didn’t want us to keep fighting. She didn’t want to leave. She just wanted to be by my side, and it made me wonder how long that’s gonna last.
“Can…” I trailed off, “Can you two excuse me for a sec?”
I sighed to myself and didn’t wait for any replies before leaving towards the bathroom. Upon closing the door, I took out my phone again and dialed Scooter’s number. I waited for what felt like forever, my head spinning in many different directions and I was beginning to ask myself if this was even reality.
“Hello?” Scooter’s voice rang in my ears. “Justin?”
“I need to tell you something…” I spoke quietly, fright in my voice.
“You okay?” he asked with concern. “What happened?”
“Have you seen the most recent TMZ article about me?” My hands were shaking and I found it hard to concentrate.
“Something about a young girl who claims you’re the father of her baby?” Scooter sighed. “Yeah, I saw it trending on twitter, but this has happened once before. Do you want me to handle it?”
It’s trending on twitter. Holy shit… My beliebers? They’re going to be devastated.
“No, I—Umm… I wanted to… I have to tell you something,” I repeated.
“I’m listening,” he forced a chuckle.
“It’s.. Uh, the article—Um… It’s all true,” I bit my lip, tightening the grip on my phone. I didn’t want Scooter to get mad at me for this huge mistake, but that was going to be impossible to do.
Scooter was silent for a moment before he forced yet another chuckle. “Is this another prank from you? I don’t have time for this,” he said.
“No Scooter, I’m serious. One of Lil Twist’s buddies had a birthday party and Twist convinced me to go. Things went terribly wrong and I did a lot of stupid shit I regret but… It’s true. They got me. The media got me.” I was crying now. I let out hiccups for every fourth word I spoke and my entire arms began to tremble. “I’m scared, Scooter,” I buried my face in my hand, the vulnerability evident in my voice. “I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know the name of this woman but I had sex with her. It was a mistake. It was all a big mistake. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry for letting this happen. You guys taught me better than this and I blew it. I’m so sorry…”
I sat down on the toilet with the cap closed, feeling the tears rush from my eyes. I felt so useless—like I do everyday. I feel like I just let so many people down, including my beliebers, the whole bieber crew and even Jackie.
“Justin… Please stop crying,” Scooter’s voice became slightly soft. He waited a moment until I calmed down a little bit. “We’re getting through this, alright? If anything, we can say the girl’s lying.”
“No we can’t,” I whimpered. “I’d be lying to my fans. I’d be lying to everyone, I can’t… I can’t pull it off.”
“This could affect your career in ways you don’t understand. Can’t you at least think it through? It’s the only way out,” Scooter countered.
“No, it can’t be.” I wiped the tears from my face. “There has to be another way…”
“Would you give me a few days to think about it?” he asked.
“Sure,” I mumbled.
“Oh and Justin?”
“Yeah?”
“You have a concert in 2 days.”
Fuck. “Alright I’ll see you soon, I’m guessing,” I said.
“You guessed right.”
And soon, we hung up.
I sat there for about 10 more minutes, thinking quietly to myself. Thoughts shot throughout my brain hastily and I didn’t know how to react to any of it. In fact, I couldn’t even process any of them. I wanted to disappear into thin air. I didn’t want to exist any longer. That’s the easy way out.
To just… Stop breathing. To relieve the pain.
I splashed water onto my face near the sink and wiped it with a towel afterwards. Letting out a deep breath, I looked up at myself in the mirror, staring at my reflection. I gazed down at myself, my fingers twitching.
I don’t like what I see.
Keeping my gaze locked on my reflection, I ran a hand through my hair and paused before forcing a smile. Frowning again, I straightened up my shoulders and smiled again. These are the rare occasions where I just stare at myself and spend forever practicing a fake smile. I had to get it perfect. I had to make it believable. When I walk out there and Jackie asks me if I’m okay, I should be able to fake a smile effortlessly and make it look real and then look her in the eyes and tell her I’m okay.
“I’m okay,” I spoke out loud, testing to see if my tone was believable or not. No, no, my voice came out too shaky, I need to speak with more confidence if I want anyone to believe I’m really okay.
I cleared my throat, taking in a chunk of air before releasing it through my noise.
“I’m okay,” I repeated, a newfound firmness in my voice. There we go, that’s more like it. Now do it all together.
I began tapping my foot on the floor nervously. I licked my lips and glared at my reflection.
“I’m okay,” I said once more, forcing a smile right afterwards. I looked at myself in the mirror. Was the smile too forced? Maybe I should smile bigger. No, no, that’ll give me away.
I growled in slight frustration, slapping a bottle of lotion to the ground.
Fuck.
I leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling. Just as I noticed how quiet the bathroom was, a sudden noise made me jump up in surprise. It took me a few seconds for me to realize it was only the doorbell.
Who could it be? Alfredo didn’t come back, did he?
I unlocked the door and exited the bathroom, walking quietly but quickly down the hall until I reached the living room in time to see Za opening the door.
And on the other side stood a smirking Lil Twist with a lit up blunt in his mouth.
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Hope everyone had an amazing Valentine’s Day yesterday! :) ❤
What’d you think of the chapter? Hmm…
- Nina xx