Part One
Secrets
Tell me what you want to hear
Something that were like those years
Sick of all the insincere
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away
This time, don't need another perfect line
Don't care if critics never jump in line
I'm gonna give all my secrets away
- OneRepublic
Chapter 1
The only thing I could see was Kade running toward me, yelling for me to run. I didn’t know where we were or what we were doing. All I knew was that something was very wrong.
“Rayney!” Kade yelled again. “Just run!”
“No! I’m not leaving you!” I yelled, and ran back toward him. He caught me in his arms and held me to him.
“I know you couldn’t do it, but this is the way it has to be,” he whispered in my ear.
“No,” I said, holding him tighter. “We can get out of here. It doesn’t have to be like this.”
He laughed softly. “You know it can’t be like that. They’ll get us either way.”
“Please,” I pleaded, leaning back and taking his face in my hands. “Please, let’s go.”
“They won’t let us,” he said, tracing a finger down my scar. He leaned down until his lips were millimeters from mine.
And that’s when everything exploded around us.
I shot up out of bed. My heart was racing and sweat was running down my face. But when I realized exactly what I’d been dreaming about, it wasn’t only sweat running down my face, but also tears.
After a few moments of letting the tears run freely down my face, I sat up straighter, trying to wipe them away. I looked around the room. Everyone was still sleeping. Lyric was beside me, Rowan in the bed next to me and Peyton in the one on the other side of the room. It wasn’t surprising that they hadn’t woken up. I guess they’d just gotten used to my screaming and waking up crying for almost the past five months. The screaming did stop after about a month though, which they were happy about.
I started having the dream the night after we’d gotten home from rescuing Rowan from the Directrix. I just thought – and hoped – that I was having the dream only because of Peyton’s medicines she’d given me for my two gunshot wounds I’d gotten when the Guards had attacked the town we were staying in. But when I was still having it a month after I was fully recovered and healthy again, I knew that it wasn’t.
Reagan’s been helping me with it. It was actually easier than I thought getting used to having your great-grandmother in your dreams than it had been. She was really helpful with everything, including everything that was happening with Kade and the Directrix.
Rowan was a big help, too. She and Reagan where the only two people who know what the Directrix is making me do – which is to get rid of Kade. And get rid of as in kill.
When Kendric Slayter – who just happened to be Kade’s father and head of the Directrix – brought me into a room, strapped me to a chair and told me what I had to do, I told him no right off. I didn’t know why they wanted me to kill Kade, only that he knew too much. Slayter had pretty much told me that I was the one fit for the job and was probably the only one who could do it.
And that’s when he told me that it was either kill Kade or put the rest of the people I loved in danger.
I was still going to try and find a way to get out of it. There was no way I could do what the Directrix wanted me to do. Not to the person I was in love with.
I wiped my fingers under my eyes again and sat up on the edge of the bed to put on my boots. My two knives were already in place in their sheath on them, so the only one that I had to put on was the one that went on my waist. It was August now, so it was still pretty hot outside, so I didn’t need my jacket. I usually only wore it when Kade, Xander and I went on raids, which was about once every month. I stood back up and walked toward the door. I opened it and slid out quietly, shutting it behind me.
Walking over the bridge to the main platform, I realized that the sun was just coming up, so it was kind of hard to see where I was going. The lantern on the other side of the bridge was the only way I knew I was going in the right direction and not about to slip off the edge.
When I got to the main platform, I peeked into the boys’ room. Xander, Ryder and Kade were all still asleep, sprawled out in each of their beds. I smiled and shut the door behind me.
When I made it down to the kitchen, I heard someone in the dark, and then one of the lanterns lit up, showing Auden.
“Oh, Rayney,” she said, putting a hand to her heart. “I didn’t know you were there.”
I laughed. “I’m sorry if I scared you,” I said. “I didn’t realize anyone was up.”
“No,” she said, setting the lantern down on the table. “It’s just me. Cora and Lilah are still asleep.”
“Oh,” I said. “Well, I think I’m going to go outside for a little while.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’m going to try and get something together for breakfast.”
Right when I walked out the door, Maxi – who had been lying in his bed in the corner – ran out of the house also, almost making me trip. He ran about ten feet in front of me and then turned and barked. I laughed and walked toward him. He turned back around and ran into the trees around the back of the house, where he knew I was going to go.
I walked past the vegetable garden and the little one with flowers in it that Lyric and Lilah had planted. I had my own clearing here now. It was exactly where I fought with Kade a few months ago, ending in my landing on my knife. There was only a faint pink line on my side now. The scars from my bullet wounds aren’t as better looking as it though. They were like my scar running across my face.
Just like I did in my other clearing, I took out my knife at my waist and aimed it at one of the trees. And it landed dead center like it did every time.
But before I could reach down to get my other two on my boots, my eyes locked on the knife in the tree, only imagining it somewhere else. Like in Kade’s back or chest. I closed my eyes, willing the tears not to come, and took a deep breath.
Arms wound their way around my waist, pulling me close to someone’s strong chest. I sighed, leaning back into Kade. He laughed and brushed his lips against my ear.
“What are you doing? The usual?” he asked.
“The usual,” I said, opening my eyes and turning to face him. “As always.”
“Can I do what I usually do?” he asked, leaning down a little.
“I don’t know,” I said innocently. “And what exactly would that be?”
“You know exactly what that means,” he said, and his lips touched mine.
Even though I knew exactly what Kade’s kisses felt like, they always seemed to take my breath away. It was like we were the only two people in the entire world, only it didn’t feel like we were two separate people. It felt like we were only one. And if something were to hurt him – if that something were me – it was like it would cause me pain also.
He pulled back when he tasted the tears that were running down my face. He lifted his hands to cradle my face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs.
“What’s wrong now?” he asked, looking concerned. “You know, you’ve been crying an awful lot lately.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, concentrating on his eyes that always calmed me down. “I…it’s just been since…”
“I know,” he said, wrapping me in a hug, my head leaning against his chest. “You’re still kind of shaken up about what happened a few months ago, aren’t you?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I said. It wasn’t entirely untrue. “It’s just like I’m back in there sometimes.”
“Have you been having nightmares about it?”
“No, no nightmares,” I said. “I haven’t had those in a while.”
“What is it then?”
“I just keep seeing his face,” I said.
“Who’s face?” he asked.
“Who’s do you think?” I asked.
“Oh, creepy leader guy whose name you don’t remember?” he asked.
“Yeah, him,” I said. And it didn’t help that Kade looked so much like him, like his father.
“Don’t worry about him,” he said, his hands rubbing up and down my back. “They’re not going to get us again.”
“That’s optimistic,” I said, laughing.
I felt his laugh reverberate through his chest. “Yeah, I guess so,” he said. “But if they do come for us any time soon, we’ll be ready. You know what’s on the schedule today, don’t you?”
“We have a schedule?” I asked. “Since when?”
“Since we’ve started teaching Rowan how to fight,” he said. “I can already tell she’s going to be good like you.”
“Yeah, hopefully she will be,” I said. “Then the Directrix will have two girls who are the best fighters that they’ve ever had to deal with.”
“I still can’t believe that they’re scared of you,” he said, laughing. “You don’t look very dangerous to me.”
“I’ve fought you before,” I said. “And won, I might add.”
“One time,” he said, laughing. “All the others…”
“I won,” I said. “You lost because you were distracted and I attacked without warning.”
“I need to re-teach myself how to distract you,” he said, his arms tightening around me.
“It’s very simple,” I said.
“I know that,” he said. “I’m the one who taught you. But why don’t you refresh my memory?”
“First, you lean up to put your face right in front of mine,” I said, leaning up until his eyes were level with mine. “And then you lean in very close until…”
I put my lips on his, the warm, loved feeling spread throughout my entire body. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His hands went under my shirt, pressing warm against my back. I pulled back and turned my head to the side. He apparently wasn’t done kissing me, so he settled for my neck.
“See,” I said, distracted by the way his lips felt on my skin. “I think you’ve got it down perfectly.”
“I guess I have,” he murmured against my skin. “I think you’re better at it than I am though.”
“Then you’ll have to practice,” I said, moving so his face was right in front of mine again.
“We’ll have to have lots and lots of practice,” he said, smiling. “When should we start?”
“When’s good for you?” I asked, lost in his eyes.
“Right now’s good,” he said, leaning toward me.
“It’s good for me, too,” I said.
He kissed me again. But a few seconds later, Maxi barked, making us pull apart.
“I guess it’s not a good time after all,” Kade said, laughing. “At least for Maxi.”
“Maxi, go away,” I said to him. “We’re trying to get some training time in before we have to train Rowan.”
He barked again, wagging his tail, his tongue lolled out the side of his mouth. He ran toward us and jumped on me, knocking me to the ground and licking my face.
“Or maybe he just wants to kiss you,” Kade said. “Should I be jealous?”
“I think you should,” I said, Maxi still licking my face. “I apparently have another man in my life now.”
“Well, then,” Kade said, starting to back away. “I guess I should just leave you two to yourselves. I’ll go now…”
“Where do you think you’re going?” I asked, pushing Maxi off of and standing back up. I grabbed his hand and pulled him back toward me. His arms wrapped around me again.
“Nowhere,” he said, laughing, wiping my face from dog slobber.
“That’s what I thought,” I said.
After a few minutes – and time to slow my breathing – we headed back toward the house, Maxi following close behind us.
“Lyric and Lilah both have been bugging me about starting to train them,” I said. “I don’t think I’m ready to though. They just seem too young now.”
“You’ve got to realize that you weren’t that much older when your dad started teaching you,” Kade said.
“Whose side are you on?” I asked.
“Yours, of course,” he said. “But still. You know they want to.”
“I will…just not right now,” I said. “I don’t think I could handle seeing Lyric with one of my knives in her hand, fighting. Or Lilah for that matter.”
“They’re going to keep bugging you until you give in, you realize that right?” he asked, laughing. “Both of them are pretty persistent.”
“I know,” I said. “Especially when they tag team me.”
“Why don’t you tell them when Rowan’s pretty good at fighting, you’ll start teaching them? That way, you both can teach them. And I can sit back and watch instead of being the person whose being beat up on constantly.”
“They’re seven,” I said, laughing. “It’s not like they’d be able to do much damage.”
“I don’t know about that. Especially Lyric,” he said, smiling. “She’s related to you.”
“But she doesn’t have my temper,” I said.
“Well, we’ll just have to wait and see how she turns out,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.
“Hopefully not like me,” I said, shaking my head.