A/N: I’m having total writers block. This is very short and I’m sorry if it’s bad. I’ve had three days off and this is all I can come up with. Hopefully something better will come up for the next chapter but I have no idea, if you have some tips for my writing rut… well I’d love you five ever for helping me out of it. Thanks again to all my readers and I hope I don’t disappoint too much.
*********************Now on to the story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**************
Chapter 24;
It’s been about seven months. Seven months since going to America, making the boys do for another trip back to America in August. John, Paul, George, Ringo, and I all went, performing thirty concerts in 23 cities. It was very surreal actually, if I thought the first trip was exhausting, this one was insane. The boys were also busy shooting a new film which was renamed ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ thanks to Ringo’s contributing.
The Beatles have also released a new album containing the same name, plus they’re working on their other album, with no name yet or any songs. Lots has actually happened. Lots of important things that have changed the way of everything.
For starters, Donna did not come along with us to the trip to America. Donna had gotten an urgent call; her aunt May had passed away and her funeral would be held that week. John tried to cancel the trip to America so he could be with her, but she refused respectively saying she’d need to handle these family problems alone and even didn’t want me to come. John made sure to call her every day, sometimes he’d try and chat a girl up but look to me and stop; I often wondered what would happen if I wasn’t there.
Paul and I’s relationship came out to the public. It was each extreme; terrific or horrific. Either they wished us luck and said nice things to/about me, or they tried to claw their way at me, burn our pictures and spit out filthy words unfit for any kind of person. I was actually pulled out on stage a couple of times and got to meet the cities press. John’s and Donna’s stayed under wraps though, Brian said it’d be best for the band plus she wasn’t there.
The Beatles and myself were graced with the presences of Bob Dylan, I absolutely adored him! Bob was very witty, nice yet sarcastic and makes great music! Paul and Bob didn’t take to much liking to him though… I think they stepped off on the wrong foot, but you can just feel the tension whenever they’re in the same room together. Paul didn’t find the fact that I adored him or his music any better.
And finally, their movie and album came out! The album was definitely Dylan, influenced. John tried out his harmonica on songs too! Due to this, we were moved from Liverpool to London in a new apartment with a little bit less room, yet we didn’t use all of the rooms we had there in the first place. Can’t Buy Me Love and A Hard Day’s Night have become hits and you can barely move without hearing them being played.
**Donna’s POV**
I run up the stairs, the wind is whipping my hair back and further stinging my face, but I can’t feel it I’m numb to everything other than trying to make my way up these stairs. John’s voice echoes in the darkness calling out my names along with pleas, but I block it all out, tearing the door open and shutting it behind me.
I fall apart once the warm air hits me, so warm for a place that no longer seems that way. It’s stiff and heavy as I go to our bedroom - John’s bedroom. I should’ve known it all along. I try not to make a sound, but my heavy sobs and breathing aren’t helping a bit. I focus on getting everything out. “Donna!” John yells throughout the house, finally catching up to me, I guess he doesn’t have a sense of time.
I pick my clothing up off the top of dresser, trying to put it on the open suitcase, when I hear it crash. I walk over to it and bend down to look at it. My fingers trace over the broken glass covering a picture of John and I at the beach. Broken; just like this relationship. Broken; like myself. Broken is a constant. You can’t stop being broken, they say, just become more broken.
“Donna” John’s voice snaps me back into what I was doing, I can hear him coming up so I quickly put more of my clothes along with the picture in the bag and grab my purse. John opens the door as I’m grabbing my coat. “There you are! Just let me explain!” John pleads, then looks down to the bags at my feet “W-wait.. Y-you’re. Don’t leave me. D-Don-Donna.”
“John.” I say softly, looking away from his soft light brown eyes, I wouldn’t be able to leave if I looked at him. I laughed dryly, sniffing away the tears, yet my voice still managed to quiver as I talked. “I-I can’t st-stay here.” I tell him, looking at the floor as I make my way to the doorway he’s standing in, pulling my arm out of the grasp he tries to attach on me.
I couldn’t stop crying, I would light up a bit then think of anything and start crying again. Everything managed to remind me of him and I knew I couldn’t even escape into my thoughts. I walked down into a more busy street, hailing a cab and luckily at four in the morning some taxi pulled over to me.
“Where to miss?” The driver asked me and I told him the first place I could think of; my grandfather Leon’s house. Leon wasn’t actual family, it was by marriage still he treated me like a daughter, Leon was born in England and after his first marriage ended, he married my grandmother who immigrated here from Columbia when she was only seven.
The drive took long, I tried to sleep but couldn’t. Ever memory of being in a taxi with John or even George, Ringo, Paul and Emily came flooding into my head like a tsunami of thoughts. I finally arrived bright and early at six, I knew Leon would be awake and I was glad of it. I thanked the driver and paid him, I could tell he was as thankful as I was that the car ride was over. I looked up at the brick house and walked up the small set of stairs to the porch and knocked on the door.
As I waited for him to answer the door, I looked out at my surroundings. I knew this place pretty well, the sun was trying to poke through, but like every late October day I knew it wouldn’t have a chance. My mother had me young, it wasn’t as great as it seemed, but my grandparents doubled as parents since they were still in that age range. I remember once my grandfather Leon had gone off to war when I was a very young girl, my grandmother called mom and asked for us to come live with her while Leon was off at sea.
It didn’t take long for Leon to meet me at the door. “Ah! It’s you Donna!” Leon said excitedly and pulled me into a big hug, I hugged him back and was glad to be welcomed by literal open arms. “How’re you? You look great, well you look like you need some sleep but nothing a quick kip can’t fix.”
“I’m fine, grandpa. Glad to be back actually and I haven’t slept at all.” I told him and he opened up the door wider for me.
“Ah, I’m glad you’re ‘ere to darlin’! You can go up to your room yeah? I’ll wake you up for… a… say lunch? Yeah?”
“Sure! I’ll see you then. Thanks, really.” I tell him and he just waves his hand as I kiss his cheek and go up the stairs to my old bedroom. I don’t have time to look around at the bedroom, because as soon as I hit the bed I’m out like a light switch.
**Emily’s POV**
I didn’t get up last night. I knew I should have. But I was too tired. I woke up this morning and Donna was gone. My immediate reaction would be that she got lost somehow in someway, but the small note on the counter led my suspicion to the correct answer; she left on purpose. Something must have happened with John last night, he hasn’t been out of his bedroom all day and this unsettling stillness is laying in the air.
Ringo, George and Paul all went out to lunch together, I let them go alone. Who knows maybe I’ll be able to talk too John. I began to prep myself before I attempted to go in… John’s scary when he’s mad or has been drinking. Especially without Donna around to keep him in a better state of mind.
“John?” I ask, knocking on the door and to my surprise it opens slightly, so I go ahead and push it all the way open. “John are you in here?” I ask walking in the room, sprawled out on the bed with a guitar and a notebook is John.
“Emily,” John says, his voice seems strained like he’s been crying and not talking “yer just the person I wanted to see.”
“What can I do for you John?” I ask, sitting down in a chair.
“I’ve got a new song. I’ve been up all night writing it!”
“Oh… alright John… Is it all the way finished?” I ask, uneasy… sometimes John gets into writing moods that I wouldn’t describe as the best time to write a song.
“I think it’s something everyone can relate too. I haven’t done anything for the drums and guitars… just this part… it’s all I could really think of last night you know?”
“Sure, John.” I tell him, egging him on to play.
“Okay, here it goes:
I'm a loser
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Of all the love I have won or have lost
There is one love I should never have crossed
She was a girl in a million, my friend
I should have known she would win in the end
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
Although I laugh and I act like a clown
Beneath this mask I am wearing a frown
My tears are falling like rain from the sky
Is it for her or myself that I cry
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be
What have I done to deserve such a fate
I realize I have left it too late
And so it's true, pride comes before a fall
I'm telling you so that you won't lose all
I'm a loser
And I lost someone who's near to me
I'm a loser
And I'm not what I appear to be”
John sings his heart out, his teeth gritting at some parts, each word being rung out like it’s causing him physical pain to sing it.
“J-Joh-” I began to say, but he cuts me off, looking up at me his eyes sad but a smile plastered on his lips.
“You like it yea? It’s a bit shaky. I needa add the othe’ parts hm?”
“Yeah,” I tell him with an awkward laugh, sniffing “It’s good. I can’t believe you’ve done it in one night.”
“I think I want it on the new album, yea. I need to write some new material for it.” John says, already flipping pages in his notebook trying to get busy.
“John,” I say trying to get his attention but it doesn’t work at first “John! Maybe it’ll be best for you to talk about it yes?”
“Talk about what?”
“John yo-”
“No I have absolutely no clue what you mean. Why don’t you tell me if it’s so obvious. What do you and Paul see that I don’t?”
“Donna… For starters… where is she?”
“Sh-she left. Before the crack of dawn…” John says quietly, but I can see anger bubbling the surface and watch it explode. “She fucking left me. I’m a dog. A loser. She’s the best bloody thing I’ll ever have. And she just left. She gave me no time to explain. I couldn’t run after her. You can’t run after someone with a broken leg… How do you expect me to run after her with a broken heart?! She left me, was her heart even broken? Or did she not have time to see that she was ripping mine out of my own chest.”
“John,” It’s all I can say, I stand up and sit back down on the bed beside of him, pulling him into my chest, his unsteady breathing, sobbing and hot tears form on me.
“Sh-she woul-wouldn’t let me ex-explain. I’d-I’d never hurt ‘er on purpose. I-I was pushin’ the git off me.”
“John, then go speak to her.”
“I ‘aven’t a clue were she is. It’s no use.”
“John. You love her yea?”
“Yes. With everythin’ I have. I’d give up rock ‘n’ roll for ‘er.”
“Then fight for her!”
“It’s no-”
“Shut up John. I’ll call all of her family that I know of. Okay? I’ll help you John. You’ve just got to help yourself.”
“What if she doesn’t want me back?”
“Tell her you love ‘er. Do whatever you can. Tell her the truth, hell write a song if it’ll help everything work out. Just do what feels right in your heart. Okay?”
“Okay!”
“You want me to go get started now?”
“Please.”
“Alright,” I tell him and get off the bed, heading for the door. I’d need to take the car out today, hopefully there aren’t that many fans waiting outside.
“Wait! Emily?”
“Yes John?”
“Yer the best. Thanks, I owe you big time.” John tells me and gives me a big hug
“Yeah, yeah” I say waving him off “Go do what you need to and I’ll do the same. Be safe Okay?”
“Alri’. You too!” John calls after me before I close his bedroom door and go to my own, I take a quick shower and change into some street clothes. Taking the little black book full of contacts from under my shared bed and the keys from their spot in the kitchen. Luckily there weren’t too many fans today, it’s Monday plus there’s school today for all the younger ones, I rush into the car start it and head to my first destination; Donna’s uncle.
****
It’s been two hours, and I’ve already been to her Uncle and one close cousins house. The weather reporter on the radio news is claiming for an early winter snow. There’s barely anyone walking around on the street due to the news of the early storm. When it snows… it snows. I remember multiple times being snowed in four up to a week and a half at a time. I’m heading towards Donna’s Grandfather’s house. His name is Leon and his wife is Lillian. All I remember is that one summer we had traveled up to the quieter parts of London and stayed the whole break. I’m hoping they still live in the same spot and I’m driving away from the storm… not towards it.
After an hour of driving, I finally reach the old brick house that looked identical to the ones in previous photographs. I knocked on the door, quickly. I didn’t want to dare risk getting stuck here in the snow, especially without Donna. The cold wind blew fast, I could tell it was going to storm soon and knocked once more.
“ ’Ello ma’am.” Grandma Lillian said to me, she wore glasses at the edge of her nose and didn’t look too much older. I didn’t like calling her Grandma Lillian… She could be my father’s older sister and that ran chills down my spine.
“ ’Ello , Lilly. You don’t remember me?” I asked, looking down at my attire and back up at her.
“Of course I do! It’s been long. Emma right?”
“Emily, close though.”
“Oh yes, of course Emily. How could I forget? Anyways, it’s been so long.” She repeated and pulled me into a hug.
“I know. I wish I wouldn’t have had to come drop by in this kind of situation.”
“You’re looking for Donna yes?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well, come in doll. You must be freezing. Donna’s in her room. I could go get her… or you could head right up if you please.”
“I’ll go ’ead up. Thank you again.”
“My pleasure. First door on the left.” She told me and I nodded before taking the four steps to the platform of rooms. I went in the first one and there sat Donna, teary eyed with photographs lying out in front of her.
“Grandpa I tol-” Donna said, her voice cracking a bit before she looked up and saw my “Emily? What’re you doing here?”
“I should be asking you the same question.”
“I’ve decided to visit my grandparents. It’s no big deal, eh? Ye didn’t ’ave to send a crew lookin’ out ’ere for me.”
“Really? Well when I decide to visit my grandparents I don’t leave in the middle of the night, after a loud argument with my boyfriend then trying to put paid to the relationship.”
“Men who you’re going steady with do not cheat on you. I think that’s simple.”
“I think it’d be simple if you heard the story… But you didn’t! So how can you even suspect that?”
“There was a girl sitting in his lap.”
“Yeah? Girls have sat on Paul’s lap right in front of me. He pushes them off, tells them he’s not interested and they leave. John didn’t cheat on you in America… Why would he now?”
“Because…”
“Because?”
“Beacause! He doesn’t love me anymore. I should’ve known.”
“Are you off colour? God I wish you were there when he poured his heart out to me. You should’ve seen him.”
“I’m not ill, though I think you might be!”
“What’s up then? Something must’ve happened. You never freak out like this Donna. What is it?”
“I’m scared…”
“Of what…?”
“John. He’s famous, he has girls constantly surrounding him. We can barely make it out of the apartment without being bombarded by fans. John’s everything I’ve ever wanted… but… his lifestyle isn’t. My aunt didn’t die, I just didn’t want to be there. Twenty-three cities? I can’t handle that.”
“John loves you.”
“And I love him, everything. Just not that.”
“John said he’d give up rock’n’roll for you.”
“Has everybody gone mad?”
“Apparently! I think you gave it to them.” I tell her jokingly, making Donna finally smile once.
“Look. Just give me time to think. I don’t want him to give up his musical career. The world deserves John Lennon… Even if I don’t.”
“You do Donna. He wrote a song… About him being a loser, because you left. It’s tearing him apart. John said you tore his heart out of his chest.”
“Well that girl… That picture does the same… it keeps replaying in my brain you know. It make’s me feel sick…”
“John wouldn’t cheat on you.”
“I love him.” Donna whispered, a tiny smile appearing on her lips.
“Hm? What was that..? I didn’t hear you?”
“I love John Lennon!” Donna said, over excitedly. A big smile on her face and it was the last thing I saw before the power went out. Shit I thought to myself… Donna’s afraid of the dark. “EMILY?!?!” Donna yelled out even if I was right in front of her. I grabbed one of her flailing arms and pulled it down softly
“I’m right here.” I told her reassuringly.
“What happened to the lights?” She asked, I looked over to the small window.
“There’s supposed to be a storm… I think it blew the power out.”
“Are you kidding me?!”
“I’m ‘friad not.”
“I was going to go back with you… talk to John…”
“Well I guess now we can have a sleepover like old times! Plus we can think of things for you to say, eh?”
“Yeah… I guess it is a pretty good thing. Hand me that candle.”
***John’s POV***
(A/N: wow what a treat- sorry this is probably gonna be super duper lame)
I paced the living room floor. I can’t think of the right words to say, my minds jumbled up and I need Emily to be back. Hopefully she knows were Donna is and has talked to her. I breathe a sigh of relief once I hear the door open up.
“Emily? Donna? Ye there?” I call into the open air, it’s gotten pretty late the skies a darker gray shade than it usually is and only a few lights are on.
“No?” George’s thick Liverpool accent comes out. Emily had said they left earlier but I didn’t even consider them, I feel like throwing my head through a wall. How could I be so stupid? I let the only girl I ever cared about slip through my finger tips.
“Where’s Emily?” Paul asked, his voice pulled me back into reality and made my head snap up.
“What mate?”
“Emily…? Did she leave?” Paul asked again, more impatient this time. That’s what I should’ve been like.
“Paul, do ye love Emily?”
“John don’t bloody piss ‘round. Where’s she?”
“Emily went to some of Donna’s family place to find ‘er. Why’re you so worried?” I asked, noticing Paul’s face change instantly once he’s learned she left.
“How long ago?”
“Two or three hours… Why?”
“Clear off! There’s a snow storm John!”
“Don’t be bloody joking Paul!” I tell him, even more worried about Donna and now Emily. God why do I keep fucking up?
“He’s not joking…” George says, sitting down and emptying a bag full of candles and matches. “It’s supposed to be bad, hittin’ the north parta London as we speak.”
“Emily’ll be safe. You now she will. She’s from the north in the US. They have tons of snow.” I tell Paul, reassuringly who seems to be getting more stressed by the second.
“Yer right.”
“I know I am. I always am Paulie.” I tell him, ruffling his hair.
“Ah sod off. I’m still gutted at you. It’s yer fault we’re in this mess anyways, sending me bird off.”
“She volunteered!”
“Yeah, yeah whatever.”
****
It’s two in the morning and I can’t sleep. I haven’t been this restless in years. I watch my bedroom door like a hawk… hoping Donna would walk back inside. It won’t happen and I know it. The snow has gotten up to six inches and the roads are worst. I feel bad that I made Emily go out into this mess too, but interested once I hear Paul’s bedroom door creek open, then the light turn on in the kitchen.
“Can’t sleep eh?” I ask, walking into the kitchen were Paul’s sitting shoveling chocolate cereal into his mouth.
“I keep forgettin’ she’s not ‘ere. I wake up and I’ frightened.” Paul tells me honestly, his voice has a tired ring to it, like he hasn’t slept; not that he just woke up.
“You love ‘er don’t you?”
“Shuddup John.”
“I’m serious Paul. Tell me, why can’t you tell me?”
“Because! I’ve never felt this way before. I know how you are John. I just don’t want to screw things up more than they already are.”
“So you do love ‘er.”
“I love Emily more than anything. I want her every second of every day. It’s a feeling I can’t help.” Paul admitted suddenly, his sad looking eyes shined in the tiny kitchen light but not from tears, from love.
“Are you sure?”
“So fucking positive.”
“Great. Help me then.”
“What? What do you mean? With what?”
“I feel that with Donna, help me write a song. Help me put my feelings into words, please I need to have ‘er back. It’s like losing a piece of my soul that I never knew I had… yet I can tell it’s missing.”
“John I don-”
“Please, Paul you have to.” I tell him, pleading. I don’t care if I look like a fool, I need his help. I don’t care how much I have to beg and plead I need this. I need Donna.
“Ok.”
“Yes?”
“Yes John, I’ll help you. Only because I’ve never seen you in such shambles.” Paul said, finally agreeing. I hugged him quickly and ran off to my bedroom.
I’ve never felt so engrossed in someone. I can’t stand to lose anyone else in my life. It’s so hard; someone’s there one day and then the next there’s no sense of them still being there, only you can feel it. You can somehow feel them in the air, whether it be their presence, or smell, or words that float around in the air you still have those tiny particles of them. I didn’t do anything. I’ll cry days and days on, it’s true you know I love her.
I love her. I do. That scares me. It seems like every person I love they disappear. Funny how she left before I got the chance to tell her.
***************
***Emily’s POV***
It’s late, but I can’t see what time it is. I didn’t wear my watch out, plus the power’s still out. I can’t sleep and I can tell Donna can’t either, her sniffling is what I’ve been trying to forget.
“Donna?” I ask, the only light is the tiny candle burning and the moon shinning through the open curtain. She doesn’t answer, just sniffles in response a universal sound for go on, I’m here. “Don’t cry. You’ll see John soon enough, all will be well.”
“I-I, found J-John’s shirt.” Donna managed to get out, sniffling, crying and stumbling through the words.
“Why’re you crying?”
“I-I hav-haven’t slept with, without J-John f-for the longest t-time.”
“You miss him?”
“I-I feel more home-sick th-then when I-I actually left h-home.”
“Home is where the heart is!” I tell her merrily, then hearing her laugh makes me feel better.
“Yer right. He thought I t-took his he-heart. Well he has mine.”
“Let him know.”
“Yes, yes I’ll do that right now. Oh wait! We have no power.”
“Hey Miss. Sassy Pants, that’s not my fault. It’s yers. Leavin’ in the midst of an early winter storm.”
“Oh I know! Leon thinks we’re missing school!”
“What?” I ask utterly confused.
“Yea! He thinks I left school after getting ina big fight with a roommate. See, ye came down ’ere made it much more believable.” Donna tells me in a fit full of giggles.
“Shuuddup! They still think we’re still in school?”
“Course. We’re at that age range yea? You think Lillian would be okay with me runnin’ back to my grandparents house after I thought my famous boyfriend broke up with me?”
“First off; she’d think you’re delusional! I could picture it right now! ‘I swear grandma! The famous Beatle is my boyfriend!’” I told her and we both busted out laughing, then I added “I don’t think Leon would have a problem with it… Well maybe since you thought he was cheating on you, but that’s all.”
“Ah! Yes! My mom would be proud, eh? I feel just like her. That’s not good at all, I feel like I need to take a bath and wash the slim off of me.” Donna said, with both regret, sadness, anger and lightheartedness in her voice. It confused me actually how you could be all four of those at the same time, but I didn’t know what to say. Donna’s mother had been around, if you get the jest of what I’m saying. Donna’s mother never worked and my father took Donna in mostly.
“You’re nothing like her. At all. Don’t even begin comparing yourself to her. Did you ever find out?”
“Who my father is?” Donna asked and laughed sarcastically. “No way, she didn’t even want to start making that list.”
“Come on Do-” I began to say, but was cut off by Donna, it’s not even a sensitive subject she just hates it.
“No, Emily. You remember what she said a year before we graduated?” She asked, her voice icy and cold. I tried to remember that day and I did with ease, but I didn’t dare interrupt her, so she continued. “My own mother looked me in the face and said she was leaving. My own mother said she’d take me with her, but I remind her too much of the past, of bad memories. To her own daughter. She said ‘I’ll keep in contact. I just want to see you go far. And neither of us can with each other’. Damn it do you know what that does to someone? Good thing you and your dad found out, because I’d be left alone till the house owner came back. You know how I feel about people. I’ve been unable to trust anyone other than you and my family. I can barely trust myself. I’m half of her and half of a stranger. Do you know how that feels?” Donna says, and then breathes a sigh of relief like she’s been dying to say that, even if I knew most of it already. There are no words anyone can say that can cure that statement, so I simply move closer to her and put my arms around her in a tight hug, like I’ve done so many nights before.
“You can only trust people who love you; so trust me, your family and John.” I tell her and drift off into a light sleep. I know in the morning the sun won’t shine much. When it snows in London, it snows. We’ll have to wait awhile to get back home. But hopefully, it’ll be worth the wait.