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After my amazing date with Jacob ended, he took me back to the villa where he gave me the most gentle kiss before saying goodnight and driving away. When I had walked into the villa, I found Lauren still on the sectional, past out with a bottle of some kind of alcohol beside her. I could tell she had been crying and I knew why.
From the look of things, Derek hadn’t called or shown up to hang out at all. Seeing my friend in such a sad state had my happy mood from my date fading away quickly and I went to my best friend instantly.
First I took the bottle from beside her and sat it on the coffee table in front of her. Then I took the phone, that I hadn’t noticed earlier, out of her hand and placed it next to the bottle.
Placing my bag down, I went to sit next to Lauren and tried nudging her a little, “Lauren? Lauren? Lauren wake up,” I said, but she was out for the count.
Giving a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair and concluded that I would have to carry her to her room. wrapping one arm around her back and with my other hand placing one of her arms around my shoulders, I pushed us both off the sectional and lugged her out of the living room.
On the way down the hallway Lauren started to mumble things that didn’t make any sense to me, “Shhh its okay Lauren, its just me, Mia. I’m taking you to your room Okay?” I told her even though I knew she probably wasn’t even really awake to hear me.
Reaching her room, I opened her door and slowly dragged her inside and dropped her on the bed. After I had her snug in her blankets and just about to leave Lauren slurred something and I stopped in my tracks.
“Lauren did you say something?” I asked while walking back over to the edge of her bed, “Are you awake?”
“He doesn’t want me..,” Is all she said and she turned to her side away from me and fell back to sleep.
What she said hurt my heart so bad, I hated to see my friend so upset. She deserved to have someone and be happy too. I was going to have a word with Derek the next time I saw him.
Walking out of her room and into mine, I went to take off my clothes. While washing my face and brushing my teeth all I could think about was my heartbroken best friend across the hall from me.
I couldn’t believe Derek would do that to her. I thought he was a decent guy, but now after what he did I really didn’t know anymore.
Things like this always seemed to happen to Lauren, that’s why I always tried to warn her about giving it up too quickly. I didn’t want her to get hurt like she did tonight.
Walking out of my bathroom, I got in the bed and got comfortable in the plush blankets and sighed in relief. Tonight had been a long, but amazing night. But even though Jacob has been nothing but wonderful, what happened to Lauren tonight had me worried a little.
What if, at some point, I decide that Jacob is the one I want to be my first and I give myself to him. What if Jacob does what Derek did to Lauren and ignores me after getting what he wanted from me. I would be devastated, I wouldn’t know how to handle that especially if I ended up giving him my heart and actually falling in love with him.
This is why I stayed away from guys and all that came with them. I didn’t want to feel like my best friend was feeling right now. I didn’t want to be thrown away and used like some hooker off the street.
Derek is Jacob’s friend after all and they say your friends are a shadow of you. Would Jacob do something like that? I mean, I thought Derek was a nice guy when I first met him just like I think Jacob is a nice guy. But what if all that was an act to get in my pants?
I really couldn’t see Jacob being anything like that, but I still wondered and my battling thoughts kept on coming until I was fast asleep.
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Waking up the next morning, I rolled over to my side and bumped into something that wasn’t my pillow. Opening my eyes I was startled to see Lauren in my bed beside me looking as sad as she did last night only this time she was awake and had a tub of rocky road ice cream in her hands instead of a phone.
After getting over my surprise, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and rested my back on my headboard. Turning to Lauren, who was staring off into space at the moment, I gave her a playful nudge and got her attention, “Hey best friend, are you okay? I have an idea of what happened last night and if you want to talk about it I’m here for you, you know,” I told her and within seconds Lauren had dropped the tub of ice cream in her lap and wrapped her arms around me and started to cry like a baby.
Rubbing her back, I let her cry on my shoulder until she was more calm and ready to talk. When her cries had calmed down, she leaned away from me and patted her eyes dry before giving a deep sigh and looking back to me.
“Mia, I really don’t understand what I did wrong. I thought Derek and I were getting on great. Do you think it was a mistake for me to have sex with him so early? Do you think I should have waited until we were like officially dating, like exclusively?” Lauren asked and knowing that she was looking for the truth, thats what I told her.
“Look Lauren, in my opinion, I think you should have waited to make sure he was into the whole serious relationship thing. I’m just saying that because I don’t like to see you hurt,” I told her and Lauren just gave a slight nod then put her head on my shoulder and sighed in defeat.
“Yeah your right, I just thought me and him were on the same page, But maybe I was wrong,” Lauren stated in a sad tone.
“Look I think you deserve an explanation from Derek, so why don’t you go call him and ask him to meet you somewhere so you two can talk. You can get all your feeling out and you never known, maybe he’s scared of commitment and doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings. But whatever the reason you deserve some answers,” I said to Lauren and that must of helped because no sooner I was done talking, Lauren had a determined look about her and marched to my door.
She stopped at my door and turned back to me and gave me a small smile, “Thanks Mia, I really needed to talk, I’m glad your here,” She said and I gave her a nod in return.
“Your my best friend I’d do anything for you and remember, if Derek doesn’t see how great you are then he’s not worth it, okay?” I said to her and with that Lauren said a “thanks” then left out the door.
After I heard Lauren’s bedroom door shut, I rested back onto my pillows and just stared at the ceiling. I started to think about Jacob, imagining how our relationship would turn out by the end of the summer.
I found myself going back to the thoughts that had crowded my mind before bed last night. I didn’t want to feel like Lauren did, I didn’t want to question how Jacob felt about me or our relationship, whatever it was right now. But the thought of him only being interested just so he could get what he wanted or just to have a summer fling still haunted my mind.
I wanted so bad to think that these last few nights that I spent with Jacob meant more to him then just a summer date with some girl. I hoped that he wanted to get to know me for the right reasons and I wanted to keep that trustful feeling I had for him. But when things like what happened to Lauren occurred, it makes me go back to second guessing everything.
It makes me want to go back to being that shy girl who never lets any guy in, afraid of being used or hurt or taken advantage of and I didn’t like feeling that way. I wanted to believe that Jacob was genuinely a sweet and nice guy.
Maybe I needed to take my own advice and have a serious conversation with Jacob about my doubts and feelings. Maybe then I could have a clear understanding of where his head was when it came to us and where our relationship was heading.
With that conclusion, I sat up and grabbed my phone to call Jacob.
By the end of the day, Lauren and I should hopefully know where we stood with the men in our lives.
And as the phone started to ring, I crossed my fingers hoping that Jacob wasn’t just seeing me for some kind of summer fling, but was actually serious about having a more exclusive relationship somewhere in the future.
Because where my emotions were concerning Jacob right now, I could already tell my feelings for Jacob were becoming stronger by the day and I needed to know now if he was serious or not.
I wouldn’t be able to take it if I spent my whole summer getting to know him and being with him, only for him to drop me at the end of summer.
After about three rings Jacob pick up and answered with a deep and husky voice, “Hello Mia, didn’t expect to hear from you so early in the morning, but I have to say I’m glad you called,” I had to take a deep breath to compose myself before answering back, he sounded so delicious and I needed to stay focused on my mission at hand.
Clearing my throat and shaking the not so innocent thoughts out of my head, I finally found my voice to speak, “Hey Jacob, is there anyway we could meet up sometime this afternoon. I wanted to talk to you about something. Um, is the beach a good place to meet up for you?” I asked and he answered with a “sure” before we arranged to meet at two.
After hanging up with him, I jumped out of bed and went to take a shower and get ready. The whole morning I couldn’t stop thinking about what I would say or how I would go about bringing up such a serious conversation and from the looks of it Lauren was dealing with the same internal issues.
When it was time for me to go meet Jacob at the beach, I went to go tell Lauren that I was leaving. Walking into the kitchen I found her pacing the tiled floor fiddling with her hands, something she never does and hates to see other people do, so I knew she must be nervous for her own serious conversation with Derek.
“Hey, are you going to be okay going to meet Derek by yourself?” I asked her, which also made her stop pacing and turn in her spot to me.
Lauren, who’s not one that likes to show her weakness if she can help it, put up a smile which I saw right through and shook her head, “No, I’ll be fine, it’s just a conversation right?” She said and I gave her a slight nod even though we both knew that the conversations we were going to be holding with Jacob and Derek were more then just any old meaningless conversation.
Giving each other a reassuring hug, Lauren and I both left the villa in the hopes that we would both come back with the answers that we wanted to hear.
I hope this conversation doesn’t end up with me crushed. Because if he says he wants it to be a casual dating summer fling, I would have to end things with Jacob. I would not let a guy who wasn’t trying to be in a serious relationship, take all my first experiences just to have a summer fling.
All of my first times were reserved for someone who wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with them.