Listen to scared to be lonely by Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa just because it's my favourite song ;)
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A yawn passes my lips and I sigh softly and tiredly, unwanted feelings are coming forth and awakening me to a dark place. I miss my family, you know those moments when you just need to talk to your mother because you're so scared and you feel so alone in this. But you wouldn't tell your dad or siblings because your mum would only understand, but I also miss the activities and the teasing when it came to dad. And it also gets to the point where you want your sibling just to annoy you so you know that it's just a bad dream and you want them to be real.
My head thumps against the bathroom wall and I stay curled in a ball in the corner, Valentino shouldn't decide things for me; everything is my choice. He killed my brother, how could I forgive him? Kane was the only one left, now I'm really alone and the truth only haunts me until I can't sleep at night.
Do you also have those moments where no matter what someone says to try and comfort you, it never really does; sometimes it makes you feel worse. This may be a bad idea but I need fresh air, so I stand up open the bathroom door and walk out. My feet move on their own accord to the front door, at this very moment I'm glad it's 2 in the morning and everyone's asleep. My hand grips the door knob and I grimace as it makes a tiny sound when I unlock the door, quickly I open the door then walk outside shutting it behind me.
It's a cold spring night, the wind brushes through my hair and goose bumps form on my skin. Shivering I cross my arms over my chest and rub them, at this very moment it doesn't matter whether everyone is going to be mad at me for leaving at this sort of time without telling anyone or without going with someone. I'm an individual and I should be able to make my own choice, it's not like I'm some 4 year old child. No, I'm 21 and an adult that mostly acts like a child.
Looking around I take note of an old park, the playground is only little and rusty, the seats have faded and the metal has also gone rusty. Shrugging my feet make their way to a park bench and I sit down, after taking a seat I criss cross my legs and look around. Now I know how alone I really am, I'm a scared 21 years old that is acting as if she is 6.
I'm just scared and alone.
No one really will understand, they think that they do but they don't. Of course some people have experienced what I have but they also would've felt different about it because none of us are the same, we are all different. It's funny how when we were younger we knew all too fast how cruel the world is. As young people we also wanted to experience things, things that we shouldn't have wanted to experience but maybe some people wanted attention because they were lonely and their parents didn't even pay attention to them. But then once they experienced the illness they would realise how bad it really is to feel like it, they didn't want to have the feeling where they couldn't get out of bed and or wanted to die. Then things only get worse as you grow older.
Murmuring the lyrics to the song called scared to be lonely I think, we're all just broken souls seeking love and comfort. Have I told you that singing is one of my passions and I've been told that I'm good at it.
Now that I think about it if I had my phone on me it most likely would be flashing with notifications, I just need a break from everyone and everything. You know when it's bad when you feel numb, at this point I don't care if some crazy stalker creep came alone and threatened me at all. I'm stupid, you don't need to tell me that because I know. And I'm stupid because I let myself fall asleep on the park bench, curled in a ball.
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I stir and I feel something tighten around me, my body is cold but held by something warm and comforting that gives me a feeling of safety and protection. Wait a minute.... my eyes pop open and I look at the culprit. I can barley see the person though because it's still dark which tells me that I haven't been it here long until this person saw me. The street light illuminates on the persons face; Valentino. I puff it my cheeks, he is going to be very mad at me which I'm not looking forward to dealing with his rage. My eyes trail to the dark sky with a few stars and I just stare, his chest is bare informing me that he is shirtless and is in his pyjamas.
"Willow," his deep husky voice grumbles, my eyes trail to his face and I take a deep breath; he's staring at me, no trace of emotion tells me what he is feeling at this very moment and I'm not sure if I even want to know. "Why did you leave and fall asleep on a park bench where anyone could take you and hurt you?" He looks up again and continues walking.
"Because..... Because I needed time to myself, away from everyone. To think...." I trail off looking up at the dark sky again. He stays silent for a moment and I'm not sure whether he's mad or not.
"About what?" He finally says briefly looking down at me. I shake my head and a shameful tear falls down my cheek, I quickly try to wipe it away but he beats me to it when one of his arms retracts itself from my body and he reaches it up to my face to wipe the tear away. "Don't cry," he whispers pulling me tighter to his chest, I place my head on his chest to hide my face from his view. "Angel, tell me what's wrong," he pleads to me.
"I'm so lonely," I blurt out, I purse my lips because I didn't want to tell him anything. He is also apart of my pain, he also caused it. Maybe it's the feeling of vulnerability that makes you do crazy things without meaning to.
The sound of the door opening and the feeling of warm surrounding me tells us me that he just walked inside the house, his feet thumps and makes loud noises as he walks up the stairs. "Why do you feel like that?" He asks with a strained voice while opening up his bedroom door, the smell of his cologne wafts into my nose and shamefully calms me. He sits down with me on his lap and I look at him with wide brown eyes, he tucks a strand behind my ear.
"B-because I have no one anymore. No family...... Family is always meant to be t-there. And no one understands how I feel!" My eyes close on their own accord and I bite my lip to contain the sob. I'm so sick of crying!
He doesn't say anything for a minute, "you have me. You have Nova, you have Emberly, Cadence and Amalia and the gang. We can be your family."
"See what I mean? You just don't understand, it's not the same as real biological family." His face goes hard and his jaw clenches, he looks away from me and takes deep breaths.
"Don't say that when you know nothing about me," he spits in anger. "The gang is my family now Willow and if I can do it, you can do it too," I keep my mouth closed and refrain myself from saying: they may be considered your family but look how cold you are now.
His face softens and he looks away running a hand through his bed hair in frustration, he's in nothing but his boxers at the moment and he has bags under his eyes. Who is the real Valentino Lacuna? Surely there has to be a Valentino that cares for everyone, that regrets when he kills. Maybe there still is a change for him, maybe there's hope for Valentino.
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When I woke up I was in the room that I have been staying in for these past two weeks. Two weeks... and it feels like a lifetime already. Sighing my stomach grumbles and the smell of bacon and eggs wafts into my nose making me smile softly. Jumping out of bed I literally run out of the room and down the stairs, everyone is already down there and they all look at me when I descend the stairs.
Jarrad walks out holding a glass rectangular container with bacon and sausages in it. He places it on the table and I sit down in between Amalia and Nova, "morning." I mutter and they all say good morning, everyone digs in straight away once Jarrad sits down on the other side of Amalia.
"Emberly," Titus says, she looks up at him slowly. "Could you pass me the tomato sauce?" He asks staring into her eyes, his stare doesn't waver. She bites her lip and nods picking up the tomato sauce from the left then passing it to Titus who is two seats away from her on the right. Their hands brush and she freezes and shyly looks away, "thank you."
She nods and awkwardly goes back to eating her breakfast, ignoring the stares that are being sent her way. Valentino is sitting at the other end of the table on the opposite side of me, from what I can see he's wearing a black v neck and black pants. He looks at me and I quickly look away from him, darn him and his attractiveness. His jaw is perfectly sculptured and his light blue eyes with a darker blue rimming around it. His muscles are big and he's so tall. I blush when I realise that I was staring at him, he smirks and cocks an eyebrow. I shake my head and finish off my breakfast.
"Thank you Jarrad, your cooking is the best," I compliment, he grins at me.
"You're welcome!" He chirps, Amalia chuckles and grins at him reaching her hand up and slapping his cheek lightly.
"Awe my baby. I'm so glad he can cook, I find it hot," she winks at him and I chuckle when he slaps his forehead but then smirks slyly at her.
"Sex with food!" He exclaims, oh god that's why he was smirking! Amalia flushes and slaps his shoulder and glares at him, but a smile still appears on her face. Whereas I fear that I'm as red as a beetroot, everyone is eating breakfast and he says that. The guys don't look affected and nether does Cadence but Nova, Emberly and I.... that's another story. They most likely are used to it by now.
Landon stands up and claps his hands together, "alright I got a date to get to." Everyone at the table scoffs and his mouth drops open, "you really think that low of me?" We all nod and a chorus of 'yups' go around the table, he pouts and points to all of us. "At least I know that I'm beautiful inside and out, who needs friends?" He waves and gives us the finger before walking out.
Valentino's Pov.
She's everything that I've ever wanted. She is beautiful, kind and full of joy; she is still nice to me even though I did something terrible to her that literally broke her.
And it kills me knowing that I'm the source of her pain, there is literal pain and I'm an as*hole. I'm selfish and as soon as I saw her I needed to have her and claim her as mine, she is like an angel sent from heaven.
When I'm with her I don't feel so dark, I don't feel so cold and alone and I don't feel like the monster I am. She is simply perfection and I'm her worst nightmare, but nothing in me will let Willow go. When she's not with me..... there's always that indescribable pain and the beast in me comes out to play, I try to be good for her. Because if she saw the real me..... It'd be her worse nightmare, she would be scared of me.
Willow is pure, she is like an angel sent from heaven and when I woke up and went to check on her and she wasn't there, I panicked. Then I found her curled up on a park bench sleeping and I felt at peace, at home.
Willow is an angel, she's my angel. And I'm too selfish to let her go.
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So there's a little bit of how Val feels, what do you think?
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