Phil pov
"Dan she hasn't left her room in a week!" I exclaim. When we got home we showed her the note that Hailey wrote and then she ran in her room crying and hasn't left it since, besides to eat, or use the bathroom, when neither of us are in range.
Flash back
We walk in the door and Faith rubs her eyes from tiredness, and sadness. I sit down on the couch and pat the spot next to me signaling for her to sit. After Dan sits down on the other side of her, I turn and look her in the eyes.
"I know..." I start, "I know that you probably don't want to hear this right now but, this is Hailey suicide note.." I see her flinch from the last two words.
"Now if you didn't want to read it i could read it to you, but only if you want."
"No ill do it" she says in a horse voice.
Same flashback only Faiths pov
I read the note in my head.
Dear Faith,
The fist thing I want to say is that I am so,so sorry. And that I love you so much. You in fact were the only person I have ever loved. And that is why you are the only one I am writing to. Because you are the only one that I can think of who will care.
Now let me tell you a story. About a crazy little thing called love. There was once this girl. This girl who hated her life and sat alone in school and I could see that this girl was broken. And I always thought "Hailey don't you go up to her because two broken pieces don't make a whole" I thought "Don't do it its just gonna be one more person that you're gonna hurt." but one day I saw her get shoved into a locker. I ran up to her. "Hey are you ok?" I asked. She only nodded her head. "Im Hailey." I said outstretching my hand. She shook my hand but she never said anything. "Ok... Well if you want tell me your name in just gonna call you brown eyes!" then she chuckled and smiled, THE most beautiful smile I had ever seen. And that was when I made it my life goal to always make that smile appear. "My name is faith." she said barley above a whisper. She didn't talk much at all. Or hardly ever.
And after years and years we learned things about each other, we helped each other, he talked a hole hell I a lot more, and best of all I got to watch that smile grow. And over time that smile became more and more fake and I didn't know why. "I'm fine." she would say. "Don't worry about it" she said. Until I found out that this beautiful, funny, talented girl, was going through hell and back. Abuse, death, depression, anxiety, PTSD, and she didn't deserve any of it. But then I showed her something. I showed her the wonderful world of Dan and Phil. And for the first time in a while I saw that genuine smile I missed so much. We would talk about it day in and day out. "I wish that some day, I might get to live with them. Ya know.. Be apart of their family and not my crap one" she said once, "its my dream" and I hoped every single night from then on, no matter how much I needed the wish to help me from my parents and my own life, I wished for her dream to come true. And then one day she got her wish. She said that no matter what if I said the word she would stay home. But as much as I wanted her to, I couldn't keep her from this. I wouldn't.
And then she left. My living situation got better sure, but I couldn't avoid the pain from not having her. I tried to ignore it, block her out entirely. But I couldn't. When we talked on the rare occasion I just smiled and pretended nothing was wrong and nothing was happening. Until one night she called me and reopened that damn wound.
I was set to see her again in a few months. But then, something snapped. And I don't know what. I couldn't be happy. It was as if, I was just in this, abyss of nothingness. And I couldn't escape it. My parents sure as hell didn't notice now did they. And for some reason at school, the bullying got worse because of it. I wouldn't take to anyone, I wouldn't go near anyone, and the worse part was I didn't have my brown eyes to keep me sane.
And I know that this is selfish, and I know that I could just wait until summer and be able to see you, but I just can't Faith I just can't! I can't get out of this fucking labrynth of despair and im sorry! But I was just born in the wrong place, and the wrong time, to the wrong people, and in the wrong life. I hope to god that whatever this afterlife looks like has you in it in some way shape or form. Or hopefully ill see you here sometime when you are old and gray. But please just do one thing for me, don't let this break you. Don't let my passing make you pass too. I want you to live your life as long as you can. I want you to get married and raise kids just like I always wanted. I want you to fight. I want you to keep going. I want you to stay happy. And most importantly, I want you to stay you. And one more thing. From Faith Nickels, to Faith Howell-Lester, I have always loved you. And I always will.
Goodbye,
Hailey
And it was almost as if I could feel her hug me one last time, before she disappeared forever.
Flashback over and back to Phil's pov
"I know, and it hurts me just as much as it hurts you to hear her crys but she won't let us in!" Dan responded.
"Well we have to do something. Plus her funeral is in two weeks."
"Well i don't know what to do." he said putting his head in his hands.
"I'll go talk to her" I say standing up.
I walk up to the bedroom and I could already hear Helena (mcr linked at top) being played at full volume. I knock on the door and the music lowers. Faith then unlocks the door and opens it just a crack to the point where I can see half her head and part of her shoulder.
"Hi sweetie.. You feelin any better?" I say quietly. Which imediently causes tears upon tears upon tears. I pull her into my chest and let her unleash it. I know that she's been trying not to cry. But now she's letting it all out. she sobs. I quietly shush her as I rub the back of her head. Dan peers his head around the corner from the hall but I usher him away just to let her cry and they can talk later.
After about ten minutes the crying still hasn't stopped. It has dialed down from about a 10 to a 6 but it still is happening.
After another ten minutes she has finally stopped crying. We go to walk into her room and on that art wall in stopped abruptly by a giant, beautiful, painting of Hailey. So that's what she's been doing.
Faithzzzz pov
Pain. That's all I've been feeling. It was as if the light had just been taken out of my world. I didn't like leaving the room. Nor did I like leaving Dan and Phil out there by themselves to wonder if I was okay. I wasn't. I felt like I was just falling and falling and their was no helping it. I found an old picture of me doing Hailey. It was a cute one. I painted it on the wall. The entire wall.
I hadn't eaten in a day. I didn't have an appetite.
Phil knocks on my door. I open it just a crack. He asks if I'm any better. I'm not. I start crying instantaneously for about 20 minutes. When I stop we go into my room. I sit on my bed and see He's starring at the painting covering the entire wall. He shakes it off and sits on the bed.
"So that's what you've been doing huh?" He says smiling. I nod my head. He puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Your Dad and I are worried about you ya know?" He says. I nod my head again. He chuckles a bit and looks down, before looking back up.
"Clean yourself up and we can go talk downstairs ok?" He asks. I nod my head a third time. He then gets up and heads downstairs. I close the door behind him and listen to what he's saying.
"So how'd it go?" Dan asks.
There's a silence for a moment.
"She isn't talking..." Phil says. And I can hear Dan gasp and start to cry a bit. But he's wrong. I just don't want to talk much. It's too draining. Exhausting even. And I just don't have the energy.
I go over and look in the mirror. My hair is a complete mess. My eyes are completely sunken in from lack of sleep. I chuckle to myself. I look like death itself. Funny.
I don't really feel like getting a shower yet so I just brush my hair and change my clothes or the time being. I also decide to try and cover up the darkness around my eyes. I works... a little.
I head downstairs and see them sitting on the couch. "I am talking by the way," I start "I'm just exhausted. " Dan then lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god." He breaths out.
Then we sit in silence for a bit. Until Phil speaks up. "I know that you really don't want to hear this," he starts, "but her funeral is in a few weeks. And we have to get the tickets if you wanted to go." I stare blankly. Do I really want to watch my best friendo get put into the ground? No! Stop thinking like that! Of course I'm going it's Hailey we're talking about!
"I wanna go," I start, "but I only want to go for the funeral and then leave the next day. I want to spend the least amount of time there as I can." They both nod there heads. I can tell neither of them know how to handle this. Which doesn't make sense to me as Phil lost his friend when he was in uni. Then again, he probably didn't kill himself.
"Ph- er- Papa? I ask.
"Yes?"
"Do you.. do you remember what It was like when your uh, your friendo died in uni?" I ask, trying to tread as lightly as I could. He looked taken back by what I said. As if he almost forgot.
"Well uh.." he starts, "I wasn't as hurt as you I'll tell you that much," he chuckles, "But I remember it hurt. If I'm honest I feel bad for not remembering him as much. But, you learn to accept it. People die, it's just how life goes. Sometimes it's natural, sometimes it's caused by someone else, or sometimes they just let go. And that's okay." He says. I run up and hug him. But for once, I'm not crying. Dad joins into this hug. Maybe I can get through this. And maybe, I will be able to escape this labyrinth of despair. But all I know go a fact, my fucking amazing parents will be there the whole way to help me through it.
WARNING WARNING! YOU ARE NEARING THE END OF THIS STORY THAT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG! ONLY A FRW CHAPTERS LEFT! AND THE BEGINNING STILL MAKES ME CRINGE SM! IDK WHY SO MANY PPL LIKE THIS BOOK BUT MEH! IF U ENJOY MY WRITING I HAVE ANOTHER BOOK I BASICALLY ISE LIKE A JORNAL! OK BYE NOW