A/N : yay I decided to sit my ass down and write some salty angst shit enjoy ppl this is a beautiful oneshot y'all enjoy okay w
The first time Soraru had ever seen the albino, he had been lost. It was love at first sight. But he put it away, given up on it because he knew that the love will never be returned. Mafu was his best friend, almost always there with him. But the raven-haired male knew that the albino liked another male.
His name was Amatsuki. He have the brightest smile, though not as bright as Mafu's in Soraru's opinion, with brown hair and highlights that complimented his looks. However, Soraru also know that Mafu's crush is one-sided- Amatsuki likes Soraru's friend, Kashitaro. Soraru had not wanted to tell Mafu because he doesn't want to be the one that hurt him.
It has been two years since Soraru had started loving Mafu, and every day, his love just kept growing and growing. He can't stop this overflowing feelings he have for his best friend, and he despised it.
Soraru have eating disorder. He would eat the food brought to him by Suzumu and Lon.... wait till they go home, and vomit all of it back up. There are times that he would be sit on the floor of his bathroom, a hand curling against his flat stomach, and hurl the remaining contents of his stomach into the toilet until he feels sharp pain in his stomach.
There are times that he would look at himself, half-naked, in the full body mirror someone bought for him, and think, how ugly am I? How thin am I? He would stare at the figure standing in front of him, and touch his bony arms, tears dripping down his cheeks even before he can get a hold of himself.
He would wake up, and feel like shit. He would think of Mafu, with his silky white hair, his bloodred eyes that always manage to steal his breath away, and everything will be okay.
For a minute.
Then everything comes crashing down again, and the fact that Mafu likes Amatsuki made everything worse.
*°*
One day, he was walking with Suzumu, when he saw something that he cannot get out of his mind. Never. Mafu was standing in front of Amatsuki, hands balled into fists, and the brunette was staring at Mafu, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. Suzumu frowned at the unusual sight, but Soraru knew what was happening.
Mafu is confessing to Amatsuki.
Soraru felt sick to his stomach. He had anticipated this, but not in front of him, not so fast. "Suzumu, you go on first. I'll call you later or something," he told the male, who frowned. "But, lunch-" "-I'll take lunch, okay?" Suzumu stared at him, worried, but sighed and nodded in the end. Soraru walked nearer towards the pair of males, trying his best to keep out of their sights. When he reached the listening distance, he leaned against the pillar and closed his eyes.
"I like you , Amachan." Those four words had never felt like a death sentence before. Until now. Soraru blinked his eyes to clear the tears blurring his eyesight, and glared at the ground. "I'm sorry, Mafu. I- I like someone else." Kashitaro. He heard Mafu's voice then, thick with tears, as he asked, "C-can we still be friends?" He stammered a little when he asked that question, and Soraru felt his heart break at the sadness he could detect from the albino. "Of course, Mafu. Come here." Soraru can assume that they are hugging, and when he heard footsteps leaving, he slid down, letting tears drip silently down his cheeks.
"Soraru-san?" The said male flinched and looked up, tears still in his eyes, to see Mafu. The albino's eyes was red from crying, and he was still rubbing his hand against it. Soraru fights the urge to kiss the tears away, wrapping Mafu in an embrace until he stops crying. But, Soraru realized, he was probably too thin to even hug Mafu without hurting him. Just this morning, he felt Suzumu flinch slightly when the male hugged him from behind, because he hugged too tight and came in contact with Soraru's sharp hip bone.
That thought made Soraru sick to the stomach, and he felt like vomiting again. He turned away from Mafu and ran away, back to his own house, where he cried the entire day.
When he woke up, his eyes was puffy, and he scowled in disgust towards himself. He wasn't going to cut, he told himself firmly, because he still wanted to see Mafu laughing, and happy, like how he had always been. However.... "One cut wouldn't hurt," he mumbled, and placed the razor on his wrist, before making a slow, precise cut. But soon, he can't stop himself, and later that night, he was sobbing his heart out, arms covered with cuts and blood.
"I'm sorry," he whispered over and over again, his eyes red from crying.
*°*
Mafu was rather shocked when he saw Soraru crying. Something must be wrong Soraru-san never cries, he decided, dialling Soraru's phone number. He rubbed his eyes as he waited for the male to pick up, but no one ever did. Panic begin to seep in, and Mafu hung up, and called again, breaking into a run towards Soraru's house.
Please, Soraru-san, don't be hurt..
*°*
Soraru looked at the tub full with water in front of him, considering whether frowning himself or hanging himself is better. He shifted his eyes to the darkened living room, where a noose fashioned from his bedsheets hung from one of the beams. He was one of those people who enjoy minimalistic design, and one of that meant exposing his house beams. He hadn't mind, of course.
Just another way to commit suicide.
He sighed and looked back to the water. Maybe hanging myself would be faster. Drowning may make my reflexes kick in and I can't die. He nodded to himself, and carried a stool to where the noose is. He placed it underneath, and climbed up, holding the sheets as he positioned himself.
Okay. I can do this. He ignored the pangs of hunger in his stomach. Eating right before his death is wasting, and so he didn't take any food. Just as he was about to kick the stool off, the door to his apartment was kicked open, and he watched, wide eyed, as Mafu stormed in.
"Soraru-san! Get down this instant!" He shouted, and the said male scowled. "No," he shouted back at the albino, and kicked the chair away.
Mafu had never been so scared and panicked when he saw Soraru hanging from the noose in front of him, choking a little, his legs kicking in the air. He ran to the fallen chair and placed it underneath Soraru's feet, and forces Soraru to stand.
After he got him down, Mafu leaned against Soraru, panting, tears in his eyes. "Mafu, why did you save me?" Soraru asked, his eyes blank. "I..." Mafu trailed off, his eyes widening slightly when he connects the dots. When he saw Soraru, his heart always flutters, unlike Amatsuki, whom he had gotten over fast. When he saw Soraru hanging, he had felt sad, panicked, and... devastation. Like someone carved out his heart and never returned it to him.
He was in love with Soraru.
"Suzumu-san told me that you have eating disorder?" He stammered, his hands fiddling nervously. Soraru blinked, his eyes going to Mafu, before he rubbed his arms. Had he been so skinny last time? Mafu could almost see the bones poking out. "Yes," Soraru replied, and Mafu stiffled a small sob. "Why?" He dared to ask, and Soraru sighed.
"Sometimes you don't ask for it." As Soraru said it, his hand sent to rub his neck, where a red line is around it. From the noose, Mafu realized in horror. "Why did you come?" "I realized something," Mafu said slowly, watching Soraru's expression, that never changed. "And what's that?" Soraru asked coolly, and Mafu gulped.
"That I-I love you, Soraru-san."
Soraru's eyes widened for a few seconds before he barked out a laugh. "You can't save me with lies, Mafu. I'll die anyway, what is dying earlier? It just meant that I have a shorter deadline. It doesn't matter if I love you, Mafu, it's not like you'll love me back, so stop with the lies!" He raised his voice at the back, making Mafu flinch.
"I really do-" "-Mafu. Go back to Amatsuki. Don't pretend- don't make me hope when you are just lying to me," Soraru cut in, his voice weary and distressed. He turned away from the albino, and gestured towards the door. "I don't we should meet anymore, Mafu." He said, keeping his face turned away. Mafu felt his heart drop, and shook his head. "Please, don't turn me away," he pleaded, but Soraru just walked back into his room, and locked the door.
Mafu ran to the door and banged his fists on it. "Please!" He shouts, tears starting to form in his eyes. "Please, Soraru-san! Open the door!" He shouted, and slid down the door, tears dripping down his face. "Please," he repeated again, letting out a soft sob. After a while, the door opened, and Soraru stared down at him. "Do you really mean what you said? About loving me?"
Mafu looked up, and tried to smile through his tears. "Yes, so please, don't shut me out." He said softly, looking downwards. Soraru looked at him, and backed into the room. "I thought you said you love Amatsuki." "No," Mafu shook his head. "I misunderstood the feelings I had for him," he whispered, and approached Soraru from behind.
He hugged Soraru lightly, feeling the raven-haired male stiffen under his touch. "I'll help you through this," he whispered, "We can get through this, together. Let me in, Soraru-san." He felt the other male's shoulders relax before the reply came.
"Okay."
A/N : I'm reading a romance-ish fic about a male prostitute and a guy who smokes crack and cigarettes. Wow my book preferences are amazing. Also bts will be doing a comeback tmr so I'm so hype for it. Btw, I lost inspiration for the soramafu vampire story, I feel like deleting the chapter, tell me what to do guys, help
-Aru