It’s been a week since that encounter with Jordyn in my room. I haven’t had a goodnight’s sleep since then. Most of the nights I cry myself to sleep not knowing why. Everyone tells me how I haven’t seemed myself lately. Leigh told me I should talk to Jordyn again and maybe I’ll know what’s wrong with me. I told her that it would be best if I didn’t see her right now.
“Okay class-“
The bell interrupts the professor and I grab my things.
“Make sure you all do your work!” He says as we get up to leave. I walk out of the classroom walking towards the exit to the parking lot.
I take a deep breath and I see Jordyn. She’s with some chick I’ve never seen. My eyes widen as she makes eye contact with me. I turn the other way and cut around a corner fast. I press my back on the wall hoping she doesn’t come around the corner. I let out a deep breath of relief. I walk back around the corner heading towards the parking-lot again.
I feel someone grab my arm by a familiar set of hands. I swallow hard and look back to see Jordyn.
“You haven’t talked to me for a week. What’s up, Emma?” She stares in my eyes a little upset and confused at the same time.
I press my books close to my chest and look away.
She lets go of my arm slowly. “Say something.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a week. I’ve been busy.” I say telling half of the truth. I stare in her eyes begging she’ll leave it at that.
“Busy with what?” She raises her eyebrow.
I sigh. “The professor has been giving us homework after homework. I’ve been working extra and I’m stressed lately.”
“Okay. I could have helped if you asked, you know?”
I nod my head. “I have to go.”
“Are you going to work?”
“Yes.” Again, I say with half of the truth. I’m going to my work, but Leigh will be there talking to me. I’m not actually working today.
“Okay.” She gives me a quick hug and walks away. I watch her walk away. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I walk away to the parking-lot and head towards Starbucks. I go inside to see Leigh sitting down. I walk over to her and she gives me a smile. I sit down at the table and sigh.
“What happened?” She asks concerned.
“I saw Jordyn, ran around a corner, and she grabbed my arm after I tried leaving. She asked me why I haven’t talked to her in a week. I told her I’ve been busy.”
“Ouch. Not a good situation. But, you can’t blame her for being concerned.”
“Yeah, but it felt awkward between us.” I stare at the table.
“You shouldn’t avoid your best friend, Emma.”
I look over at my bracelet that Jordyn gave me and I stare at it. I rub my finger-tip over it slowly. “I don’t want her to be my best friend.”
“What? But you guys have been friends for over 2 years! Don’t do that!”
I look up from the bracelet into Leigh’s eyes. “I want to be her girlfriend.” These unspoken words slip through my lips.
Leigh stares at me with her eyes wide open. Eventually mine open wide too. “Oh my god.” I put my finger on my bottom lip. I can’t believe what I just said. I look back and forth on the table as my eyes begin to fill with tears.
“What did you say?”
“I didn’t-I didn’t say anything.” I say trying to take back what I really did say.
“Your in love with Jordyn, aren’t you?”
I look at Leigh. I pause for a moment really thinking of the question. Was I in love with Jordyn?
“What does being in love mean…? Or feel like, perhaps…?”
“Well, it’s indescribable sometimes. Usually it means your constantly thinking of that person-“
There’s one thing I’m always doing.
“You’re dreaming of them. You love being around them. They make you smile no matter what. It feels different for every person, I guess. You’ll know it if your in love with someone.”
I swallow hard as Leigh describes everything that’s been going on with me. I feel my stomach tighten a little at the thought of being in love. It was new and scary to me.
“I-“
Leigh looks at me confused as I begin trying to speak. “You?”
“I-I’m in love.”
Leigh and I stay in silence for a while. I put my elbows on the table and plant my face in the palm of my hands closing my eyes. I now see why this hurt Jordyn so much. It hurts me too knowing we’re just friends. I feel Leigh’s hand touch my arm and I look at her.
“You should tell her.”
“Are you kidding?!” I say raising my voice. I lay my hands on the table. “She’s moved on by now.”
“You don’t know that. Go tell her now.”
My heart starts racing a little. I think I will go tell her. Maybe this could be the start of something new.
“I’m-I’m going to.” I say proudly. I smile at Leigh. She waves her hand shooing me. I walk out of Starbucks fast and I drive home to change into something nicer as if I were going out somewhere nice. I quickly drive to Jordyn’s apartment. She gave me a spare key to her apartment and I know its okay with her if I entered it.
I put the spare key into the door and unlock it. I open the door quietly and slide the key out. I shut her door and look around her dimmed apartment. I raise my eyebrow looking around more. I walk into her bedroom slowly. I drop the key out of my hand as I see her making-out with some chick. My eyes fill up with tears and my heart begins to hurt. Jordyn notices me and opens her eyes wide.
“Emma, what are you doing here?” She asks as she un-wraps her arm around the girl. I look at the girl’s face and remember that she was the girl Jordyn was talking to at the University. I stare back and forth at them.
“Emma…?”
I keep my eyes on Jordyn’s. I swallow hard. “Sorry to interrupt.” I say with no emotion at all as I stare blankly at her. I walk away leaving the spare key on the floor. I hold my heart as I begin to run out of her apartment to my car. I get in it quickly as I hear Jordyn yelling my name. I look at her running towards my car and I drive off before she could get near it. I drive off to some random club I’ve been to before.
I show the bouncer my ID and I walk over to the bar sitting down. I stare blankly at the wall where all of the shelves holding alcohol are.
“Miss?”
“Miss…?”
I look over to the bartender who’s been trying to talk to me.
“Are you thirsty?”
I nod my head slowly. “Okay, what would you like?” She says as she wipes down the counter.
“A shot.”
“A shot of what?”
“Anything.”
She stares at me weirdly. “Okay…” She walks away to go get my drink. I stare at the counter.
Why was Jordyn making-out with that girl? ‘I wish to be with you. But, I know I have to move on and wish to be with someone else.’
I remember what Jordyn said to me a week ago. I look at the bartender as she smiles handing my drink. I drink it quickly and stare at her.
“Another.”
Her eyes widen a little. “What?”
“I want another.”
She grabs the shot glass and walks away. I sigh. I can’t believe I’m too late. Jordyn was making-out with another girl, so she’s moved on. I’m too late. I should have taken the chance to be in a relationship with her when it was there. I finally realized how I truly am in love with her.
The bartender puts down the shot of whatever alcohol is in it. I drink it again.
“Wow, something bad happened?” She asks.
I set down the glass. “The girl who was in love with me moved on, I’m in love with her now, and saw her making-out with some girl.” I say breathlessly.
“Another shot?”
“No, just a beer. And extra beers.”
She nods her head and walks away again. I put my elbow on the counter and put my head on my fist and look around at other people dancing. I could make-out with some chick here like I used to, but that part of me has seemed to go away.
“Here’s your beer-beers.” She clears her throat and sets them down. I give a tiny smile. I begin drinking my beer and watch the flashing lights and everyone dancing.
I keep drinking beers nonstop as I begin to feel a little sick. I look around to feel kind of lost with my surroundings. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I keep drinking beers anyways.
Tonight I just want to drown in alcohol. Maybe I’ll forget about Jordyn.
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Thank you for reading.
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