Author's Note:
Hey loves! Thank you so much for all of your kind words and support. I love you!! Xoxo
Ryder's POV
The longer I watch Harry, as the seconds tick by, the easier for me it is to notice the exhaustion that is weighing on his body and it makes me feel guilty for yelling at him for lying. The bags under his eyes show the lack of sleep he has had and I can't imagine how cruddy he feels right now.
Even though he did lie, he is trying. He is trying for me and I should try to be more understanding.
"Harry," I mutter as I step towards him, grasping his arm and turning him around to face me. As I look up into his eyes, I am meet with empty sadness and my heart aches just by looking at him.
"I'm sorry." I apologize, grasping the sides of his jacket, hating the fact that he hasn't made a move to touch me like he usually does. He is just standing in front of me looking defeated and overly worked.
"I shouldn't have gotten mad. I just feel so lost with what's going on. I don't understand anything."
After a moment of silence, I am surprised when Harry wraps his arms around me, placing his cheek at the top of my head.
"If something were to happen to you, I could never forgive myself." He admits, his voice sounding pained as his arms tighten their hold. Tears threaten to pool in my eyes but I quickly blink them away and step back to look up at him.
Raising my hand, I press it against the side of his face, my thumb stroking his cheek. "Let's just call it a night. We are both tired and I think it's be best if we just head to bed."
Harry nods. "Okay."
Standing on my toes, I reach up and place a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you."
"I love you too." He replies, the sides of his lips pulling into a very faint smile.
"No!" A voice yells and my eyes snap open, startling me awake, feeling my heart in my throat.
"No!" The voice yells again as I quickly sit up and my brain finally catches up and realizes that it's Harry.
"Harry." I say quickly turning on the side lamp before looking back at him.
He was laying on his back, the blankets covering just his lower body, the band of his pajama pants peeking through, but started to cover less and less as he thrashed around.
"No don't!" He begged, his hand fisting at the blanket.
"Harry." I gape quickly shifting in bed, moving onto my knees.
"Harry, wake up." I say urgently, grasping his shoulders and shaking him.
"No! Stop it! Stop!" He pleas, his voice getting louder each time and my heart quickens as I begin to panic.
"Harry, wake up please." I say shaking him once more. "Wake up!"
Harry's body jolts beneath me before his eyes open. His green eyes are wide and I see the fear of his nightmare when they finally shift onto me.
I frown, removing my hands from his shoulders before bringing my hand up to push his hair off of his sweaty forehead. There were trails of sweat running down his hair line to his neck, his skin, along with his chest, glistening with the dim light.
"Ryder." He mutters, his voice strained.
"Shh...it was just a dream." I softly coo, as I brush his hair back again before stroking his cheek.
Harry shakes his head. "No." He frowns, looking away from me, before moving to sit up and I cautiously keep my eyes on him.
"He killed her." He chokes after a moment, looking straight ahead, his eyes suddenly brimming with tears.
What did he dream about?
My lips part."Who?" I quietly ask placing my hand on his arm.
"My mother." He says, letting out a small sob and my heart drops, seeing a tear run down his cheek.
"He killed my mother." He repeats, turning his attention back onto me, I look at him with a shocked and broken expression.
Harry shakes his head, his lips pulling into a frown as more tears ran down his cheeks and I immediately reach out to hold him.
"He killed her..." he cries as I cradle him, my arms wrapped around him, his hands resting on my lower arm that was wrapped across his chest.
"I couldn't help her." He sobs, and I feel his body shake in my arms as he did. "I...I wasn't strong enough. I tried...I did. I tried."
"Shh..." I shush, as tears of my own started to fall down my cheeks, absolutely heartbroken seeing the man that I know that is always put together now falling apart, reaching his limit. "I know. I know." I mutter.
I may not have been there when his mother died, I may not know what happened in great details but with the lack of mentioning of her and his crying state right now, it must have been something horrific and I want to throw up at the idea that he might have been there even it happened.
After a long ten minutes of holding Harry he was finally calmed down and now we were both laying down, my head resting on his chest with both of his arms wrapped tightly around me as if I'd disappear.
"He killed Emily too." Harry speaks, breaking the silence and my index finger stops from drawing random patterns on his chest.
"What?" I ask, turning my head up to look at him.
"I told you. The Sinister is a very bad man."
I frown and realize that this is what he meant before, that he doesn't want me getting killed too.
"My mom was killed and I couldn't help her. He just barged into the house and my mom tried to hide Gemma, Nathan and me. I could hear her scream and him yelling at her but I was little...there wasn't much I could do." He sadly admits finally turning his attention away from the roof and onto me.
"When it was all over he took my brother and me with him and left my sister with my mom. He didn't take her cause he thought it would be useless and he could easily train us to be like him."
"It took me a while to find Gemma again but I did and when I was around eighteen, I left his little gang. I changed my name, made a new background for myself and I meet Emily." Harry continues, and I place my full attention on him, surprised that he is now willing to tell me this story.
"He swore that leaving would bite me in the ass and it did." He nods solemnly, before turning his head, looking back up at the roof. "He found me... well, he found Emily and did his revenge."
"I wasn't there to help her either. I have no idea how he found me, I have always been so good at hiding but something must have slipped..." He paused, letting out a sigh before reaching out placing his hand on my cheek.
"But I don't want anything to happen to you too." He says, looking at me with troubled eyes. "That's why I got mad. I felt like history was repeating and it's the one thing I am trying to avoid."
I bite on my lip. "Harry, I'm-"
"I know you're sorry." He nods. "Your intentions were good. But you and I both know this is getting out of hand and my plan of us separating for a while is something we have to do."
My heart drops."What? No."
"Ryder, it's to-"
"No." I scowl, moving away from him then sitting up before getting up off the bed.
"Baby, it's not forever."
"I don't care!" I say, raising my voice as I turn around to face him and he was already on his feet off the bed.
"Baby," Harry says moving around the bed towards me. "It's just-"
"No! I don't want to be separated from you don't you get that?" I interrupt, pushing his hand away as he reaches out to touch me. "I love you why do we always have to end up being apart? Why can't we just be together and happy? I-"
"Hey shh," He says reaching out as I stop my sentence holding back a sob.
"Baby, look at me." He gently pleas, placing his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my head up. I bite on my lip and look up at him through teary eyes.
"I talked to your dad about it already. I told Niall to watch over you, and the rest of the lads will as well. You won't be alone." He says shaking his head, attempting to cover me but the fact that he has already planned it out just makes me feel even worse.
"I don't want them. I want you." I pout, not caring that I sound like a three year old.
"I love you, not being in the same place will not change that." He promises. "I'll call and text you everyday."
"But I don't understand why." I whimper.
"Because being around me is dangerous." He replies, repeating the same words that many people have told the pair of us various times before. But Harry saying it makes it feel true, makes it feel like he is giving up and accepting the idea that we are a tragedy waiting to happen. "You were okay when we were broken up."
"But-"
"You know I'm right." He interrupts, stroking my cheek with his thumb.
I do know he is right, but I'm being stubborn. I don't want him to be gone.
I gaze into his eyes for a few seconds longer before letting out a defeated sigh. "Okay."
Harry leans down pressing his forehead against mine before giving me a gentle kiss. "I love you." He breathes, his lips brushing against bad mine.
"So so much." He whispers before kissing me once more.