Hearts are worn in these dark ages
You're not alone in this story's pages
Night has fallen amongst the living and the dying
And I try to hold it in, yeah I try to hold it in
The world's on fire and
It's more than I can handle
Sarah McLachlan – World On Fire
He was holding me down, just like before, his hands on my shoulders pinning me to the mattress. The springs were digging into my back; I could feel them scratching my flesh through the thin layer. My head was tilted so I could see the curve of the ceiling as it met the wall, the curl of the dull green wall paper, peeling from it and then darkness because I was screwing up my eyes so tightly, I wanted to die. My body was buckling underneath his large frame, out of my control as he thrust into me. He was gentle at first, his face above mine, watching as he drove into me. He wasn't listening, I was talking but he wasn't listening.
There were words, every variation of "no" I could think of. Don't, please no, stop, but he carried on, just jutting ins and out. His moist breath was on my neck, the sweat dripping onto my naked torso as it rolled off his back. His chest was slick with it, his flesh burning hot against my own pale hue.
There was pain, all sorts of pain from the bruises that would mar my shoulders for weeks to come to the searing ache between my legs, and the stabbing sensation deep inside.
The noise he made knocked me sick. Deep ragged breathing, gravelly, attuned to his throat only. The name calling, him telling me how much I wanted it, how much I needed his cock inside me. I felt the tears, and I was sure he did too, because they trailed down my cheeks and onto the back of his neck, as his mouth sucked at my throat.
I wondered if he knew how lucky he was. Lucky that he hadn't been killed when Sully had found me the next day, huddled in the shower, my skin red raw, the hicky on my neck, the bruising on my shoulders.
The only thing that had saved him was the fact I'd kept my mouth shut and hell there were times when I had wished that I'd simply spoken up because then I wouldn't have to deal with this, I wouldn't have to feel the bile climbing my stomach or the panic rising in my throat when I saw him at work.
If I'd told the truth then John Hagen would be dead, floating somewhere underneath the Brooklyn Bridge and me, I would be free from all of this.
My heart was racing in my chest, my breathing shallow as the pain tore through me. The palm of my hand was resting in the space between my breasts as I battled for air. My throat was raw, my head tipping back into the pillow as my body spasmed from the shock of suddenly being awake. By Christ it hurt.
I was panting now, forcing myself to lie still, breathe through the agony, shove the memories away.
It was a nightmare I told myself, it was only a nightmare.
Tim was still asleep in Daniel's room, for once I was glad he wasn't here. There were too many questions, too much to ask. I couldn't face that right now. I'd spent yesterday pouring my heart out to the counsellor Horatio had recommended. Everything had started to resurface. What had started as glimpses of a drunken interlude was now a full blown memory. One that haunted me.
I exhaled deeply, my eyes adjusting to the dark before I reached out and flicked the lamp on. Dim light erupted into the room, blinding me for a second. Everything felt better with the light on, less scary. I pulled myself into a sitting position, rubbing my hands over my face.
This was all going to go away, at some point this wouldn't happen. I wouldn't wake up like this, I wouldn't see his face in my dreams, I wouldn't feel his breath on my neck.
I swallowed hard, my body was trembling. I pulled the quilt up around my shoulders and brought my knees up to my chest. All I had to do was ride it out and hope to God that the rest of the night would be dream free.
They say there's no light at the end of the tunnel but I beg to differ, the morning had brought a brighter, happier day. I could hear Daniel's laughter as I trod down each step, it echoed through the house like a symphony causing me to break into a smile too. I checked my watch as I stepped off the bottom stair. Damn it, I was running late.
"I gotta go guys, No time for breakfast I'm running late!" I hollered rushing past the archway doing up the final button on my black waist coat.
I paused in the hallway mirror. My bitter chocolate hair was pulled back into a classic, sleek pony tail, I'd teased it a little to give it some lift at the front, mimicking a style I'd seen on Jessica Alba recently.
"Don't worry kid, she's always like this. She's always been a little scatty. You'll get used to it though." Tim reassured Daniel as he read through the news paper. Daniel was perched on the seat next to Tim reading the cartoon section as he spooned cereal into his mouth. It looks like Tim had rushed out and bought Lucky Charms this morning.
I was peering at them around the archway curiously. Daniel set down his spoon, pushing his cereal bowl away from him, before raising his head to Tim his eyes wide and questioning.
"Is Kate going to be my new mommy?"
Tim looked stunned for a second. I could see the cogs turning in his brain, trying to figure out how to reply to the little boy. Tim reached out, picking up Daniel underneath the arms and pulled him onto his lap.
Stephanie had told Tim that physical contact was important. Daniel hadn't received that much from Jessica; it was something the child craved. Daniel was cuddled up to Tim now, his head resting over his heart as his nimble fingers toyed with the button on Tim's shirt.
"Kate..." Tim paused. "Kate would make a great mother but it's up to you whether you want her to be your mom or not. She's going to be in our lives a lot."
Tim tilted his head, burying his nose into Daniel's hair.
"Why don't you guys start off as friends first and then we can see what you think. She's not going to pressure you into anything you don't want Daniel, neither of us will." Tim clarified, kissing the top of Daniel's head.
"Is she your girlfriend?" Daniel asked, climbing up onto the chair, and wrapping his arms around Tim's neck.
"Kate is so much more than that, next to you she's the most amazing person in the world." Tim, smiled as he tapped his nose with his finger.
Daniel wrinkled his nose before speaking.
"Mommy used to have different daddies; she said it was best to shop around when you're looking for a daddy so you can get the best deal."
I was clenching my jaw so hard my teeth were hurting; from the expression on Tim's face I could tell he was appalled too. Daniel's hands were rubbing along Tim's stubbly cheek gently, I could tell that was soothing Tim. He was pushing back the nuggets of information Daniel was giving him and filing them away for a rainy day.
"Your face feels like a kitty." Daniel's voice broke the tension in the air.
"That's because daddy needs to shave." Tim rubbed his own hand along his chin.
"Can I help?" Daniel asked hopefully.
"How about...you can help put the foam on? Razor's are too sharp for little boys." Tim cautioned, raising to his feet and taking Daniel up with him.
He carried the little boy towards the stairs; I turned my back to take my leave as I heard Daniel pipe up.
"Daddy do you like Star Trek?"
If there was ever any doubt that Daniel was Tim's son, that one comment eradicated it completely.
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The clock was ticking in the background, it was constant, like a grandfather clock, it would chime the end of our session when the big hand reached the twelve. This was my third appointment and for the third time I was lying on my back on a leather couch, trying my damnest to be as open as possible.
Doc Mckenzie was a striking woman, one that could be defined more as handsome then as pretty. Her copper coloured hair was pulled back into an elegant plait. Her eyes glinted like emeralds as she spoke. Her face was always calm but you could sense her desire to help people under the rational exterior.
"So how did you and John meet?" Doctor McKenzie asked tapping her pen against the arm of her chair.
"Through Ray, we were all working closely together." I said, pursing my lips together.
Doc Mac's expression stayed neutral.
"And what were your feelings for John at the time?"
"He was always just Ray's friend. I guess I never really saw him as anything else. The two of them...They were a team, partners, always laughing and smiling, always had each others backs. That's the feeling I got from them." I told her entwining my fingers together on my lap.
"What about your feelings...You've told me about them, what about you?" Doc Mac commented.
I shrugged, slumping my shoulders.
"I really didn't have any." I informed her.
"So how did you end up at his apartment that night?"
I froze, my lips clamping shut. Therapy was about helping me and if I didn't help myself this would be a failure. There was no need to keep secrets anymore, not in this environment.
"Ray, uh, Ray is dead...It shouldn't be so hard telling you this but it is...Is it stupid that I feel like I'm betraying his trust even though he's dead?" I questioned.
Doc McKenzie shook her head.
"Ray was addicted to Meth, I knew... I should have known but I didn't. I found it in his jacket." I paused raising my eyes to he doctor. "I wanted to help him, but we'd fallen out, I'd found out that he was married..."
I covered my face with my hands for a second before continuing.
"I went to John because I couldn't go to Ray. John was his friend, I thought he'd help." I exclaimed shaking my head.
"And what happened when you got to John's place?"
I was actually trembling now, I wrapped my arms around myself closing my eyes tightly.
"It's a blur in some places. Something's I remember clearly and others..." I shook my head. "I was shaking when I got to the door. I was scared."
"Was that before or after what he did?" she asked quietly.
"Before... When I found the Meth I wasn't sure what to do, and I thought John would. He was Ray's friend; he had a better understanding of the situation."
"The situation?"
"Ray's situation. Ray was U.C but he had a wife and child on the outside."
Doc Mac raised an eyebrow.
"The outside?"
"That's what I used to call it, the outside. The real world outside of what we were doing, outside of what I was pretending to be. I that environment you get lost, swept up in what's going on within the Mob culture, you forget what's actually going on in the world outside. It has its own politics." I explained.
"How did that feel?" she asked.
"Isolated, the people... The Family accepted me as one of their own but I was always on edge, who could you trust? The only people I really trusted were ray and John. John came in second until I found out Ray was married. John was really good when I found out Ray had a family. We used to talk about the outside sometimes." I said thoughtfully.
"What did you talk about?" Doc Mc's expression was curious.
"Different things. His dad used to coach the football team. John said he used to pressurize him. John's mom died when he was a kid, so it was rough for him growing up with his old man. His dad got sick when we were U.C. Parkinson's. John dropped everything, even though he hadn't talked to the old bastard in years. He took care of the treatment and the home he's in. From what I hear his old man's tempers gotten worse than ever." I mentioned casually.
"You sound like you feel sorry for him." Doc Mac commented.
I shook my head.
"I'm just pin pointing the moment where everything started to go wrong." I rationalised.
"When did everything go wrong?"
"It was all around the same time. The Family were suspicious, The FBI were putting the pressure on, Ray had a family, John's dad got sick..." I played with the charms on my bracelet. "I really wanted a way out. I was sick of living like that."
"So you found the Meth?" she prompted.
"We had to meet there were shifting in the Mob, I had to inform Ray when the hierarchy changed so that the FBI would know who all the players were. He left his jacket...That's when I found it, the first thing I did was go straight to John..."
"He gave me a drink to calm my nerves. I was so shocked I couldn't speak. I'd had Ray up there on some pedestal. I think John was drinking a lot around that time. There was a bottle of Jack on the table along with a tumbler, when I got there." The back of my hand was pressed to my mouth as I recounted the memories. "I remember sitting down and he offered me a drink to steady my nerves, he said I looked d agitated, he was concerned. I'd never turned up at his before and he looked please that I had. He offered me another drink and I took it."
I paused, looking up into Doc Mac's eyes pleading her to believe me.
"I hated myself, I really did... I was sickened by the fact I'd done that to another woman. I was in pain and alone, and it scared me, it really shook me up inside."
"It's common for people in a situation like you're to seek comfort in other means..." She started.
I cut her off, trying to make her understand.
"I didn't go there seeking comfort! I wanted to make things better. I wanted Ray off the Meth so he could act like my handler again and go back to his wife. He was becoming destructive and that could have gotten me killed. I couldn't let that happen. I'd started figuring things out; I wanted to find Tim again... I showed John the Meth, and I told him I wanted him to become my handler, because Ray was too unreliable, I couldn't trust him anymore." I confessed exasperated.
"So you asked John to be your handler?" she clarified.
"At the time I trusted John more than I trusted Ray. Ray had lied to me about his wife and that made me question his motives. John had been nothing but open with me, it made sense to ask... I was just so stupid; everyone was caught up in their own problems. If I let Ray continue the way he was going he would have taken us all down with him." I ranted, rubbing at my eyes tiresomely.
"Kate I think now would be a good time to admit what John did to you."
"We were drunk it wasn't his fault..." I protested.
"If someone had come to you, if one of your friends had come to you with this story and told you this, you'd tell them it was their fault?" she questioned.
I stared at her indignant.
"Of course not!"
"Then why are you being so hard on yourself? You know what happened, but you're denying it and that is the reason that you can't move on. If you don't accept what happened then it'll always be there, preventing you from getting on with your life. You and I both know what the law states is the definition for rape."
I turned my head away, shaking my head.
"I have to work with this man..."
"No Kate you don't. You choose to. You have the courage to face him, day in and day out, knowing at the back of your mind what he did to you. I know somewhere in there you have the courage to admit what he did to you. You're not a victim Kate, and admitting this will not make you into one." Doc Mac's expression was fierce.
"It feels like if I say it out loud, that it actually happened, and there is no going back from that. It changes everything." I admitted.
"By admitting it you're setting yourself free. Only good can come of this. Tell me Kate what happened to you?" she offered up my salvation without a second thought.
My cheeks flushed red with humiliation as I twisted my fingers together, staring at my hands. There were red hot tears running down my cheeks. And my chest was beginning to quiver as I raised my head to meet her emerald gaze.
"John Hagen raped me."
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I exited the therapist's feeling a mixture of relief and exhaustion. Emotionally I was battered, the swirl of memories that had haunted me over the last few months were clearer now and there was no way to avoid the truth of what Hagen had done. I'd always avoided it. I'd repressed the memory on purpose because I couldn't stand the idea that someone I'd trusted could do that to me despite the fact I already knew that statistically you were more likely to be raped by someone you knew as opposed to a stranger.
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I stepped outside into the dazzling sun light. Things were changing, they were moving fast and drastically. I had to go along with them other wise I was going to be trapped back here in the past while everything moved out of my reach. I took a deep breath as I stepped into the road, looking both ways before crossing.
I was going to continue therapy, there was too much at stake for me not to. Before I had been stubborn, talking didn't come easy to me when it was things I'd rather not remember, but now I needed to. It was affecting my work and my private life, and at the moment I had to be at the top of my game because knew something was coming, something that was going to disrupt everything I'd worked for.
Daniel's appearance had sparked things inside me, things that I had touched on briefly during my own short-lived pregnancy. Tim was now a father and that little boy needed a female figure in his life, a friend if not a mother. I'd decided last night that I would be there to help him heal and to help Tim, because simply he was clueless when it came to children.
Yet there was a bigger threat outside of the bubble they were in, one that I know had not crossed his mind since he'd found Daniel. I'm sure he'd thought about Jessica, and protecting Daniel from Jessica, but at the moment she wasn't a threat because she hadn't graced out lives yet. I knew it was easier to focus on his son at the moment as opposed to the woman who had bore him.
The problem was when Jessica returned she was going to come back for that child, whether we liked it or not she was going to try to take Daniel again. So I was going to make myself prepared as possible.
They do say it's best to know your enemy.
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Bernstein's phone was ringing, the shrill tone cut through his slumber, irritating him even more as he rolled away from Autumn's warm, naked body unwillingly. His hand lashed out groping for the phone, flipping it open a he checked caller I.D.
"Yea...Bernstein." His voice was rough with sleep, and Autumn found herself turning on her side to face him.
She found his husky voice incredibly sexy, especially when he'd just woken up. Her hand came to rest on his chest, tracing the pattern of the tribal tattoo s he listened to the caller.
Her lips brushed his collar bone as his hand rested on the back of her neck guiding her...
"Shit you found her?" he exclaimed suddenly.
Autumn pulled away focusing on the expression on Michael's face curious, it was a mixture of elation and concern. His eyebrows knotted together in concentration as he spoke, she drew back all together resting on the pillow and listening to his side of the conversation.
"She's in a motel?" he questioned.
Autumn knew this was to do with the child he'd found yesterday, she hoped and prayed that they had enough to put the mother away. After he'd gotten home last night from Kate's, he'd taken her to bed, his hands had been smooth and gentle as he teased her body, driving her to the edge over and over again until finally he entered her with a tenderness that she'd missed recently.
Afterwards they'd talked about the baby; they were making plans, plotting out their future. Baby names, nurseries, they had all that to look forward too, and she was soothed by the active role he was already playing in their child's life. He'd spent an hour last night talking to her stomach. There was no response of course; kicks didn't usually start until you were five months along.
Autumn rolled onto her back as Michael hung up the phone and sighed.
She already knew what he was going to say it was his day off, they were going to go baby shopping...
"I understand." She stated simply, as his dark eyes analysed her face. "This is important, and we have seven months to do baby shopping."
She was disappointed, they both knew it but there wasn't a chance in hell she was going to begrudge him for doing the right thing, that mother needed taking down for what she'd done to her child.
"Your right..." he answered. "This is important...and I need to tell you why."
Autumn frowned for a second taking in the determined expression on Michael's features as he spoke. This went deeper than she thought; in fact this looked like it was damn personal. She was suddenly awake and more alert, looking for clues in his body language to what he was going to say. Michael propped himself up on one elbow, his fingers brushing the stray strands of hair from Autumn's smooth skin.
"The boy... The one that we found... He's Speedle's son."
Autumn's eyes went wide before she peppered him with questions. Who knew? Did Kate know? How had it happened? So on and so forth. And at the end of it all they simply stared at each other. The guilt was evident on his face. He hadn't wanted to keep it a secret from her, he wondered what her reaction would be now.
Autumn leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. Michael looked down at her surprised, his eyes met hers and in them he saw everything that she thought and felt and it made him dizzy.
Soulmates.
The word was burned on his heart just like her name, the first time he'd met her he knew by just one look. This was the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with. This wonderful, compassionate beauty. There was nothing more to be said because he knew she understood.
"When you get back your buying me lunch..." she checked the clock on their bedside table and corrected herself. "In fact dinner...with dessert."
Michael rolled forward, his body pressing onto of her. His mouth covered hers in one quick movement, his lips sensually caressing hers. She moaned into his mouth, feeling him already hard against her stomach. She melted into his embrace, her hands running up his back; he shivered as her nails raked his skin.
"You need to get going if you're going to catch her." Autumn uttered, breaking away breathless.
Michael groaned before rolling off of her.
"I would much rather spend the day in bed, with you." He stated, clambering to his feet.
Autumn bit her lip as she took in his naked form, his beautiful mocha skin shone in the sunlight through the open window.
"Give me a call when you get back if I'm still out you can join me." She offered, licking her lips as he turned around to face her, boxers in one hand, shirt in the other.
He shuddered seeing her tongue trace the outline of her lips.
"I will." He promised. "In case I don't could you pick me up a baby book while you're out?" he asked stepping into his underwear.
She raised her eyebrows in surprise.
Michael shrugged.
"I'd like to know what to expect, and I wanna know what our baby's getting up to inside there." He pointed at her stomach before pulling the white shirt over his shoulders.
"I will pick one up for you..." she murmured, slipping out of bed gracefully.
Michael watched her, his eyes taking in every single aspect of her naked body, he felt himself stirring again. He ignored the feeling and yanked on his beige trousers, there'd be plenty of time for that later.
Autumn was pulling on his jogging bottoms now, the white Bon Jovi t-shirt followed suit. Michael snatched up his holster and fastened it to himself, before grabbing the suit jacket he'd left hanging and slipping it on.
"I'll try and make it back in time for dinner." He told Autumn, his lips brushing hers lightly.
"Hm." She murmured rubbing her body against him.
"Hm, I like the idea of coming home to that." He teased breaking away.
"I'm going to take a nice, hot steam shower." She retuned with a wink before slipping out the bedroom, she could feel Mike's eyes on her ass as she sauntered into the bathroom.
Damn. He thought before calling out goodbye and leaving through the front door.
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The café we were meeting at was a dainty quiet place, that overlooked the beach. It was quiet for lunchtime, I thought and I liked that. I didn't need the hustle and bustle at the minute. My nerves were already shot to hell but I knew I had to keep focus. This meeting was going to be important. It was also entirely unethical in terms of our jobs but we were both willing to turn a blind eye to that.
The strawberry blond woman was perched on a table at the back, her shapely legs crossed underneath it as she scanned the menu. Today she was wearing a navy blue skirt suit with a silk white shirt underneath. More than a few glances from the male population of the café had gone her way but she was ignoring them, I didn't even thing she was aware of her sizzling sexuality.
I weaved my way through the tables to get to her. My shadow cast across the table before I promptly sat myself down in the seat across from her. Only then did Stephanie Briscoe look up and meet my eyes.
My earlier deductions yesterday were not far off. Her smile was kind and I could tell by the way her eyes crinkled at the sides that she was going to enjoy helping me.
"Thank you for meeting with me." I said as she slipped her menu towards me.
I took it gratefully and opened it out in front off me, studying the contents.
"To be honest I was surprised you called me Kate."
Kate, we were on the same level she was telling me.
"Tim's main focus is on Daniel at the minute, I don't want him to worry about this until he has to. I know what he's like he'll dwell on it until it eats him up inside." I explained crossing my legs under the table.
"I think you made the right choice." She agreed, signalling the waiter.
We gave our orders before coming back to the actual conversation at hand.
"I am only doing this because I care for Daniel, and I know Speedle isn't the most conventional father but I believe he will be a good one, a better parent than Daniel's biological mother." She spat the last few words as if dislodging a horrible taste from the back of her throat.
I entwined my fingers together, watching her as she spoke.
"Horatio said I could trust you. The information I am going to give you can go no further. You know the law, I should not be telling you anything and you will not be able to use what I say in court or anywhere else. It's between you and me." Stephanie paused. "What I will also do is give you a way to find out more of the information you need...I can not watch that little boy return to Jessica Wilks." She said with venom.
I nodded my agreement seeing the determination in her features. This was a woman who was used to fighting and I drew off her strength, I knew if I needed help Stephanie would do what she could.
We were silent again as the drink orders arrived. I took a sip of mine before speaking.
"I want to know everything you can give me. I want to know about Daniel; about Jessica...Daniel says she has a lot of boyfriends..."
Stephanie held her hand up to silence me.
"We'll get to that in a moment but first I need to know how Daniel's doing, what was his first night with the two of you like?" she asked bluntly, her eyes on my face as if trying to decipher my expression.
"He was shy when I met him. He took to Tim quickly. A parent is God in the eyes of a child and I guess that's kind of what he sees Tim as. He was hiding behind him, quite clingy. He seemed to feel safe with Tim. He was nervous around me...Or rather women in general, I couldn't tell you whether that's true or not, we haven't had him around other people yet." I told her, hesitating before adding the rest.
"He liked my kitty, we let him play with Stormy for a while and watch Discovery channel, he's a smart kid. In the night...he wet the bed; I think he was having bad dreams."
"And how was that handled?" Stephan eased I could tell she was doing a risk assessment on us both, trying to work out whether we were helping or hindering Daniel.
"Daniel came into our room, he was really upset. Tim was really good about it, told him it happens and such but Daniel seemed...humiliated almost like he expected us to make a really big deal out of it. Tim basically looked after him, sorted him out in the bathroom, while I changed the sheets and things. I got the impression that Jessica wasn't too nice about his bed wetting." I stated, my cheeks flushing.
"It sounds like it." Stephanie murmured before asking what else was on my mind.
"He doesn't have a lot of stuff...I mean I know there was a Hurricane and it probably got destroyed, but his backpack was practically empty and no offence I know those clothes are standard issue at Social Services." I informed her, pausing as our food arrived at the table.
"The truth is..." she began concentration on wrapping the spaghetti around her fork. "Daniel didn't have a lot of stuff."
I frowned, using my knife to chop some of the pasta.
"He must have had some stuff."
Stephanie's eyes met mine.
"A book never returned from the library, a few toys and less than a drawer full of clothes, trust me Daniel did not have much." Stephanie submitted.
I bit my lip pondering this.
"But he's so smart, I mean he knows how dolphins communicate, I mean how many four year olds can tell you that?" I asked her dumbfounded.
"Not many." She agreed. "Then again Daniel isn't a normal child, he's gifted."
I raised my eyebrows, she set her fork down and took a stack of papers out of her leather bag and handed them to me.
"These are for your eyes only, no one else is to see them, I have other ways for you find the information that is in these papers but I thought it was best you knew what you were dealing with straight away." She said as I took them out of her hand, and slipped them into my own bag.
We went back to eating our meals.
"I advise you speak to Daniel's old preschool teacher after reading the files, she'll give you some of the evidence you'll need if this makes a court case. You can count on her for a statement." She informed me.
"You've already spoken to her?" I inquired.
"She's expecting you to call." Stephanie confirmed.
Stephanie was going to immense lengths to help me here and I fully appreciated it.
"You were asking about Jessica and her boyfriends?" Stephanie reminded me.
I nodded, looking at her in awe as I ate more of the meal in front of me.
"A word of advice before I disclose any personal details. Hire a Private Investigator, you want all the dirt you can get in this case, and trust me Horatio has the number of a great one, use him and he'll obtain all the information you need legally." Stephanie advised.
"I will definitely do that." I assured her.
Stephanie took a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak again.
"Jessica's boyfriends...they're actually her clients."
I stared at her in shock, swallowing the chicken I'd been chewing hard.
"She's a prostitute?" I whispered.
"She calls herself an escort. The sister told me all this because she wants Daniel to have a better life, she has begged and pleaded with Jessica to relinquish custody but she refuses." Stephanie confided.
"Why though?" I questioned.
"People like Jessica...Sex is validation, she enjoys her job. She gets everything she wants with no strings, but it is a lonely life and the emotional validation comes from Daniel. As you said a parent is God in a child's eyes and no matter what she did to him she was his mom. Daniel's a very comforting child, selfless in a way. I'm hoping that if he grows up with a different mother figure in his life he'll see that it's not just about him giving emotionally, it's about what he gets out of it too." Stephanie explained. "Jessica needs Daniel because without him she starts to become unbalanced almost, those men she's with don't show emotion towards her, not the emotions she craves and Daniel's love was unconditional, and that's why when she realizes Daniel isn't there anymore she is going to fight in anyway she can to get him back."
My fork clattered to my plate.
"Do you think she'd gong to try and grab him?" I asked her outright.
Stephanie's brilliant blue eyes met mine.
"If the custody battle doesn't go to plan for then yes, it's a very realistic possibility." She told me, her voice sounded numb.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us eating, simply pushing our food around the plates. I wasn't hungry anymore, and I doubted very much that Stephanie was either.
I glanced up giving Stephanie a small smile.
"Thank you." I uttered. "Thank you for telling me all of this."
"All I ask is that you keep Daniel out of her hands."
"I promise I will use every single trick in the book." I told her before raising to my feet.
"It was nice meeting you Kate." She said following suit.
"Yea Stephanie, you too."
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The department store was busy and Tim made sure to keep a firm grasp on Daniel's hand as they battled their way towards the kids section. He had no idea what the hell he was doing; he had no idea what clothes Daniel liked or anything. When asked Daniel only responded with a shy shrug, it was clear his opinion was rarely a factor in these choices and as frustrating as Tim found it, there was nothing he could do but attempt to choose for him...
Which was not going as well as he'd planned.
He was torn between all the garments that the children's department had in store; also he remembered that at some point Daniel would probably need shoes and defiantly toys. His head was spinning from all the choices in front of his eyes.
"Hey, I thought it was you. This must be Daniel." Tim glanced up.
Autumn was standing before him with two little baby booties clutched in her hand, a smile etched upon her smooth features. He thought she as glowing, her skin illuminated in colour. Pregnancy, it seemed was agreeing with her.
"Yea..." Tim responded, rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. "This is Autumn kiddo."
Daniel peered up at the younger woman through his dark curls, squeezing Tim's hand lightly.
"It's ok." Tim said quietly, his hand smoothing across Daniel's hair.
Daniel's hand was fixed on Tim's jeans, his hand balled in a fist. He was uncomfortable around women. That much was clear.
"I'm a friend of Tim and Kate's," Autumn asserted.
Daniel nodded and Tim was relieved by the fact he'd shown some response. Earlier he had simply ignored the sales assistant chatting to them, averting his gaze when she spoke. The mixture of Tim's acknowledgment and Autumn's general friendliness seemed to awake the social aspects within Daniel. Tim was surprised when he heard his son's voice pipe up with a tiny "hi".
"Wow, that's the first word he's really spoken to anyone outside of me." Tim murmured surprised.
Autumn shrugged, her face complacent.
"I hear a congratulations are in order." Tim broke the silence, nodding at her stomach.
"It blew us both for six, but I know that we're ready for this. I can't wait to be a mom." Autumn responded, her hand rubbing over her stomach absentmindedly.
"You baby shopping already?" Tim asked pointing to the booties in her hand.
"I know its dumb right? But I saw them and I just couldn't help it, I think they'd suit either a boy or a girl." She said in wonderment, staring at the tiny items in her hand before turning her attention back to Tim.
"I guess you guys are doing the same right?" she questioned, glancing around at the racks surrounding them.
"We are trying...but the truth is I suck at this kind of thing." Tim admitted.
The stress was evident on his face. He was trying she realized, being thrown in the deep end was hard and he was really giving it his all.
"You guys want a bit of help, I am an excellent shopper." She joked.
Tim shook his head.
"It's ok...We know your busy." Tim said gruffly, his hand enclosing on Daniel's.
Autumn shrugged.
"It's no big deal, Mike got called in today so I have no plans." She told him, with a knowing look. "So are we looking for a bit of everything or something specific?" she said abruptly changing the subject.
"Everything." Tim stated.
Autumn's eyes lit up at the sign of a challenge. Tim admired her enthusiasm, he hated shopping and this type of shopping... It was driving him insane.
Autumn crouched down to Daniel's level, making eye contact with the small boy.
"You wanna help your dad out a little and pick something you'll like?" Autumn asked in a soft tone.
The little boy nodded slowly.
"You see anything you like?" Autumn queried.
Again Daniel nodded; Tim vaguely wondered why the boy hadn't spoken up sooner. A woman's touch he realised, no matter how much Tim was there Daniel would always need a mother figure in his life.
Daniel would always miss his mom.