The weeks after that day went by in a blur, I don't remember much from it. The only thing that was clear to me was that I spent that week closed up in my room while I thought about things that my mind allowed to run freely through my brain. I tried not to think about the fact that I agreed to do something totally against my will; singing lead for the girls. But that was all I could seem to think about. There are certain things that I just wouldn't allow myself to do and that is one of them. I hated being the center of attention, I hated even having some one compliment on me when they first meet me. I was so shy and sometimes I would become really afraid of the new people that I would meet. When I'm on stage I don't think about much. To be honest, I don't think at all. I do what I have to do and sometimes even get lost in the music I don't realize how good I sound or how good people put me out there to look. I just follow the routine, sing the song, do my part and I'm done. Period. There was nothing left to it.
I kept asking myself why I agreed to do this. Did I do it for De, or for the pressure that everyone was putting on me. Normally I would've just said, hell nawl, I'm not doing it, but instead I agreed for a reason that was totally unknown to me. The question was racing through my head like a star athlete. Why did I say yes? What was I thinking? I was slowly beginning to change into something that was not me at all. I don't know where this change had came from. The Aj that had developed over these years would have said no and sat there stubbornly and not change her mind about it. Aj would've have been scared to death to say yes because she doesn't like new things. She liked the normal. This new thing about me was beginning to scare me and I didn't like it one bit. If I was saying yes to this I would be saying yes to laying up with one of those fools that hang around the Heartbreak Hotel.
With that thought I knew I couldn't do this. I hated baling on De when I told her I would do it, but I just couldn't go through with it. It was beginning to mess up who I was and what I known as around there. I knew De was desperate to get away from Harlem but I couldn't get her as far as Brooklyn if she wanted to go. I don't know what made her think I was able of doing such a thing. All the stuff that she said I was capable of in that recording studio meant nothing to me. I had to tell her that I was either singing back up as usual, or I would have no part of it at all.
I made up my mind completely that that is what I was going to do. I had to stop it before it even got started.
I stood in front of De's door Saturday after noon and rung the door bell. The windows were open so I knew they probably had to have seen me walk up the drive way. Within seconds De's mother answered the door. She had her sandy brown hair up in a pony tail showing off her high cheek bones and round red lips. Her eyes had black eyeliner under them and she wore fancy earrings on each ear. She wore a red dress that showed her nice hour glass shape perfectly. I could see where De had gotten her body profile from.
"Hey Aj," she smiled at me showing off her straight teeth.
"Hey, is De here?"
She slowly shook her head, giving me an apologetic look. " No I sent her to the store a couple of hours ago. I don't know what's taking her so long. I guess she decided to pick up some other things."
I sighed and tucked my hair behind my right ear. I was really hoping to get this over with. " Okay, can you tell her to uh, come by later? I need to talk to her about something important."
" I will," She nodded. " Tell Sasha and Liana I said hey."
I nodded and headed down the steps. As I turned down the side walk I couldn't help but wonder what where she could've gone. I had known De for six years and I knew if she had to go some place she would tell us. It just wasn't in her nature to do that. I decided that maybe she just got caught up in traffic or something. If something really went wrong, she would've called.
I was so paranoid that always made things out to be way worse then they are actually put out there to be. I had learned to teach myself not to make my brain play tricks on me. That way no one would think I was absolutely crazy.
"Aj!" I heard a familiar voice say. I turned to see Shay running down the side walk, along with her cousin Stevanna. " Where are you going?"
"I was just about to go talk to De about something, but she's not home. So I'm just going to go back home."
She smiled and grabbed my hand." Come with us,"
"Uh, where are we going?"
"To the pool, Nikki, Jojo, and Leena are up there."
My eyes widened as soon as she said her name." Uh-uh, no. If Leena is there I'm not going."
"You sound embarrassed by her!" Stevanna laughed.
"I am, have you seen that swim suit she bought? If you go there you wouldn't want to be around her neither!"
Shay rolled her eyes." Forget about Leena," she grabbed my arm and locked out with hers. " You are coming whether you like it or not." She began dragging me along with her.
"Ugh, let me at least go tell Liana, I told her that I would be back after I came from De's." Liana's older sister could be very over protective sometimes. Unlike Sasha, Liana knew some of the things Leena did on a daily basis. She was happy that I didn't turn put to be anything like her. Leena was turning out to be more and more like our mother. Which is one of the reasons why we didn't get along.
"You're not just looking for a way out of this are you?" Stevanna smiled up at me.
I shook my head from side to side as I glanced down the street towards the busy road, hoping that I would see De's car turning unto the street." No. I really need to go tell her that, but if we are being honest here, I don't want to go. Its hot as hell out here and I am not getting my hair wet."
"You could always take off the jacket, I mean it's the middle of June, Aj." Shay tried to pull it off but I reacted fast enough to slap her small hand out the way.
" Look, I really just want to go back home. I told Ms. Johnson to tell De to come by my house later. It wouldn't be fair if she does and I'm not there. I really need to talk to her."
She let go of my arm and sighed. " Okay, okay. But you will come by later right? We'll be there all day."
I shrugged only one of my shoulders. " I don't know. If its cooler later I will."
Stevanna had a smile that stretched across her face." What is with you and not wanting to take your jackets off?"
"That's not any of your concern." I said as I started walking the opposite direction. " I'll see you later."
As I began walking down the street I caught the glimpse of something out the corner of my eye. Over on the next street there was a big black van that had drove up on the entrance. I found that suspicious because that street lead to a dead end and there was no one ever went down there. All the drug dealers usually hung out on a whole different street.
I stopped in my tracks and shoved my hand in my pockets. I couldn't hear anything but the sound of people yelling on the other side of the streets. There was music blasting from that van. It was blasting too loud. I moves slightly to the left and stood on my tip toes to get a better look. I was beginning to get a bad feeling about this van and I wanted to go and head back home, but for some reason I couldn't.. Something was telling me to stay where I was.
As the van engine began to roar back to life, I thought I had heard a loud scream coming from the inside. Because of the music I didn't think it was accurate. As of began to drive off I began walking down the sidewalk as I watched it. This van had no licence plates and one of it's tail lights was broken. There was also a huge sent in the back. As it began to pick up its speed I found myself running as I looked at it. As if I could keep up with it. The van ran a stop sign as it flew down the hill I saw the car door open and someone flew out, falling to ground I heard them hit the ground.
I stopped in my tracks as I watched as that person who appeared to be half naked take off running down the alley. I heard someone in the van cursing and yelling. I couldn't make out what the words were though.
"Just leave her ass!" I heard someone yell. " Just Go!"
They did a U turn and turned back towards me where I was standing. I began walking the opposite direction with my head down until the van passed me. It disappeared in down the road.
I took off running then to see who that was. Who ever it was she couldn't have gotten far. I turned down the alley where there was nothing but just a bunch of dumpsters. I slowed my running then and it fell into a light jog. I could see something laying there in the distance. My heart started beating harder than it ever had before. What if she's dead? The thought filled my brain and it caused me to panic.
As I grew closer to the person. They were beginning to look familiar to me. Despite the cuts and bruises that I could see that was clearly on her legs and arms. She look so familiar. She felt familiar. She laid there on the ground I could hear her panting, breathing heavily as she tried to catch her breath. I stood there in front of her.
"Are you okay?" I asked softly. I got down my knees and touched her shoulder." I'm going to call the police, okay." I said as I looked down at her arms. She was so cut so badly that she she gaf blood oozing out of every cut. It was running down her arms and falling unto the hot side walk. I turned her arm around and say the marks and lines that were on the crease. Someone had shot her up with heroin. I had to get an ambulance out here before she bled to death.
Her black curly hair was covering her face. With my hands shaking as i reached for it. It was sticking against her drenched face. I began moving her hair away as I spoke." Can you hear me? I need you to get up for me." Her face looked even worst than her body. Her lip was swollen and her nose was bleeding. I reached for the other side of her face and turned so that I could get a better look at her.
It was then that I realize exactly who it was and my heart began racing as I grew dizzy at the sight of the badly beaten up girl.
"De?"