(A/N- I hope you enjoy this chapter. Next update will probably be this weekend! Thank you for all of the comments, votes and reads!! xx )
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“It smells amazing, Anne” I beamed and kissed her good morning.
“Thanks, love. Be a dear and place this on the table, please.”
“Of course” I smiled through my nervousness as I took the bowl of freshly cut fruit from her hands and turned towards the table; the table at which Harry was currently sitting.
Knowing this house like my own, I walked into the kitchen to greet everyone without looking at Harry at the table. I knew he was there but I knew that I could easily avoid him, until now.
There he sat, arms resting on the table, hands clasped together with his head down. Even without seeing his face yet, I knew he felt guilty that he was here. I could sense that he knew he should have stayed away knowing that I would be here. I had no right to make him stay away from his own parents’ home and I would never even think to demand such a thing but I could sense that he was regretting his decision to show up unannounced.
I set the bowl down in the center of the table and only when the porcelain of the bowl hit the wood on the table did Harry look up; directly into my eyes. My suspicions of him feeling regret were confirmed with the fact that his eyes were not as bright as they usually were. They also had a watery gloss over them, moments from tears. I didn’t want him hurt. I wanted him to feel comfortable in his own family home even if that meant that I would be uncomfortable.
“It’s ok” I softly said so that only he and I could hear. I placed my hand on his to reassure him and then took it away not a moment later knowing that was probably not the smartest idea. I shouldn’t do anything that could potentially lead him on. I walked away from the table and back towards my mother who was now helping Anne.
We all sat at the dining table, everyone but Harry and me deeply in conversation. To me it all seemed slightly forced, like our parents and Gemma were trying to diffuse the tension radiating from Harry and me but it wasn’t working. Their efforts failing because Harry and I were anything but calm.
We would occasionally glance at one another but quickly look away when our eyes would meet. I knew the rest of the day and into tomorrow when we finally leave would be filed with me keeping my distance and staying away from him when all possible. The task seemed tiresome.
“I’m going to clean up. Thank you for breakfast. It was great.” I stated towards Anne and nodded at my parents and stood up from the table with my plates in my hand.
“Ok, dear.” Mum replied and smiled. I placed my dishes in the sink and walked towards the stairs. I could feel Harry’s eyes on me the entire way.
The shower was calming, soothing and kept me from the outside world if only for twenty minutes. But in those twenty minutes I felt peace. I felt calm. I felt good about what I would be facing for the next twenty four hours.
Reluctantly I turned the shower off and pulled back the curtain. I stepped out onto the chilled bathroom floor and quickly wrapped the towel around my waist. The warmth in the shower was making the air in the bathroom feel frigid and I wanted nothing more than to hurry out into the room and put on my clothing. I pulled the bathroom door open and froze on the spot.
“Wh…what are you…..why are you in here?” I stuttered as I took in the sight of Harry and quickly tried to cover my chest. I grabbed the shirt that was on top of my bag and held it over my top while I clung tightly to the towel around my waist.
“I’m sorry. I just…..just needed some clothes. I didn’t hear the shower stop.” He reached into his drawers, obviously still filled with some of his clothing for whenever he visited his parents, and pulled a shirt out all the while never taking his eyes off me; off my nearly naked frame.
Our breathing was labored, like we both just ran a marathon. This was the first time in a very long time that we have been this close while all but unclothed. It was at that thought that I really noticed him. I noticed his bare chest and the gym shorts that rested low on his hips. I noticed the muscles chiseled into his abdomen. I notice the way his biceps flexed due to the tension and nervousness in the room.
We stood there, in silence, not removing our eyes from one another. He appeared to be getting closer. The gap between us was closing. I watched as he slowly took steps towards me. With each step that he took forward, I took one back. This went on until I was against the wall and could no longer inch away from him.
I closed my eyes and dropped the shirt I was holding. I was aware of his every move and even though all I saw was the black from inside my closed lids, I could feel him, feel his presence all around me. My breathing became faster. And soon I felt the familiar current of his fingers touching my arm; that current running up my body.
I was soon able to feel his breath and the warmth of his body was a welcome feeling to sooth the chills that were running up my spine, also caused by him and our closeness.
“Niall” He whispered as his finger tips ran up my arms, across my shoulders and up my neck. They finally stopped when his hands were rested on either side of my face.
I placed my hands on his hips and dropped my head to rest my forehead against his chest. I felt him slightly push his waist into me. I could feel him through the fabric of his shorts and as much as I was trying to keep myself calm, the electricity and fire between us began to arouse me and with one more slight tilt of his hips our ever growing members were pressed tightly together.
His hands left my face and traveled down over my back while I stayed with my hands on his waist and my head on his chest, still trying to maintain some distance. And when a slight moan left my lips I froze. I stopped breathing. Time stood still. I can’t be doing this. I can’t allow him to have this effect on me. I have to push him away. I have to stop this.
“Stop, Harry. Please.” I spoke at a level that was barely audible. “Please” I begged softly. I felt his head dip down and rest into the crook of my neck.
“It’s always going to be here Niall. This….this thing between us. Our attraction to one another will never go away. Niall, we…you and me…that’s all I want. This feeling won’t go away and I know you know that. Let us be good together again. Let us have this.” His lips ghosted along my collar bone and rested at the top of my shoulder.
“Please stop, Harry.” I spoke calmly, finally regaining my voice. He lightly sighed and lifted his head. His hands traveled up my back and over down my chest until they stopped at the top of the towel. The tips of his fingers dipped in between the top of the cloth and my skin. I began to push him away. He removed his body from mine and started to back away. I finally lifted my head and my eyes met his. He grabbed the clothing that he had already taken out for himself and when he finally reached the door, he paused.
“I love you, Niall. I’m never going to stop fighting for you, fighting for us.” And he stepped out of his room and closed the door. I don’t know how I did it, but I found my way to the bed. I lie down and curl into the fetal position and take a few deep breaths, calming myself down; allowing the heat from our encounter to leave my body.
After about fifteen minutes of gathering myself back together again, I finally got off the bed and got dressed. I wanted to get out of this house for a little while and clear my head. I wanted to talk to Ryan. I wanted to be away from Harry. I wanted to walk and keep walking until my problems seemed a distant memory.
“Hey Gem!” I kissed the side of her head; interrupting her from reading some book. She looked up and smiled.
“Hi! Where you off to?” She asked as she took in my outfit; completely ready for the winter weather.
“I just need to go for a walk. Get some fresh air. Have you seen my parents?”
“They went to town with my parents. They wanted to do some shopping for dinner. It’s gonna be some big Sunday dinner feast.”
“Yum! I’m looking forward to it. I have my cell phone with me, if you need anything.” I smiled and then started to back away. She grabbed my wrist.
“Are you ok?” She asked honestly.
“I’ll be fine. I just need to…..” and I motioned to the front door. She nodded in understanding.
I put the hood of my coat up over my head and stepped outside. I tucked my hands in my pockets and started my walk. I felt eyes on me and I turned my head back towards the house. In the furthest window on the second floor of the house stood Harry; watching as I walked away.
There weren’t many people out but I made sure that my head was down to ensure that I wouldn’t be recognized. I can’t very well have time to myself if I am frequently stopped to ask for pictures of autographs.
I walked a few blocks with a destination in mind; a small park about a mile from Harry’s parents. I found it a couple years ago when Harry and I were visiting his family and him and I got into a little argument and I wanted to be alone.
It’s really not much of a park. Just a very small patch of land with two benches about fifty feet apart from one another over looking a small bit of water, too small to even be called a pond. When I first found this spot it was summer and was shielded with trees and tall grass; now the trees are bare and the grass is now covered with snow. The water has frozen over and the benches are freezing to the touch but I take a seat anyway.
I breathe in the cold air and feel the chill spread throughout my body and welcome the slight bite it gives my lungs. I exhale and see my breath leave my body. I sit in silence and eventually pull out my phone. It’s currently just after noon so that means it’s just after four am in LA and I know it is likely too early to call Ryan but I really need to hear his voice. I dial his number and wait.
“Baby?”
“I’m so sorry I’m calling this early but I really need to talk to you” I can hear him stretching and trying to wake up. I wait.
“No….no…it’s ok. What’s wrong?”
“I just really needed to hear your voice. I miss you.” I drop my head and take a deep breath.
“I miss you, too, babe. But tell me what’s bothering you.” I stay silent for a moment. “Niall?”
“Harry showed up.”
“I’m sorry” He sighed.
“I know and there isn’t anything I can do about it. It is his parents’ house, after all. He has every right to be here. And we aren’t leaving until tomorrow afternoon so that means I have to spend the day trying to avoid him. Why did he have to come?”
“Just try your best to be polite but keep a reasonable distance, yeah.”
“I know. It’s just difficult. But anyway, I just wanted to talk to you. I’m sorry I woke you up so early.”
“Hey, it’s ok. I don’t mind. Anytime I get to hear your voice makes me happy no matter what time it is.”
“That was very sweet and cheesy, babe!” I chuckled and he laughed with me. “I miss you and I’ll talk to you later. Go back to sleep.”
“Ok. I miss you, too. Bye, baby”
“Bye”
I stayed at the park for about another half hour before deciding to walk back to the house. I was pleased to see that by the time I returned, everyone was there. I felt better knowing that there were more people around instead of just Harry and myself.
I had been very successful keeping my distance from Harry for most of the afternoon. As soon as he entered a room, I would casually walk to a different part of the house. It was troublesome and I could see the hurt written on his face but he knew better than to come up here. He knows that I told him that we couldn’t be friends.
It was just about five thirty and I was told dinner would be ready around six. I was in the family room watching some random program on television. The parents were in the kitchen preparing the meal and Gemma went to the store to pick up something that Anne forgot to get. I hadn’t seen Harry in almost two hours. I think he went up to his room to take a nap.
That was one thing that I was thinking about for tonight. What would the sleeping arrangements be for this evening? I would gladly take the couch so Harry could have his room. I obviously wouldn’t want to sleep in the same location as him and I wouldn’t make him sleep on the couch in his parents’ home. Maybe I could clear off the bed in the other guest room that Anne didn’t get to. I’ll guess I’ll talk to her after dinner.
I was so deep in thought about sleeping arrangements that I didn’t take notice that someone sat next to me. I didn’t notice until I felt the touch of a hand on my knee.
“Jesus” I exclaimed and jumped a bit in fright. “You startled me. What are you doing?”
“Sorry. I just wanted to say hello.” He smiled genuinely at me and slid a little closer. My response was to slide in the opposite direction; putting more space in between us.
“I don’t have a disease, Niall.” He huffed at my actions.
“No, but I have a boyfriend so a little space would be nice.” He smirked and scooted closer. At this point I was already at the arm of the couch and couldn’t move any further away.
“You didn’t mind the closeness this morning. It was quite intense wasn’t it?” He winked and placed his hand on my thigh. I immediately stood up and left.
I made my way up the stairs quickly and into the guest bedroom that I decided to clean out so that I could sleep in it and give Harry his room. I shut the door and locked it.
I surveyed the room. It wasn’t as bad as Anne led on. Yes the bed was covered and there were boxes scattered throughout the room but it wouldn’t be too hard to clear out a path and clean off the bed; so I began.
No sooner than the first box getting picked up by me did the bedroom door open and Harry appeared.
“The lock on this door is broken.” He shrugged and shut the door behind him and stepped closer to me. I had a box in my hands and I didn’t plan on putting it down. It would serve as a buffer between Harry and myself.
“Harry you have to stop this. You aren’t making the situation any better. I am getting kinda angry at you. You have to stop and respect the fact that I am with Ryan and stop making passes at me. I thought I made it pretty clear the night of your party that a friendship won’t work out.” He kept moving closer.
“That’s fine because I don’t want to be your friend. I want more. Put the box down Niall, stop being like this.” My back was against the wall but I kept tight to the box.
“No. All I could give you was friendship but you made a mess of that. So at this point it’s best that we don’t have anything.”
“You don’t mean that. Now stop being childish and put the box down so we can talk properly.” He placed his hands on the box in an attempt to take it from me.
“No Harry. Just give me some space please.” As hard as I am trying to remain firm in my stance, this whole situation is turning quite comical and the smirk on Harry’s face isn’t helping out any.
“Ok. You asked for it.” He quickly stepped to my side and began to tickle me.
I struggled trying to move my body away from him but I couldn’t do that successfully while still holding the box. I had no other choice to drop it but he continued his attack. I was breathing hard through my laughter and dropped to the floor and curled into the fetal position to shield my body the best that I could from his hands.
“Stoooop” I laughed out.
“No” he chuckled and continued.
“I can’t breathe….Harry…stop”
“Alright” He caved and I rolled onto my back to catch my breath and slow down the laughter. After a few moments I took notice that we were laying side by side on our backs; he was looking at me and I at him. I couldn’t help but smile.
“I miss that.” He softly says.
“Miss what?”
“Your laughter and that smile.” I half smiled in response and closed my eyes. I then felt his hand grace across my cheek and I opened my eyes slowly to meet his gaze. He rolled onto his side and I did the same. I propped myself up by my elbow and rested my head in my right hand. He did the same.
“We use to have fun like this all the time, Ni. We could have it again if you gave me a chance.” He placed his free hand on top of my left hand that was lying in between us. His thumb traced circular patterns on the top of my skin. I looked down; not ready to say anything. I watched as his fingers began to travel from my hand and up my arm, slowly.
Once his hand reached my shoulder, he moved slightly closer to me. His hand then began to move down over my side, down the dip of my waist and came to rest on my hip; he once again moved his body closer. He pulled slightly on my hip and our bodies pressed together. My head was still down and my eyes still closed. The rapid, intense, breathing had returned and the atmosphere in the room changed dramatically.
I could feel him shifting and then I felt his head press to my shoulder. I then felt his lips press to the fabric of my shirt on my shoulder.
“No, Harry” I softly breathed out. “I won’t cheat on Ryan.” His hand slide off my hip and wrapped over me, stopping at the very base of my spine, holding me tighter to him. He started to roll towards me causing me to roll onto my back. I finally opened my eyes and looked up at him. He hooked his leg over mine and moved his hands so they were propping him up, hovering over me.
“Harry….please…don’t.” He leaned down slowly and placed his forehead on mine and gazed into my eyes.
“I love you, Niall. So much. Please be with me.” He gently pressed his hips down on mine and slightly rolled up, causing his growing erection to rub against mine. This situation was so intense. The attraction between us can’t be denied and simple touches from him set my body on fire.
“I can’t, Harry.” He rolled his hips again and my natural instinct was to place my hands on his hips to hold him steady. All my resolve is melting and I can feel myself caving in. I need to stop this before I do something more than I should. I am already feeling horrible about what has happened so far. This should not continue.
“You need to stop, Harry. Now. Please.” He sighed but slowly lifted himself up off of me. He sat back on his feet and then stood up. He held his hands out for me to grab. I did so, and he helped me to my feet.
“Will you help me clean off the bed? I’ll sleep in here tonight so that you can have your room.”
“Sure. But I’ll stay in here. You keep my room.” He half smiled and not wanting to say anymore, I nodded and picked up the next box to move it out of the way.
The rest of the evening went smoothly. Dinner was lovely although slightly awkward between Harry and me but we both covered it up well. We sat around the family room and talked until it was time for bed.
I made a call to Ryan to say goodnight; well to tell him to have a good day and he said goodnight to me. After our call ended, I changed for bed and slid under the covers and closed my eyes. I couldn’t have been asleep for more than an hour when I woke up sweating. The temperature in the room felt like it was eighty degrees.
I got up out of bed and grabbed a drink of water from the bathroom and then opened the window just an inch to let some cool winter air into the room. I then stripped down to my boxers and climbed back into bed; only covering myself with the sheet and fell back asleep.
I let my eyes flutter open to take in the morning light streaming through the partly opened curtains. They were currently blowing side to side slightly due to the gentle morning breeze coming into the room. My body felt cold, but good. I pull the blanket over my body and snuggle up into it. I felt his arm wrap tighter around me, snuggling up to my back. I smiled and leaned my body back into his and held his arm tighter around my waist.
I moaned in comfort and intertwined my hands into his.
“I love you” he whispered into my ear and placed a kiss into the crook of my neck. I froze. That voice did not belong to Ryan. Those lips did not belong to Ryan. I opened eyes wide and looked down. Those hands I was holding did not belong to Ryan. This room is not mine, nor is it Ryan’s. I rolled over quickly only to be met with Harry’s sleepy eyes on mine.
“Harry! What the hell!” I yelled and jumped out of bed. “What the hell are you doing in here?!” I grabbed the blanket to wrap around my body. He sat up quickly and tried to speak but I cut him off.
“Out. Now.” I demanded and pointed to the door. He got out of bed and only then I could see that he had nothing on but his boxers, just like me. He exited the room without another word.
It was just about ten in the morning and we were saying goodbye. I promised to visit Anne and Des more and we made plans to have dinner when they are in London next. Harry and I didn’t say one word to each other all morning. After waking up with him in the bed next to me, I couldn’t even look at him, really. I know he was feeling bad but that was a step too far, I think. I was also feeling bad that I really enjoyed the feeling of being held in his arms but then again I thought it was Ryan before I really came to.
As soon as we got back to London, I dropped my parents off at Heathrow so they could catch their flight back to Ireland. It was a great visit with them and I really enjoyed it and will miss them very much.
I called Ryan as soon as I got home and after our conversation I got into bed, emotionally drained without any desire to do anything but sleep until tomorrow. And that is exactly what I did.
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Cover art Picture on the side designed by @1d_lover466 - Thanks, doll!! I appreciate it very much!! xx