The TV screen in my lounge turned fuzzy in black and white zig zags as I sat in between Louis and Harry. All of the boys were also curious as to what was on the tape, and seeing as they already knew of who I amwasand what I did, I decided to let them watch me.
I flicked through my TV screen's settings as I tried to bring up the video.
"What do you think it's about?" Harry asked, gently rubbing my knee.
"No idea, probably just my mother telling me about the KAA or what I should do now she's gone..." I said in frustration, before the TV screen flicked to a shot of my father's office. "What the hell?"
"What is it?" Louis asks.
"It's my dad's old offi-" my voice got cut off when a familiar voice filled my ears; a voice I hadn't heard in so long it ached my ears and heart. It was the voice I expected the least to be hearing right now, and it made me gasp and cover my mouth with one hand while the other clutched into my chest. The voice was calm and collected and he wass speaking gently, as though he was worried about waking somebody up.
"Robyn," my father said, walking into view and looking into the camera intently as he sat down, "when you see this video, I will probably be gone... because of the 'dangerous mission' I was on. The one that your mother probably informed you of? Well, I'm going to get straight to the point and I'm going to tell you now, Robyn, that I didn't die on that mission."
I choked silently on air and felt my entire body tense again. "Now, who knows, I may be dead now due to old age, an illness or murder, but I didn't die on February the 22th 2001, I ran away... It sounds so cowardly when I say it out loud," He sighed and ran his hands through his slightly grey hair, "I ran away because I was threatened... By Beckitt, but I don't want you to look for me... It'll risk your life as well as mine, but who knows? Maybe we'll see eachother again.
"Anyway, I know all of this is a shock to you, honey, and I don't want to press anymore stress into your life, but you need to know this. Remember that I still love you more than anything, along with your mum, and that what I'm about to tell you doesn't affect my feelings towards you."
I began to shift around nervously and I felt the tears fall down my face. Without looking, I noticed that the boy's eyes were focused on the screen, and they too looked quite nervous.
Dad sighed and rubbed his eyes before looking back up to the camera and smiling lightly. "Robyn... I am not your real father."
He went silent again, as though he knew that I'd freak out; and he was right to do so. I stopped breathing and heared soft gasps around me.
I just stared at the screen and the tears stopped flowing from my eyes, although I didn't know why. I felt as though I wanted to cry a river, an ocean even... But I didn't. My mouth was still open wide, although nobody could see due to my hand covering it. I felt as though my heart was in my throat and it was pulsing venom through my body; bitter, poisonous venom.
"But I'm still your father, your dad, your cuddly bear. Although we aren't blood related, it doesn't mean that I don't love you, nor does it mean that you aren't my daughter. You are, and I know that you might feel a little more... Distant from me now, but there's no need to. I AM your father, and I'm a better father then your other one ever was or ever will be-" My father was interrupted by a female voice, which sounded like my mother.
"Ryan, you need to hurry up if you want to catch the flight..."
"Alright, honey, just a second! Robyn, because I am no longer going to be around as a fatherly figure to protect you, although you don't exactly need protecting from me, I have decided to tell you now the name of your real father. You... You have no idea how hard this is for me to say, and I know you might take this badly, but you need to hear it... But firstly, I'm sorry for dumping all of these secrets on you in one short video. The fact that I'm not your blood father and that I'm probably still alive may be enough to crush you right now... but, Robyn, honey... Your real father is-" he seemed very hesitant and I knew that I was not going to like the answer to this big, life changing secret.
"Your real father is Raven."
My brain went fuzzy and I was unable to take in what my dad had just said. I felt as though I didn't even understand english. He just said a few random words that I didn't understand, but before I knew it, my heart that felt as though it was lodged in my throat sank all the way to my stomach. I felt a warm numbness wash over my body, telling me to run. The back of my throat ached and ached, although no tears were left to fall down my cheeks.
My father was silent again and I saw a tear falling down his cheeks. "I'm sorry..." he whispered. "Your mother and I never told you this when you were younger because we didn't think you'd understand the long term effects it'd have on you... so please don't blame her.
Lastly, I'd like to just tell you how sorry I am. I'm sorry I'm not there with you, I'm sorry I lied to you, and I'm sorry that you don't have me to talk to-"
Once again he was cut off by my mother. "Honey, I think she's about to wake up."
Me. I was going to wake up.
"Okay... I love you, but I also have to remind you not to look for me. Please, tell the same thing to Jen, although she's standing right here now..." he gave a small grin to my mother and pulled her into the camera's view as my heart broke over and over again. " I love you both with all my heart... Look after yourself, kiddo."
And with those last words, the video moved onto a clip of dad teaching me the piano when I was about 3 with my mother laughing behind the camera.
"Mum! Put the camera down!" I laughed, as I messed up my tune. Mum only laughed harder and my dad pulled me onto his lap.
"Ignore her, sweetie! Should we try again?" He asked me, looking at my little round face.
"Okay!" I chirped, placing my hands on the piano's keys.
"Ready, 1, 2, 3...!" My dad counted before our hands worked together to create a very familiar piece of music. My mother began to sing along to the song quietly, but I could hear her well because she was holding the camera. (Side)
"Stars shining bright above you,
Night breezes see to whisper I love you,
Birds singing in the sycamore trees,
Dream a little dream of me...
Say nighty-night and kiss me;
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me,
While I'm alone, blue as can be,
Dream a little dream of me..."
I couldn't continue to watch the tape and walked calmly out the room, knowing that if I ran, one of the boys would follow. I reached the cupboard underneath the stairs and walked down the marble stairs that lead me to my home gym.
I walked into another familiar room, well more of a box, with a window that had a view of the gym. My father had added this little box in so he could watch me training without being distracting (the window was a mirror from the inside, like in the police interigation rooms). I opened the second door to the bright white gym and quickly staggered over to the punching bag. I wrapped a bandage around my hand to protect it and began to punch as hard as I could, over and over again, letting my anger control me. I stopped after about 30 seconds and looked down, noticing that I was not in the right gear, so I quickly ran to my locker and took out my kit before getting dressed, not caring if anybody was going to walk in. I pulled down slightly on my black Nike sports bra and pulled up my leggings before pulling my hair up into a ponytail.
My outfit made me stand out compared to the gym. The gym (or what I like to call, Gymmy) was completely white. It had white punching bags, the targets were white with red spots, the weapon rack was white and the door was white as well. The only things that didn't blend in were the weapons themselves, which were black or brown, and me.
I walked towards a near by cupboard angrily and pulled out an old picture I had of him... Not creepy; it had bullet holes and punching marks all over it.
I slapped him onto the punching bag and punched, whacked, battered and kicked the picture in front of me. I felt water on my face and I was unsure whether it was my sweat or my tears.
As I punched, I thought of... everything really. My fucked up life.
Zayn hated me and was in love with the person who tried to kill him and I.
My mother died when she came to Washington D.C to look for me.
The people who killed her did it because of me.
My father wasn't actually dead and wouldn't tell me where he was.
Although there may be a possibility that he was also dead.
Turned out he wasn't my real father.
And that ... Raven was instead. Him.
ZAYN'S POV
"Should we go in?" Harry asked softly as we watched Robyn from the box room.
"No, let her get out her anger first," Liam sighed, putting his hand on Harry's shoulders.
"But she's going to hurt her fists!" Louis panicked watching Robyn closely.
"Look at her, guys, I don't think her fists are really the problem here..." Liam mumbled.
We all watched as Robyn repeatedly punched the bag over and over again, her punches getting stronger and her face reddening with rage. She looked... magnificent? I wasn't exactly sure whether that word fitted this particular situation, but she did. She was a great fighter, that was for sure, and she could really punch.
"Guys..." Niall spoke up, still watching Robyn, "Who's Raven?"
"No idea, mate," I said as I noticed that the hook that was attatched to the bag from the ceiling was breaking with each punch.
"He can't exactly be very good though, can he?" Harry stated.
"Why do you say that?" Louis asked.
"Well, look at her! She's going bezerk!" Harry gestured to Robyn, not letting his eyes slip. "And when he said 'raven' it was as though her whole body wanted to pounce onto something."
"Maybe that's because she's stressed. Her mother just died, and in one short tape she found out that her dad could still be alive, she doesn't know where he is and he isn't even blood related to her. She's realised that she has been lied to her whole life," Liam said, cocking his head to the side.
"Sure, that's enough to make me break out, but then who is the picture she's punching?" Harry asked thoughtfully.
We all stayed silent, unsure of what to say and watched Robyn when the bag flew across the room and hit the weaponery stand, knocking down a few knives.
"Oh my, God," we all breathed in, our hands covering our mouthes.
Robyn looked over at the stand and puffed in and out; in and out. She repeatedly straightened and bent her fingers as she walked over to another punching bag and hooked it onto the hook in the ceiling. As we imagined she was about to start punching again, we walked towards the door to her room, but surprisingly, she walked over to a stereo and played a recognisable song. I think it was 'I Giorni' by ...Einaudi? (External link)
As the song began, she walked over to a wooden bench and stood on top of it. She slowly and gracefully reached her arms above her head and stretched her whole body before bending so her hands were flat on the bench, and lifting her feet off the ground so her enitire body was verticle. I breathed in deeply and I saw the lad's mouths open in the reflection of the window as we watched.
Now she was doing a perfect handstand, she lifted her left hand off the bench as I felt my jaw hit the floor, and her left leg did the same, creating an F... if you can imagine that? Anyway, she held this position for what felt like 5 minutes before she straightened again and repeated with her right arm and leg. Eventually, she returned to a perfect handstand before she spread her legs apart and did the splits in the air.
Her hands turned her body around so we could now see her face, and we saw that her eyes were close and she was taking deep breaths.
"That's..." Louis began, but unable to finish.
"Incredible..." Harry breathed out.
Even more to our amazement, she crossed her legs so it looked as if she was sitting upside down and bent her arms so her body inched closer to the bench. She pushed herself back up again, and continued to do these... press ups?- for about two minutes when the song finished and she gracefully straightened her legs and flung herself off the bench.
She finally turned off the stereo and just sat on the bench, looking off into space, making me wonder about what she was thinking about.
You idiot, she's obviously thinking about her mother and father! I told myself.
"Should we go in now?" Louis asked Liam, taking a quick glance at him.
"Maybe only one of us should go in, I don't think we should make her feel uncomfortable and on the spot," Liam looked to me and gave me a little curious glare, "and I think it should be Zayn."
"Why Zayn?" Harry asked, frowning a tad.
"I don't know about you guys but I think they have a little bit of talking to do. They have barely spoken to eachother since she has returned to us."
The boyed look at me as I nodded at Liam gratefully and walk towards the door slowly. I opened the door and shut it quietly behind me, but she didn't turn to look at me, she just said, "This isn't the best time to be lectured, Zayn."
"I'm not here to lecture you... How did you know it was me?" I asked, walking over to her, but she still didn't sit up.
"I'm a spy, remember? I have to pay attention to tiny pieces of detail, even if that means that I have to listen to the tempo and dynamic of your footsteps."
"Ah..." I sat down next to her and looked at her but, she chose to ignore me again.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked after some awkward silence.
"What?" She asked, clearly surprised.
"About the video... do you want to talk about it?"
She finally turned to look at me and studied my face. She seemed to soften up a bit but then she looked as though she remembered something and her face went expressionless and hard again. "No," She looked away from me again.
"Too bad," I sighed, turning my body to face her.
"No," she grumbled again.
"Why not?"
"Because whenever I talk to you now, I'm constantly reminded of your opinion on me, which makes me realise that you don't give a shit at all and that you'll use the information I give you against me, probably to embarrass me!" She spat harshly, but I guess I deserved it.
'Robyn-"
"Anna!" She interrupted.
"-My opinion of you is the opposite of what I said in the park," I said, ignoring her interruption," I was angry... and besides, I'd never use any thing you tell me to embarrass you or to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you Robyn-"
"But you already did, Zayn! Angry words are calm thoughts, are they not?"
"This time it wasn't like that!" I exclaimed, sliding towards her a little bit. "I'd never think that you're worthless or unimportant or don't contribute to the world because you clearly aren't worthless or unimportant and you do contribute to the world... a lot! And when I compared you to Perrie I was just pissed off! You can trust me, Anna..." I held her hand in mine and I was surprised when she didn't pull back.
She looked at me again, her face soft with sadness. "Then why can't you trust me?"
At first, I didn't hear her properly due to the quietness of her voice and the tremble, but when I comprehended what she said, I sighed.
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's just hard to believe, you know?"
"Why is it so hard to believe?" She asked me, rubbing her forhead.
"Because it's Perrie!" I said, standing up suddenly, "She's so innocent, she's sweet, calm, she's… she's perfect."
Anna stood up whilst looking at the ground. "I understand, Zayn, I do. You have every reason to trust her and not me, she's your girlfriend and you love her whereas I'm just your…" she made a hesitant thinking face, "… I'm just another person to you. You can do what you want, Zayn, but I just want you to be safe."
I sighed. "You are so much more than 'another person' to me, Anna. Why don't you see that?"
"Why should I?" She asked, sitting down again and looking directly in front of her.
I said nothing but picked her up and hugged her, although she wasn't the lightest person in the world due to her muscel. "I'm sorry." I whispered into her hair.
She gave out a small, forced smile. "I'm fine."
"No you're not," I said, hugging her tighter.
I sat myself back down onto the bench with her on my lap and just held her tightly as she cried into my arms.
And I knew that we were going to be ok.
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Rubbish chapter, I know.
Sorry.