You can be six, twenty six or fifty one. But when you lose someone it stays with you.
Jared
Shannon followed me closely and I soon saw a familiar figure standing on the corridor, looking at the hospital room. Ella.
She was dressed in the same clothes she wore the day before and she looked pale and sickly. Her eyes were red and swollen. I looked into the room and saw her mother being disconnected from various machines. The sheet that was covering her was pulled over her face and both me and Shannon understood what had happened.
"Hey, hey...", I said trying to take her into my arms.
She rejected me brutally, looked straight at Shannon and murmured something. Without saying another word she went into the room and talked to one of the doctors. Neither of us made out the conversation.
"Ella...hey come here.", said Shannon protectively opening his arms the second she came out of the room.
She went into his arms and I felt a pang of jealousy the second he started comforting her. But it wasn't the right time nor the right moment for me to start questioning the relationship she had with Shannon. There wasn't anything there. I knew it all too well. Ella was the most professional person in the world when it came to work and private life. She never mixed them.
"If you need anything....", I started.
"I don't. I'm okay.", she replied coldly.
"Hey....hey...it's all gonna be okay.", said Shannon gently stroking her back.
"I can't come to Tokyo. I have to bury my mother in three days.", she added quickly, almost as an excuse.
"Reschedule your flight. For whenever you feel ready. It's okay.", I replied taking her hand into mine.
She squeezed it gently and looked back into the room. Her mother was taken away to the morgue and that moment made her cringe.
"When did this happen? She was okay yesterday. Stable...",I asked.
"When I got back to the hospital we sat and chatted for a little and then she went to sleep...I went to sleep next to her. And I was woken up by the machines. She went into cardiac arrest. The doctors tried to resuscitate her, but...there wasn't anything to do for her...", she explained through tears.
She locked her eyes into mine and I could read the pain and hate bottled up. I understood that all the hate was directed towards me.
"Hey...is everything okay?", I asked her the second Shannon went to get a coffee.
"It's fine. All is fine. I just need to get everything else sorted out. I need to go to Ireland though. This was her last wish...she always told me she wanted her ashes scattered from The Cliffs of Moher.", she said not having a single clue about what she had to do or where to start from.
"If you want I can co..."
"No. It's okay. I have to do it myself...you do your own thing...", she said bluntly.
I wanted to stay and comfort her but I felt she was better off without me. Shannon gave me the 'I'll stay with her look' and I turned around and left.
I went back home and started thinking. I also Skyped Clara.
"What's up stranger?", she said, clearly happy to hear from me.
"All good, getting ready for Tokyo. Still deciding what to pack..."
"How come you decided to call me? I thought we called it quits..."
"I know...", I said, rubbing my temples, clearly realizing my mistake.
"So what's with the sudden change of heart?"
"It's the fact that...I don't know what it is.", I said quickly.
For once in my life I didn't have the answers to everything. I wasn't 'the all-knowing Jared', as everyone else called me. I felt drained and lifeless. I wanted to be there for Ella, but for some reason she preferred Shannon over me. Shannon who treated her like hell in the beginning.
I cupped my head in my hands and ended the Skype conversation without a warning. Then, I went to my bedroom and started packing stuff mechanically. I started asking myself at which point did I start caring this much about Ella? Did I care about her? Or was it just a whim? I had to find that out. But I knew now it wasn't going to happen anymore. That road was closed now. Her pain was too big and she had to deal with it. The worst part was that she had to deal with it alone.
I got a text from Ella a few days later, explaining that she was sorry that she couldn't come to Tokyo with me. That she will keep on doing things as best as she could, given the circumstances, from Los Angeles and that it was better that way. I understood her completely. It was better to keep things professional between us. She had baggage and I had my own baggage and it would've destroyed us in the process. And Ella was a friend I never wanted to lose.
We were never meant to be together. We were perfect as friends, but as a couple it would've been a straight disaster.
~Tokyo 2016...two months later...the day I saw Her.~
"Ella so how are things going on at the office? Really? That's great! You're a lifesaver you know!...Me same old, same old...walking down the streets, looking at things. Found you a great souvenir....you'll love it...okay...now, tell me, how are you feeling?...That's good...seriously?...when?...You know I will be waiting at the airport for you...gotta go now...I'm at the cafe. Gotta order something, the waiter is already eyeing me. See you soon!"
Ella was a fighter, she gave me the great news she will be coming to Tokyo. She had finally decided that she was capable of taking that step. And that she had some news. She also sounded a lot better than the last times we talked. The air really seemed really cleared up between us.
I started wondering if there will be the same tension between us, like the last time we spoke face to face. But we will live to see that. Did I have feelings for her? No. I realized that she was more of a sister to me, than a potential girlfriend.
I took a seat at a table outside and admired the view. It was a bit nippy outside, but I soon got used to the weather and it didn't bother me that much anymore. I looked at the happy couple next to me, hand in hand, and then I turned my attention to a table in the far end of the cafe. There she was. A long set of jet black hair, let loose, a pair of oversized sunglasses covering her eyes, a round face with big full, red lips, a frame covered by a long, black coat. She was looking at something on her phone and ignored even the cigarette that was slowly burning in the ashtray.
As if she felt that she was being watched she lifted her eyes from her phone and looked straight at me. She smiled politely and resumed what she was doing. I on the other hand, felt like a kid who saw something that he would like to go to. Which I did. Force of habit. I was never the type of person to wait for opportunities, I made them. And a stunning woman wasn't something to let go of that easily. Especially not a stunningly smart dressed woman. What can I say? I'm a sucker for women dressed in smart clothes. Reminded me of the days I was in school, drooling over my art teacher's legs.
"Do you mind if I take a seat here next to you?", I said taking a seat without waiting for her reply.
"Mr. Leto, you are as cheeky as they say you are.", she said slowly taking off her glasses and looking into my eyes, with a pair of dark brown eyes.
"At least you've saved me the effort of having to introduce myself.", I replied back.
"Well, it's not so often that someone is blessed by the company of a remarkable man like you. I thought my trip to Tokyo would be very boring, but it soon got interesting.", she smiled revealing a set of perfectly white teeth.
"Not everyday a man like me finds such an exotic beauty sitting alone at a coffee table."
"I think you've mistaken me by calling me exotic. After all, we are in the country of exotic beauties.", she smiled politely.
"I'm really sorry I didn't get your name.", I said trying to shift the spotlight on her and not me.
"Anka. My name is Anka.", she replied politely.
"You're so lucky, I've worked with someone that shared the same name as you. Polish, Russian origins?"
"Unfortunately I'm not blonde enough to be Russian, and my Polish is far too bad for my liking. Try guessing again."
"From your accent I might go for British or Irish, but unfortunately your name is the less Irish or British thing I've ever heard. And my luck regarding the Irish, well, let's just say I wasn't that lucky in that department. Where are you from?"
"I'm from Romania. But you were right I do have a certain connection with Ireland in particular. I have been living there for the last years."
"So I get it you're here for leisure."
"In a matter of speaking, yes. What brings you to Tokyo?"
"I'm shooting a new movie. But I'm also happy I saw you today. It's like a bonus to everything. Would you like to have another coffee or a hot chocolate with me?"
She smiled again and put her gloves on her fingers with impeccable manicure.
"I would've loved to, but I have to be somewhere right now.", she replied, putting her phone in her bag.
"Would you like to have dinner with me sometimes?"
"I don't think we will ever meet again, but thank you for inviting me. Have a great day Jared.",she said, taking her bag and waving me goodbye.
I watched her leave the cafe and go down the street. I wasn't going to leave it like that. I threw a couple of notes on the table and caught up with her.
"Hey, I really want to have dinner with you.", I said pulling her by the arm gently.
She smiled at me and got closer to me as if she wanted to kiss me. She took my hand in hers, without me noticing and then she squeezed it gently. Her expression softened for a change and then quickly became rigid.
"I would love that too...but I can't...I would only bring you trouble...and I don't want that...so please...just leave it as it is...", she whispered slowly in my ear.
She continued her way and I just stood there, watching her shoulders balance from side to side. She turned round again and smiled at me politely. And then went inside a building not far from where I stopped her.
I was fascinated. I wanted to know more about her. What did she mean that she would bring me trouble?
I also had an ace in my pocket. Ella. She was the best at tracking people. Ella will know what to do. She will know where to find her. Jesus, she was a lifesaver. With only a name she would find everything there is to know.
I went back to my hotel and tried focusing on work. Unfortunately my mind was set on Anka. Her brown eyes, the look she had when she told me she would only be trouble to me. I felt she wanted to stay and talk to me more, but something was pulling her from doing so.
As I was looking for my phone I saw a card falling onto the floor from my jacket pocket. It had a phone number printed on it. No name. Where did this come from? Whose phone number was this? I not remember meeting with anyone and giving me his card. Maybe an eager girl willing to meet slipped it in my pocket. I decided to stop thinking about it and focus on other things. After all if anyone wanted to talk to me they had my phone number.
I checked my emails and saw a message from Ella who sent me her flight details. I started giggling at the fact that she still used emails to send me stuff like that. She was such an old fashioned fool.