Everyone who's still sticking around with Living in Sin, thank you so much. I'm very sorry for the long periods between updates. I'd been editing the entire story from the start and then I went and broke my laptop so there's that. Anyway, I don't know if I need to say this, but I'm not going to leave this story hanging. I'll finish it and will do so in the way I'd intended to from the beginning without rushing the story line. I will try to update more often from now on.
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--- Rina ---
I slowed my pace a little before rounding the corner, where I figured Jen would be waiting. She was, as I found out.
"Hey, what took you so long? I was just going to call you." She said in a worried voice, putting the phone back in her purse, then asked the obvious question. "And why haven't you changed?"
"I did, ... ... then I changed back into this."
"What? What do you mean?" She took a gentle hold of my arm while her other hand came to my forehead. "Are you feeling okay?"
"No, I'm okay. I'm just not feeling like it."
"The training?"
"Yes. I mean, I wanna be on the team, I really do. It's just ... ... ... they're all waiting for me out there right now, right?"
She drew out a small sigh and shook her head, smiling.
"Baby, you know, ... I've actually witnessed girls your age try to be the centre of attention. It's almost like a normal thing to do."
"It's not that I don't want that."
"Yeah, right."
"It's different this time. Really. 'cause—" I paused, when I suddenly realized she was leading me back into the building. "Umm, where're we going?"
"Well, back to the parking lot. I thought you wanted to skip it today."
"Well, I was kind of expecting a little bit of resistance. Maybe a lecture. Besides I thought you already talked to the assistant coach."
"I'll call him. Look," she stopped walking and held me at arm's length. "I know you just love to delay things."
She paused, as if waiting for me to weigh in on the matter. I knew better, though. She let out a smug smile and continued.
"You and I both know I don't encourage that attitude, but honestly, I was being inconsiderate talking you into this after the day you've had, so I'll let you get away with this one time. ... But you have to start this thing come Monday, alright?"
I nodded, and she smiled before leaning in to kiss my forehead.
"Come on, we'll drop you off at home, where you'll stay till Nicole gets back. I think Edward and I won't be home till midnight." She said as we resumed walking. "Speaking of whom, Nicole's not gonna be happy about this."
"What do you mean?"
"She gave this whole speech, or death threats, to her teammates about what happens to whoever touches you." I smiled imagining that scene, and Jen caught it. "You know, I've been wondering. You two have bonded really well. How'd that happen?"
"We just did." I muttered, and not really wanting to get into it, I changed the subject. "So, did you tell Liz to just go home?"
"Yeah, that. Please, tell Elizabeth I'm really sorry. I sent her home because I figured they'd pester you the moment you were out the door after the hearing and I wanted you to have some alone time. ... ... ... And then I end up setting you up for football. It's even more silly when you say it out loud."
"Yes, it is." I earned a playful sideways glare from her for that remark. "So what about dinner?"
"I'm afraid you'd have to order take-out, honey. I'm sorry."
"No, I mean. Do you want me to prepare something for when you get home? I know you don't like restaurant food."
"You know I don't, but I'll make do. Besides, restaurant food is what I've been living on for the past week. But you get yourself something nice to eat, okay? You still have money?"
"More than enough."
She nodded and then took out her phone as we reached the exit, but she stopped me from going out.
"Wait. Stand back," she commanded while she also took a few steps back herself. I rolled my eyes but instead of complaining, did as I was told, while the woman took a picture of me on her phone. "Perfect."
She'd always had this little habit of keeping photos of me in different outfits and situation. It was adorable but also felt weird sometimes.
"I think I already have one of you in a school uniform, but I really like this one. Look at you in that little skirt."
"I'm glad you enjoy it."
She giggled and ruffled my hair before finally going on to call the assistant coach and tell him I wouldn't be there for today. By the time she hung up, we'd already reached the parking lot, where Edward was waiting by the car.
"Are you coming back with us, Rina?"
"Yes. We have to drop her off at home first." Jen answered for me while I nodded. She then turned to me. "Maybe you wanna go to Elizabeth's place? You could spend the day there."
"That sounds better. I'll have to call her first and make sure she'll be home, though."
"Or, maybe she' still here."
I took out my phone whie she joined her husband, who caught me staring and let out a smile. I smiled in return and turned away just as Liz finally decided to pick up the phone on the other end.
"Hey."
"Hey, how'd everything go? I would've waited but Jen said--"
"Yes, and she's sorry."
"Again tell her not to be. So how'd it go?"
"It went okay. Where're you right now?"
"Downtown. At a movie theatre for a re-run of this ... I forgot the name. it's this old Japanese samurai film Yuki talked us into."
"Oh."
"Why? Wait, you're not home alone, right?"
"No, but I'm about to be. On our way back now."
"What? I thought Jen was gonna be with you all day. That's why l left." She sounded almost pissed and I smiled in silence. "Anyways, I'll be there."
"No, don't. just finish the movie."
"Rea, it's okay."
"No, it's okay. Stay for the movie and call me when you're finished. I'll come to your place. ... ... Eh, just come to my place." She chuckled and probably shook her head in silent judgment 'cause she didn't say anything back. "Just call me before you do, and please, please, please, go to your place first and get my phone before coming here, all right?"
"Well, somebody's desperate-- ... ... uhh, the movie's about to start. You really sure you don't want me to come over right now?"
"No, Liz. Stay."
"Alright, then. I'll be there in a few hours. Just make sure I have something to eat. Okay, gotta go."
We said our byes and I hung up then walked back over to the car. Jen poked her head out the window on the front passenger side but I answered her before she even asked.
"Just home please."
I took out what was left of my share of the pizza before putting the box back in the fridge. Time for laundry and then some sleep.
I headed out of the kitchen and made for my room, but I heard the phone in the living room go off just as I passed it. I rather quickly found the ringing device which I'd never had to answer before.
"Hi, this is Rin-- ... uhh, Taylor's residence."
"Is this Rina?" asked a strong voice, and I knew who it was before he told me. "It's me. Derek. You sound ... different."
"Oh, hey!" I gobbled down the last piece of pizza I'd been munching on before I could continue. "Hey, what's up?"
"Okay, aheh, what's going on?"
"Nothing, I was just swallowing something. ... Food. Pizza," I struggled to make sense, before letting out an embarrassed laugh.
"Figures," he breathed out a chuckle. "So, we had a break and I just felt like calling you. You don't mind, right?"
"No. No, of course not. So, ... did Jen give you this number last night?"
"You mean last night when you went to your room saying you'd be back and never came out again? That last night?"
"About that." I mumbled, feeling terrible. "I really meant to call you and apologize. I went in for a shower and it ended up being unusually long. When I was finished you were gone. I'm really sorry."
"It's okay. I had a nice talk with Nik's dad." He paused as if waiting for me to say something, which I didn't. "Anyways, I got this number from one of Nik's friends. I called your phone a few times, but you weren't answering."
"Yeah, sorry. I don't have it with me at the moment."
"Hm, ... so did everything go okay at the hearing?"
"Um, ... yes," I was a little surprised he knew but then again, he must've heard from Yuki or Maja last night. "It went well. I'm not gonna get kicked out of school."
"That's great, at least for me."
"You wouldn't think it but it came as pleasant news for me too. ... Uhh, can you hold on a second?" I asked when I heard another call come in. "Hello, Taylor's residence."
"Rina, hey!" said Nicole's unmistakable voice, surprising me. "Are you home alone?"
"Yes. Your father had this meeting, and they both went."
"And Elizabeth's not there?"
"No. why?"
"Because I don't like her," she joked, or jokingly confessed. "So have you had anything for lunch? I could pick something up for us. I'm on my way home."
I felt a bit weary at that. "Umm, it's okay. I just had pizza."
"Well, there's nothing wrong with having a proper lunch one more time. Do you like indian food?"
"I don't mind, but there's still lots of pizza left. Or if you want, I could make something for you. You know, like French Toast."
"Orrr?" She drawled out, and I let out an inadvertent giggle. She laughed and said, "Sorry, I don't really like French Toast."
"No, it's okay. Umm, how about stir-fry? I guess I could make some ... ... form of it."
"I'd really really take that risk."
I couldn't hold back a smile at her enthusiasm. It felt weird, too. The last time we'd talked this morning, we'd lied to each other's faces. So naturally I was convinced that our next conversation would be equally full of melodrama and pretense, and that I wouldn't get to be myself again.
And here we were, talking about food and enjoying it.
"Rina? You still there?"
"Yes, I am. Sorry." I apologized with an embarrassed giggle. "So, uhh, the training's finished?"
"No, but I can't play. My foot's hurting pretty bad. So I'm coming back."
"I didn't realize it was that bad," I worried, remembering seeing her limp around the house. "Shouldn't you have it checked out?"
"I'm actually on my way to the clinic right now, but I'm just getting it on record. So it shouldn't take long."
"Why don't you have a proper look at it? Like, go to a hospital or something," I insisted, "I mean, what if it gets worse?"
"I will. Tomorrow. For now, I just wanna get home."
For a couple seconds, neither one of us said anything. I was the first to break the moments-long silence. "I guess if you're really that hungry, I better get to cooking."
"You better," she chuckled. "Okay, I'll see you in a bit."
"Okay, see you."
We both waited a while before she hanged up first, and with that small lingering smile, I sunk back into the couch. Yes, I still had a lot of things to work out with Nicole, but as of right now, I was a part of this family. ... Then I realized there was someone else waiting for me on the line.
"Derek. ... ... Derek, you still there?"
There was no answer. I did some pondering before pressing call-back, but only got the voice-mail, which suddenly made me feel terrible and then confused. With everything that was going on, should I really make time for a relationship, or even love?
Did I want to?
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
--- Nicole ---
With a grin, I hung up and stepped into the clinic. The place was deserted as usual on Sundays but I'd hoped to find the doctor who was supposed to be on duty – who I found out wasn't. I didn't see the nurse either, or any of the interns.
"Hey," said a voice from behind me, and I let out a small groan. I wasn't expecting to run into her here. ... No, I was expecting to not run into her. "Afternoon, Nik."
"Didn't know you worked Sundays, Becky."
That query earned me a small obligatory smile from the head nurse of the school clinic, whose secret daughter would now be busy in the kitchen, probably in that cute little apron, cutting up vegetables and cooking me lunch. God, I wanted to get home!
"So what's going on?" asked the woman as she sat down at the front desk. I took a seat in the nearest waiting chair.
"I seemed to have sprained my ankle yesterday. It's been killing me."
"Does your Coach know?"
"You know your husband would flip out if he saw me limping around. I'm glad he's in Berkeley today. I'd much rather I'm far away when he finds out about this."
She breathed out a slight chuckle as she took out the log book from the drawer. "Okay, how did it happen, and when?"
"I just tripped going down the stairs yesterday evening. It wasn't as bad at first, but morning came and I couldn't jog or even walk properly at times."
"Right, well, I'm afraid the doctor won't be back for today."
"No, it's okay. This is all I need," I said, pointing to her jotting everything down in her logbook. She nodded without looking up.
"I'd say come here first thing tomorrow morning to let us have a proper look, but I'm sure all you need is rest and take good care of it. The same old routine."
I nodded, and she got up to walk over to the wall of cabinets, never meeting my eyes.
""I'll give you a package just in case."
"No, I'm okay. I got everything at home."
"Even braces?"
"Yes."
"Hmm," she nodded and sat back down at the desk. "Well, if, god forbids, it gets worse and there's unbearable pain, you can always call either of the doctors. Or me. I'll be up at the Oakland General from eight to midnight for tonight."
"I will, thanks."
She threw a brief glance at me with a warm smile before going back to her files, and I knew that was her way of telling me to get out. And God knows I should have.
"Well, I guess that's it then. Thanks for the help. ... ... I'll tell Rina you said hi."
She froze, and I let out a sigh; I seriously needed better hold of my tongue. Nothing was said for a while, but I waited. Long enough time had passed when she finally found her voice.
"So ... how is she?"
"She's great, actually. She's doing better than I would've expected."
She gave me the slightest of nods, but it looked more like an agreement than an obligatory reply. Then she admitted what I'd come to suspect. "I was at the hearing this morning. She didn't see me, but ... ... That woman, Jennifer. She seems to really love Rina."
"Like her own daughter."
"And Rina?"
"Rina what?"
"Does she love her too?" It was a pointless question, and whichever answer I gave wouldn't have mattered. She knew that too, obviously, as she broke the gaze with a sigh.
"Look, Becky. She's going through a lot right now. She may be handling everything well, but I think it's too soon to bring up the subject of ... well, you."
"Of course, I understand," she said with a small weary nod.
"Which is why I have to ask you this. ... ... ... Seeing you and your son was the main reason Rina tried to kill herself."
I paused to let that sink in, and couldn't help but enjoy the satisfaction in reminding the woman of the harsh truth, and her despicable actions and their consequences. But the way her head hung did make me feel terrible.
"I'm sorry. That came out ... strong."
"No, that's okay," she coughed to get rid of the rasp in her voice and sat up. "You were saying?"
"I just have to be sure that something like that won't ever happen again. Can you promise me that?"
It took her a moment to reply, but much to my surprise, that reply was a small faraway smile on her lips, then she breathed in a whisper, "Why does it still surprise me when I find out that someone cares about her more than I do?"
"I wasn't trying to judge you. I'm in no position to do that, either. But I do care about her, in my own way. ... So can you give me that promise, Becky?"
"I'll let you know before I do anything," she muttered, but the promise she made next – where she said, "I won't hurt her again." – was more to herself than me, I nodded an okay anyways, but before I got ready to get up and say goodbye, she started again. "So you're family."
Argh, how I hated that label. She noticed the frown but said nothing.
"You could say that," I gave in after a moment, her daughter waltzing into my mind.
"Can you give her something for me? You don't have to say it's from me. ... I mean, of course, you can't say that. She'd never take it if she knew."
"You might be surprised. ... Anyways, it's nothing conspicuous, right? Like a letter, or something."
"No, of course not," reassuring me with palpable joy, the woman sprung to her feet and rushed into the backroom. "Just a second. I'll get my coat."
"Umm, how's that?" I finally remembered to ask when she was back outside with her coat and purse in each hand, ready to go.
"Oh, it's at my house, You have to come with me first. I'll give you a lift home afterwards."
I started to complain but then asked myself why. I was going to take a cab anyways – no point in turning down a ride home. Besides there was even a chance I might learn what Rina was like in her childhood.
"Okay, then," I agreed as I rose to my wobbly feet. "Lead the way."
The door was locked, but wanting to surprise her, I decided to use my own keys. But just after I'd taken them out, the door swung open from the inside, and out stepped The Girl In The Apron, her face wearing nothing but a thin veneer of sweat and a few locks of her black hair matted on her forehead. She looked raggedy and wildly sexy, even with that innocent smile on her face.
"Hey!" Rina greeted, though with less of the cheerfulness I'd hoped to find after our talk on the phone.
"You look tired," I remarked, then finally noticed the garbage bag she was holding. "Sorry I'm late. I got held up. ... Give me that."
"No, it's okay. Just go on in."
"I said give me that," I demanded, blocking her way when she tried to walk past me out of the house, "and you take this."
She must've sensed the seriousness hidden in my playful insistence, before giving up with a shake of her head. I handed her the poly bag in my hand, the contents of which she immediately started examining.
"What's this? ... ... ... Cheese-cake. Awesome!"
"And cookies," I added. "Go in."
I turned around before she did, and limped back outside to take out the garbage, and couldn't help an instinctive scanning glance at the house next door on my way back. The place looked empty and it'd been a while since I'd last seen that creep who lived there, but still you could never be too careful.
Rina was by the sink with her back to me when I entered the kitchen. She glanced over her shoulder while I walked over to the fridge.
"Everything's ready. You haven't eaten, right?"
I mumbled an mmm gulping down the water, and answered with a leading glance at the covered pan on the stove. "Of course not. That is the only thing I have room for this afternoon."
"You might be regretting it in a few minutes," she said with a sheepish chuckle and went back to washing the utensils. "Go get washed up. We'll eat when you're back."
I gave her a kiss in my head before grabbing my backpack and heading upstairs. Naturally I decided to skip the shower but the self-treatment on my ankle still took long. It was about 30 minutes later when I came back down, and found the kitchen empty, and the table hadn't been set yet.
I took a purposeless glance back into the corridor then the empty living room before entering. I lifted the cover and peeked into the pan on the stove. The vegetable-and-meat fry looked delicious and smelled incredible, and only then did I realize how famished I was.
I poured all the stir-fry in a big bowl and finished setting the table with two plates of rice. It seemed she'd also tried to make chicken soup but it didn't look finished so I left it alone. I'd sliced two wedges of cheese-cake and was sitting down when she came in.
She looked fresh, already in new clothes – a V-neck tee and sweatpants; the t-shirt was plain white except for its short black sleeves; and she'd rolled the grey pants up to below her knees. Below that she had on a pair of white ankle socks, and my old Crocs which were too big for her feet completed the adorable picture that was Rina Haven.
"That's fast," she opined, taking a seat across the table from me.
"I skipped shower," I explained and got a scrunched-up nose in response. I chuckled and picked up the silverware, "Let's eat. I'm starving."
Then we dove in. At least, I did, and we didn't say much until after I'd cleaned up my plate and more than half of the stir-fry in the bowl. After getting another plateful of rice, I finally remembered something I'd made a mental note of earlier.
"So uhh, you've probably been taught about this since you were two," I paused to swallow, "but lock the door when you're alone and be careful when you take out the trash or you know, just pretty much when you're home alone in general."
"Why?" she frowned with concern.
"There's this freak next door. The guy always seems to be watching. And I don't like the way he looks at me. Maybe it's nothing, but you know, ... just be careful."
"Oh," she muttered with a momentary stare as if in thought, then sighed a little, "I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you, but I guess you should know."
"Know what?" This time, the frown was mine.
"Jen once told me your father hired someone to look out for you. I don't know much, but she said they're his friends from the army."
"They?" She gave me a small nod, and I sighed, my frustration still unhidden though. I didn't know why I was angry, but I was.
"I didn't really like Edward," she confessed out of the blue, surprising me. "We didn't exactly hit it off when we first met, and then I found out how he left you. ... ...," she trailed off and her eyes caught mine before she went on. "He turned out way better than I thought him to be back then, you know. He cares about you and he's trying to make it up to you. Jen says half of the time they spent together, all he says is Niki this and Nikki hat."
"I know, Rina, but ... ... ..."
I found myself hesitating, but suddenly couldn't see a reason why. I wanted to share my life with this girl and if I was to share, it couldn't just be giggles and smiles.
"But it's more than just forgiving him because it's not just about him. it's hardly ever been about him." It was no secret that she'd hoped for me to open up, and yet a look of surprise hanged over her face as I confessed, "In all honesty, I might even have to thank him for giving me a reason to be angry at someone other than myself."
To her credit, she didn't ask or even say anything when I went quiet. Then again she always seemed to understand me somehow.
"Well, I could worry about all that later," I started after a minute of silence. "I still gotta get used to this new family he'd brought in."
It took her a moment to understand my attempt at a joke – a poor attempt, and a cruel joke. Still she smiled. "Don't worry. I'll help you. I'd have to start with getting back your appetite, though."
"Oh, fear not, I'm still licking that bowl clean."
She let out a giggle, never mentioning her own appetite – her plate was only half-eaten. But then I remembered her saying she'd had pizza earlier. I poured most of the stir-fry still in the bowl into my plate, as she reached for her cheesecake. I pondered over it a little, and finally decided to tell her.
"It's from your mother." She looked up, not understanding at first what I'd just blurted out, but in time that confused half-smile slowly disappeared from her face. "She didn't say anything else, except not to tell you that it's from her."
It took her a moment to respond, in the form of a nod. She'd broken the gaze by then, staring at something on my arm and obviously seeing nothing. I heard her breathe out a small sigh, then she looked down at the cake and spooned a small chunk of it before putting it in her mouth.
The smile on her face when she met my eyes again as she savored the food her mother had made for her; that little smile made me realize I'd never really seen her smile before, and I felt closer to her than I ever had. Nothing much was said after that. By the time she finished the cake, I was starting on my own dessert, and she put her plate in the empty bowl of stir-fry then started gathering the rest of the finished dishes.
"So, Dad and Jennifer," I asked, just as she finished putting all the dishes in the sink. "How'd they meet?"
"Oh, ... um, Jen was the Chief Financial Analyst for one of your father's companies. But I think they met before then. She said she'd helped him out with some company buildings. She also does real-estate part-time. Did, I mean."
I gobbled up the rest of the cake and walked over to where she was now doing the dishes, "We do have a dishwasher, you know."
"I know. Give me."
I handed her the empty plate, and leaned against the counter sideways, regarding her profile as she did the washing up. Then the one question I'd never remembered to ask before came bubbling up to my brain. "So how long did they know each other before they got engaged?"
She mumbled a hmm, thinking back, "About a year, I think."
"That's fast," I mumbled under my breath, realzing it was just a year after mom's passing. I shook the thought away, and just watched her at work, when it finally occurred to me to help. "So, uhh, I can't believe I've never asked you this."
She threw me a glance as I grabbed some of the washed dishes and started putting them on the draining board, which earned me an appreciative smile from her. Also, the act afforded me the opportunity to breathe her in whenever I leaned over close to her, and by the second trip when I finally asked her, I'd gotten hooked on her shampoo's lavender scent her hair gave off.
"How did you feel when you first found out about their engagement? I do know that you didn't like my dad."
Her eyes were already back on her hands at work but she looked down even further sheepishly.
"I didn't exactly hate the news, you know," she muttered. "Jen needed someone to talk to about things that I wouldn't understand, and she loved him."
I almost thought of asking if Dad loved her too, but that was a stupid question, I reminded myself.
"Besides, I knew it'd have taken the burden off Jen's back, which it did. She was working harder than anyone I'd ever known to support our family, meaning me. For my tutors and personal trainers." She fumbled with the waste disposal but got it before I moved to help. "Their marriage meant she no longer had to worry about our financial security, something she'd lost since the day she took me in."
Turning around to meet my eyes, she confessed that in total honestly which should've surprised me but somehow didn't.
"So I wasn't exactly opposed to it, to answer your question."
I gave her a content smile, and grabbed a wet-cloth. While I started cleaning the dinner table, she settled back against the edge of the sink, her arms folded below her breasts, and the T-shirt seemingly grew in size. I looked away fast enough before she caught me leering, though.
"So, did I hear tutors?"
"Mm, I'd been home-schooled since I moved in with her. She didn't feel I was ready for a real school. ... That's one of the reasons I was really excited about moving here."
"Why didn't she think you were ready?"
She hesitated, the same way I had earlier, but it didn't take her as long to open up. "... I kind of had some trouble fitting in at the orphanage. I swore to her that It wasn't a big deal, but you know, Jen's just ... ... she worries too much it annoys me sometimes."
"Yeah, well, if it's anything, I don't like her either." She giggled and looked up at me, the past still lingering in her eyes. I finally finished cleaning the table, and announced loudly. "Well, that's enough interrogation for today. Time for good cop."
"Heh, no," she chuckled, brushing a hand over her hair aimlessly. "I like this, us getting to know each other."
"Can we at least do it with a movie on or something? I mean, we got all day and the whole house to ourselves, which makes us look ridiculous standing in the kitchen."
"Um, that reminds me. I still have a lot to do. Laundry. And homework."
"Unless you have a fetish for handwashing everything, I'd leave the laundry to the machines. And homework? Please be kidding."
"Yeah, but ... Liz is already on her way over." She giggled when I scrunched up my face. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be home."
"Yeah, well," I whined, scratching my buzz-cut head. "At least she's not sleeping over, right?"
"Of course not. I'll send her back after-- ... ..." The sudden and unreasonably loud pounding on the door cut her off and drew a sigh out of me. When the noise finally ceased, I clambered off the tabletop. "God, I forgot to ask. Is your foot getting any better?"
"Not at the moment, but I just need to rest it."
She nodded, and for a split second, her eyes dropped down to my hand – and my bruised knuckles which'd punched through the mirror in her bathroom last night. She said nothing, though. The loud knocking came once again and she sighed in annoyance.
"Can't we just make her go away?"
She met my eyes with an amused smile. "I wish. ... I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. I'll be upstairs if you need me."
She gave me another nod, and I limped after her out of the kitchen and stood at the entrance to watch her as she walked to the door. Her hair cascaded down her back more messily than usual. The t-shirt hugged her frame more tightly than her normal wardrobe of blouses had, and her slim waist was on display. And the swell of her ass under those sweatpants completed the hour glass mesmerizingly.
I breathed out a sigh and turned back just as she reached the door, but instead of hearing that high-pitch squeal of her red-head friend, another kind of unbearable noise erupted in the air – unbearable but all too familiar. I let out a groan and started wishing I could sink into the floor and disappear.
Elizabeth would've made much more pleasant company.
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~
--- Rina ---
"Tell you the truth, I was expecting something a little more than pizza."
"Well, that's all you get," I shrugged and sat down at my night desk. Putting the phone I'd just gotten back from her on the desktop, I sighed when she went ahead and climbed on the bed, "At least be careful not to spill, okay? I just changed those sheets."
She rolled her eyes but didn't retort, mainly because her mouth was stuffed. I turned on my laptop and logged onto the school website, browsing through the assignments I'd have to turn in by the end of this month. It wasn't much, but I'd still need at least two nights to finish them, that is, if Liz helped me.
I jumped to the sports section and clicked soccer. As I'd expected, I'd made the reserves team and had been given the number 42. There was only a blank in the space which was supposed to show what role I was supposed to play. Maybe the coach, as per his reputation for being secretive, wanted to play things close to the chest.
I clicked through the first line-up of the last game, and familiarizing myself with the team. I didn't know the keeper, Sanchez. Clayton was a left full-back; Adam the same but he played on the right; Jeremy was a attacking midfielder; and Nicole, the number ten, was of course the team's centre forward. Unlike I'd inadvertently expected, it wasn't her but Tristan, a centre back, who had the captain arm-band. And Derek was the defensive midfielder. The rest of team, I'd seen around the school but wasn't familiar with.
By the time I'd finished with the line-up, so was Liz with her pizza. She put the box down on the floor while I browsed through the few training videos and then hit play on one. "So, how did the hearing go? You're not suspended or anything, right?"
"It's more like Let's keep lawsuits out of this kind of meeting. No one said it out loud but we could actually sue the school if we wanted, Jen told me after the meeting. I had to sign this waiver and got fined $2000."
"What?! Seriously?"
"Yeah," I shrugged, "This reporter who you talked about--"
"Oh, yeah. Had a grudge for the school."
"I'm not to talk to her ... well, practically anyone about this incident. There was also talk of that video of Nicole giving me CPR, but there's nothing they can do about it. Besides, it's pretty harmless so ..."
"So they bought it that it was an accident?"
"I don't really know. Maybe they just didn't have any other choice. Though, it really helped Katherine was on our side. And she told me afterwards the we can't skip swimming practice, much less drop out of the squad because of this."
She chuckled, "I heard a rumor that we're all gonna have to wear standard uniform."
"They didn't talk about it, but we'll know at the next assembly." I shrugged, and she nodded, before lying down on the bed. "Do you know Alex Morgan?"
"That striker in the US national team?"
"OUR national team. United States is your country now, not the Kingdom."
"Yeah, yeah. ... Sure, I know her. Why?"
"She went to UC Berkeley. Right here."
"Really? That's awesome."
"Yeah, it is. Get better than her, alright? Get in the school's first line-up. Then the District's, U-21s, the National Team. Win the World Cup and become a natural treasure."
"That's the idea," I said with a small chuckle, while she clutched her head and moaned.
"Gosh, this headache! I blame Yuki. That movie was way longer than humanly tolerable." She squeezed her eyes tight, sinking into the pillow with more gusto than what would've seemed normal.
My attention went back to the training video – and Nicole who was there – while my mind drifted back to my thoughts, which now included my future in soccer thanks to Liz. It kinda gave me a break from things I'd been dealing with lately, reminding me that Nicole was just a part of my life.
"You know, I was thinking last night."
"About Steve?"
But she went on, unaffected by my joke. "No, it's just that ... ... That I'm really happy that I'm a part of this."
"Okay," I said, feeling uncertain. She tilted her head and looked me in the eye.
"You remember when we found out you were possibly raped?"
And just like that, the little ray of light I'd rediscovered in my life earlier dimmed again.
"I never told you this but I knew right then that it was Nik. ... ... I also never told you that I told Nik that I knew, and that I'd tell everyone what she'd done if she didn't stay away from you. I kept thinking – what if I'd done that, you know. Tell everyone. Surely things would never have gotten they way they have."
I let out an unhidden sigh, "Liz, this isn't your fault."
"Maybe a little bit," she pondered. "I'm glad that I didn't do anything. Now I'm going through what's the shittiest part of your life ... together with you."
My heart that'd turned to stone warmed a little, and I looked away without hiding my smile.
"So," she rolled on to her side and got comfortable, in the full-on mode for this conversation, "when did you find out it was Nik?"
I stared at her some, unable to answer right away. When I actually did something, though, it was getting out of the chair. It surprised Liz until she realized I was just going to lock the door. I checked the hallway and even spent a moment listening for any sound from the basement – there was none – before closing the door.
Liz patted the spot on the bed in front of her but I climbed over her and settled between her lying form and the wall, my back against the wall and my legs thrown across hers. She'd rolled back onto her back now, eyes on me.
"If you could believe it, I've never really thought about that night. I was freaked out that day, and kept wondering who did it to me, but since then – and until you brought it up just now – I never bothered with it again. Like it never even happened. I "
I said those words, and processed them in the back of my head. Naturally, I wanted to cry, to rip my face off and banged my head into the wall behind me.
"What is wrong with me?" I mumbled after a while.
"It's okay, Rea." Liz said, but I didn't meet her eyes. "Maybe you knew deep inside it was Nik and didn't wanna believe it so you shut it out. ... Denial, it's nothing uncommon."
I swallowed back these lumps which were potential sobs, as my mind brought me back to the memory of Kim – how she believed that that teacher had never tried to rape her; that it was me who she'd saved from getting raped. She probably kept telling herself that different version of reality till she finally believed it, and I'd felt sorry for her.
I just couldn't believe that I'd done the exact same thing.
"You had a lot going on, and it would've been too much so you blocked it out. It happens so get over it."
I nodded, more to myself than to Liz. There were no tears but I wiped my face anyways and cleared my throat. "So she did touch me that night."
Liz picked herself up, untangled her legs from mine and scrambled into a sitting position, half-facing me. I drew my knees to my chest and hugged them, and tilted my head to finally meet her eyes.
"That's probably why she started being nice to me. Because she was guilty."
"Probably."
"Maybe she mistook me for someone else?" I asked with hope. "Because she wouldn't feel guilty If she did that to hurt me and drive us away, right?"
"Or she hasn't had enough and is looking for some more."
This time I went out of my way and kicked her, and caught her in the knee. "Can you at least help me here?!"
"Well, it's a possibility." She chuckled, rubbing her knee. "But I've seen how she's been around you, or at least how she's been acting. Chances are she really likes you, Rea. ... ... That doesn't sound too good either, huh?"
I sighed and sagged back against the wall.
"So telling Jennifer is absolutely not an option?"
"No," I intoned, and she pouted her lips with chagrin.
"I'm sorry about last night. I felt like you wanting to stay here and fix everything was really stupid, and what I tried to do about it was even more stupid. So I'm sorry."
"It's okay. ... I'm glad you care so much for me." As soon as the words left my lips, I realized something. It was the first time ever that I made such a confession. Promptly, I started thinking of reasons why I hadn't said anything like this to Jennifer, or Kim.
"You're welcome," Liz said, surprisingly without that cocky tone of hers. Looking at her, the one question that'd bugged me the night before sprung to mind.
"You know? I was thinking last night too. You said something about us not being normal best friends. What was that about?"
"Heh, nothing," she waved it off and scooted away from me till her back touched the headboard. "That was just me being selfish."
"Okay, what?"
She let out a frustrated sigh at me being confused, when she hadn't even bothered with an explanation. "It's just ... we're supposed to be having the time of our lives, and you know, best friends. They ... do things. Experiment things. You know, fool around with each other and stuff."
I went to speak but found out I didn't know what to say. She scrunched up her face at that.
"See, just talking about it is making you feel uncomfortable."
"No, I'm not uncomfortable. I just ... never thought about this before."
"You're too caught up in life's dramas, I don't even wanna imagine how you'd get when you're forty, married with children, and the drama actually hit you."
I did imagine it, and let out a chuckle. "I think it'd be easier for me, then."
The girl rolled her eyes. "Anyways, that's it. I just wish you were actually a seventeen-year-old girl, not pretending to be one."
"So you're glad you're going through this whole thing together with me and at the same time, you feel bad because you have to hold back from wanting to fool around with me."
I caught the pillow she threw at me and laughed out while she pouted.
"Were there times you actually wanted to?" I asked, the laughter from earlier still in my voice, but she knew I wasn't joking, or mocking.
"Yeah, sure," she confessed with a nonchalant shrug, "But you do get what I'm saying, right? I don't hate it that you'd have taken it the wrong way. I understand why and I expect you to. I just want you to fully enjoy the best part of your life, and that's part of the reason I got mad and tried to tell Jennifer."
"Yeah, ... no, I do," I reassured her and took in the look on her face, having just been told what it was like to have me as a friend. "I wish we met under better circumstances too."
"We'll make them better," she promised then drew in a deep breath before blowing it through her mouth. "Okay, Can we take a break? Just a short one, 'cause I've had enough of this melodrama for now."
I laughed and made a suggestion, "Well, I got a pretty exciting date with two boxes of laundry. Interested?"
"And you ate the cake?" I nodded without looking up from my crouched-down position on the bathroom floor. "And?"
"Well, there's still about half of it left in the fridge."
"And what does it mean? What are you going to do now?" I reached over to plug in the washing machine, only to hear the same dull humming noise I'd been getting for the last twenty minutes, which drew a frustrated groan out of me. "I mean, are you gonna talk to her?"
"I don't know, Liz, I just ... ...," I looked up at her, "I just want this damn thing to start."
She laughed, and crouched down beside me and banged her fist on the machine before deciding. "Let's just go to a Laundromart. I think I've seen one a few blocks from here."
"Yeah, let's." I agreed in defeat, and we both pulled ourselves up. "I'm just gonna go tell Nicole we're leaving."
"What? She's here?"
I chuckled at her clueless face and nodded. "In the basement."
"What, is there like a gym or something?"
"No. ... Maybe. I don't know, but they're playing games right now. She has friends over. Her teammates," I said, including the answers for all the questions she would've hit me back with.
"Well, can't you just call her?" she said as we exited the bathroom with useless machines.
"I don't know if there's an extension down there. I didn't know there was a basement an hour ago."
"Are you sure you wanna go down there alone?"
"No, but I'll pick up a bullet-proof vest and an M-16 on the way so I figure I'll be okay."
She huffed out a sarcastic smile, as we stopped by the door to my room. Then the girl asked, straight-faced. "How? How do you be around her and talk to her like nothing is going on when ... everything is going on, Rea?"
"I just ...," my attempt to explain trailed off, and with a shrug, I bit my lip before admitting, "I just go through with it, I guess. Maybe I suffer from short-term memory loss whenever I talk to her. ... ... Just like I forgot about that night."
"Or maybe the illusion you have that she actually thinks of you the way you think of her clouds over yours senses when she's around."
"It's not an illusion, Liz. It's my mission, soon to be reality." The girl shook her head, and we both chuckled, before she opened the door and walked in. "Get the laundry bags and your purse, and wait at the front door, alright?"
She closed the door without answering, and I rolled my eyes before heading into the other end of the house. The basement – as I'd found out earlier – was located there, probably beneath the keeping room, which shared a double-layered wall with the kitchen and the dining room.
I opened the door to the basement unit, only halfway at first to check. There were maybe a dozen concrete steps leading downwards, and by the looks of it from the outside, it was better-lit than my own room.
There was a faint noise growing louder as I descended. It was some sort of cheering you'd expect from a sporting event; of course, it was the background sound of the game they were playing, which weirdly was void of an annoucer's voice. And I almost laughed when the cheers from the game followed by a loud snicker from one of the boys suddenly broke out just as I reached the floor.
"Fifa master, my ass!"
"Clay, you've scored one goal, and there's only like forty minutes left on the clock."
Then it went quiet again, and I studied my surroundings a bit as I walked over. The place was quite spacious; it probably occupied half the square footage of the house itself, and it was a look-out type. Though, the windows above ground level seemed only on the rear-end of the house.
Nicole and co. had set up camp not too far from where the steps ended. The eyes of all four of them were glued to the 40+ inch plasma screen mounted on the wall. Currently Adam and Clayton were with the consoles on the couch in front of the TV while Nicole and Jeremy sat behind them on a work-out bench.
They didn't see me approaching until I was past the pile of boxes and nearing the gym equipment which were scattered near their game station. Jeremy noticed me first and nudged his friend, who immediately stood up once she saw me. By the time I reached them, the game had been paused and the grins from Adam and Clayton were lighting up the underground cellar.
"Hey, you must've read my mind, 'cause I was missing you," Adam claimed, and earned from Nicole a smack in the back of his head. "The f*ck? What did I say?!"
"Zip it, Adam," warned the girl not so gently before turning back to me. "Hey, what's up?"
"I'm going out. The washing machine's---"
"You're so pretty, Rina." This time it was Clayton, and it made me chuckle the way he'd announced it. "And you know, Nik has always been like a sister, or ehhh, a brother to me so---"
"If I hear another word from you dipshits, I'm gonna stab you with that cheese knife."
The boys fell into hysterics, and shaking their heads turned back to the game.
"This way," Nicole led me further into the back, limping; she had gotta take care of that ankle, I thought, as we stopped near an old single bed covered in dust. "I'm sorry about these guys."
"No, I'm fine." I reassured her. "They just wanna tease you."
"They're making me commit homicide, is what they're doing," she intoned, her eyes now on her group of friends, and I let out a laugh, remembering when the boys had arrived here earlier. They'd bombarded me with questions and forced hugs, and Nicole had looked like she was ready to rip their heads off. She shook her head then and turned back to me. "So you're going out?"
"Oh, uhh, yeah. I can't get the washing machines to start, and we have a case of laundry that can't wait, so we're going to a Laundromat. Me and Liz."
"I didn't hear her come in," she muttered. "Hmm, well, the ones upstairs are broken, but there's no need. We got one down here. Right here."
I didn't really understand what she meant by right here, until I noticed what we were standing next to; an enormous double-hull front loader. It was partially covered in dust, but Nicole went ahead and pushed a button and with a beep, the machine purred to life. I almost jumped in joy.
"I see you were enthusiastic about going out."
"I was really looking forward to it," I joked with a laugh. "So I'll just come back later. I don't wanna disturb you guys."
"It won't disturb us, but with these guys, I'd prefer you coming back later."
I nodded with a chuckle, and she smiled too, staring a little. And I wondered what was going through her mind at that moment.
I knew she saw me as someone she wanted to be romantically involved with, but I remembered what it'd felt like when she'd finally opened up to me about how she felt about her father. That was what I'd always wanted from her; to be close to her and be relied on and to never break that trust she had on me. But would she ever let me get there if I couldn't give her what she really wanted from me?
"Something on my face?" Nicole mused, breaking my train of thoughts, and I chuckled nervously.
"Sorry. I didn't get enough sleep last night."
She chuckled and motioned for us to go back, so I headed back out, only to be stopped by Jeremy when we reached them.
"Come on, have a game or two."
"She won't be."
"Oh, unclench your butt-cheeks, Nik!" shouted Clayton, not pulling his eyes away from the screen, while Adam piped in with an enthusiastic yeah.
"It's not like we're gonna bite her. ... Come on," Jeremy soldiered on, patting the spot on the bench beside him, and before Nicole – or I myself – stopped me, I sat down.
"Rina, just---"
"It's okay, Nicole. I wanna get to know them. We're all gonna be teammates, right?"
She looked betrayed but in an amusing way, and with a look of defeat, pushed – or more like dragged – Jeremy aside to sit down between us. I scooted away to make room and gave a sheepish smile in response to her deep-set frown and slight pout, before turning to the game on the screen. It was between Tottenham and Liverpool, the score was one – nil, and judging by the earlier banter between them, the North London team was Clayton's side.
"So I hear you're the reason Nik shaved her head," Jeremy queried, leaning forward to meet my eyes.
"It's not shaved. It's just a buzz cut," I defended, while Nicole sat mute. "Like Michael Scofield. ... ... I like it."
"Oh, don't get us wrong, we like it," he clarified with a grin. "In fact, we love it."
"Why don't you shut the fuck up, Jer?"
"By that invitation, you'd probably think this is her time of the month, but we can assure you," Adam piped in, leaning forward so the girl's hand couldn't reach the back of his head. "She's like that all year round."
Nicole rolled her eyes, stood up a little, reached over and gave Adam's head another smack. I wasn't laughing out loud, but couldn't hold back my soft giggles either. She glanced at me as she sat back down, and shook her head a little before breathing out a tiny chuckle.
And my smile waned down a little as that question from earlier revisited me; would she let me get close to her when she found out I couldn't love her the way she wanted me to? Then I stumbled upon the flipside to that.
If it was the only way to get close to her, would I give in?