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FAN
Thank You!
-DANA
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NOT EDITED
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On Saturday morning I got up early to head to practice. The guys are probably all going to rave about Serena’s party yesterday, but I don’t regret not going. Once I park into the school’s parking lot I lean back and sigh. I don’t really want to go to practice today. I’m itching to read another one of Alison’s entries.
“Hey man,” Scott greeted me once I stepped into the locker room.
I nodded in greeting but didn’t say anything. So some reason all of the sudden I feel like I can throw up any minute. This whole Alison situation is finally taking a toll on me. I sit on the bench in my locker section and held my head in my hands. My head was killing me.
“Dude, you okay? You don’t look so well,” Mitch added, patting my back.
“I’m fine,” I murmured. I got up and went into the bathroom. I splash some water on my face in hopes that’ll help, but I’m not so sure. My head is pounding and my stomach feels like it’ll empty itself any time now. Suddenly I was flying into a stall and vomiting. I heard a few players behind me, just watching as I throw up everywhere. A perfect way to start my Saturday.
“Nate, just go home man,” I hear Patrick say behind me.
I wipe my mouth before flushing the toilet. I get to my feet and shake my head. “No, I can’t go home. I need to play the game Tuesday night.”
After convincing the guys not to tell Couch I changed before going to the field. Scott, Mitch, and Patrick did talk my ear off about Serena’s party and how she asked where I was. I almost threw up in my mouth. Serena is not attractive in my book. She’s a bitch and wears too much makeup. To me, that is not attractive but repulsing. Patrick on the other hand seems to be into that since he said how he danced with Serena all night before eating her face toward the end of the night. Yea, she sure seems to like me, I thought. Mitch is the same way too, but he isn’t into doing it in front of people. He likes his woman in private I guess. I don’t know I’m not into that. Scott is the one I can relate to more. Sure he pushes Serena on me sometimes, but he knows when to back off. Scott has been dating his girlfriend, Eliza, since freshman year and people day they’ll make it. I hope so too. Eliza is a cool chick and she mellows Scott out. I just wish I can talk to Scott about Alison. I mean, I know I can, it’s just, I’m scared of what he will say I guess. What if he makes fun of Alison? I couldn’t handle if he did.
“Nate,” Scott said, elbowing my side. “Are you back into this world yet?”
“Huh?”
“I was talking to you,” he said, shaking his head.
I look forward to see Mitch and Patrick already on the field practicing. When did they get that far ahead? Couch wasn’t here yet so some players were just lounging on the field.
“Can I ask your opinion about something?” Scott asked, seeming vulnerable.
“Anything.”
Scott stopped walking and turned to me. “Since I know you’re into romancing a girl and stuff like that I need your advice.” Scott looked around us. “Eliza, um, she’s ready to take the next step in our relationship.”
My eyebrow raised in surprise. Even though Scott and Eliza have been dating the last three years Eliza wanted to wait. Scott didn’t question or complain. He wanted to respect her, but lately he’s told me they’ve been close, but it never got that far.
“Why do you need my advice? I’m a virgin remember?”
He glared, “So am I, but you’re more the romantic type while I’m the wooing type.”
I rolled my eyes. “In my opinion, you can’t plan a perfect night. It just happens sometimes, but in your case what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know Nate. I love her so much I just want it to be perfect.”
“Okay then. Um, where do you want to, well, do it?”
He groaned, “A hotel? My parent’s lake house?”
“The lake house is nice,” I say. “You can go down Thursday night and get the place ready. Like, stock the refrigerator and place candles everywhere.”
Scott nods, “Yea, that’s a good start.”
“At least just falls into place,” I add.
Scott puts a hand on my shoulder. “Thanks man. I owe you.”
I nod and begin to do stretches.
“Okay guys, time for warm ups!” Couch yells as he walks onto the field.
♣
When I get home from practice I’m beat. My stomach doesn’t feel well and I think I’m running a fever. I hate getting sick. “Mom,” I groan as I plop down onto the couch. I place my hands on my face and sigh.
“What? What’s the matter?” she asked as she sits beside me, feeling my forehead. “You’re sick! Why did you go to practice?”
“I can’t miss Tuesday’s game Mom.”
She rolls her eyes, “Right, some scouts are coming. You do know there is more to life than baseball. You need to get a backup plan ready for college Nate. Not every guy goes to the pros.”
“Mom,” I groan. “Save the speech for when I’m healthy.”
She sighs and gets up. I know she doesn’t want me to make baseball my career since it’s not a stable one. “I’ll get you some medicine to break your fever,” she said, walking into the kitchen.
As I lay on the couch all I can image is Alison’s journal tucked away in my nightstand. Just thinking about Alison makes my head pound harder. This damn stress is killing me. My mom brought some medicine for me before going out to run to a store. I slowly get up and go to my room. Once I’m seated I turn on the television and pull out her journal. I turn to one of the entries.
♣
Dear Journal,
Mom bought me this nice looking sweater for my birthday. I repulsed on the inside when I opened it. It wasn’t like I didn’t appreciate it, it’s just—my mom knows I’m not like a girly girl. I admit, the sweater was pretty, but why would I swear it? It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything. I guess I could wear it to see what my crush would notice, but who am I kidding? He’ll never notice me. I’m starting to realize that now. But then he would make eye contact with me during class or in the hall and get my hopes up all over again.
I wish I had a super power to tell what people were actually thinking. I want to know if he likes me, or even knows who I am. I also wish I had confidence. I know it goes both ways. I can’t pine over him and hope he’ll do something if I don’t give him signs. It sucks being shy sometimes.
-Alison
♣
Why didn’t you put yourself out there Alison? I thought as I sent the journal on my bed. I know she’s shy and I know she was probably scared out of her wind, but she would’ve taken the chance! It’s not like I’m a jackass or something. I talk to anyone that talks to me. I just want to tell her how wrong she was. I did notice her, it’s sad she kept thinking I didn’t.