Three months. It's been three fucking months and we still haven't found anything. My belly was still flat with only and slight bulge and I was having a lot more checkups with Amy, for the baby and myself. It turned out I was four months pregnant but we still didn't know the gender.
The side effects of not having the injections hasn't happened in three months. My stables were fine but I knew, everybody knew I would lose control eventually.
Everybody had accepted it, except Ryder. He didn't want the child but since that night, he has never forced me to do something I don't want to do. He was distant. Always in his study, trying to find a way to keep me alive.
I know this must be hard for him because the key to me living is right at his fingertips but he knows I won't take the injections because it'll kill our baby. We were still at Dante's Mansion and the only people in the mansion were the boys, Chelsea and I. No one must know I am pregnant. Or else the underground industry will stop at nothing until I am dead.
Antonio hasn't attacked since and things were quite. Zach and Drew would call everyday even though they were busy with the company. My Dad. I still hadn't had the opportunity to talk to him and I missed him a lot. I would think about him everyday and even if l had the chance to speak with him, I wouldn't know what to say. I took the love of his life from him. What could I possibly say?
My mother. My amazing mother. How I missed her. I had a family picture that I had framed and I would look at it every night. I just wished that I could reverse time. I wish she was still here. But she's not.
"Kat! Are you even listening to me?"
"Huh?" I ask dumbly, looking at a frowning Chelsea.
"You need to get out of this house. It's making you go stupid."
I sigh deeply and take a sip of my hot chocolate. The weather had gotten cold now and the year was coming to an end. I lean my elbows on the table and run my hand through my hair. My straight hair was now mid back since I got it cut and I was currently wrapped around a blanket.
"You know I can't do that."
"You're not even showing! No one would know" she says, waving her arms around.
"It's not safe" I respond tiredly.
"Kat. Look at what your wearing."
I look down at my oversized jumper and sweats.
"You look like a homeless person. When was the last time you dressed up? Did your makeup?"
I bite my lip. Not since we arrived here.
"You need to feel the fresh air! To see another persons face then us!" She exclaims.
She's right. I had totally let myself go. One day won't hurt. I need to do this.
"Okay" I agree, climbing off the chair.
"Yeah! Let's do some shopping!" She squeals and I chuckle at her actions. She looks down at my feet and deadpans, "fuzzy socks? Really?"
I smile sheepishly and rush upstairs. I was heading to my room but stop when I go past Dante's office. The big doors were closed and this is where Ryder would spend his time everyday.
I usually fell asleep on my own and some days I wouldn't even see his face. I was lonely. I knew he was working so hard for me but I just wanted him to touch me again.
So I take a deep breath and push the doors open. My eyes widen when I see Ryder passed out on the desk. He looked so tired. He had bags under his eyes and his stubble had started to grow, his hair had grown longer too.
I quietly walk towards him and my heart breaks. I slowly reach out to brush his hair away from his face when a hand shoots ups and grabs my wrist.
I gasp in shock at the sudden moment and I am met with Ryder's cold eyes.
"What are you doing?" He let's my wrist go and I pull it to my chest.
"I-i just wanted to check up on you" I answer.
He sits up and looks at his messy desk, "there's no need. You can leave now."
I clench my fists and look down. I nod and start to walk out of the office. When I reach the door I look back at Ryder once more and see him reading a file.
Jerk.
I swallow the dryness of my throat and walk out of the room and shut the door. I lean against it and hold me tears back.
Is it because I'm dressed like this? Do you not find me beautiful anymore?
With a sudden burst of determination I go to my room and get ready for a whole day of prepping.
****
It was like I was my old self again. I had gotten waxed, my nails painted, my makeup was on point, I was wearing heels.
I look at my outfit and smile in approval. Even though it was winter I still managed to look cute.
"You look amazing" Chelsea says sincerely, scanning over me.
"I know" I joke, earning a scoff from Chelsea.
"Ryder isn't going to be able to keep his hands off of you."
My smile drops and I lean my head against the window of the car. I miss him. I miss him so much. I know he's doing this for me but I don't think he realises this is hurting me.
God. Is my whole life going to be filled with pain? Am I never going to be happy? I rest my hand on my stomach and watch the trees go past.
You will be my happiness. I will fight for you and I am not leaving this earth before I can even see your face.
We finally reach the mansion and the guards outside let us in.
Will Ryder notice me now?
I climb out and walk towards the door but stop when I see Amy's car parked. Why is Amy here? We didn't have an appointment today.
I open the door and met with crying.
What the hell?
I rush in and see Jamie. She was bawling her eyes out in Daniels arms and everyone was trying to sooth her.
"Oh my god! What is that screeching?!" Chelsea asks, covering her ears.
Daniel, James and Benji stop what their doing and look at us in desperation.
"Please take her!" Daniel says pleadingly.
"Where's Amy?" Chelsea asks.
"She's with the others upstairs. Just take her" Daniel forces Jamie in my hands.
"Wait no-
I couldn't even finish when a one year old is shoved into me. I quickly grab her and look at her red face with tears rolling down her face.
I gulp. Okay. I can do this.
"Shhhh" I sooth, wrapping my arms around her small frame. I gently pat her back and hug her.
My heart warms and slowly she stops crying, her head laying on my shoulder. I could feel everyone's stare on me but I just focused on Jamie.
"Have I gone deaf?" Dani appears with wide eyes.
I chuckle lightly and I could feel Jamie's warmth and it made me want to cry. Now I'm certain I made the right decision. If someone else's child makes me feel this way then I can't wait to see how it feels when I hold my own.
"Nice outfit" James comment.
"You look pretty" Benji nods.
I could hear everyone's footsteps rush downstairs but I couldn't think of anything else then Jamie. Her little body against mine, her warmth. The way she snuggled onto me.
"You stopped her crying?" Amy asks shocked, "even I can't do that sometimes."
I meet her eyes and look at everyone else behind her but my breath hitches when I see Ryder staring at me with intense eyes.
I reposition Jamie so I could look at her beautiful blue eyes. She was absolutely stunning. I wipe her tears and gently brush her hair with my fingers.
She gurgles and her little lips part as she yawns. She buries her head in my chest and my heart tightens. I could feel my eyes sting and I gently pat her back.
I look up and look at Ryder sadly. His face hardens and he angrily looks away. I knew what everyone was thinking. Everyone in this room knew my situation and how it killed me not being able to have my own child without destroying everything else.
Amy walks up to me and picks up Jamie from my arms and a coldness sweeps through me, but what surprises everyone is when Jamie starts to cry when she leaves my arms.
Amy tries to sooth her and her screaming was starting to get louder. I wince from her loudness and so does everyone else.
"I don't know what's wrong with her. She's fed, her diaper is clean" Amy says looking over her daughter in concern.
Danny walks up to Amy and picks up Jamie before walking towards me. What is he doing? I look at him in confusion as he gives Jamie to me and she immediately stops crying.
I look at everyone with wide eyes. Danny grabs Jamie out of my arms and she starts to cry again.
What the?
He hands me her again and she stops crying. She rests her head on my shoulder and I look at everyone with wide eyes.
"Looks like Kat is a baby whisperer" Danny announces.
"I'm okay to stay with her" I say to Amy.
"Are you sure?"
I pull Jamie away from my chest and look at her little cute face. She smiles at me and reaches out to touch my face.
I smile and kiss her little hands.
"Absolutely" I answer.
I walk over to the couch James was sitting on and take a seat. I take a blanket and wrap it over Jamie and I.
Everyone was still staring at me but I just wrapped my arms around a sleeping Jamie.
"I'm okay Amy. Really." I reassure.
Amy still looked a bit concerned before Dante lead her back upstairs, Nathan and Dani following them.
Chelsea takes a seat on the couch in front of me and so does Benji and Daniel.
"Mate?"
I look behind me and see Ryder still standing there staring at me. He looked at a sleeping Jamie that was resting on my chest and then back to me.
I see his jaw clench and his fists tighten before he slowly walked back upstairs.
What are you thinking?
"Who knew you'd be so good with children" James says, slouching on the couch.
"I never knew myself" I say softly.
"It's good to see you in heels again" Daniel smirks.
I laugh lightly at his comment and sigh. Yeah.
"Have you found anything?" Chelsea asks.
I look at the boys and wait for their replies.
"No" Daniel says sourly, "Ted, Joe and Amy are working on it with the rest of the guys."
Oh did I mention we were now working with the people that started all this shit in the first place and are the reason for me not being happy?
They agreed to help look for a way for me to have this child and for me to live in exchange for them to see the results of the injections.
No one says anything. We were running out of time. We needed to find a solution.
I stand up slowly so Jamie doesn't wake and everyone looks at me. I walk to the crib in the living room and very gently put Jamie down and cover her with her blanket.
"I'm going to join the guys."
"I don't think that's a good idea Kat" Daniel says.
"Isn't this about me? I should be up there."
I haven't been myself for a while and it was time to start acting like myself again.
I ignore everyone's protests and storm upstairs. I am so tired of acting like this. I have to be strong and I am not letting anything happen without me knowing again.
I don't think and just burst into the study. Everyone's head snap up to me and I walk in confidently.
"Sorry did I interrupt something?"
"Nice to see that your usual self is back" Joe snarks.
"What are you doing here?" Dante asks in confusion.
I ignore Ryder's stare, "I came to see if we've made any progress."
"Uh well-
"Leave."
I turn my head to Ryder who was sitting behind the desk and narrow my eyes and try to ignore the hurt.
"No."
Ryder clenches his jaw and I everyone else looks at us awkwardly.
"Could me and my boyfriend" I say not leaving my eyes from Ryder's, "have some privacy please."
Every body immediately rushes out and I hear Dani mumble, "you don't need to tell me twice."
As the door closes I cross my arms over my chest and look at Ryder angrily. I'm not letting this relationship fail. Not after everything we've been through.
I see Ryder's eyes seize me up and I could see his eyes darken.
"Go on" Ryder says, "judging by your state you obviously look like you have a lot to say."
Oh you have no idea.
"What is wrong with you?" I ask shaking my head, "why are you being so distant?"
"I'm busy. We'll talk later" he says going back to his papers.
My anger spikes up and I could feel rage run through my veins. I walk up to the desk and push everything of the table in fury, slamming my palms on the desk and leaning in.
"We're going to talk now!" I seethe.
He doesn't even seem surprised from my actions and looks at me blankly. I raise an eyebrow defyingly and I see his jaw tick in anger.
"Three months. You've been ignoring me for three fucking months" I grit out.
"If you want to be a mother that bad then you should really watch your language."
Oh you bitch. You mother fucking bitch.
"This is not just my child! It's yours too!"
"Yes I'm well aware of that" he says in a blank tone.
"Then start acting like it!" I exclaim.
He's eyes narrow and he finally gets up and leans inwards. We were mere inches apart and this was the closest we've been next to each other in a long time. I forgot how handsome he was.
"Get. Out." He grits.
"What are you afraid of? Hurting my feelings?" I snap sarcastically.
He doesn't respond and just glares at me.
My heart was beating so fast but no way was I backing down.
"I'm doing this for you" he argues.
"You can do this for me and not be such a dick."
He was fuming at this point and he leans in some more and now we were so close I could taste his breath.
"Get. The. Fuck. Out."
I don't know what came over me but I smash my lips onto his and kiss him hungrily. He seemed shocked at first but it didn't take him long to start responding.
We hungrily kiss each other and I scramble on top on the desk and wrap my fingers around his hair. We craved each other and we were finally getting a taste.
He pulled my head back and I let out a moan as he started kissing my neck.
I missed him. I missed him so much.
It was like we were in our own worlds. Like we had no problems.
He rips my jacket off and I immediately take of his shirt, leaving his six pack out on display. Our lips move hungrily and he slips his tongue into my mouth.
He pushes me on the table so my back was against it and he starts to straddle me. I was left in my bra and he started to trail kisses along my chest. I lean my head back and savour his touch, but as soon as he came to my stomach he halted in his movements.
No. Please don't stop.
He pulls away and starts to put on his shirt, leaving me cold and bare.
No.
I put an arm over my eyes as I felt hot tears streaming down my face. "Do you not like this child at all?" I cry.
The room was still and I couldn't help but cry. Why? Why Ryder?
I sit up and look at him. "This child is my child! It's apart of me!" I exclaim, clinging on to him.
He looks at me with a pained expression and starts to put on my shirt, while I look at him with a pleading one. "This child will be like me! It will definitely be like me."
He grabs my wrist before looking away, "but it won't be."
And that's when it happens. When a shrilling, mournful cry comes out of my mouth. All the pain. All the suffering. All the anger. I let it all out while clinging to the man I can't help but love.
"Kat!"
Everyone barges in and Chelsea and Danny pull me away from Ryder while I scream and cry in agony. I can't do this anymore. I can't live like this.
They push me into a chair and I see Amy through out my blurred vision with a needle in her hands.
"No! Get away!" I start thrashing in Danny and Chelseas hold which then causes James and Daniel to rush towards me and start to hold me down as well.
No!
I land a punch on Danny's face and he falls back in pain which leaves an opening of me escaping. I kick James chest and he flies to the other side of the room and I quickly get up and knock Daniel down too.
I see Dante and Nathan run up to me and I get ready to attack them when a pair of familiar muscular arms warp their arms around me from my back.
"Let me go" I screech, "Don't you touch me!" I thrash around widely trying to get out of his hold.
"Kat it's just something that will calm you down! It won't harm your baby" Amy explains and before I could even protest I feel a prick.
I fall limp in Ryder's arms and slowly feel my energy drain out of me.
"Everybody get out" Ryder orders.
They all looked hesitant before Ryder barks "now!" And that's all it took for everyone to scurry off.
I can't. I can't live my life with so much pain. He's left me alone in this and I don't have the strength to continue.
I weakly push him away and I keep my back towards him. "You're so selfish" I whisper. "I needed you and you left me"
I honestly couldn't even look at him right now so I walk towards the door but feel light headed and stumble into the wall.
I could see Ryder from the corner of my eyes run towards me but I put up a hand before he can come any closer.
"I don't want you anywhere near me right now."
And that's when I take a deep breath before walking out of the study.
I can't do this anymore.
*****
My eyes flutter open and my whole body aches.
Ow.
"Good morning."
I jump at the sound and look at Amy leaning against the counter, sipping her coffee with her white coat on.
My eyebrows furrow as I look around the medical room. What?
"You passed out in front of Dante's office. Lucky Ryder caught you in time."
Caught me? I was outside the office. I had shut the door.
...He came after me.
Baby.
I open my mouth to panic but Amy shuts me up instantly. "Your baby is fine, don't worry."
I breath out in relief and lean back on the bed. Thank goodness. If something happens to this baby then I wouldn't be able to live.
"I actually wanted to talk to you about that."
My heart beat increases, "what?!"
Before she can reply the door opens and walks in....Ryder?!
"Ah! Just in time boss" she smiles.
What the hell is going on?!
He doesn't reply and walks to the chair next to the bed and takes a seat. I look at him with wide eyes while he just looks at Amy in boredom.
"Any way as I was saying" she clears her throat, "the baby-
"Wait" I interrupt her and she gives me an annoyed look, "this is about the baby?"
"Yes, now-
"And your here?" I point to Ryder with a confused look.
This is about the baby and Ryder is here. He is actually here. Not once as he came to the check ups! What the-
"Where else would I be?" He says,
"WHA-
"You're having triplets!"
I look at Amy with wide eyes and my mouth apart as she huffs and flicks a piece of her hair back. "I finally got to say it!"