So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Metallica – Nothing Else Matters
Metallica was serenading him as he sat at the desk, his fingers playing over the dials on the microscope as he peered through the lens. The song was an appropriate choice, today was the day. He checked his watch for the third time in five minutes. There was only ten left in his shift and he was dying to cut loose and leave as soon as possible in case the doctors started without him.
Something caught his eye and he rose his head to see Horatio lingering in the door way. The older man was leaning against the door frame his arms crossed over the front of his crisp navy coloured suit. There was a small smile on his wrinkled features, and Speedle found himself returning it as he removed his head phones and turned off his Discman.
"Today's the big day." Horatio beamed from his position.
Speed set his elbows on the desk and clasped his hands together, knotting his fingers. His eyebrows were furrowed and Horatio understood the younger man's worried expression. There were so many doubts, too many things the doctors couldn't predict. He could tell Speed was excited but he understood the nerves too. Kate may wake up different from the way they remembered and they had to be prepared for that.
"She'll be ok Speed." He assured the younger man.
Speedle rose to his feet and began to sort his evidence into piles to be secured.
"I know...You'll visit later?" his dark eyes met Horatio's questioning.
"Of course."
"How are we going to tell her..." he trailed off pursing his lips together and exhaled deeply as his thoughts strayed to the incident itself.
"One step at a time Speed. Let's just take it one step at a time."
There was light, it was blinding and I couldn't see. It was too bright, and it was stinging my eyes. Heaven, I was in Heaven, that was the only explanation. I had no idea how I'd gotten out of purgatory but that didn't matter now; all that mattered was that I was in Heaven. I'd been hanging in the balance so long that I was mortally surprised by the fact everything was so gleaming and bright.
There was a shadow, a blurred face in my vision; I could make out a patch of facial hair, a goatee maybe.
"God?" I croaked, my throat parched.
I didn't recognize my own voice; the word came out rasping, followed by a familiar, deep chuckle as I closed my eyes to shield them from the light.
That laugh pieced my ear drums, striking some cord in my memory before his name left my lips.
"Tim?"
I wasn't dead; I couldn't be dead because I knew Tim wasn't dead. Hospital... I could tell from the consistent beeping that was filtering through to my sluggish brain.
I tried to sit up and found myself crippled with fresh agony. The air rushed out of my lungs choking me and leaving me to gasp. The shriek that had left my mouth echoed through out my room as I struggled to breathe through the pain, I could feel heat rushing down my face and it took me a moment to realize that they were tears. A hand was on my shoulder, avoiding my chest as it guided my backwards gently until I was lying back again, panting and whimpering amidst the movement around me.
I was panicking, I'd never felt anything like this, my chest was on fire, I could feel my lungs heaving against the pain.
"She's going into shock." There was shouting around me as my heart pounded against my rib cage and it felt so heavy.
Oh God it ached.
A steady hand was on my forehead, smoothing the silky hair that had fallen across my face away from my features as I stared up at the ceiling trying to grit my teeth and focus on anything but the intense torture going on in my chest.
"I know it hurts but your ok, you need to breathe through it or your going to hurt yourself." His voice was soothing; I could feel the palm of his hand cupping my cheek lightly as I nodded.
His familiar scent flooded my senses, bringing back thoughts and memories that seemed like a life time ago. I tried to lay still and absorb it instead of fighting against the pain in my chest. His fingers were combing through my hair lightly.
"Your ok, I'm right here." he murmured as I started to take long deep breaths. "Your ok."
With Tim telling me that I was more inclined to believe it, despite the fact I was in a ridiculous amount of pain.
"My chest..." the words were slurred as my limp hand groped across the bed seeking out his.
"I know baby, I know." Tim's voice was soft and sweet.
It was good to hear after so long. I held his hand clasp mine, it was warm and welcoming.
"We're putting Demerol into the IV for now. It's a pain relief." A voice explained.
The voices were drifting now, in and out. I could hear them but they were quiet, as if they faded into the background. My eye lids were tired, my vision was twinged with black and I was so tired, every time I blinked felt like I'd sleep ten minutes at a time.
"Tim..." I garbled, I was slurring.
I hadn't even had that much to drink and everything was beginning to spin.
"I'm here Kate; I'm going to stay right here with you."
And that was the last thing I heard.
"How's she doing?" Tripp asked as he stepped into the room, his gaze lingered worrisomely on Kate as he moved around to the opposite side of the bed from where Speedle sat vigil.
Speed shook his head, his hand never releasing hers as he gave a half hearted shrug.
"She's sleeping again, just like she's been sleeping on and off for the past four days, she wakes up but she doesn't know where she is, who she is, or even who I am sometimes. The Doctors say it's a side effect of the pain medication she's on, she's just doped up. Their cutting it back gradually so she's a little more lucid sometimes. She was asking about you last time." Speedle told Tripp with a grim smile.
"You tell her about the treasure we found today and the whole Spanish Galleon thing?" Tripp asked, his hands on his hips as he reviewed Kate's unconscious state.
"I left out the part about the guy speared to the wall and the hook man. The last thing she needs is nightmares." Speedle reported before sighing.
"She hasn't even been well enough to open her presents yet." He said casting a glance at the stacked gifts on the bedside.
"She know anything yet..." Tripp lowered his tone, his eyes shifting to Kate before returning to Speed. "You know about everything."
Speedle shook his head.
"Any conversations we do have are about light hearted stuff and even then she's already drifting to sleep as I'm talking. I can't tell her about Clavo or the baby yet, she's too sick to understand what I'm saying." Speedle said in his normal voice.
Tripp tilted his head looking unimpressed as he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Will ya keep your voice down, what if she can hear you in there?" Tripp growled, jerking his thumb at Kate.
"I don't think we're in any danger of that, while she's on this medication..."
"Hey there stranger." a small voice piped up from the bed.
Both men froze for a second before twisting their heads toward the bed, to see Kate sitting up, or rather propped up by her pillows, giving them a weak finger wave.
"What your not gonna give me a hug?" she said to Tripp, with a shy smile.
Tripp looked to Speed.
"Is that ok, I mean it won't hurt her?" Tripp asked, a little unsure.
"So long as your very careful." He responded, before stepping up next to Kate's bedside.
"You know you don't have to talk about me like I'm not here, considering I spend more of my time here than either of you two." Kate pointed out wearily as Tripp bent over and lightly squeezed her shoulders.
"We've missed you kid." Tripp informed her as he drew away, smiling as he looked her over.
She was awake and alert, no sign of any brain damage or problems caused by the lack of oxygen to her brain, as far as Tripp was concerned it was a god damn miracle.
"I've been told it's been almost two months," she mumbled, resting on the pillows behind her, her head tilted towards the older man as he sat down.
Speedle rose to his feet, grabbing their attention.
"I'm going to let you two have some time alone. I'm going to grab some coffee and get some air." He mentioned as he motioned towards the door.
"You didn't used to drink coffee." Kate remembered with a light smile.
Speed paused in the doorway; he'd only really started drinking it since she'd been in hospital. He hadn't wanted to waste a single moment with her. Just looking at her now he knew she'd come back to him, her face had lit up at the sight of Tripp, her cheeks were flushed from the warmth and that beautiful smile was back in place. She was alive and he was glad he was here seeing that.
"Don't be worried if she suddenly drops off. It's the medication." Speed told Tripp. "You want anything?" he asked Kate, already knowing what the answer will be.
She shook her head before turning to Tripp who was now grinning and attentive.
"They're still feeding me this weird gloopy stuff through a tube into my stomach, it's kinda cool but I miss being able to eat stuff." She said excitedly.
Tim sniggered, watching Tripp yank the covers back over her when she tried to show him.
"Hey Sleeping Beauty, your gonna give Tripp a heart attack if you show him your goods." Speed reminded her.
Kate's cheeks turned red as she bit her lip.
"I'm sorry Frank; I'm just a little... I'm happy to be alive." She said quietly, clutching the sheets in her dainty hands.
Tripp reached out and took one of her small hands in his.
"That's fine kiddo, we're happy too."
And with that Speedle took his cue to leave.
"I don't think I want to go back in there." Delko exclaimed, indicting with his thumb towards Kate's hospital room.
"Maybe she needs a few minutes to calm down." Speed reasoned.
"That jug of water almost hit me in the head." Delko persisted.
The two men were seated on the floor outside of Kate's bedroom while nurses were trying to calm an near hysterical Kate down after a month's worth of physiotherapy. Tim rubbed his hand over his head.
"She couldn't throw a full one at the moment, even if she tried." He sighed banging the back of his head lightly against the wall. "Calleigh's usually good with this kind of thing, like when she gets frustrated she usually talks her around."
"Sucks that she's stuck taking over my shift, we could really do with her right now." Delko muttered, resting his elbows on knees. "I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to use a walker to even move a few steps to the bathroom and back."
"I should have warned you she gets like this sometimes after an intense session. She wants to do it all at once but your body needs time to recover from something like that, you can't rush it." Speedle said quietly, staring his knotted fingers.
"Is she like this a lot? I mean I'm pretty sure if she throws shit at you every day it constitutes as a form of spousal abuse." Eric mentioned humorously.
"It's more like once a week, the stress it builds up and when she doesn't talk about it, it just gets worse and then she erupts." He shrugged.
"Like a little Kate Volcano," Eric finished, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm just glad she doesn't have the strength to throw that walker."
"Is there a problem gentleman?" A voice asked from above them.
Both men looked up to see Horatio Caine staring down on them a frown etched onto his face.
"Kate's throwing a fit in there; I think the nurse's are going to have to sedate her." Tim said, rubbing his face with his hands.
"Have you tried calming her down?" Horatio asked quietly, toying with his sunglasses.
"I got a water jug thrown at me and he caught a yellow plastic cup to the chest." Eric explained. "Along with her screaming at us to get out because it wasn't working."
"I'll see what I can do." Horatio murmured stepping between his two employees and entering the room, almost stealthily.
"You think that he'll be able to pacify her?" Eric asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I hope so." Tim sighed, tipping his head back with his eyes clothes.
His elbows were resting on his knees, his shirt sleeves rolled up.
"How are you doing man? Everyone seems to forget how hard this is on you."
"I'm fine. I'm just tired right now."
From the tone of his voice Eric knew he meant emotionally as well as physically.
"You ever think of taking a break? Maybe a day off from this place." Eric pursed, studying his friend.
"I keep thinking I have to be strong for her because she can't do this by herself, no one can. We can't put her in therapy because of the whole UC thing, so the only person she gets to vent everything on is me, and I can deal with that most of the time. I can deal with the throwing things, the tantrums and anything else she needs to do. But at the same thing I can't help thinking it's not fair." He confessed, shaking his head.
"Why don't you go out of here for a little while man? It's going to take time for Kate to get sorted out; she still needs to shower after the session. So maybe it's best you grab a few hours to yourself." Eric suggested lightly.
Speedle hung his head.
"Can you tell her I'll be back? I'll only be a couple of hours; I just need to sort myself out." Speed muttered, climbing to his feet.
Delko followed suit, clasping his friend's shoulder.
"I'll be sure to tell her that." Eric promised, before releasing his friends shoulder and watching Speedle walk away, head bowed and hands in his pockets.
Speedle was apprehensive when two hours later he rapped on the door to Kate's private room. He'd returned home, showered, and flicked through a few forensic journals he'd been meaning to get through before returning to the hospital, feeling refreshed.
The door was ajar slightly; he pushed it open with his foot to see Kate sitting up in bed, a Mills and Boon book between her hands. She glanced at him before ducking her head back to the book looking ashamed. He couldn't tell whether it was because of her recent behaviour or because he'd caught her reading one of the raunchier titles.
"Hey." He said, stepping towards her bed and hovering by her side.
Kate set her book on her lap and gave him small smile.
"I'm sorry about before..." she started.
Speedle leaned forward silencing her with a tender kiss. His lips caressed hers as his hand ran through her hair. Her tongue was in his mouth, tasting and teasing. The two of them pulled away breathless, Kate's hand resting on his chest above his heart.
"You don't have to apologize." He murmured, as his lips travelled along her jaw line and to the nape of her neck.
"You know we're not going to be having sex in a very long time right?" she mumbled, her hands running up and down the front of his shirt as he drew back slightly.
"I know, but I'm allowed to kiss you every once in a while, because your beautiful, and smart, and even when your crazy, I still love you." He said between kisses.
"You don't stop that and we're going to be having very painful, awkward sex, with all the nurses watching, and I know your not a exhibitionist." Kate teased, pulling back and running a finger tip over his lips with a content expression on her face.
"I got you something." She murmured, kissing the edge of his mouth.
"Should I be getting you lube or something for when you decide to read all these naughty books?" he suggested, reading the cover for the first time and pulling a face.
"Ruthlessly Bedded By the Italian Millionaire." He read out loud. "I liked it better when you were reading forensic journals; I didn't feel like I was in competition with them."
Kate held up the book and sighed.
"These books are the only sex I'm going to be getting for at least another three months." She shuddered at the thought before returning it to the night stand, whilst retrieving something else and placing it in his hand.
Speedle gazed down at the item in his hand. It was an organic breakfast bar, filed with nutritious fruit and nuts. He frowned in confusion before raising his dark eyes to Kate.
"It's to say sorry." She said fiddling with the charms on her bracelet. "After you left and I calmed down, I felt awful, so I grabbed my walker and walked down to the gift shop and well your not a teddy sort of person so I got you that...I know it's lame."
Speedle stared at her stunned as she turned her head away from him, playing with her bracelet.
"You...you went all that way by yourself? To get me this. I mean it's really hard for you to get to the bathroom with the walker... You went to the gift shop for me?" he paused as she peered at him through her hair, looking apprehensive.
"This." He held up the breakfast bar. "Is the best gift ever. It shows your making progress and it's really thoughtful."
He sat down on the bed as gently as he could in order not to cause any sudden movements. His arm came to rest lightly around her shoulders. Kate shuffled closer to him, their hips touching, the back of her head resting on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry I threw a cup at you." She said quietly, closing her eyes as she snuggled closer to him.
His lips brushed her forehead before he rested his cheek upon her hair.
"It's ok to get frustrated." He told her, as he leaned back against the pillow bringing his feet up onto the bed so that they were both lying down, her body resting on his because of her inability to move very well.
"But it's not your fault." She said in a child like voice.
He could tell she was tired from the way her breathing was becoming slower and deeper.
"It's not yours either." He reminded her, burying his nose in her hair inhaling her scent.
It took him a few minutes of waiting for a reply until he realized she'd actually fallen asleep. He debated moving, but decided it was probably best to stay were he was for fear of waking her.
The truth was this was the closest he'd been to her in a long time and he didn't have it in him to pull away from her again.