Chapter eighty two.
(AN – PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT)
EMMA’S POV:
Harry and I haven’t had an argument in a month not because he hasn’t annoyed the hell out of me or because I haven pissed him off either. But because Harry’s being a lot more understanding and managed not to shout back at more or show his annoyance or anger.
Instead he’s just kissed my head or gave me a much needed hug or just left me alone because sometimes that’s what I need, my own space away from Harry and all the stress he’s causing me.
I know that our relationship being this way isn’t particularly healthy but that’s because I’m not particularly healthy either am I?
For the first time I’m not in denial about my mental state, I know how I feel and act isn’t right. I know people should have to feel how I do all the time, I know I should love myself. I’m just not at the stage where doing that is possible yet.
Hopefully I will be someday though.
I’m at work right now I’ve got a gap of an hour between two tattoo appointments so I’m just working the shop and stuff right now.
My stomach twists causing the all too familiar sensation.
Dashing to the bathroom I spill my stomach into the toilet.
I’ve been throwing up a lot lately, Harry says it’s probably due to anxiety and stress he thinks the way I feel is making me I’ll, he’s probably right.
Its been awful for me though considering my massive phobia on being sick, I used to have panic attacks because of it but since it’s been more of a regular occurrence Harry’s been working with me to get over it.
I still hate it but I manage not to freak out massively every time I throw up.
I flush the toilet and walk over to the sink washing my hands and rinsing out my mouth with the travel sized mouthwash I’ve started carrying with me for such an event.
I grab my makeup bag and rummage through it looking for my lipstick so I can reapply it, instead my hand meets something else. Something I’d completely forgotten about. Tampons.
How longs it been since I’ve used one? Too long.
In fact I don’t remember having a period since well before the wedding.
Shit! I can’t be pregnant can I?
No way on earth can I be pregnant I’m 18 for fucks sake.
Harry and I are not in enough of a stable relationship to raise a child
Harry doesn’t want children ever.
I can’t be responsible for someone else’s life when I’m constantly wanting to end my own.
I call the only person I trust with something like this.
‘’Hi love what’s up?’’ Louis answers cheerily.
‘’Hey Lou, can you do me a favour?’’ I ask shyly.
‘’Sure Em’’
‘’Can you umm get me some Ummm pregnancy tests and bring them to the shop?’’ I mumble quickly.
‘’What?’’ He gasps.
‘’Yeah I know umm I’ll explain later. Can you just get me them now, loads of them’’ I say.
‘’Ok love don’t worry I’ll be there in about 20 minutes’’ He says before I hang up.
Just over twenty minutes later Louis appears.
‘’Let’s get pissing’’ He laughs.
Trust Louis to make jokes out of every situation.
‘’Lou’’ I sight annoyed.
‘’Just trying to make you laugh’’ He explains.
Shaking my head I go back to the bathroom.
The next three minutes are the longest most painful three minutes of my entire life.
‘’I can’t look’’ I moan covering my eyes with my hands.
‘’Come on you’ve got to, everything’s going to be fine’’ Louis says wrapping an arm around me.
Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive. Positive.
‘’Is there any point taking anymore tests’’ Louis sighs.
‘’Probably not’’ I mumble as my eyes fill with tears.
‘’I can’t do this Lou, I can’t’’ I cry.
‘’Of course you can, you’ll be a amazing mother’’ Louis says hugging me tightly.
‘’Harry doesn’t want kids’’ I continue sobbing.
‘’He wants you. If kids come with you that’s not going to make him not want you anymore’’ Louis says trying to reassure me but I just don’t believe him.
‘’ I can’t have a baby anyway have you seen the state I’m in? I can’t look after myself let alone a helpless baby’’
‘’Maybe this is what you need to get better’’ Louis suggests.
‘’I need to go home, I need to tell Harry and get the heartbreak over with’’ I say grabbing my bag and jacket.
‘’Tell Tamara to close up for me’’ I mumble before walking out of the shop.
*****
‘’Hey love I didn’t expect for you to be home so soon. Is everything ok?’’ Harry asks looking up at me as he turns the TV off.
‘’Not really no’’ I mutter sinking onto the sofa beside him.
‘’Why what’s wrong love?’’ He says his face full of concern.
‘’I’m pregnant’’ I say quickly and quietly hoping he hasn’t heard me.
Authors note -------- thank you all so much for reading, I love you all.
What did you think?
Emma’s pregnant?!?!
Yep I know it was predictable you all guessed it but let me say once again this isn’t going to end perfectly, sure it will be a bit happy but it’s not some fairy-tale you’re reading.
Opinions?
Predictions?
Please can I have 30+votes and 10+comments on this chapter:)
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Thanks again, love Molly xxxx