Ever since I met Jimin, I kept finding out new sides of him. He wasn't the typical guy or the typical boyfriend. Even when I thought I knew everything, he kept surprising me.
Some people might have wondered why I stayed with him, after every crazy thing he did. But for me, anything that he did, was a way of him showing his love to me.
But...
He kept changing, he kept becoming more and more of a person that I would hate the most. He kept becoming someone that I feared the most in life...
But still... my heart wanted him and only him. I've always seen the good in him. I would forgive any bad thing he did. It didn't matter how much pain this love gave me, as long as I was with him, I'd be okay.
At least that's what I thought...
--
I stared at Jimin through a window, he was laying down in the hospital. He didn't wake up yet, I waited till he would open his eyes. I didn't dare to go inside, so I decided to watch him from a distance.
I was becoming so weak... It hurt to see Jimin suffer.
It hurt so much...
He was injured, so badly in pain after he got hit by a car... but he still came running after me. I can never forget those eyes when he looked at me, he was so mad at me for leaving him, so disappointed.
But I haven't changed my mind.. I'm still going back. The moment he opens his eyes, I'll go. I have to be sure he's okay first.
My head hurt so much after what had happened. But I had to keep strong. I had to go home and tell everything.
Yes... I decided to tell my parents that I love him, I'll ask their permission... That's the only choice that's left. If they denied our relationship then I'll find a new job and.. forget him.
I saw Jimin moving a bit while slowly opening his eyes. His doctor went to him and asked how he was.
"Where is Aliah?"
It was the first thing he asked when he woke up. I suddenly teared up, why is he so stupid. How can he ask about me in that kind of situation? Why Jimin...
I turned away, I should go before he sees me... I slowly walked away, my body made it hard for me to move. I was so tired, I could barely move. My legs felt so heavy. But I had to keep moving, for him.
I want to be with him, I have to convince my parents. Maybe.. just maybe they will accept us... I hope Jimin will wait.. he has to wait for me. I'll come back after I've solved everything with my parents.
I'm doing this for us...
I'm going to come back...
Until then please wait for me.
....
6 months later
Today was the day! BTS will finally have a comeback! I screamed through the empty apartment out of excitement, I couldn't wait anymore, I could finally see them again.
Even though it was just through a screen, that was enough for me. I was wondering how Jimin looked after all these months. He must be happy by now. He must have forgotten about me and moved on...
Today, after a long time, I could finally smile again. Because I could see Jimin.
Ever since the day I left him, I've been living as a fan and nothing more. My life turned out differently than planned. It turned out into an empty and lonely life. I hadn't seen Jimin since that day. I was supposed to go back to him after my parents would agree on this relationship. But that's not what happened...
I haven't spoken my family anymore. They threw me out of my own house and never wanted to see me again. So I've been living alone in an apartment in Amsterdam, a sad life with just me.
My parents had seen pictures and videos of me and Jimin that day from the airport before I arrived home. Everything was revealed in those pictures. They were so mad and couldn't accept me as their daughter anymore. I tried everything, but they didn't forgive me for what I did. There was no hope anymore for me, getting my family back was almost impossible.
And well after losing my family and ruining Jimins image because of the scandal, I just couldn't go back. Of course, I wanted to but I knew it was bad for Jimin. It would affect his career. After fans saw the pictures of us, they were all so shocked and disappointed. I had to hide. I didn't care at all if they would hate on me, but knowing fan girls because I'm one too, they'll hate Jimin too for 'cheating' on them. In a fangirl's eyes, their idol is their husband.
I wasn't happy at all. My life was lonely and empty. The only person I still talked to was Lisa... She was the only friend and family I had. She was the reason I didn't give up on life.
I had a job in a small company, but it was boring. I wanted to achieve something big... something that I could prove to my parents that I'm not worthless. That's what I was working on. It was the only way that maybe my parents would accept me again.
I was nervous to watch the new single, I was nervous to see Jimins face again.
I hope he's okay... I wonder if he still remembers me...
I looked at the title and played the video.
'BTS I need u (Official music video)'
It was a sad love song. the music video was dark, full of emotions and.. Jimin looked so hurt... It was not what I wanted to see.. I wanted to see him all happy and excited... But This.. he's suffering.. he's heart broken.. he looks so lost.. I wanted to cry so hard... I miss him.. the song breaks my heart.
"I need you girl,
Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone
I need you girl,
Why do I keep needing you when I know I'll get hurt?"
The words touched my heart. I couldn't keep my tears back anymore. It kept playing in my head.. I need you too Jimin.. I'm hurting too Jimin... I love you too Jimin. If only you knew you weren't the only one... if only I could see you just one more time and tell you how much I love you, tell you that my love is real. That you're not the only one in love... I love you so much Jimin and that's why I didn't come back...
I closed my laptop after breaking down again and swept my tears away. It's not the time to cry, I have to go to bed. Tomorrow was an important day, so I had to get enough sleep. But it was hard to fall asleep, even after all this time, I keep thinking of him. He's still the first person that I see when I close my eyes.
I just wish I could forget him...
It was morning and I had to dress up for a company party. I was really not in the mood.. but I had to look good, people from the biggest companies were coming to this party. They came from the richest families and I had to try and fit between those people.
I put on a black tight dress and some high heels. I did my make up and curled my hair. I noticed the bruises on my arms.
Jimin.. you've left so many marks on me... how will I ever be able to forget you...
I wore big bracelets to hide some of the red marks. After an hour I was finally ready to go. The only thing that's left is.. putting on a fake smile. I smiled into the mirror, but my eyes wouldn't cooperate. Whatever, I'll only have to fool them. As if they ever notice the mask I'm wearing every day.
There were days that I thought about giving up, I'd just stand on my balcony and look down... wondering what would happen if I just jump off... if anyone would care... But then I think of him. If I die, I will never see him again.
But even though I'm living, from the inside I'm pretty much dead. I'm alone, my family left me all alone. The worst is, he's not with me anymore.. and he'll never be...
Every day I wonder.. why he didn't come looking for me... He stopped me once but after i left him from the hospital, I never heard of him again. Why didn't he call me once ever since.. Why...
And I only come to one conclusion.
His love was a lie. A lie I wanted to believe in.
I arrived at the building, it looked all so classy and expensive. I didn't feel comfortable at all.. I didn't even know why a company like ours was invited to this kind of expensive party. Well whatever, maybe I needed this kind of distraction.
I walked inside, the people all looked so fancy, and it was my job to go and communicate with them. I had to promote our company. But how am I going to start a conversation with these people?! I'm so bad at socializing, especially when it comes to people who I've never seen before.
There were a lot of handsome men in suits, looking back I would die from inside seeing those hot men. But now my whole inside feels empty.. I turned around and got shocked when suddenly someone was standing in front of me with a bright smile on his face.
"Oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you, I'm Dave by the way"
"O-oh ehm no it's okay.."
Oh right, I remembered that I was here to network with other companies.
"So I assume you have a name don't you?"
He said while looking at me with a teasingly smile.
"Oh right I'm sorry, I'm Aliah, I work at a small company called finance and business"
I said while holding my hand out. We shook hands and he tried to keep the conversation going.
"I see Aliah, that's a beautiful name. I'm the vice president of my dads' company by the way. I'm glad you're here at our company party"
Oh damn, that's him. One of the richest guys in this whole country!
"Oh thank you... I'm glad to be invited! hah ha"
I felt so awkward and just wanted to go home.. why didn't he just bother someone else to talk.
"So Aliah, I've been having an eye on you for a while now, when I saw you walk in you had caught my attention right away. Why does a beautiful girl like you work in a small and meaningless company.. I can offer you something way better."
He gave me a playful smile and winked.
''Like what?''
''Before telling you, I want you to come with me to a more private place, I mean.. you have to first do something for me to earn it''
What did he say.. did he freaking think I was some kind of whore?! Well.. maybe I should just do it, I didn't really have something left anyway. So why not give up on my pride either.
Suddenly the lights went off and the whole building was dark. What is this? A loud noise came from my right, and someone screamed. Everyone started to panic. I felt someone grabbing my wrist, pulling me somewhere. What was happening??
"Who is this?! Let go of me!!"
But there was no response. The grip on my wrist was so tight that it hurt.
The way of his touch.. why did it feel like it was...
I got pushed into a room and arms were holding me tight, pushing me against the person's body. It was still dark so I still couldn't see anything.
"Let go!!!"
I moved my body and tried to come loose. I felt his breathing against my face... I stopped moving and tried to feel the persons face.
"W-who are you..?"
"Have you already forgotten me Aliah?"
My body froze when I heard his voice, it was a voice that I thought I would never hear again...
"Is that what you were doing all this time? Flirting around with that asshole? Huh? Who is he?"
I couldn't believe this, I was so shocked I couldn't even make a sound.
It was Jimin...