A/N: but thanks so much for reading/voting/commening/following me if you do that i will bake you cupcakes :) xxx
Chapter 22 – Afraid
Lissa's POV
"What the fuck?" I asked Niall as he stood up to leave, I followed, "Who was she?" He wasn't answering me, "Niall, what the fuck is going on?" No reply.
"You can't just sit there and ignore me."
"I'm not sitting." I rolled my eyes and actually groaned, "Can you at least answer me like a normal person?"
"No." I hurried to catch up to him, he got into the car and I just stood there, "Well are you getting in or not?" I hadn't realised he actually wanted me around, he was more or less avoiding conversation about this Rachael chick.
I gave up on asking him about her and the car trip remained silent. I felt awkward and used, because of the fact that 'I look like her' could link up in some kind of way if Niall gave me answers and wasn't being an arse.
We got back to the frat house and it was obvious that Niall was angry, it was present in his posture as he walked up the stairs.
He walked straight into his room, slamming the door after I walked in. He let out a sigh as he laid down on his bed, facing the ceiling.
He looked at me, "Come here." I walked over and hesitantly sat down next to him, he pushed himself up and looked at me again.
"Why do you ask so many damn questions?" He muttered as he shifted himself closer to me, "I-I don't know." I stuttered, not because I was afraid but more so because of his close proximity to me, he leant in and kissed my neck, pulling away slightly, I could feel his hot breath as he remained still, my breathing hitched.
He continued to kiss me, it wasn't intense at all, just soft sweet kissed until he made it up to my lips. I smiled into the kiss when he kissed my lips. I knew what his plan was, he was going to make me all giddy and happy before getting to the point.
I stopped him when he started tugging on my shirt, I pulled back and shook my head, "Period?" He asked, I shook my head, "No, Niall I know what you are doing." He gave me a sarcastic look, "Isn't that obvious?" I rolled my eyes, "No, you are trying to lure me in so I will forget about what just happened at the diner." He groaned and I knew that I hit the nail on the head.
"What a buzzkill." He muttered, I chuckled but switched back onto topic, he knew he could silence me easily, I wasn't as head strong when it came to Niall and his touches and kisses, he was like a drug.
"Sorry to rain on your parade, but seriously Niall, who the hell was she? Why was she so upset?"
He sighed, "Do I really have to tell you?" I nodded, "You do." he tried to give me puppy eyes just to get out of it, but I wanted to know what was going on, it could impact me for all I know.
"I don't want to." I knew he was going to be stubborn and not tell me, it frustrated me in all honesty, and I really wanted to know, I felt like it wasn't just some slut he slept with one night that now hates him, that wasn't a rarity and this was very different to the glares that some of the girls give him, but the majority of looks that Niall receives are looks of awe and googly eyes, it was rather annoying to think about.
"Whatever." I said, getting off the bed, "Where are you going?"
"To the bathroom, got a problem with that? Do you need to escort me there?" he shook his head, and looked up at the ceiling. I didn't need to go to the bathroom though. I walked over to Lucas' room and lightly knocked on the door, "Who is it?"
I just opened the door, praying that he wasn't naked. He wasn't. he chuckled when he seen me, "I was wondering when you would come knocking on my door, time to ride the Lucas train." I rolled my eyes, "More like Lucas puke-as." His eyes narrowed, "Where'd Niall run off to? Surely you are only here because he kicked you out of his room or left." I merely shook my head, "No, I want to know who Rachael is and I don't have a lot of time, I told him I was going to the bathroom."
"She was his last girlfriend, they dated about 2 or maybe 3 years ago, it ended real bad." He went back to looked back at his phone, I figured he wasn't going to say anything else so I walked out of his room and back into Niall's.
He looked up at me as I walked in but looked back at his phone.
"Are you going to tell me?" I asked and he didn't even look at me, "You aren't gonna fucking stop are you? I don't want to talk about her."
"So she is indeed an ex?" his head snapped to look at me, "How do you know that?"
"It was obvious in both her and your faces." He sighed, "Yeah, she's an ex." He turned back to his phone and I wanted him to just tell me and not be a stubborn son of a bitch.
"Well, if you don't tell me I will have to go do some investigating by myself." he looked at me again, "NO!" I rose my eyebrows at him, "Why not? Niall got some dark and dirty secrets he's hiding?" he swallowed, "No..." I wasn't 100% swayed by his responses.
"Okay, fine." I grabbed my bag and turned to walk out the door, "Where are you going?"
"Out." He groaned, "Where?" I shrugged, "Don't know yet."
"Can I come?" I shook my head, "I don't mind being by myself." with that I walked out the door and out of the frat house all together.
I unlocked my phone and opened the text message I had received from Isabel, it had only a mobile number and I could just guess whose it was.
I dialled the number and waited for the line to pick up. "Uh, hello?" she spoke into the receiver,
"Hey, is this Rachael?"
"Yeah...who are you?"
"The girl that was with Niall before, can we meet up?"
"Sure."
Now it was up to me to work out what the hell was going on and to see what the real deal with Niall actually was, because with all these secrets coming out he seems to be a completely different person to how everyone thinks he is. I think he's alright, even like him, Isabel hates him and thinks he's an arsehole, and this girl has another opinion all together.
We met up at one of the local parks, it seemed like a decent place to meet up where we would have some space and it wouldn't feel as awkward.
"How come you told me I leave him?" I asked! so muh for it not being awkward, we both just shuffled along to footpath not really looking at each other. "He's the worst thing that ever happened to me, I don't think he will have changed much at all since I dated him."
I grunted, I really didn't know what to say, it wasn't like we were the best of friends and we both seemed to have completely different thoughts on Niall, sure he could be an ass when he was in one of his moods but it wasn't bad enough to make me hate him.
"When we first got together he was fine, actually a good boyfriend, I was perfectly fine too."
"What happened?" I wanted to get to the bottom of this and if that meant asking the questions I wasn't too keen on asking, I had to do it.
"Well as college life settled us in as freshmen it wasn't too bad, but niall realised that even as a freshman he was one of the eye candy boys of the place, he made it straight on the soccer team, it's the only reason he came to the college you're going to now, we were still a couple, but as girls started wanting him and he went to parties he found it incredibly hard to stay faithful, he did for a while, but it didn't mean he wasn't complaining, he was too scared to break it off, we weren't fighting, everything was fine, except he knew he could do so much better than me, he used to ask me why I wasn't as pretty as some of the 'babes' that are around, he literally made me feel like shit on a daily basis."
She paused and I was finding it hard to take it all in, I knew Niall was cocky, but this was insane.
"So I started to take it to heart, he said I was a bit chubby or comment on my stamina, and I decided to not eat as much, so much to a fact that I didn't really eat at all, if I did I would feel like shit and just throw it all back up. He still wasn't happy and I didn't know what I was doing wrong, I changed almost everything I could think of, I had dyed my hair blonde and done anything and everything, he wouldn't even say anything, it annoyed me so much I couldn't handle it. But I didn't want to break up with him, because when he wasn't drunk he was fine, when it was just us two he was the same as he always used to be."
I was astounded, I would never do that to myself if it were for a boy, regardless if I thought he was 'the one' or not, I didn't even believe that Niall and I were destined, Christ we aren't even a couple.
"Then I started hating myself more, I cut myself, after a whole of that same thing repeating I found out he was sleeping with other girls. Not just once by accident or anything, he did it on purpose, thinking I wouldn't find out. Not long after that I tried to kill myself, girls were laughing in my face, Niall would barely speak to me, everything had gone to shit, but we hadn't broken up and I don't know why. But I wound up in a hospital, I never went back, Niall didn't show up to the hospital, my parents took my stuff out of college and I hadn't seen Niall until today."
I was lost for words, he must've put her through hell for her to react that bad, "I, uh, wow, that's so horrible." She nodded, "My hair is so short because I cut it all off, I needed a change from him and I really did try to get my own life back, but it's tough, I mean I still loved him for so much longer, that's why I got scared when I seen you, because you remind me of how I was at first and..."
I knew what she meant but I really didn't think Niall was going to be like that, we were friends or whatever we were under different circumstances to how they were.
“I can’t believe you put up with that…” I spoke my thoughts without really thinking about it, “Looking back, neither can I, but I guess its all done now, I just really don’t want to see him again.” I nodded in agreement, why would you want to see him again?
“Well, I don’t think you have to worry about me, we aren’t even a couple, he admitted he liked me, but that’s as far as he seems to go, its like he’s afraid of commitment.” Her face looked focus when I looked at her, “Yeah, he's probably scared he will screw over another person, I take it he hasn’t changed much though, with all the parities and stuff?”
“No, he's still like that, slept with a different girl every night, all that same stuff, but shits happening, hence why I am around, we had to work together on a thing from class and grew close I guess, but we ended up sleeping with each other, not like I planned on it, I actually hated him before I got to know him, he was an asshole at first, but I made sure he wasn’t going to throw me around, he learnt to live with it, and now he's stuffed up his knee, can’t play ball and his friends have turned, I had a fight with my best friend about him, it’s a huge story, but I'm crashing in his room for the time being. I don’t even know what we class as. It’s just a jumbled mess.”
“Is he sleeping with anyone else though?” I shook my head, “No, he hasn’t gone to any parties, nothing, its really weird, I don’t know why he's just stopped.” Her eyebrows were risen in shock, “He must actually like you.” Go figure.
“Humph, well, thanks for chatting to me I guess, you probably feel really awkward around me, especially talking about all of this, plus, I'm a naturally awkward person.” She smiled, “Hey, its no problem, I'm glad I could help?”
We went our separate ways after that, I still felt weird, it was weird talking to her, and too awkward for my own liking. But I had gotten the details that I was after and was happy with knowing what Niall refused to tell me. However I wasn’t going to tell him that I knew, well, not all of it, he was going to tell me his version and I was going to compare the pair.
I went back to the frat house and up to Niall's bedroom, he was throwing his soccer ball at the wall, allowing it to bounce back into his hands. He turned to look at me when I opened the door, “Hey.” I said, “Hey. What's up?”
“Not much, I guess.” I sat down on his desk, looking down at the things that were still in the same place since the last time I sat here.
“I'm so fucking bored.” Niall complained, I couldn’t agree more, and I was scared to mention the topic, but it had to be done. “So are you going to tell me about what happened with Rachael? For real because I would like to hear your version of events rather than anyone else, I'm sure Isabel will tell me regardless.” He groaned and stopped throwing the ball.
“We dated, it got boring, she got too clingy, shit happened and she tried to kill herself, never seen her since.”
I grunted, he really was a man of few words, “Why did she try to kill herself?” I wanted to her him say at least something worth hearing. “Because I am a fucking cunt, and don’t know how to treat people, so I always go fucking everything up, and that’s why I don’t do fucking relationships!”
“So…you’re scared you will break another girl?” he nodded slowly, “You do realise how many girls’ hearts you break by kicking them out after you have your way with them?” he nodded again, “Its different though.”
“HOW! How Niall, tell me, how is it different?” he sat up and looked at me, “It just is! I never told them I was going to take them up here, have some fun, commit to them, marry them, fucking hell, they know what they are doing!”
We both sat there staring at each other in silence, he was angry but calm, “Then what makes me so special then?” I whispered, he climbed off his bed and walked over to me, “You get me, you’re smart, you didn't want to have sex with me, you didn't want to be around me, you just make me feel fucking weird inside, and I really truly don’t understand it, I wish I could, and I wish I could treat you like you deserve to be, but I can't, but I can't get away from you, you leave this room and I miss you, I don’t get it.”
His hands were on the sides of my waist, I lifted my arms up and placed them on his shoulders, he lifted me up and off of the desk, “What are we Niall?” I asked, he rested his forehead on mine, “I would like to call you my girlfriend, but I just can't.”
“I don’t understand why not?” he lifted his head from mine to shake it, “I would screw it up, I wouldn’t be faithful, I would do something stupid, like I did with Rachael.”
It wasn’t like I really desperately wanted to be in a relationship with him, but we were in limbo, our current situation meant we were basically already in a relationship without the label. “Well, we can't go on like this forever, I'm confused Niall.”
“Shh.” He lightly kissed my lips, I felt myself falling for him, I knew I shouldn’t but I was gone, long gone, maybe I had been like this for longer than I thought and I was only realising this now.
But I can't be falling for him, because if I admit it to myself I ruin everything, because when he finds out about Jacinta he will hate me, I will only end up being heartbroken. This was going to backfire on me, and I was afraid.
A/N: thoughts on niall's past anyone? what about lissa and niall's relationship, what do you think, should they get together officially, or is something going to happen??