Chapter Soundtrack:
Sam Tinnesz - Man or Monster
Song selection by jazzwynter
Hello!
This chap hasnt been edited bc i wanted to publish on time. I will edit it later and re publish it of you want to read the fixed version.
Thank you for being patient.
I warn. This chap isnt my total best.
But its good.
I dont have a song for the chap yet bc im too emotional to listen to any music at the moment so if you have one that fits the mood, please send it. Ill check it out when i feel a little better!
Thanks!
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Two weeks later
(From the chapter Down We Go).
Same time frame as Nova was in the last chapter.
____________________________________
Zaryn
Fog hung from the surface of the lake like a thick blanket.. the air chilly and moist. The clouds were gray hanging in the sky, hiding the sun.. not letting it make its appearance yet. Early morning was always quiet like this in autumn.. only the sounds of the lakes water lapping around.
I couldn't risk being outside once all the wolves were awake.. just in case.. as far as they knew, i still killed my brother for nothing. I was the monster. Blake hadn't had that meeting yet.. everyone was waiting on me to get better.. worried i would actually succeed in killing myself ..
So i snuck out early before the sky had a chance to light up with a glow from the sun which never came. Overcast. I just wanted to be outside.. take in the fresh air.. think..
I have been staying at the pack healers cabin.. Daisy. I couldn't bear to stay at my parents house.. and i couldnt bare staying alone in mine. Doc wanted me watched anyway.. and Daisy has been working with Doc to figure out whats going on with me..
I stuffed my hands in my pockets and turned away from the shore.. a little ways away from the pack house. I couldn't risk being seen. My wolf would tear into anyone who tried to challenge me.. i needed to be safe. My wolf has surged through so many times this past week whenever someone said something i didnt like.. the wolf shifted completely.. trying to take them down. I had to be sedated a few times because of it. I wasnt well.
Walking back through the woods to Daisy's cabin, I kept my eyes to the ground as my feet crunched along dead leaves.. thinking to myself..
Nova was always the first thing that came to mind.. how i missed her.. i hoped she was okay. I hope she missed me even a little.. i couldnt sense her anymore but every now and then i would feel a tingle in the back of my mind.. she was thinking about me when i would feel that. Would i ever see her again?
My mind wandered to what's been happening with me.. how much my skin side has weakened to the point i no longer feel superior.. no longer feel like an alpha blood. My title being taken away from me as next alpha had hit my wolf and me hard.. growing up thinking we were much more, only to find out that someone.. my brother i never knew i had.. that he was more than me. He was the next Alpha.
As i entered Daisy's cabin from the back door, the smell of dragon chai tea aroused my senses.. i could hear her and Doc talking in the den. It was a little early for him to come by for a checkup. I made my way to the den to see Doc sitting across from Daisy at the kitchen table sipping a cup of hot tea. His shorter than average frame, a little heavy from too much sweets, made the chair seem non existent..
Daisy, her grandmotherly appearance contrasting with his dramatically.. she always wore her graying brown hair up in a bun.. her slender frame in one of her usual long skirts and blouses... crystals hanging from her neck on a delicate chain. She was eccentric.. and i could sense a fondess between them as they smiled shyly at each other every now and then.
Odd.
They were around the same age though.
"Whats going on?" A small frown of confusion on my features as i walked into the kitchen. They had been so wrapped up in their talk that they hadnt even sensed me coming. Dasiy and Doc both looked over at me with surprise before Doc got up, clearing his throat... approaching me.
"I came to talk with Daisy." His cheeks blushed slightly. "We think we have figured out whats happening with your wolf. We have both been researching.. asking around other pack doctors and healers.. she and i have both come to a conclusion." His elderly voice had that gruffness to it with a slight waver. He was in his sixties.. but still a good pack dotcor.
His words sparked my interest as i peered over at Daisy who wore a smile. She gestured for me to come sit at the table. Doc and i both took a seat, which i was sitting on the edge with anticpation. "Well whats going on with my wolf?" I pressed. Could it be bad? Fatal?
"Dear.." Daisy sighed, her hand gripping the top of mine.. her grey eyes smiling at me. "Your skin side is weakened and the wolf has taken over.. Doubling in strength because of it. He is stronger because you are not. for good reason." She explained softly. My brows furrowed as i shifted my gaze between the two.
Doc took another sip of tea, putting it down slowly as he spoke. "It seems with the conflict of you having a pup on the way with .. your mate being so close.. then marking your mate and losing that pup.. your brothers death along with your mate leaving and the mate bond withering slightly.. your skin side has become weak.. your attempt at suicide, being a catalyst for your wolf to come out to protect you, only made it worse. You're depressed. The wolf is making up for it by being stronger and more feral.. Not having your mate here is making it even worse."
I stared at him, my eyes scrunching. "Im not depressed. I just had a weakened moment. And if what you say is even true then why hasnt Nova experienced this? She went through so much emotional distress while she was here and im sure she was depressed for a while." I quipped.
Doc shook his head, brown eyes staring into mine but not for too long.. my wolf rumbled out of my chest slightly.. not liking to be looked in the eye longer. "Sorry." I shook my head, trying to shake my wolf out of this conversation.
"Its alright. " doc sighed. "Its your wolfs natural response. You have Alpha blood in you.. Nova doesnt so she wont experience depression or her wolf making up for her weakness. You however are a different story. So much has happened to you.. your wolf needs his mate. He is becoming agressive because she isnt here and you are both bonded.. your attempted suicide along with everything else has made you more skin. Your wolf realises this and the fact you havent been on the same page for so long.. its allowed him to make an appearance quite often.. with your not wanting the pup.. he became more paternal which in turn made you more paternal. Which also led to hurting your mate. The wolf wanted his mate and his pup which clouded your judgement and you couldn't see that those two things would not mesh.. now you see you couldnt have had both .. just everything alltogether is making your wolf go wild. You need to be on the same page with him." He explained ernestly.
A scoff left my mouth. "How can i be on the same page? Yeah i do want my mate but i can't control what has already happened. I guess these past two weeks i have been depressed but i realise i need to work on myself and i want to. I want to be better for Nova but if i allow my wolf to let his wants and needs come forth.. I'll be ripping anyone who makes me mad into! I can't just let him have free range but at the same time i cant lock him up! He takes control without my approval!" My voice loud, angry and desperate.. i felt like my world was coming crashing down.
"Zaryn.." Daisy squeezed my hand as i turned to her. "You need to be stronger. Your skin side. You need to heal.. thats the only way to get the strength back from your wolf.. he has absorbed your strength, making him twice the wolf. You need to get it back."
I pressed my head into my hands, eyes squinting shut as my fingers gripped my hair. "How the hell do i do that?"
I heard something being placed in front of me on the table as she spoke. "With my help and Docs. You will also need help from someone else.. your mother has called her cousin.. the Alpha of Dark Moon. He is sending the general of his pack to train you. You need a way for your mind to heal. The Dark Moon Alpha has seen this before.. whats happening to you. He says the only way for you to heal is to become physically stronger.. which is where his general will come in. He is taking a break from training the warriors to come help you. And Doc and I will concentrate on your emotional strength. You will have to put your trust into all three of us to help you get your strength back.. to be at one with your wolf again. You'll have to open up to us.. you'll have to fight.. but you will become stronger for it." The determination in her words had me lifting my head... seeing a steaming cup of tea in front of me.
I felt her words.. knew they were true. They are helping me all they can to get me better.. my mother.. i guess she cares enough about me to call her cousin and get his general.. the wolf that is in charge of training every warrior in the pack, to come help me. Just me. Dark Moon is a fierce pack.. one that does not fear.. one that doesnt linger on the skin side long..
"Do you really think i should be trained by a Dark Moon general?" My eyes trained on that steaming cup, wide.. taking everything in as my voice was soft and wavering.
I'll admit in scared.. a fear from what will happen to me if things dont work out. Will i become a mindless monster?
Doc cleared his throat as he always does. "Dark Moon isnt as harsh as it once was. Granted, they are all still a feirce pack.. but the old Alpha Maximus has been dead for a long time. His son is the Alpha now.. Maxim. He wouldn't send someone to help just anyone. You are his family even if it is further down the line.. fourth cousin i believe? He knows what to do. Luna Penelope is sure of this."
My mother.. how could i trust that? But surely she would never want to harm me..
I have to do this for Nova.. not anyone else but her. I no longer have a pack to care for in the future.. i have to do this for my mate. To be stronger for her..
My eyes peered between the two.. confidence settling in my bones. "When does he get here? When do we start?" I knew this wouldn't be an easy road but i knew i had to do it.
"He comes tonight." Daisy chimed in with a sly smile. "You will start tomorrow. But until then.. its my job to help your soul.. soothe your emotions. Drink the tea Zaryn. Drink it and let your emotions surface."
I peered into the cup, steaming warmth surrounding my hands as i held it. This tea was going to open me up.. leaving me vulnerable for them to hear my most painful fears..
Not giving my wolf a chance to surface and hault me, i lifted the cup to my lips and drank.
--------
Blake
The day had seemed to move forward as if someone was pressing fast forward.. The sun never made its appearance and dark heavy clouds hung over the pack lands as if it were a metaphor for what was about to happen.
The meeting.
With Zaryn being healed now and Penelope, Doc and the healers plan to make him stronger, able to handle his wolf which had lashed out this week at everyone.. me included, I decided it was time. Eden has been on me like wild fire about having the meeting and telling the pack the truth. She invited Alpha Reynold as well.. to hear what has happened to his daughter from my own mouth.
My pack.. being taken from me by my own pack members..
Im the Alpha. This shouldn't be happening this way. I shouldn't have tried to hide everything but i love my family. Even my son, Deacon. Although he had done some horrible things... i still loved him. My wolf loved him..wanted to protect him.
Last week the funeral was held in the Meadow on our pack land.. the pack cemetary. Everyone came. Everyone aside from Jack, Dahlia and Nic which i understood.. but Nic was his brother too. Deacon .. i wish i could have helped him but there was no helping him. I tried everything.. things no one knows of.. but i knew he was long gone. His mind was wrong.
But i was wrong for how i handled everything.
As i made my way to the backyard of the packhouse.. the cool autumn breeze chilling my skin.. i couldn't help but to think about the future. What was to come. There would be challenges once they lost respect for me.. i was able to save myself from their fury when Nic was found to be my son.. because i never knew and i didnt cheat on my mate. But this was surely to bring some devestation..
The ache in my heart over Deacon's death.. the fact Zaryn hated me for putting his mate in danger.. Nic hating me for the same plus some.. Jack having lost respect for me and Dahlia giving me those hurt expressions.. i let them all down. My friends.. my family. I let them down.
My own mate couldn't stand me now.. after my punishing her for lashing out.. attacking Dahlia.. she became distant. And now my knowlege of Deacon slaughtering his own mate.. hiding it from her.. hiding everything from everyone. She wasnt talking to me... we would only talk about Zaryn and how we could help him. Business only.
I stuffed my feelings down, my wolf stirring behind my mind.. letting me know i am still the Alpha here. As i rounded the pack house, I saw my pack.. wolves of all ages filling the entire back yard.. all gathered from the edge of the house to where the land meets the water.. a stage set up for me to make my announcement.
Penelope came out of nowhere, standing in front of my like a lion.. her eyes glaring at me as her wolf peered out. "Dont do this. You dont owe them anything. I have thought it over... i believe you were right to do what you did. Our sons memory is about to be crushed.. you're the alpha! You can force the others to keep quiet. Blake dont do this. Im not ready to step down. Please. If you love me..." she pled with her eyes, hands gripping my shirt.
I felt disgusted with how she thought about the situation.. power only. Not her son's faring.. brushing her off of me, i walked away.. toward the stage.
All eyes caught mine in confusion.. some in anger because they think i am not doing my job with not punishing Zaryn for what he did. Some angry that Nova had left.. she had more favor than i realised.
By the stage stood Eden, waiting impatiently with Alpha Reynold and his beta by her side.. his confusion as to why he was here expressed on his features as he stood tall, an older wolf than me but still an Alpha nonetheless.
Nic stood on the other side of the stage closest to me as i approached. His eyes finding mine.. looking away quickly.
Palms sweating, i slowly made my way up the steps.. my wolf surged a little more sensing the agression from the crowd so i allowed him to peer through.. meeting their challenging stares. Quickly they glanced away, afraid to challenge me.
Taking the center stage, I prepared myself.. my eyes finding Alpha Reynold's .. feeling the sorrow in my bones for him.
"I have called this meeting to discuss some pack issues.."
"Where's Zaryn!?" A male cried out. "Why isnt he being put to trial for the murder of Deacon!!?"
My wolf surfaced full fledged in my skin, letting out an enormous roar that silenced the entire pack's outrage. "Zaryn will not be put to trial because he did nothing wrong. Deacon should have had the death sentence by now for his crimes. Zaryn knew about it. Zaryn caught Deacon trying to leave with Nova and out of fear for her safety, his wolf attacked Deacon.. killing him!" I shouted out for them all to hear as confusion rippled through the crowd.
"I've been keeping secrets from you all. Deacon was mentally ill. He had done some terrible things to females from other packs. Luna and I have always known he was sick but i have hidden his true crime from her as well as the rest of you.." peering over at Alpha Reynold, understanding crossed his face before a mask of rage overtook him. The pack was silent.. waiting.. surprised..
"Deacon had an obsession.. with Nova. That none of us really knew the extent of until we discovered what he had done. Deacon found his mate.. months ago. Alpha Reynold's daughter. He found her in the woods near the pack line.. he also raped, beat, and killed her.. angry that he had found his mate because it messed things up for him in his mind. He wanted Nova. I didnt know what he had done until the night he attacked Nova. Deacon was poisoned that night by Anita.. the reason his wolf attacked her and tried to mate her. But that night we also found out Alpha Reynold's had found his daughters body mutilated in the woods. I tried to hide it.. but that night is when i knew that he had done it and i knew he would face murder. So instead of trying him for such.. i had him punished for his crime against Nova.. never telling anyone he was poisoned because i knew once the punishment was over, much of you would challenge him and kill him for what he had done. I wanted him to have a more peaceful death. To not tarnish his memory.. but then he escaped and tried to leave with Nova.. she never knew of what he had done or his mental state. Thats when Zaryn found him.. knowing everything he had done, his wolf lashed out and killed him. Justly. I am sorry for all that i have caused.. i should have never kept this from anyone. I should have came forth when i found out but ... hes my son." I looked over at Alpha Reynold who fumed.. "im so sorry.. im sorry for what my son did to your daughter. It was a crime beyond any crime and im so sorry you didnt get your justice. " my eyes found outraged pack members. "Im sorry to all of you."
Females were crying out their outrage while the males were yelling out their anger.. the crowd became an uproar.. hundreds of wolves .. my wolf could feel the atmosphere.. strong rage filtering the air.
A male stepped forward. "You are to blame for all of this and you are our Alpha?! This is all your fault!"
Another male.. "you caused Nova to leave! You let your own son take the fall for murdering his brother when he was just. We have all been ready to challenge him and you let us!?"
Their words rang out of their mouths like a gunshot.. firing right at my heart. I let my pack down.
A female stepped forward. "Grace still needs to be punished! You have lost all of our respect!" She cried
My wolf faultered.
Another male, "You need to step down! You cant handle the title!" The crowd roared, agreeing.
Another female, "You still have yet to punish Grace and she isnt pregnant anymore!" More agreement from hundreds of wolves.
Another male, "we still are in our right to challenge Zaryn! He pushed his mate away, showing he is weak! He tried to kill himself! He has no respect from us anymore!" A roar of approval from all the pack.
All i could do was stand there, watching.
"Nic should be our alpha!" Another cried out with more cheering.
Snapping out of my daze, i straightened up, realising this pack was going to work to tear me down. "SILENCE!!!" i raored, shutting them all up. I may not be respected but i am still the Alpha. "You all may want me to step down but as you all know, Nic has been raised as a beta. He has no capability of challenging me and winning yet!" Growls rang out from their disproval. "I realise i have lost the respect of all of you for my mistakes but im still your alpha!"
Wolves came forward one by one. Males. Five of them. "We challenge you for the title of Alpha!" He bellowed. A chuckle from Alpha Reynold came forth as I looked over the wolf in front of me.. maybe 28 years old. Ten years younger than i.. he wouldn't win. But we dont kill in challenges. We only make them submit.
If i had to fight my way to the top again with him and his friends.. then so be it.
The male let his wolf come forth, cracking bones.. ripping fabric..
I let mine surge as well.. my wolf coming fast and with ferocity... snarling above the male with teeth sharp as knives. Leaping off the stage, my wolf, much bigger than all of them, didnt hold back as he showed them where their place was one by one.
-----
Nic
i watched with surprise as Blake's wolf.. his Alpha wolf threw the male wolf down after a round of fighting, teeth clamping around his neck.. sinking in.. showing him who was in charge. The male immediately tucked tail, whimpering.. showing his neck. Stretching it out while teeth lodged inside the flesh. Blood flowing into the ground..
The Alpha wolf immediately released his hold and the male skittered away while Alpha went to the next shifted male.. ready to show him his place as well.. large paws sinking in the grass in a menacing step.. snarl.. showing blood stained teeth..
Blake's wolf went through each male.. one by one.. all five of them.. clawing. Biting.. always ending each challenge the same.
With teeth in their neck.. forcing their submission out of them.
An hour later we were all watching as he finished the last one.. shifting back to skin immediately once his wolf peered around for more challenges and none came forth.
Blake took the stand, naked, his body littered in deep gouges, blood falling freely as his chest heave.. agression in his eyes. Its as if he realised how serious this was. How dangerous it would be if he didn't think of a plan now.. the entire pack would turn on him and pounce.. all at once. Seeking death.
"I know all of you dont want me as your Alpha anymore!" He screamed out.. veins popping through skin. "But none of you can beat me in a challenge! And you know that! My wolf is stronger!!" Angry growls from the crowd surfaced.
"But give me three months." He glanced over at me.. his chest huffing with labor. "Ill spend three months training Nic with to learn four years of Alpha training. I'll train his wolf to be able to beat me and to protect this pack! He will be your new Alpha once he can successfully take me down!" He yelled out.
Agreement from the pack members.. heads nodding.. spoken words of their approval as my eyes widened in fear.
A male from the pack stepped forward. "We dont want Grace as our Luna! He needs to mark another female and take the bond away!" He shouted. My wolf rumbled my chest.. how dare that male. I clenched my fists, gritting my teeth as other members voiced their agreement.
"And Grace needs to be punished for her crimes against Deacon even if he was a monster!" A female shouted. It was Jazz. I couldn't describe the amount of pain i was feeling.. watching as she betrayed me.
Blake paused. "Nic will agree to that. We will talk about his mate situation and Grace will be punished as it was set in motion before hand. Starting immediately." The wolves.. hundreds of them.. cheered .. loving what he was saying. I watched in horror as Blake stepped off the stage, going to Alpha Reynold who wore a blank mask.. Eden watching me with apologetic eyes.. she had been avoiding me and now she feels bad for me..
My wolf was itching to come out.. to eat Blake alive for that. For what he agreed to that i never did. Fuming, i turned, stomping away from the packhouse as a massive wave of anger took me over. I passed Penelope who grabbed my arm, my body coming to a hault as i whipped to face her with storming eyes and a clenched jaw.. ready for anyone to tell me what i was and wasnt doing.
She stared up at me.. her face a mask of contempt. "Zaryn will get better soon. My cousin is sending help for him. I wont let you take his birthright away. He is the next Alpha." She informed me sourly.
Jerking my arm out of her hold, i bumped past her.. she was no longer my Luna. I had no respect for her. I see what the pack sees when they look at their leaders now.. knowing they cant win the challenge but they dont reapect him. Blake knows too.. he is trying to appease them so he doesn't lose his life and cause the pack to go into a downfall.. crashing. Dying out.. leaving them vulnerable for another Alpha to come through and take them by force.
I was expected to mark another. To forget my mate.. my mate who is supposed to be my gift from the moon. But the news of Eden being pregnant with my pup.. how ironic. My brother and i going through the same thing now. His journey had ended and mine began. What was the moon doing to me? Eden.. i admit shes gorgeous but shes always been just Nova's weird friend with a crush on me. Now here she is.. different and with my pup in her. While my marked mate sat in the clinic.. not knowing of what i had done.. how i had impregnated Eden. No one knows. Not yet. What am i supposed to do? I can't give up what my wolf wants the most. What the moon gifted me.
I felt my limbs ripple at the pure raw rage i felt pulsing through me. My wolf was taking over.. i couldn't stop it. My bones were crackling before i could see what was happening and my wolf was coming out.. ready to release his agression.
×××
What seemed like hours passed before my wolf allowed me to shift back into my skin. He had killed a large buck.. angry.. taking his fury out on the defenseless animal. Blood coated my skin as i shifted back .. staring at the back porch of my home as the chilly air raised my skin.
Quickly, i bounded up the steps and put on some spare jeans and a hoodie that is always left on our back porch in instances we need to change... i felt myself being drawn to thoughts of Grace and before i knew it, my feet were taking me to Doc's clinic right around the corner. Would Blake really allow the pack to corner him and make him do what they want out of fear? That is no Alpha.
As soon as i rounded the corner, i watched in horror and fury as Blake's other Beta dragged Grace away from the clinic, kicking and screaming. My wolf snapped.. not liking how they were treating her and i ran. My legs carried me as fast as i could.. all eyes landing on me as i rushed to stop them from taking my mate away to her punishment, whatever they decided upon.
Before i could make it to her, i was grabbed up by Blake.. his arms holding me back as i screamed out my rage. "let me go!!" I shook and shook.. but he was like a metal band.. never moving.
"Im sorry Nic but it has to be done." His voice was sad but my anger only intensified as they hauled her in a truck and drove away.. Blakes arms letting me go. Whipping around to face him, i could feel my eyes stinging. Just me and him.
"What did you do. Where is Grace going!?"
He gulped. "To the place you were conceived. To the cabin your mother stayed at when she first came to this land. Far off in the woods away from the pack. Its still on the lands. Since she just had a pup recently.. the pack went light. They agreed to have her be locked away in that cabin.. away from pack life. Someone will bring her meals daily but she is there until you reject her and take over the pack. Mate another, Nic. The pack will fall if you dont."
My nostrils flared as my teeth slid from my mouth.. hot pulsing agression leaking from my skin from the words he spoke.
"You have no right to tell them i would take over! I dont want anythinf from you!!!" I screamed at him with all the anger my body could muster. His wolf made not one appearance.. beaten. "I wont take over your Pack! I wont clean up your mess! How dare you try to leave this pack to me! How fùçking dare you!! And i wont have my mate treated this way! Shes mine. No other will do!!" I screamed, my face turninf red, veins sticking out as my chest heaved.
He closed his eyes in defeat. "Im sorry nic. But you are who they want. You have to." His eyes opened again showing all the pain he felt this time. "They dont want Zaryn."
I snorted. "Well your wife is fixing that. Im not your scape goat. Im not you and i never will be." I turned from him but faintly heard him say, thank goddess for that.
Running down the dirt road, i followed the trucks path.. her scent. It led took a path through the woods.. and i ran. Deep deep in the forrest.. further away from the pack house.
Coming close to the territory lines, the scent of Grace haulted at the cabin Blake spoke of.. no one here .. just a giant silver lock on the outside of the door. Bars surrounding the windows.
This is where my mom stayed? Where i was conceived? They treated my mom like an outcast...
The urge to protect her was strong as i walked forth.. peering into the window of the old run down cabin which had been fixed up as best as it could in the last hours. The curtains were drawn and i could hear a muffled cry inside.. a cry that broke my heart. Reaching my hand through the wide space of the silver bars meant to keep a wolf in, i knocked on the glass lightly.
Thr crying stopped and footsteps creaked as she made her way to the window, pulling the curtains back to reveal her face. My eyes were still red.. and so were hers.
"Please. Open the window."
She did so reluctantly.. her tears streaking her face as she let the chilly air through. "What do you want Nic." She sniffled, holding a blanket around her with it pressed into her nose.
I was at a loss.. i stepped up to the window, my eyes memorizing her features. "Im going to end this. I wont let them do this to you. I wont allow you to be held here for three months because im not taking over the pack. I wont."
She laughed sarcastically through her breath. "You dont have a choice."
I peered up at her. "I want you to be my mate. I wont do what they are asking me to do. I wont. I wont give up on you."
Shaking her head, she let out a sob, more tears falling. "You cant. You just need to let me go. You have caused more greif to me than anyone and i know all about greif. I have no one anymore.. im locked in here.. without anyone. Im trapped. You are better off without me." Her hair fell, revealing the mark i had put on her neck... sticking out like a sore thumb. It made my wolf excited.
"Grace. Dont. You are my mate. But... theres something i have to tell you. And i want you to listen. "
She nodded for me to continue.. i didnt want to do this to her.. "Eden... she's pregnant..." my head fell in shame as i felt the electric currents spark through me where her eyes met on my skin.
"What?" A small voice so lost came out of the window. "Y-yours?"
I nodded solemnly.
She sucked in a breath as my eyes rose to meet hers. "Leave!" She screamed, enraged. "I cant believe this! The moon hates me so much! You will probably mate her.. do it so i can be free!" She yelled out to me.
My face pinched up in pain, my wolf whining. "Grace no! Its not like that!" I pled. "I dont want Eden that way! That night that i... it was just.. a mistake. I needed an answer from her as an oracle.. and ... things went wrong." I explained as she stared down at me with a hurt look. "I dont want to trade my mate.. you were meant for me for a reason. The moon doesnt make mistakes!"
Her body became still, her crying had ceased as she looked at me with dead eyes. "How did she get pregnant if she wasnt in heat?"
That was a good question.
"I asked her the same question... when she drank that tea that poisoned her.. she drank it because her heat was coming soon. Because the poison was so powerful.. it knocked her hormones out of whack. She was in her heat the night i came by.. only her body wasnt expelling the hormones it needed to let her and everyone else know she was. She didnt feel the pain a female feels.. she didnt go into a craze.. her body just didnt know she was in heat but she was. I never was in a lust ridden heat craze either. It was a mistake Grace. Please have faith.."
She scoffed, crossing her arms with the blanket pulling tight. Her eyes narrowed. "This is my punishment from the moon. Forcing me into the situation that Nova was forced in by my aunt. By me. I was so nasty to her because my aunt told me to be and this is what i get. I was so weak.. to listen to Aunt Anita. I was so scared of the what ifs and her stories of what would happen to me if i didnt follow her lead.. that now i have the moon punishing me like this!" She began to temble. "And believe me.. you will be wanting that pup like Zaryn wanted ours. You will hurt me and i will feel Nova's pain and i don't want to! Why cant anyone just stop with the whole 'i cant sense your heat' shìt! Anita should have never messed with the moon and neither should i! Two pregnancies!? Why Nic Why!?!" She cried so hopelessly.. my heart was tearing into.
I peered at her with a need to hold her. I wanted inside. I wanted to assure her.. but my words were all i had. "Please Grace. Please believe that i wont give up on you. Im stronger than Zaryn. I promise. I hate Blake for this and i have a plan but just please don't give up. Stay strong. Please. "
Her glassy eyes met mine for the millionth time.. a heaitstion in them. "I know the outcome of this story. Its my punishment after all.. if losing the only two people i cared about wasnt enough. My family. I wont expect you to stay with me because im smarter than that. This feeling trumps everything.. ive forgiven you for my pups loss because it was meant to be anyhow.. but i wont expect you to come for me. I wont. That way when you dont.. i wont be disappointed." She sniffled.
Reaching my hand through the bars, i gripped her hand.. feeling the shooting fireworks up my arm. "I wont fail you." My eyes closed as i dropped my head, letting her go as she drifted back into the cabin.
"Goodbye Nic." Her soft whisper was carried by the wind.. so lonely and alone.
My heart ached. It broke for her. So alone.. no one on her team to cheer for her... she didnt ask for this.
××××
The walk through the woods was long since i didnt want to run. I felt so beat down.. so annailated that i forced myself to feel the pain as i walked the mile home.
I couldn't be as weak as Zaryn. I had to stand my ground on this. I had to.
As i came down the dirt road .. approaching my parents home.. my home.. something in me told me i should go check on Eden.. i needed to talk to her. See where she stood on all this. She has been shying away from me all week.. not wanting to talk about it.
With a new found energy, i walked briskly in the chilling evening air.. the light gray skies from the overcast day, fading to a darker color.. the sun non existent on this day of reckoning.
I was at her doorstep in an instant and my hand was on auto pilot, knocking on her door.
She opened the door, her big green eyes widening when she saw me. Without an invitation, i rushed past her into the warmth of her cabin.. the fireplace burning.. the smell of winter approaching on the horizon but not for another few months.
I turned to face her as she shut the door.. her lips pursed.. her hair falling long and straight around her.
"Eden why have you been avoiding me." I cut to the chase.
She sighed, her hands covering her eyes as they rubbed. She wasnt wearing makeup.. first time ive seen her without it since she came. She was pretty. "Because.. i needed to see how i felt about all of this."
I frowned, my eyes squinting at her, "and?"
She leaned against the wall, her arms crossing in front of her.. a brow raising. "And.. i feel like i want the pup. But i cant have a mate. I know what they said today but i want to keep my gift. I want to be an oracle forever. You shouldn't expect anything from me Nic." She shook her head sadly as she approached me, looking up into my eyes. "When i was a pup, i was so in love with you that i just wanted you to notice me. I thought you might one day and the day you did was the day i became pregnant. But that isnt what i want. You need a mate but it cant be me. I will have the pup.. if thats what the moon wants. But we should just stay friends. Im sorry." She closed her eyes.
I felt an overwhelming sense of relief but at the same time, i felt a pain inside me. I dont know how to explain. But i wrapped my arms around her and brought her into my chest, hugging her close which surprised her.
"Im fine with that." I whispered into her hair. "I have a mate.. i wont go against what the moon gave me. But im happy to stand with you.. as a friend."
She pulled away, her eyes wide as a slow grin spread across her lips. "Really?"
I nodded my head. "Yes."
Suddenly her arms were engulfing me and squeezing me with such a harshness. "Thank you. For understanding. Thank you Nic."
I kissed the top of her head, my hand falling to her stomach, feeling the firmness already starting to take place so quickly. "Anytime."
This is the mother of my pup.. we have to be able to be friends.. and we will both love him. We will both be a good influence separately.
I could do this. I could be stronger than Zaryn.
-----
Leaving Eden's cabin, it was dark now. The smell of burning wood from the fireplace of many wolves cabins filled the air in the crisp night as i left her home, my smile spread broadly, happy about how things went between us. Im happy she feels that way.. because she works for the moon.. she understands and respects my decision to take what the moon has offered.
But why is the moon working this way?
Passing the healers home.. i realised there was one last thing i needed to do tonight..
I needed to talk to my brother. Zaryn. I needed him to figure this out with me.
As if sensing the same thing, he opened the door as i stood staring at the cabin. His eyes met mine.. no surprise . He knew i was here. He and i have excellent senses. "Hey. You wanna come in?"
I glanced around me.. the dark night, crisp and cool.. not a noise at all. "How about we sit out here. Where it's nice and cool." I suggested with a tug at the side of my mouth.
He laughed lightly as he stepped out, closing the door behind him. "You have developed an adversion to Healers i see." He chuckled as he sat on the front porch, eyes watching me. Following suit, i sat beside him silently.. thinking.
"Eden is pregnant." The way my mind thinks of ice breakers is ridiculous.
His eyes almost popped out of his head as he leaned a little to the side, off balance. "Whaaaaaaat.. dude. What is it with all these pups popping up.. something is seriously in the water. What happened? What are you going to do?" He wasnt acting like his usual self...
I watched his eyes close a little before they stared at me.. shock and disbelief on his face. "I dont know.. the poison she had altered her bodys upcoming heat.. and now shes pregnant. But she doesn't want to be with me. She wants to be friends and i like that because i have a mate."
Zaryn laughed. "Good luck man. Your wolf is going to drive you crazy when she starts showing.. when you see her belly get bigger with life, you are gonna want to protect it. You wont want anything causing harm to your pup and it will interfere with your mate bond. Trust me on this." His eyes wandered to the dark sky, watching bare branches dance around in the breeze as more leaves fell around us.
His jaw clenched as if reminding him of the time he did that to Nova.. left her alone for the protection instinct he felt inside of him. "I hope it doesnt happen . If im stronger.. i can fight it."
Turning, he narrowed his eyes. "You cant fight the wolf. You cant. It will win. And if youre on opposite sides for too long, he will take over. And if too much stressful shit happens to you like it did me.. you not being able to have your mate.. if she doesnt want you around. It will break you. I cant tell you how many nights i cried during when all of that was going on. How much pain i felt. Finally i was so weak that my wolf absorbed my skin sides strength and now look at me!" He threw up his hands. "Im a loose cannon!" He laughed loudly.
Fear struck me.. could this actually happen to me? Would i have to face my future this way?
Then theres me being Alpha.. me rejecting my mate.. i couldnt.
"I dont want this responsibility being forced on me.. this pup alone is enough but the pack wanting me as their Alpha when they dont respect my mate choice? What are we going to do Zaryn?" I sounded helpless like a lone wolf.
He shook his head. "I dont know Nic. Our dad sure knows how to mess things up... "
"Your dad." I corrected, staring at him.
A nod in understanding, he sighed. "I dont know what you should do. You wanted the title before.. do you not now? I heard everything through Eden. She came by."
I shook my head, his curious eyes watching me. He seemed out of it. "That was when i thought i would need the title to be with Grace. I dont anymore. I dont want anything of Blake's. You are the one . Its you zaryn." I pled with him.
Zaryn laughed as he shook his head, his eye lids half closed as if he had taken some sleeping medication and was just on the cusp of its comatose affects. "Im in no shape. Im sick remember? They are trying to do everything for me to make me bounce back but my wolf is too strong. Even now he wants to surface and bite you in the ass but the healer gave me some tea thats calmed him to where he doesnt break through. Valerian root. Lots of it. The general from Dark Moon is on his way as we speak to come here and train me for a while. I can't even take care of myself much less a pack and i sure as hell cant challenge dad and win. Well.. i dont know. My wolf possibly could.. but im too fùçked up to protect everyone. I need to get well." He held his face in his hands.. his body rocking back and forth.
"Can you do it in three months?"
He stopped, peering up at me. His bright blue eyes widening on me. "You really dont want this?"
"No Z. I dont." I shook my head.
His hand slapped me on the back a few times before hugging around me. He was a mess without my sister here. "Then let them all know. There has to be someone in the pack better suited to fill the position.. i dont care if our family's name ends reign here. I just dont care about anything except getting better for my mate. Im sorry Nic."
His words had me feeling upset. This was his birthright. I didnt want it. "But you have been trained as an Alpha! I havent! Zaryn this pack loves Nova more than you or i know. They treated her like their Luna.. not Penelope. You and she are what these wolves need. You need to buck up and stand up and fight brother. " my eyes willed him to understand. "Fight."
Its as if something clicked in his mind.. his eyes widening and locked on mine before a mask of determination settled over him. "Nic. You are going to be okay. I have a plan for you.."
That wasnt what i was hoping for.
I frowned, puzzled. "What do you mean."
His voice deepened.. "I need to talk to a few people first. Next week i will have a plan set up and ill tell you. But for now just rest assured you wont be forced to give up your mate.."
Releasing a breath, i nodded. "Okay. Im trusting you Z. Please... please help me."
I have never reached out and asked anyone for help like im doing right now... This pack was going to eat itself alive if something didnt happen soon. Three months.
Dun dun dun!!
Hope you enjoyed. It kinda sucks bc im not in the right emotional state to write at the moment so a lot of my own feelings are metaphored into the story somehow bc i was feeling some type of way. Those of you who read my diary know..
Anyway..
So what do you think of Zaryn now? Now that you know how bad off he really is? That he hasnt been normal in a long while. That he wanted his mate but that wolfs urges were stronger..?
What do you feel about Blake now? Blake is weak and he has allowed his pack to deteriorate because of his own selfishness. He then becomes more selfish and appoints his son Nic to take over.. forcing him to get rid of his mate .. f u blake.
What about Grace? I mean the girl didnt do anything but poison deacon but not like anita did. She did it under anitas orders out of fear.. and she was a super b!tch to Nova bear.. but shes lost her dad and her aunt... the only parents she knew. She lost her real dad.. never knew her mom.. who weirdly resembles nova.. and shes lost her pup. Stuck in a pack that hates her and has punished her by locking her away for 3 months away from pack and now she knows her mate got another wolf pregnant... and her mate marked her without her consent.. she has the shittttttiest life right now. Anyone feel bad for her at all yet? You will if you dont already. Trust me.
She lit has no one. I can relate to this right now. So shes sort of on my mind at the moment and i feel bad for z at the moment too bc she just LEFT! ugh. How confusing feeking mad at your own characters bc you are in your feelings lol. Anyways...
How do you feel ab Nics choice to not want to take the pack over.. ab him wanting his mate? Staying true to the moon?
He did screw eden when he knew Grace was his mate out of hurt and betrayel. We have all been there tho.
What do you feel about penelope?? Im curious. She seems to be power hungry more than anything.. makes me think she had more to do with rejecting her real mate than anything.. hmm..
How do you feel about edens decision? To not want to be anything but friends with Nic. She has placed that empty lonely feeling with having a pup to call hers and not needing a lover now.
So do you think the moon is going to let the pup come to term? Or nah?
Do you think Nic will fall weak towards protecting his pup like Z did? Making Grace live in Nova's pain?
Lets find out.
Until next time my friends...
Xoxo
Chilee.