Playlist:
Say You Love Me- Jessie Ware
Make it Without You- Andrew Belle
Stay high - tough lo
(Guys please listen to this song when you can. I swear as soon as I heard it I thought of Hyder and the rough patch that they are in.xx)
Harry's POV
"Ugh, you are fucking heavy." Louis complains as we continue walking down the hallway to my bedroom, my arm draped over his shoulder as he held me steady.
"Then let go." I scowl, still holding onto a half empty glass bottle of beer.
"Let go. I can take care of myzzzelf." I slur giving him a shove. My feet stumble a bit and Louis reaches out to help me.
"No, get off." I refuse, holding my hand up. Louis sighs, annoyed but says nothing.
I sniff, as I walk towards my door. Tonight, I did drink and although I'm a bit shaky on my feet I'm not as drunk as I was the other night. All I want to do right now is sleep, because even the very little time that I manage to do so, it's the only time I have peace of my whirling thoughts.
Opening my bedroom door, I glance up and frown seeing Niall sitting at the foot of my bed.
"Oh, had enough have you?" He asks as soon as he sees me, his face decorated with disapproval but it's not like I give a damn.
"What are you doing in my room?" I ask as I take a step inside before Louis steps into the room behind me. Frowning, my eyes flicker over to the two journals that were resting opened on the bed beside next to Niall, when their usual space of occupation is at my desk.
"What? No girl to fuck tonight?" Niall continues and I feel my blood begin to boil. The alcohol in my system is making me slip past my self control and I'm afraid I will go over and smash his face in.
"I'm tired." I curtly reply.
"Now what are you doing in my room?" I question once more, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Trying to figure out what the hell is going on with you."
"So you go through my stuff." I hiss, stepping further inside.
"Yes because you don't tell us shit." He scowls.
"Why are you being like this Harry? If you miss her why don't you just tell her?"
"Who saysss I mizz her?" I counter with a smirk, raising a brow, before bringing the bottle in my hand to my lips.
"Oh cut the crap, Styles." Niall snaps. "You miss her and you know it."
I shrug. "Thhhings are better thiss way."
"Better this way?!" He exclaims standing up from the bed. "Are you insane?"
"Yeah." Louis chimes in, taking a few paces into the room to stand over by Niall. "I mean you two are going fucking mental without each other. I mean have you not heard what she has been-"
"What the fuck do you know!" I snap, suddenly feeling a sudden burst of alcohol fueled anger rush through me. "You two fucking know nothing!"
They know nothing! They don't know what I have gone through. They don't know anything at all! They don't fucking understand!
"I know you love her." Niall presses. "She is the best thing that has happened to you!"
"Why don't you swallow your damn pride and go to her. Why don't you fight for her!" He urges.
"Why won't you just be honest with your feelings?" He adds, gesturing his hand towards me in exasperation.
I clench my jaw as my hand tightens around the bottle in my hand down at my side."You want to know how I feel? Fine." I spit, before taking harsh and deliberate strides towards the pair of them.
"I put myself out on the damn line and you know what I feel? Pain." I hiss, my lips curled back over my upper teeth.
"I can't." I say, pressing my lips into a tight line while shaking my head.
"Why not? Why don't you just tell her how you truly feel?"
"Because I can't." I repeat, looking down at the floor. "I'm trying to do the right thing by keeping Ryder away rather than at my side where she can get hurt."
"That's not the right thing!" Niall exclaims once more as my eyes flicker back over to him. "She needs you just as much as you need her. The silly idea that you have keeping her out of your life is only putting her in much more pain that what she would be right here with you."
"Niall, I'm not the good guy remember? Guys like us don't have happy endings. You said so yourself." I scowl. "I came to this city to just start anew, to just do my work until I was let free so I could go back to what I was doing before I turned myself in the first place."
"And yet for some reason you are doing the complete opposite huh?" Niall says tilting his head slightly to the side while narrowing his eyes. "You are trying to keep almost every criminal off the streets, now why is that?"
"I just don't want her to get hurt." I mumble.
"Then why don't you just tell her that?"
"I can't." I press once more, irritated.
I'm not good with words...with speaking them. I know if I try I will fumble and make myself look like a bloody idiot.
Niall looks sternly at me for a few more passing seconds, his lips pressed into a tight grimace.
"Fine." Niall says after a beat. I look at him confused and watch as he picks up my journal off the bed.
"What are you-"
"Then I'll do it for you." He says, roughly ripping a page out before tossing the journal back down where it was before. I blink as Niall storms past me and I find myself surprised that I don't even try to stop him.
Ryder's POV
God why am I such a fucking idiot! What did I do?
I blink away the few tears that have not managed to fall down my cheeks, as I press my hands against my temples in frustration. I desperately wish I could let out a frustrated scream but I can't, mostly because I'm currently in a back of a cab but the truth is I don't think I have the strength to do so. Lately I feel like I don't have the strength to do anything and the things I do, like things at work. I finish them because I have to not because I am actually putting effort into them anymore.
Plus, things aren't easy when people on my social media have been asking why I haven't been posting lately.
I sniff and feel very relieved when the car pulls up in front of my dad's house. Leaning over I give the cab driver the exact amount for the ride before climbing out of the car into the cool air. I shut the door and turn around to walk up my dad's driveway, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket. There is a faint smell of rain in the air which I love but gloom quickly clouds over me as the scent makes my mind drift back to the rainy night on my birthday.
No...don't go there Ryder.
God, why does everything have to remind me of being around Harry?
As I begin to approach the porch I lift my head and spot Niall sitting on the steps, wearing black jeans, a white shirt topped with a leather jacket.
"Niall?" I stop. "What...what are you doing here?"
Oh God...is Harry okay? Not that I care...
Ugh...of course I care.
"I came to talk about Harry." He says standing up to his feet.
My heart stops immediately at his words, I shake my head and begin to walk up the steps, moving around him. All I want to do is go lock my slut ass in my room and rot under my sheets.
"No, Niall." I refuse, not wanting to hear whatever he has to say in his friends defense. "There is nothing you can say that-"
"Harry loves you." He says, as I step on the porch.
"Ha! He loves me?" I scoff. "Are you joking? I thought he did too but I was tragically wrong." I say turning around on my heel to face him.
"No, Ryder." He says walking up to the third step so we are eye to eye, a few inches away from each other. "Harry loves you, he really does."
I stay quiet and look away from him, feeling slightly annoyed.
How can he defend Harry?
"Look, I have only seen him look at one girl the same way as you and she is older, has dyed blonde hair and shares his DNA." He says, and my lips pull into the tiniest of smiles as my mind paints a picture of Gemma.
"Harry has been through a lot." Niall continues as my eyes flicker back to him. "Yes, he has made mistakes but tell me one person on this Earth who hasn't."
I shake my head. "I'm not mad at him for his mistakes, Niall. I'm not mad at him because he is a criminal. I'm mad at him because he lied to me."
"He lied because he had to." Niall frowns.
"Yes, because it's in his nature. It's all he has been doing for his whole life and-"
"Someone was in the house Ryder." Niall interjects, his brows furrowed a little.
"What?" I blink, looking at him puzzled not sure if I heard him correctly. Niall sighs while stepping onto the porch making me take a few steps back.
"There was a man in the house the night you went to interrogate him about the file. Harry knew you were going to get hurt if you stayed, so he said some very bad things to make you leave."
My lips part as I briefly look down at the floor, my brows furrowing over my eyes as my mind drifts back to that awful night.
Is that why Harry was focusing behind me?
"Here." Niall says making me look up at him. His hand was extended out to me, holding a piece of paper folded in half.
"What is it?" I ask, reaching out to take the paper from him.
"If you don't believe me than read that, it will place everything in perspective for you."
"I have to go now but please just...think about what I said." He says, his soft blue eyes locking with mine before he leans over to give me a brief hug.
As Niall walks down the porch steps, my eyes move down to the folded paper in my hands. Letting out a shaky breath I unfold the paper and begin to read.
October 14,2016
You don't know it, but
sometimes, I go to a hill,
that overlooks the landscape's mask of city lights for a sip of momentary grace.
On this brink of everything I know,
I can gain an eyeful of the lost Atlantis in the human soul,
And the breath that fills my lungs with the air between two stars.
If right now,
you were to capture this elation
in the framework of your mind,
Or find transcendence through theses words
Then at most you would know nothing of the beauty your existence throws to me.
For mine is a love no experience,
No thought, no measure, no words
Could ever degrade in reality by virtue of degree.
I let out a breath, as I finish reading the last line, my eyes cloudy with tears. I look back up at the date and notice that this was written two days before I left him. Two days...just two days.
Harry does love me.
I let out a small whimper past my lips as a few tears fall down my cheeks.
Harry's POV
Why didn't I stop Niall? Is it cause deep down I know he was right? That I should be fighting for Ryder? Even if I did I doubt she would give me the chance to even explain things to her.
I sigh, starring up at my blank ceiling.
Well Niall already told her for me. Should I just call?
With a sudden brave impulse, I sit up and reach for my phone on the bedside table. I dial Ryder's number and each ring feels more and more torturous as I wait for her to answer.
"Hey Harry." She suddenly answers, knocking me a bit off balance. My heart rises a bit out of the abyss it has been in this past week.
She still has my number in her phone. Maybe there is hope.
"Hey Ry," I mutter. "How are you?"
"Okay. You?"
"Okay." I reply mimicking her quiet tone.
"I'm sorry that Niall bothered you."
"It's okay. He...shined some light on a few things."
I hum and nod in response.
"Well maybe I can shine some light on more things." I breath, briefly scratching my forehead. "How about after work tomorrow you can come over and I can fill in more gaps for you?"
"Okay, yeah that'll work."
"Okay good. Well I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Harry wait," she says, right before I move to hang up. My heart quickens in anticipation.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for the poem." She mutters, her voice soft, before she hangs up. I blink, pulling my phone away from my ear.
Poem?
My eyes flicker over to my journal where it sat in it's rightful place. Tossing my phone on the bed, I stand and quickly make my way over to my desk.
What the hell did Niall rip out?
Slightly scowling, I hurriedly flip through my journal until I reach where my last entry should have been. My lips part, as I feel embarrassment wash over me.
Great, now Niall made me look like a complete love sick fool. But then again I thank him for it because now Ryder is giving me the chance that I desperately need.
Today is one of those magical days were it can change our fate, it can either go good or bad. But my odds are not in my favor because I am running late to meeting up with Ryder, the damn traffic decided to not be so accommodating this evening. I called Ryder saying I am running a bit late, she said it was fine that she arrived at my house about five minutes ago. She thought she was running late too.
Once I finally made it home, I immediately rushed up the stairs to the bedroom knowing she would be up there. I swallow as I reach the door, preparing myself to see Ryder as I come to a stop in the doorway, deciding to not let my presence known to her. My eyes flicker up and spot her, sitting on the edge at the foot of the bed with one leg crossed over her knee.
Ryder was wearing a purple, grey colored sweater with black jeans and boots to match, however her hair was now different. The first thing I notice was that now she had bangs cut across her forehead and the ends of her hair came down in a v-shape in the back, rather then all in one length. I smile, amused that we both have cut our hair. I cut mine about two days ago.
Man if this girl isn't pure beauty I don't know what is.
I watch as Ryder glances to the left before standing up, curious I eye her as she walks over to my desk. I frown as my eyes widen seeing the pictures I had left out last night, that are usually stored away in the small wooden box, in full view.
Shit.
Anxiously, I see her gently reach out and pick one of the pictures up, holding it between her small fingers.
Well, you said you will tell her things so no more lies. She has to know everything.
Taking in a breath of courage I take a step into the bedroom and open my mouth to speak.
Author's Note:
Hello my loves! How are you?
I'm so sorry I have not updated in a long time things have been crazy with work. However I hope you all enjoyed this update! Also, I hope you are also pleased to hear that I started a new story called The Art in Eachother, so if you have no checked that out yet please do.
I love you all sooooooo much!!Please don't forget to come say hello on my social media on my twitter and Instagram handles: stylesx_angel