I love showers! Clean and fresh out my shower smelling like tea tree and lime that must be Kayden's I realise I haven't got spare clothes and don't want to put my sweaty hockey outfit back on after getting all clean. I decide to put on my bra, those bad boys need support and head for Kayden's room. When I walk in he's lying on his back on the bed with his eyes closed. He looks so peaceful that I don't want to wake him but I don't think his mum would appreciate it if she walked in and I looked like this in his room.
Walking over I gently nudge him and he opens his eyes, when he takes in my towel he starts to look anywhere but me again,
"Kayd we've been through this, calm down." I say trying to remind him of the underwear conversation we already had.
"Why aren't you dressed H?" He asks looking at me with slightly pinked cheeks and a shy expression.
"I didn't have any clean clothes. Can I borrow some please?" I ask holding my towel tight with one hand and my dirty kit in the other. He gets up and heads to his drawers looking around for something for me to wear
"Here you are" he says handing me a pair of sweatpants and one of his soccer tshirts
"Eh, I kind of need a pair of boxers too" I says my face and neck going red
"Boxers? I gave you shorts in that bundle do you want boxers instead?" He asks motioning to the clothes in his hand
"No I need boxers as well Kayd, I'm not wearing any knickers" motioning to the towel I was wearing.
He stands and stares at me in the eye, his eyes then travel down my towelled body and back up to my face. The look he gives me makes goosebumps raise on my arms and the back of my neck causing me to shiver, breaking eye contact he shakes his head and turns to his drawers. "You're gonna be the death of me Holly" he mutters and I'm not too sure I'm meant to hear him he was so quiet. He hands me the boxers with a smile.
"Thanks" I say taking them and sliding them on under my towel, I take off my towel and put on the rest of the clothes towel drying my hair. Looking up I notice Kayden is still rooted to the spot staring at me with his mouth slightly open. "What?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"You are going to be the death of me" he says throwing his hands up exasperated. This time I definitely heard him.
"How?"
Choosing to ignore my question he goes over to the bed and sits down setting the tv and dvd player up for the movie. I decide to fold my clothes and leave them with my shoes at the door and fling the towel in the dirty clothes hamper. Turning to walk to the bed I notice that there are new pictures on the wall, taking a closer look I see they are from Summer and Theo's on Friday.
One of the pictures that catches my eye is from Friday, Kayden had held the camera and every single one of us all squished up making goofy expressions. I was squished right in the middle of all my guys with Mitch and Noah on my right and Finn, Kayden, Libby and Theo on my left. I love this picture, it had all my best friends back together again.
"Can I have a copy of his one?" I ask
"Sure, take that one if you want I've got loads from Friday" he said standing up and picking it off the wall handing it to me " I got some funny ones from that night on my phone I might put up too" he said taking his phone out "I even got one of Theo in Lib's crop top" he said laughing turning the phone round for me to see.
I burst out laughing, Theo and Libby are doing the peace sign, Theo in her bright hot pink crop top her in his grey polo shirt that's five sizes too big drowning her frame but they look so happy together "they're gonna be so good together" I say
"Yea, I heard they're going out on Saturday"
Flicking through the rest of the photos I remember I took one on my phone, standing up I search for my phone in my pile of clothes placing the picture beside them"I just remembered I took a picture of Mitch and Finn from Friday, I shared with them and in the morning once I got out the bed they cuddled each other thinking it was me" I hand my phone to Kayden and we both burst out laughing holding our stomach looking at the picture where the boys had their legs tangled and snuggled in beside each other, with tears rolling down my face I lie down on the bed beside him, "it was so funny, I had to cover my mouth to stop from laughing out loud to get that picture" I say wiping my eyes while Kayden keeps laughing every time he stares back at the phone. "You can't tell them about it, it's my blackmail tool for later" I say pointing at him with a serous face
"I won't, but if I need it for something before you, you need to share" he says handing the phone back to me.
"A'll think about it" taking my phone I have an idea "hey, we don't have many pictures just you and me we should take some just now" I say setting the front camera up on my phone. Moving over beside him I climb in his lap and press my face beside his "cheese!" I say, checking it I see he's not smiled. "Come on Kayd you gotta smile" I say prodding his ribs.
"Okay okay, go again" he says slinging his arm around my shoulders smiling into the camera.
"That's better!" I shout.
We take turns holding the phone pulling serious faces and silly ones. Giggling I turn around and we are nose to nose, my hand still held out at an angle with my phone pointed at us.
My laughing stops and so does his but neither of us make a move to pull away. All that can be heard is our breathing. Staring into his grey eyes I become lost in the ever changing swirls of blue and greens running through his unique grey eyes. I feel myself slip my free arm around the back of his neck and feel his hands on my hips. He places his forehead against mine and closes his eyes and I do the same. Our hot breaths mingling together.
Why don't I want to pull back? I feel like I should move away from him but my body doesn't seem to want to leave the comfort of Kayden's arms. A little leap of faith I hear Poppy's voice at the back of my mind and decide to let this go and see what happens. It feels as if we have been sitting in each others space for hours but in reality must only be minutes.
I can't handle the silence so I open my eyes to see Kayden still has his shut. I tilt my head slightly which makes him open his eyes with a small gasp looking straight into mine, I rub my nose against his back and forth while trying to even my breathing and take a picture with my free hand.
The flash seems to bring us out of the bubble we were in, blinking we stare at each other but neither of us make a move to pull away.
"Holly" Kayden whispers, "what was that?" He asks closing his eyes again taking a deep breath.
"Eskimo kisses" I say breathlessly. Removing my hand from behind his neck placing both my hands and phone in my lap moving back from him slightly.
Opening his eyes he looks me in the eye, his eyes quickly looking towards my lips and back again. " I thought you were going to kiss me Holly" he says hopeful
Did he want me to kiss him? Deciding to be honest since he was with me I say "I thought you were going to kiss me?" Looking back at him with red cheeks
"Holly" he breathes my name "I wanted to so badly but I don't want to steal a kiss from you" he says with a pained expression "I want you to want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you. I've wanted to tell you for a while now that my feelings are growing stronger than friendship but I didn't want to loose you or push you away but now the guys have made their feeling clear to you I felt that it was only fair I did the same". Taking a deep breath he adds
"I want you to have a think about what you want from our relationship. If a friendship is all you can give me then a'll take that but if you want more then I want you to know I'm ready for that too." He reaches out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear grazing my jaw and placing his hand below my chin to tilt my face up towards him. "I know it's a lot to take in and it must be confusing for you in our group just now but I want you to know a'll wait for you for as long as it takes for you to decide and I won't pressure you. All I ask is next time you want to kiss me, do it. You need to start doing what you want to do and stop thinking about everyone else for once" leaning over me he places a lingering kiss on my forehead and I swear my heart stopped.
What am I meant to say to that? Feeling his lips on my skin makes my heart squeeze tight and my blood feels on fire. Kayden has just told me that he wants to be more than friends! We have always been close since he lived beside me and was my first crush but again I pushed those feelings to the back on my mind when I realised I couldn't risk our friendship, he meant too much to me to loose him but now he's sitting here willing to put himself out their for me and risk what we have to see if we could have more? Do I want more?
What I want is to see where things could go. I want that with him but I also want to try it with Noah and Mitch. They have all asked me to give them a chance and that's all I can do. Kayden has asked me to put myself first for once and for the first time ever I think I want to be able to do that. I'm sick of worrying about my weight, worrying about my Mum, worrying about my grades and trying to please other people. I want to have fun and be me for a time.
With this decision I put my hands on either side on Kayden's face and look him in the eyes. He brings his hands up and places them on mine staring straight back. "You're right. I need to focus on what I want for once but I don't want to hurt you and I don't want want to hurt Mitch or Noah either. I know you said you knew they've spoken to me but there's only me trying to deal with all these feelings. I agree to stop overthinking things and do what makes me happy but I don't want to hurt you. Do you understand?"
Nodding he smiles at me " all I want is for you to go where your feelings lead you, we will be fine"
"Promise" I say breathlessly looking at him, pleading for him to understand that I love him and don't want to loose him.
"I promise Holly" he says leaning his forehead against mine again holding me close. Those three words spark hope that I could possibly have more.
Smiling back at him we stare at each other pouring our hopes and fears to one another through our eyes. I feel like I am being pulled towards him, I stare at his rosy full lips and want to taste them. Trying not to over think things or how things might change between us I chant in my head do what makes you happy over and over.
Leaning forward I feel his warm minty breath fan over my mouth, leaning even closer our lips a hairs width apart,
"Holly let's go home now it's getting late" Poppy shouts throwing the door open.
Kayden and I jump apart throwing ourselves to opposite sides of the bed. Looking up I see Poppy standing frozen in the doorway,
"Shit! Sorry I didn't meant to, oh crap! I should of texted to see if you were ready, I knew it was too quiet in here! Sorry guys!" Poppy babbles on.
"What are you blathering about P? We were just taking selfies?" I say trying to keep eye contact and not blush so she will possibly believe me.
"Really? I call bull!" She says with her hands on her hips staring at me.
Standing up I smile at Kayden and pick my phone up off the bed. "Do you want a lift in the morning Kayd?" I ask while picking up my clothes and shoes at the door.
"Yea, a'll walk over to yours in the morning" he says coughing to clear his throat
"Cool, see you then" I wave and walk out the door pulling Poppy behind me.
"Holly and Kayden sitting in a tree K I S S I N, Ow! What was that for" she says rubbing her arm where I hit her
"Nothing happened okay, I took your stupid advice and decided to take a leap but then you walked in so nothing happened" I say tying my shoes and heading out the front door.
"Sorry Hols" she says following me with a sad smile opening the passenger door and getting in "but it was your own advice actually" she says smirking at me.
Glowering at her I say "Don't worry about it P, it's probably better it didn't happen, not just now anyway" I say trying to give her a smile starting the car and heading down the road home "did you speak to Max?"I ask
She smiles blushing beet red "yea, were gonna take it slow and see what happens. I can't believe it Hols" she says wistfully looking out the window.
Taking it slow where have I heard that before eh?
Pulling up at the house at ten thirty the lights are on. We lock up the car and head in to find Mum sitting on the couch watching a movie. Kayden and I never even got to start the movie. Hearing us come in she looks over and smiles.
"Hi girls, how was dinner with the boys?" She asks pausing the movie
"Good" we both say at the same time and look at each other bursting out laughing and blushing, obviously neither of us want to discuss it further.
"O...k, I won't ask anymore" she laughs
"How was your date with Sam" I ask with a smirk
This time it's her turn to blush. " it was really nice actually, he took me to a restaurant at the marina then we went for a walk around looking at the boats" she said dreamily "it was nice to feel special for a while, he was so kind and considerate and kept asking if I was ok. We talked so much about everything and anything it was easy" she says looking at us "he's asked me out again are you girls ok with that?" She asks
"Of course" I say "definitely" Poppy says. "He's a nice guy Mum and if he treats you well we are both happy for you" I say walking over and giving her a hug. " take the leap Mum" Poppy says hugging her too looking over at me with a secret smile. I guess we are all taking a chance.
"Right, I'm off to bed" I say squeezing them both again and heading for the stairs.
"Night Holly" Mum says, "see you in the morning" Poppy says.
Going up to my room I get changed for bed wearing Kayden's tshirt and boxers, set my alarm for he morning propping the picture he gave me beside my bed.
How have I not noticed Kayden's feelings changing?
Bing
Kayden <3: Night xxx Thanks for agreeing to try, I promise you won't loose me xx
Me to Kayden: Night xxx
I hope I'm not making a mistake.