I can't take it.
Shivers are sent down my spine immediately.
"No no no, Pj." I say, sitting up and away from him.
"This isn't right. You don't love me. If anyone loves me, it's Dan. I'm just not used to anyone saying that they love me.." I blurt out.
"Doesn't Dan tell you he loves you..?" Pj says, sitting up.
"No, you don't understand...-" I say.
"I'm not like him, Phil. I will tell you I love you every single second if I have to. I'll treat you better than him! Forget about Dan.
He's not here!" He cuts me off.
"Dan has never told me he loves me, but he doesn't need to! I know!" I feel my face getting hot.
"Phil. How can you live with that?!" He yells.
"You don't have to say I love you to say I love you, okay?!" I put my face in my hands.
"I don't want anyone else. I don't think I could ever, Peej.."
"Alright... I understand that you don't like me in that way. And that's fine. But I like you. But if it makes you happy, I won't bother you with the same things. Okay?" He says, showing me a half-smile.
I nod.
He ends up leaving the next morning.
-
"Bye." He hugs me and we depart at the door. I watch him through the window.
He makes a quick call and leaves somewhere where even I can't see him.
Don't get me wrong, I felt guilty. But I am not used to someone telling me that they love me.
Dan and I like each other, that's it.
We like each other.
A lot.
We haven't said "I love you" ever, and it's fine.
I'm perfectly okay.
That reminds me.
Dan.
I walk back to the lounge and sit on the couch with my legs crossed.
I put my laptop on my lap and ring Dan.
The laptop rings a few times when a weird looking room pops on the screen.
But no sign of Dan.
It's about 20 seconds in until I see Dan popping out the upper lefthand corner like he did in "HELLO INTERNET"
"Hi." He says and then bursts out laughing.
I chuckle and he smiles.
"Hi Philly." He says, resting his head on his hand and looking at me.
I do the same and we talk for about an hour.
{my photo}
"So what have you been doing while I'm not there?" He asks.
I look over at the clock. "Nothing."
"Of course you've been doing something, Phil. What is it?" He sounds a bit stern.
"Pj came over a while. It was nothing." I give him a half-hearted smile.
"You didn't.." His voice trails off.
My eyes snap back to his face. "What? No no. Dan. No."
He sighs and bites his lip as he looks away.
"When are you coming back?" I say.
Just then, a woman walks behind him and taps his shoulder, she glides her fingertips on him and walks across the screen, but the border is low so I can't quite see her face.
"Dan.... Who's that?" I say.
"Nobody, Phil." He shrugs. "She's my co-worker." He finally says.
She starts rubbing his shoulder, slowly massaging him and Dan seems uncomfortable.
I finally can't take it.
"Hey lady, can you like get your fucking hands off my boyfriend?" I scoff. I didn't mean to curse, but I was absolutely sick of it!
She walks away and I hear the door slam shut.
"Phil..I'm sorry about that." He says and closes his eyes, "Don't worry about it."
I nod and look away.
"I'll call you tomorrow after work, okay Dan?" I say.
"Alright, Goodnight Phil. Don't forget I still kinda like you." He smiles.
I remember Pj. I haven't told him.
"I-i like you too.." My cheeks color slightly.
He smiles and I end the call.
I decide to fall asleep on the couch, because there is no one to carry me to my bed and lay with me.