the sky was cloudless that day, but the sun seemed almost dimmed and the clearing was dark. it was the kind of day that you spent in the car, driving a million miles to get as far away from your past as you can. the kind of day where you told people your secrets and then never spoke to them again.
"you need to eat more," josh murmured quietly. "please don't get mad at me."
"i know," tyler whispered. his eyes were wide open, even though there was nothing to see. there were only their words, hovering around them like flies and hummingbirds. "i'm not mad. i don't think i could be mad at you."
josh said, "good. you're my only friend."
tyler said, "you're my only friend, too."
josh said, "sometimes i want to die, and then i remember that you would probably be sad, if i did."
tyler closed his eyes. "me too."
they were silent. tyler thought over everything that josh had told him about school, about how everyone hated him. how he was skipping classes that were particularly brutal. how he once spent a gym class locked in someone's locker. how people told him that he should kill himself and how he believed them.
"i would," tyler called out, as josh was leaving, the branches snapping under his feet. "miss you. if you died."
josh didn't have words to say that tyler hadn't already taken. his voice had been ripped from his lungs alongside his breath and he was so grateful that tyler had spoken first because his heart wasn't working right. "i would miss you, too," josh whispered. he wasn't sure if tyler could hear him.