Not knowing what to say I just lie down and stare at the ceilling.
"I'm sorry. That was a little more than just telling you about why I don't burn in the sun." He says after a while.
"That's fine. I-I mean I did say I want to know more about you." I take in another breath. "It's just... you've been through so much already and then you became a vampire.
You've lost your twin, your mother and your father. And now you've lost your sister Mary too. Not to mention that your mate isn't alive either. And those are only the things I know about."
"Yeah. Quite ironic though if you thinknabout it. My father gave us the ability for reproduce and to heal with our blood and yet one of us died and yet I have lost my mate." He lets out a laugh and gets up. I watch him stepping around the bed and getting us two cups and a bottle filled with some amber filled liquid.
"I'm sorry." I whisper while he hands me the cup. I take a sip and watch him doing the same.
"Tell me one thing." He says. "Why do you keep apologizing so much?"
I shrug. "I don't know. I guess I am just sorry. Even if you are an ass we somehow are something like friends or the closest thing I ever had to a friend and I know that you feel bad about all of that stuff that happened to you. And because you feel bad I feel bad. That's just how humanity works."
"I see." He mutters before taking another sip. "I guess I have to apologize too."
"It's alright. You've had your reasons."
He sighs and sits down next to me again. "But that does not give me the right to be like that."
After that awkward silence surrounds us again and we keep concentrating on our drinks. After a few drinks he breaks the silence.
"What's your story?" He asks placing the cup on the night stand and looking right into my eyes.
I do the same and lie down. "My story?" I groan. "Abusive parents who sent me to a bunch of pedophiles to make some money and sold me when I was 17. I never had any friends and the only person I cared about was my aunt who died when I was 6. She was the only one to say happy birthday or give me a birthday present.
The guy, Cole my parents aka my mom and her new husband sold me to was a sick psycho but I was able to escape. After that Jeff Found me wandering around and kidnapped me. After a while I was able to escape too and that's when I met you.
That's basically it. Most important crap about my life."
"Woah that's a lot. And you're not even 20." He breathes out. "What about you father?"
"I don't know. Probably still fucking around without taking any responsibility for what happens after." I laugh out.
"You don't seem to like him." He states.
"No shit sherlock. But to be honest I don't hate him either. He doesn't deserve my hate. He is a piece of trash but I just don't care about him. People I hate would be my mom, her husband, Cole and Jeff."
"Phew." He sights, wiping away fake swet. "I'm not on your list."
I look at him and frown. "Of course not."
For a while we stay quiet again and again he is the one to break it. "Do you regret killing that man?"
Thinking about it for a while I answer. "No." He looks at me with a surprised expression. "Well I do feel guilty about it. After all he still was a human being... I think. I guess I could say I did the world a favor but that wouldn't be true. The world is full of people like him and killing them wouldn't make me any better than they are. Instead I say I needed to kill him. Not for the sake of other people he could be hurting now if he was alive but because I wanted to kill him. I guess in that point I'll just have to live with the fact that I am a monster."
He tilds his head to the side. "If you consider yourself a monster because of killing someone who did worse to you and deserved a much more painful death... than tell me, Amanda. Tell me what I should call myself. I have lived more than a hundred times longer than you did and killed more than thousands, billions, millions of people. So tell me-"
I lift my hand to silence him and whisper. "Don't" I clear my throat and speak up. "I know what you're trying to do but it isn't working.
I consider myself a monster because in the very moment a human being kills another he himself isn't human anymore. Because a human being wouldn't be able to kill another.
I killed another man. Not even to protect myself. Just because I wanted him to feel a glint of the pain that I have felt and still am feeling.
So yes, I am a monster and I am no longer human. But that doesn't mean that I hate myself nor does that mean anything bad to me. I never cared about people like others would do. I never was able to see the value of a human being. I kept saying to myself we are better than animals, we have value but the way I was treated all my life got me reconsidering what others told me. Dogs and cats have a better life than I had. So why on earth should I think of a human life being more important than the life of a pig or a cow.
We both aren't human but that doesn't mean it is bad."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Hey<3
Ok I have decided that I will try to make my chapters a little longer aka about 900 words each. I know it still isn't that much but I don't have the time to write longer ones and still update every day.
Besides I really have to hurry^^ I'll be in china for two and a half weeks which means I have to write all of the chapters before I leave.
Thank you for reading this book and supporting me<3
I hope you like this chapter:)
Yours Mel<3
PS: I'll update another chapter later. I promised someone to do a long chapter (2000 words) But I didn't know what else to write so I'll update two instead. That means... you'll get your 2000 words ^-^
<3