Friday 23rd.
Marley and Drake left soon after taking their car with them. They'd offered to take me and Ash home but Ash had said no.
He didn't speak when they left, instead he just walked silently a few footsteps in front of me. He guided me down to the track where he hopped over the metal bar and onto the dirt on the other side. I studied around my shoulders for people to instruct him otherwise but most people had left too and only a few still remained too engrossed in their own business.
I stared back at him as if he were mad. Which I was sure he was.
"I'm pretty sure we can't go on there," I hissed to him as he waited on the other side for me to follow.
"I'm pretty sure I can," Ash said casually "you, not so much. But that's my problem so come on."
I stepped forward cautiously and looked down at the metal bar. Turning around I put both of my hands on the bar and then pushed my bum up onto to. There I swiveled around and hopped down, much less smoothly than Ash had.
"What do you mean you can?" I asked just as he started to walk again. I jogged forward until I caught up with him and fell into large steps beside him.
"I'm friends with the guy who owns the track," Ash explained "he lets me run laps whenever I want."
"Do you race too?" I questioned suddenly wanting to know more about him. Not the stuff I'd learned at his house the other week. Not his favourite band or film. I wanted to know the big stuff, the real things that mattered to him.
"No, it's just something fun to do," Asher made way for the starting line on the other side of the track. I didn't say much more as he kept walking towards the two banged up cars that sat just behind the white line that ran across the track. Stopping in front of the first one he finally looked at me. It was hard to tell what he was thinking when he was putting so much effort into not showing any emotions.
"Wanna go?" He said.
"Go where?" I repeated.
"No, I mean do you want to have a go in the car?" tilting his head to his left he gestured towards the car.
I paused before answering, not quite sure whether he was serious or not.
"I'm going to say yes for you," Ash said for me as he walked around to the passenger side of the car. Not saying anything else he opened the door and ducked down into the car.
I copied him and slid into the driver's seat. Inside I stared at the wheel of the car and gently put my hands on it. It was weird not being in the back of a car. Being up front made me nervous, knowing if something went wrong it would be my fault.
"Maybe I shouldn't drive," I spoke slyly, not wanting to admit that I was too scared to "I think I prefer just sitting here."
"Alessandra," Ash said, his voice a little less blunt than it had been all night "have you ever driven a car before?"
"Yeah," I nodded "but that was like a year ago. And it was at a driving circuit. And no one was in the car with me. And it was only onc-."
"Alessandra," Ash stopped me. I could feel his eyes burning into me but I couldn't convince myself to look back "Start the car."
As slow as they could my fingers reached down for the keys and I twisted them. The car roared to life and the engine in front of us purred.
Ash's eyes stayed on me, waiting for me to move the car forward. My foot twitched over the pedal but something wouldn't let me put it down.
"You told me that you don't drive because your mum doesn't trust you," Ash's voice had become soft and gentle far from the voice he'd had in front of his friends "But I trust you Alessandra."
Lifting my gaze off the wheel I angled my head to face Ash. I couldn't deny the weight his words had on me nor the way his eyes had this messed up effect on me.
"So drive," he instructed leaving no room for any more words.
With the push Ash had given me I stepped my foot down on the pedal and we rushed forward. The car hurled ahead and my grip around the wheel tightened.
It was a rush. Completely exhilarating. Like nothing mattered but you and the speed, because nothing could catch up to you.
The window was open and the air blew my hair back madly. I spun the wheel left and the car curved around the track. Accelerating the car, I let out a deep laugh that bubbled up in side of me. Adrenaline was rushing through my body and my heart was pumping erratically in my chest.
"You like speed huh?" Ash chuckled as I pushed harder on the pedal, the car rushing round the track.
"I've never felt anything like it before," I shouted to him above the sound of the air rushing into the space in the car. I wanted to turn and look at him but I also didn't want to take my eyes of the track.
Ten laps later and my rush had settled to a warm buzz in my veins. Slowing the car down I gradually released my foot off the pedal. We stopped just before the white line where we had started. My pulse calmed and I eased my shoulders back into the chair, tired from the sudden bursts of energy I'd put into driving.
"Done?" Ash joked beside me.
Throwing my head back on the head-rest I laughed unconsciously, "God that was fun."
"You're a little bit crazy you know that right?" he teased a smile breaking out onto his lips.
"Ain't nothing wrong with a little crazy," I grinned.
His smile never faltered as a deep throaty chuckle filled the car and he watched me from his seat. He lifted his elbow onto the windows edge and leaned on his hands.
"I guess not," He breathed out through his low laugh. I rolled my head to side so I could see him better. His hair was messed up more than usual, from the wind and a bright gleam run through his eyes.
I went to say speak but a ringing cut me off. The sound vibrated from my back pocket and it broke the moment. I wanted to ignore it, pretend I couldn't hear it. But Ash reacted quickly, his grin dropped and his eyes went cold, like my phone ringing had pulled him out of a haze. Like he remembered exactly who he was sitting in a car with.
"You going to answer that?" He questioned nudging his head towards me. Fumbling, I silently reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. I tapped at the screen answering the call before looking at the ID.
A loud greeting came from the other end. So loud I almost didn't realise that Ash had slung his door open and started to climb out. I opened my mouth to call him back but the other person demanded my attention.
"Andra," A guy's voice yelled above booming background music "Where the hell are you?"
"Alistair?" I echoed vaguely recognising his voice. I squinted my eyes and held my other ear as I tried to focus on mumbled words he said through the phone.
"Andra," he said again the music finally drowning out as he must have walked away from it "where are you? Are you near Oxford?"
I frowned, "No. Why?"
The worried sigh that resonated over the line was enough to send my body and mind into panic. I knew exactly why he was calling me.
"It's Ivy," he explained "I need your help."
"What's happened?" I asked my voice turning frantic and desperate. If something had happened to her I wouldn't be able to live with myself, not after not going after he and not trying to get hold of her today.
"I was out with a friend in Oxford," he told me "and then Ivy shows up as we're eating our dinner, out of her mind drunk. She caused this massive scene in front of the whole place. I told her to calm down so she just ran away. I ran after her obviously. But now I'm at this club and she's throwing up everywhere and crying. She told me she wants you."
"Fuck," I uttered my mind racing over everything. I needed to get to her. I needed to be there for my best friend.
"Take her back to her place. Her parents aren't there," I instructed him without a second high, the strictness of my voice leaving no space for questions or suggestions "It'll take me nearly an hour to get to you but I'll be as quick as I can."
"Ok," Alistair breathed out, his voice still shaky "thank you Andra. I'll see you then."
Then he cut the line. Then I wasted no time. In rapid movements I climbed out the car and marched a few meters away from the car to where Ash stood kicking dirt.
Hearing me he turned around, "everything ok?"
His stance seemed uncaring but his eyes gave him away when he took in my determined but partially worried features.
"I need to get home, quickly. I don't have time to wait for a cab, can you please drive me?" I asked bluntly.
I was afraid he'd say no, that he'd force me to find my own way home. Because really he owed me nothing, I was just some girl who if anything had only been a pain.
But thankfully he surprised me. He walked straight past me around to my side of the car and got into it without another word. Through the front window he beckoned me with a short hand gesture. Rushing back over to the car I hopped in.
"Can you drive this out?" I said to him as I slammed the door and he twisted the keys in the ignition. His knee bent and his foot pressed down on the pedal, the car roaring louder than it had when I'd done it. You could tell it wasn't his first time driving race cars. He knew what he was doing.
"I'm not supposed to," he told me as the car sped forward and Ash guided the car off the track and up a pathway to the car parking area and then the empty main road "but I'll just make sure I bring it back afterwards. My mate won't even know."
"And if he does?" I asked as my hands curled around the edge of the leather seats as Ash surpassed the speed I had reached on the track.
Ash shrugged nonchalantly as if he weren't driving a fast car that he'd basically stolen for someone he barely liked, "he'll get over it. It's not the first time I broke one of his track rules."
"Well thank you," I muttered to him over the vibrating engine noise "for driving me."
He shrugged again and then spared me a side glance, "why such the rush to leave?"
If it was anyone else I probably would have lied, told some bullshit story to cover up the fact that my friends and life aren't so perfect. But with him I felt like he could see right through all of that.
"My friend, she needs my help," I told him "She's in trouble."
"Is it that girl you were talking about before?" He asked "The one you argued about with your other friends?"
I nodded though his eyes were on the road. My fingers moved to the rip in my jeans where they played with the strings of fabric. I was nervous he'd judge her, make misconceptions on her based on the things he'd heard. For some reason I wanted him to like her, I wanted him to like my friends. Because if he judged my friends then he'd judge me on the people I hang around with.
"Yeah," I said "She's not very good at mixing alcohol and emotions."
Ash pursed his lips but said nothing; like he wanted to but choose not to.
"It's my fault really. When she left mine last night I knew she was going to do something stupid. I should have checked up on her," I frowned.
"Sounds like to me your friend needs to learn to take care of herself first. If she knows she can't handle her drink she shouldn't be drinking it," Ash suggested blankly "I don't know your friend but she sounds like the kind of person who makes helping her a pretty hard job. You shouldn't put the responsibility of someone like that on your shoulders."
"You're right, you don't know Ivy. It's hard helping her, but it's worth it. I can't even count the amount of times last year I got myself in trouble and she helped me. It's what friends are for."
"Last year?" Ash repeated. His eyebrows cocked up and his eyes squinted side-ways at me. A curiosity flared in them and urged me to confess it all.
"I was younger, immature," I spoke blankly and matter of a fact, "I made stupid decisions with stupid people. I don't anymore though. And Ivy, well, she got me through a lot of it."
"Now you're the one running after her," He stated his eyes going back to the road. His fingers drummed against the steering wheel and he sighed, leaning back into the chair.
His calmness made my fast-beating pulse seem pathetic.
"Wouldn't you do it? Run around for Marley or Drake if they got in trouble," I knew he would. Although he liked to make me think he was a hard-ass his relationship with his friends tonight told me all I needed to know when it came to Ash. He wasn't so hard.
"My friends rarely ever get themselves into stupid situations," Ash's tone was rough and sharp. He obviously didn't like it when the tables were turned and I questioned him and his friends.
"So what you're saying is that you and your friends are perfect and me and mine are irresponsible and dumb?" I spat out twists of anger burning through my stomach. I could do protective just as well as he could.
"I didn't say that. Trust me, me and my friends have done some insane shit before. But like you said, we were younger then. Now we're 18 and we got priorities. I'm not gonna waste getting out of this shit town for a couple too many beers."
"You don't think I have priorities?"
Ash scoffed loudly and strained his jaw, "Do you always do that?"
My forehead creased and I turned my head to the side. He wouldn't look back but I knew his attention was more on me than the empty road ahead of us.
"Do what?"
"Find the one thing you can argue about when someone says something?" he explained in a sarcastic but humorous tone "And ignore the rest of it."
"You wer-."
"I was telling you something about myself. About my life," His lips were thinned out in a straight line. His cheeks and neck were tightened where he was straining his jaw.
"Well if you haven't realised you're a hard person to read. One minute you're insulting my friends the next you're actually telling me something about you. I never know when one stops and the other starts," I said honestly. If he didn't think he was complicated, then he didn't know himself very well.
"You think you're any easier to understand. When you're not arguing with me and jumping to conclusions about me you're randomly turning up and hanging out with me and my friends. You're a mind fuck Alessandra," Ash fought back "Why did you even come tonight? How did you know where I was?"
"I went to your house. Your mum told me where you'd be."
"You met my mum?" He asked his brows rising in surprise.
I nodded, "Yeah. She's sweet."
Ash's tension seemed to ease and his jaw untightened. His shoulders rolled back, turned his head and his eyes met mine.
"And she told you where I was?" He asked a calculated look covering his eyes "I never even told her."
"Well you obviously aren't as mysterious as you thought you were."
He didn't reply. Quiet took hold of the car and we drove for a while like that. Him lost in his own thought, me watching him out of the corner of my eye. It was when we are almost at Ivy's house that he finally spoke again.
"You never told me why you came to see me," He stated instead of asking. I didn't know if he was just making a observation or whether he wanted an answer.
"I don't know," I told him honestly "I had a shit couple of days. I guess I wanted to be around someone who wasn't a part of all the mess."
"Me?"
"Yes you," I said quickly "Now can we please talk about anything else?"
"Fine," He sighed "where am I going now?"
Looking out the front window I noticed the signs and much further we'd got into the city. Road signs guided towards London and Ash followed them.
"Towards Chelsea," I directed pointing to the left turning coming up.
Ash nodded silently and put the car in gear. In silence we drove for the rest of the ride. I wanted to say more, I wanted him to say something. But I'd killed the chance.
Parking up outside the house I instructed to, Ash stopped the car and looked out at Ivy's place. His face remained stoic.
"Thanks," I muttered as my hand reached for the handle "for driving me."
"No problem," he nodded tearing his eyes off Ivy's house and to me.
We stared at each other for a long second, neither of us having anything to say. Then I remembered Ivy.
"I should go," I said pushing on the door until it clicked open and the cold air rushed into the car.
I'd put one foot on the ground when Ash's voice broke the air again, "I didn't mean to offend you by the way."
"What?" I questioned, frowning at him.
"About your friend, I wasn't judging you or her. Sometimes I don't think things through before I say them and it comes off as judgmental," he paused hesitantly "If I was to use my brain, I'd probably tell you that you're a good friend. And your friend, she's lucky."
"Thanks," I breathed unaware of how to handle Ash right now "In return I promise I won't make a habit out of this."
"This?" Ash raised a brow.
"Yeah... me coming to see you," I explained "bothering you with my pointless arguments and mind-fuckery."
Opposite me Ash's eyebrows knotted and he paused before speaking, "but I thought you told Drake and Marley you'd come to one of Marley's matches."
"Well I-," I stuttered not sure why he'd bring that up. Wasn't he trying to get rid of me a couple hours earlier? Now I was promising him good riddance and he was questioning the terms.
"Are you not coming?" He asked bluntly.
"I mean I was going to," I stammered so confused with what he was getting at.
"Then you have to," he explained with a questionable look of calm relaxed on his features.
"Guess not," I frowned.
"So see you tomorrow," he said firmly with a tone that finished the discussion "I'll text you the place."
Stumbling out a reply I jumped out the car and pushed the door shut. In front of me Ash started the car again and drove off.
I didn't even have time to digest what had just happened because Alistair was rushing open the front door and calling my name. His hands gestured quickly for me to follow and a worried expression bothered his features.
"Andra," He shouted out to me loudly. His voice was the only sound on the street except from the faint sounds of car horns and city nonsense and it struck me hard.
I slipped through the gate boarding the house and up to Alistair on the porch step. He moved to the side as I approached. I snuck into the door shrugging off my jacket and throwing it to the side.
Alistair wasted no time in guiding me to where Ivy was laying in her white tiled down stairs bathroom. On the floor she was a pile of sobs and sick. Her head leant underneath her arm on the toilet seat and her legs were sprawled out over the bathroom floor. Eyes shut forcefully, moans and cries left her swollen lips. Her dress had been pulled up to her hips and her shoes were kicked off to the other side of the room. She was a mess.
"She's been like this for half an hour now," He informed me and I pushed past him and fell to her side. Feeling my presence she flung open her eyes and cried harder. Mumbling my name in-between her sobs I moved over the mess on the floor and dragged her into my arms.
"I'm so fucked up," She wept into my neck her hands trembling as they linked tightly round my body.
"It's ok," I soothed into her hair, my head running over her head and down her back. I could feel Alistair's heated gaze on us from behind but I couldn't attempt to look around "Alistair can you get some water for her and towels."
"Ok," he whispered behind me before the sound of him rushing away left me and Ivy alone. Ripping myself away from her I looked down at her eyes. Regret was the only thing that swirled in them.
"What happened?" I shook my head, the sight of her with so little self-control unfamiliar to everyone but me.
"I fucked up," She cried harder "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to hurt you or them. And Alistair, I fucked up so bad."
"Ivy slow down, breathe. You're not breathing," I instructed slowly and clearly. She needed order, someone to look after her "Breathe, calm down and then we'll talk."
"Ok," She followed shakily. Her head dropped back onto my shoulder and she let her cries subside there. Alistair came and went, said he'd wait in the front room. Ivy cried a little more afraid to even hear his voice. I waited. She cried. Then finally she was calm and asleep on my shoulder.
I called quietly for Alistair covering her ears with my hands. He was there in a few seconds.
"Could you carry her to her room please?" I whispered behind me to him.
"Course," he said. We both maneuvered slowly and softly around each other and he duck done and slipped his arms under her body. Lifting her off of me he stood and made his way to the door.
"Are you coming?" He asked me.
I nodded, "I'll come up in a couple of minutes. I'll go get some tablets and bottles of water for when she wakes up."
"You'll stay with her tonight?" He questioned further his voice clouded with a concerned tone.
"Of course," I assured him that I wouldn't leave. I couldn't leave her, not right now.
"You don't mind if I stay to," He voiced "in another room. I just want to be here, you know in case of anything."
He still cared, way too much. His constant need to be there for her, even when she most likely didn't deserve it, made me question why Ivy would ever want to give up on him and their relationship. We might not have had the perfect loving parents to look up to when it came to relationships, but that didn't mean some of us couldn't find a love like that. Ivy was ignoring the privilege that stood right in front of her, holding her up. Alistair was willing to love her but she was too afraid.
"I don't mind," I smiled up at him. Nodding shyly he stepped away and moved down the hallway in the direction of the stairs. I walked the other toward the kitchen. In the overly large room I went to the medicine cabinet grabbed some painkillers then moved to the fridge. My hand reached in and retreated with two ice cold bottles of water.
A rough sound behind me made me jump and my grips loosened on the bottles. Both fell with a thud to the floor and I spun in a fast reaction to the noise.
I was no way in preparation for the face I saw.