Chapter seventy three.
(AN – PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT)
HARRY’S POV:
I awoke to Emma shifting in her sleep her body pressed closely to mine her breathing still soft and sleep-filled.
Yesterday literally changed everything I’ve never witnessed anything literally so heart-breaking, I’ve seen her scars and known what she’d done to herself but I’d never seen fresh cuts and I’d never seen the blood still running.
She looked so broken and honestly I don’t know how many times I can say this but she seemed worse than ever before. Every time she breaks it seems to get worse and worse and I’m petrified of what’s going to happen next.
She’s made it clear she wishes she wasn’t here she even jokes about it sometimes, not because she thinks it’s funny but because that’s her way of coping I guess.
I wonder what could have happened if I hadn’t gone into the bathroom when I did… would she have done it? Would she really kill herself?
I don’t know, I don’t think I want to know.
I love her.
I love her so fucking much and I just don’t know what to do.
I don’t know how to help her or if it’s even possible to.
Is she beyond help? I don’t think so, I don’t think anyone is ever beyond help. There’s always a way past it. I just don’t know what Emma’s way past is or how to get to it.
I want to help her so much. I will help her, I just need to figure out how to first.
There’s no way she’s going into work today, I don’t know if she’ll hate me or thank me for it but I’ll call Andy and see what I can do.
Turns out Andy has being helping Emma find an assistant tattoo artist recently and will be able to contact their choice and get them to cover for Emma today, the assistant wasn’t meant to start work just yet but will do anyways. She didn’t tell me about this, not that it’s important or anything but she didn’t tell me.
She doesn’t tell me things, I think that’s part of the problem. She needs to talk to me so I can understand and care for her. So I can make sure last night’s incidents aren’t repeated ever again.
I don’t think she did it because of what happened with her dad, I think it’s because of everything that’s being building up inside her and she finally let it out.
By telling her dad it’s like she made it all seem real to herself and by doing that it made it hurt a lot more than ever before.
Emma stirs again and this time I can tell she’s waking up.
‘’Morning love’’ I say dipping my head down to kiss hers.
‘’Morning’’ she mumbles her voice sounds rough and warn out, its probably from all the crying.
‘’How are you feeling?’’ I ask as she sits up a little her back resting against my chest.
‘’Ok I guess’’ she shrugs.
‘’Why lie?’’ I sigh she isn’t ok and we both know that.
‘’If you already know the answer why ask?’’ she says laughing weakly.
‘’Because I care about you’’ I say my lips resting on her shoulder.
‘’that’s nice, I don’t know why you bother’’ She says coldly.
‘’because I love you, because you’re amazing, because your you’’
‘’Well if I was you I’d get over it because it will only hurt more once I’m gone’’
‘’Stop it! Stop talking like that, you’re not going anywhere. You and I are going to still be together when we’re old and wrinkly and we’ll still be just as in love as we are now… we’ll still have amazing sex too’’ I say trying to lighten the mood a little.
‘’You don’t know that…even if I don’t do it one of us could still die. That’s life Harry people die, its unpredictable how and when but they do and it hurts but that’s life we just have to deal with it’’
‘’Yeah that happens and yeah that’s shit but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy… maybe we don’t have until we’re old and wrinkly but we have some future that’s for sure and we’re going to be happy throughout it I promise. We’ll be happy. I want to hold you in your sleep and I want it to be you and I forever’’
‘’Forever?’’
‘’Yeah like no matter how much time we actually do get that’s still forever because we’re not going to be apart’’
‘’But what about when I die? Or you do?’’
‘’Can we not talk about this love, you don’t need this kind of deep life and death shit right now. We’re going to be together forever end of’’ I say softly as my hand plays with her messy curls.
‘’You started it’’ she laughs and genuine laugh too.
‘’I love you’’ I say I say it a lot but sometimes even that doesn’t feel like enough. I want to tell her every second of everyday so there’s never a doubt in her mind.
‘’I know…I love you too’’ she says her hand taking mine and kissing it softly with her perfect rosy lips.
‘’I need to get ready for work’’ she mumbles trying to get up from bed.
‘’Nope I called Andy and turns out you’ve hired an assistant artist so they’re taking your place today’’
‘’Oh so what am I meant to do all day’’
‘’Stay with me, I’ll make breakfast, watch movies, cuddle, give you countless cups of coffee, kiss you, tell you I love you, make dinner, more coffee, read a book to you, listen to music with you, watch you draw, make you laugh, make you smile, wash your hair, snuggle up in bed with you, talk to you until you fall asleep and then do it all over again tomorrow’’
‘’Sounds quite nice’’ she shrugs acting like she doesn’t really care but the smirk on her face tells me she does.
‘’We can do this any day y’know? Whenever you want just say and we’ll stay at home all day being together and not having to think about anything for a while’’
‘’Perfect’’ she smiles slumping down on to my body again.
After about 10 minutes of us cuddling Emma looks up at me an angry pouty expression pained across her face.
‘’Where’s this breakfast then?’’ She asks me raising her eyebrow and trying not to laugh but failing.
‘’You’ll have to move first’’ I laugh pushing her softy.
I like it when she’s like this, happy.
Well not truly and fully happy because well she’s a long way off from that right now but happy in the moment.
Happy with us, happy with what’s happening right now.
I know things aren’t fixed, in fact they’re far from it but she’ll get there one day I know it.
I’m going to be there for her every step of the way.
One day she’ll be able to not feel broken inside and not even feel sad for just a second.
One day she’ll be better.
Authors note ----- thank you all so much for reading, I love you all.
What did you think?
Will Harry be able to help Emma?
What does the future have in store for them?
Opinions?
Predictions?
Please can I get 30+ votes and 15+ comments on this chapter, they really mean the world to me:)
Who’s listened to the album and if so what’s your favourite song/songs?
I may have accidently slipped some lyrics or part of lyrics into this chapter it was unintentional but I was listening to the album whilst writing it and noticed when I read back through the chapter haha who noticed?
Haven’t got a song for this chapter but I really love suicide by James Arthur at the moment its really good so is tattoo. Yeah I know a lot of you probably don’t like him but he’s entitled to opinions right and apparently the homophobic thing wasn’t as it seemed. Even if he is a dick his music still good so it won’t stop me listening.
Opinion on Kendall is it real? Do you ship it?
harry tumblr - external link
imagines book - http://www.wattpad.com/story/9502445-one-direction-imagines
personaltumblr- - http://lightacigaretteandsmokeitallaway.tumblr.com/
do any imagine ;
any boy
any scene
dirty or not
anon or not
AU or in 1D
or preferences with a part for each boy.
However please specify exactly what you would like :)
if you would like an imagine please note that I already have quite a big list of request so yours could take a week or maybe a little longer. I will in fact message you when I do post it so you know
Thanks again, love Molly xxxx