[a/n okay, so I just wanna say thank you to everyone who showed concern for me last chapter when I said some pretty dark things. It made me truly happy knowing that you guys aren't just here for the book, but for me as well. Ya'll are the ones who give me the courage and inspiration to continue writing when I feel like giving up and I know it probably doesn't seem like it because I'm not saying it personally, but I really fucking appreciate it. ]
Calum knew it was dangerous territory. However, that didn't stop him from thinking about Ashton more and more. Ever since their little chat a few weeks ago, Calum couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted the boy to be a part of his life. And of course he knew that he was in a relationship with Michael, but did that stop him from thinking these things? No it did not.
His feelings for Ashton were increasing and he didn't know what to do about it. He knew he probably shouldn't do anything, however if there was some part of Ashton that didn't feel the same way then why would he care so much that Calum was smoking? He was certain that Ashton felt the same way and was just trying to conceal his feelings for Michael's sake.
"Calum?" His therapist suddenly brought him back to reality.
"Oh, shit... I—I mean, what?" Calum blabbered out, earning a confused expression from the lady. Calum took a deep breath and realised that no one could hear his thoughts
"What happened there? You just zoned out for about 5 minutes." She questioned, uncrossing her legs and moving forward in her seat, looking at him expectantly.
"I don't know," Calum groaned, placing his head in his hands. "I have a lot on my mind."
"Such as?" She asked, the raven-haired boy sighing.
"You know that boy I was telling you about? The one who tried to... You know...?"
"Yes, I remember. Do you think you might have feelings for him?"
Calum's eyes widened. "Was it really that obvious? I should've been more discrete."
She chucked lightly, "Honey, you were too discrete. That's how I knew."
"Man, you are good." Calum praised. Although it had only been a few weeks, he felt really comfortable around her and he knew that he could tell her anything. Obviously that's what she was there for, but it seemed like a lot more than that.
"I try." She shrugged it off. "So, you like him. Do you think that could be dangerous for you? As in, do you think it could trigger an episode?" Calum leant forward and placed his chin in his hand, thinking about it.
"It's not so much that I'm worried about. It's the fact that he has a boyfriend." As she went to open her mouth, Calum cut her off.
"But the thing is, I don't care if he has a boyfriend. I think he likes me and is just trying to hide his feelings because it's dangerous territory." Calum spoke quickly. "God, I feel fucking awful. Like, I know I'm selfish but I just can't stop thinking about him. Every time I see him I wanna rip off his clothes but at the same time I just wanna kiss and hug him and— oh my god..." Calum stopped rambling, standing from his seat and began pacing.
"Did I actually just say that? Did I just..." Calum whispered to himself and felt his cheeks going red. He groaned loudly and walked over towards the door, smacking his head against it repeatedly.
"I'm a fucking idiot, I'm a fucking idiot." Calum repeated over and over, still banging his head against the door.
"Okay, sit down. You're gonna do some damage." The therapist said, walking over to him and grabbed his arm before leading him back over to his chair and he reluctantly sat back down.
"Are you calm?" She asked and Calum thought about it, but then he realised he wasn't.
"No! What the hell am I supposed to do about these stupid feelings? Yeah, I know I should leave it the fuck alone and just focus on myself but—"
"Calum!" She yelled, making him jump. "Sorry, I knew that would stop you from rambling. But seriously, take a deep breath and try to calm down." He did what he was told and focused on his breathing, eventually he could feel himself start to calm down.
"Are you calm?" She asked again and this time he nodded in response.
"I'll give you my advice. Tell him how you feel, but don't do anything to stir up his relationship. And if he likes you, he'll tell you eventually. Just don't be a home wrecker."
Was Calum actually going to follow her advice and not be a home wrecker? He didn't know.
_
Calum had yet another soccer game tonight since it was Sunday and he had games every Sunday night. However, this game in particular was an important one. This time it wasn't just for fun. This time, Calum was playing for a scholarship. And he wanted it so badly. He'd do anything to get it, so that was why he was planning on telling Ashton not to be there. There was no doubt that Calum would get distracted and he really couldn't afford that.
He needed this scholarship, it was the best chance he had in pursuing a career in professional soccer. Hell, he already called soccer his career since he loved it so much. The boy was currently practicing kicking goals with Luke watching him. Everything was now alright with the two and he had Ashton to thank for that. After their talk, Calum told Luke about his problem and the blonde ended up getting upset and saying that he was a terrible friend for not noticing sooner.
That only made Calum feel even more guilty for not telling him, he didn't realise how stupid that was. It was all okay in the end, Luke offered to go with Calum to see someone about it and he happily obliged. Calum was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and he was taking medication for it; so really it was under control. He hadn't had an episode and for a while he thought about keeping away from Ashton just in case he triggered one, but he never triggered one before Calum was on the meds so why would he now?
After a while, people started arriving and so Calum went off with his team mates to start getting ready. Luke went over and sat in the crowd, constantly on the lookout for Ashton. When he arrived, he was going to tell Ashton as politely as possible to leave so that Calum would be able to concentrate. After a few more minutes, he finally saw Michael and Ashton walking over him hand in hand. Luke grinned, walking over to them and pulled them both in for a friendly hug.
"Um, hey to you to?" Michael greeted awkwardly, not expecting the sudden impulse. However, Ashton just smiled.
"Stop playing, Michael. You love it." Luke joked. "So, Ash can I talk to you for a minute?" Ashton looked to Michael, as if asking silently for permission and Luke kind of thought that was ridiculous. The coloured haired boy said it was fine and kissed Ashton's lips quickly before going off to find a place to sit.
"What's up?" Ashton asked. "How's Calum doing? I haven't really spoken to him for a few weeks. I know he's going to therapy but—"
"Calum's fine." Luke interjected.
"Okay..." The curly-haired boy spoke with obscurity.
"Actually, this game he's playing tonight is kind of important. He's playing for a scholarship." Ashton's mouth opened agape.
"Really? That's amazing! Do you know where he is? I wanna talk to him,"
"Uh... I don't think that's a good idea." Luke said and Ashton immediately frowned.
"What? Why?"
Luke sighed, "Because he thinks you're not coming."
"And why would he think that?" Ashton asked, feeling himself growing annoyed. "I come to all of his games."
"Look, you don't get it. He doesn't want any distractions." A look of hurt flashed across Ashton's face and Luke groaned, knowing that he said the wrong thing.
"Fuck, no. That's not what I meant, I meant that he has a huge crush on you and he doesn't want to see you in the crowd and lose focus." Ashton didn't know what to say to that. He could feel the blush spreading across his cheeks and he honestly felt flattered.
"O-okay." Was all he managed to say.
"Okay, so you can still stay and watch just don't let him see you. Preferably sit in the back." Ashton nodded and the two made their way back over towards Michael and thankfully, he was sitting in the back. The three sat down and Ashton couldn't help the smile that lingered across his face.