Chapter sixty eight.
(AN – PLEASE VOTE AND COMMENT)
HARRY’S POV:
I walked away I had no other choice, I just walked away.
Every step broke me a little bit more.
Perhaps Louis was right maybe I did go about this all the wrong way?
In my head it sounded dead romantic and something we could laugh about in years to come, when in reality all I’ve done is majorly fuck things up yet again. This time I’m not so sure they can be fixed.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to try.
I can’t be without her I just can’t.
Emma needs me too I know it, I thrive off that fact every single day knowing how much I hold her together, how shattered she is without me. It’s a sickening kind of perfect its everything I need and want.
It’s the best thing possible but the worst at exactly the same time.
Some people wouldn’t want the drama and the unstable relationship Emma and I share but honestly I live off it, without the fucked up mess we are I’m nothing.
Obviously I’d rather us not be the way we are, I’d love for us to be just like any other couple. Actually we couldn’t be quite like every other couple that would be too simple and boring for us.
But nevertheless I’d love for us to be together minus all the crap that comes along with it.
I meant it thought, I meant it more than I believe to be humanly possible, all I want is Emma.
I want to marry her.
I had it all planned out in my head word for word what would happen…
*Harry’s imagination*
‘’I don’t want to be your boyfriend anymore’’ I say my hand still tracing soft circles over Emma’s delicate and pale palm.
Her perfect rose lips for an ‘o’ as her eyes blink a little trying to determine if this is real or not.
She doesn’t speak I don’t give her chance to, I place a finger to her lips silencing her words as well as her thoughts.
‘’I want to be your husband’’ I say effortlessly the words floating from my lips almost lyrically as I watch her once worried eyes widen and gleam.
She opens her lips a little more about to speak but again I don’t allow it.
‘’I love you and there’s nothing I want more than to be with you forever. I know we’re young and I know this is probably stupid but that’s us love, stupid. It’s pretty perfect if you think about it we’re already legally married so if we did majorly fuck up, correction if I did, you could never make me want to leave you, well if the worst came to the worst we’d just divorce that was the plan way back when we hated each other…well I didn’t hate you, you had me mesmerised from the very first second I was well and truly under your spell. Lets just do it lets re-new our vows have the wedding you actually wanted and continue living just how we are because I don’t see any bad coming from you actually been Mrs Styles’’
I pause allowing her to speak now but she doesn’t a small smile speads onto her lips as she leans over the table her lips planted to mine for just a second.
‘’Why the hell not’’ she murmurs her lips brushing my jaw as she sinks back into her seat.
‘’I love you’’ I say my voice almost silent.
‘’I love you’’ she says her voice crystal clear loud enough for everyone to hear she sounds angelic.
*end of imagination*
Of course nothing ever as simple as you’d wish but well this was just disastrous.
I WILL marry Emma.
She WILL be Mrs Styles.
EMMA’S POV:
Last night after Harry walked out, I shouldn’t say that actually I made him leave it wasn’t his choice, anyway after Harry left I cried a while before climbing into bed with Louis and having him hug and comfort my cry’s until the lessened into slight hiccups and the then hiccups became silence, sleep induced silence.
I awoke to streams of sunlight bouncing from the patterned mirror leaving rainbow reflections scattered all over the wall.
A note was placed on the pillow;
Emma,
I’ve just gone to the shops I won’t be too long…
There’s clothes on the dresser for you feel free to shower etc. make yourself a home.
Louis x
I really was thankful I had him although it does leaving me wondering how Harry is without Louis usually takes care of him but instead he’s with me.
I know he’s hurt me but I don’t doubt that he’s hurting too.
After showering and dressing in the t-shirt and joggers Louis left for me I make myself a cup of coffee and sink into the sofa waiting for Louis to return.
I need to talk to him. I need to make up my mind.
‘’Can we talk?’’ I ask when Louis finally returns.
‘’Sure love’’ he smiles sitting beside me kissing the top of my head as he does so.
‘’What should I do?’’ I groan.
‘’About Harry?’’
‘’Duh’’ I laugh.
‘’ honestly I don’t know’’
‘’thanks so much for your help’’ I tease.
‘’well for starters imagine he hadn’t gone about it the awful way he did, would you want to marry him?’’ he says.
‘’ I don’t know, I don’t ever want to be without him I love him too much. I’d love for us to be married with kids one day but I just never thought Harry would want that’’ I sigh.
‘’ there’s a lot you don’t know about him, same goes for me I’m sure he keeps things from me too’’
I nod sipping my coffee trying to decide what I’m meant to do.
‘’but honestly it seems like your decision is already made’’
‘’How?’’ I question.
‘’You just said you love him and want to be with him forever’’
Louis is right and what I said is true.
I know what to do now although I’m not sure if I should I’ve made my mind up.
I want Harry, he asked me to marry him so he must want it too and well if he doesn’t then I was right all along he’s not ready.
Harry said yesterday he wouldn’t give up so I’m going to let him prove that. I’m not going and begging him he fucked up and he needs to fix this.
I probably sound selfish but honestly I don’t care.
*****
‘’Can you drop me off at the apartment?’’ I ask Louis.
‘’Sure… you saying yes then?’’ he asks smiling.
‘’Not exactly, I’m not staying so if you don’t mind will you wait in the car?’’
‘’Oh ok but I expect a full explanation afterwards’’
‘’Wait and see what happens’’ I shrug pulling on my shoes which are heels.
Yeah I’m wearing Louis clothes and heels, I look and feel wonderful.
No makeup and natural messy hair too. Stunning.
‘’I’ll be waiting here’’ Louis says kissing me cheeks and giving me a reassuring squeeze.
‘’I can’t thank you enough’’ I smile before wearily walking to the apartment.
I knock on the door seeing as I don’t have a key.
‘’Emma?’’ Harry questions his eyes red with massive bags beneath them.
I step past him and walk into the bedroom.
I grab a big bag and fill it with the dress I bought for tomorrow, the shop opening, a couple of other random clothing items, make up, underwear, hair products and other various essentials.
‘’What are you doing?’’ Harry chokes out.
‘’I need my stuff for tomorrow the shop opens remember and I can’t open up looking like this can I?’’ I laugh bluntly.
‘’Still look breathtakingly beautiful to me’’ Harry mumbles.
‘’Are we really over?’’ he asks.
‘’I don’t know, you tell me’’
‘’there’s nothing I want more than you’’
‘’ I’d like to believe that’’
‘’do you still love me?’’ He asks his voice cracking.
‘’Yes’’
‘’So what’s the problem I don’t get it?’’
‘’Love isn’t everything Harry’’
‘’ it is for me’’
‘’ We need to talk but not now I’ve got a big day tomorrow and I’d like a decent night’s sleep’’ I sigh trying to push past him.
‘’We both know the only way you sleep well if with me’’
He’s right.
‘’Stay please Em, I won’t push you to answer me, I won’t try to pursued you, I’ll just hold you’’
‘’Ok’’ I whisper hardly believing my words.
I drop my bag and fall into his arms.
‘’I need you more than you’d imagine’’ Harry murmurs his breath fanning my neck.
‘’Without you I’m nothing’’ he continues.
Right now I don’t know what we are or what’s going to happen between us but he’s right I need him to hold me even if it ends up being for the last time.
Our lives together lies within Harry’s hands he doesn’t know it but his actions are what will determine our future.
Authors note ----- thank you all so much for reading, I love you all.
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OH MY FUCKING GOD I HIT 100K+ READS THIS IS FUCKING ISANE THOUGHT I'D ONLY EVERY GET LIKE 100 AND NEVER THOUGH I'D MAKE IT THIS LONG THOUGHT IT WOULD BE LIKE 20 CHAPTERS LONG AND HAVE LESS THAN 100 READS LIKE ONE OR TWO PER CHAPTER! I KNOW COMAPARED TO SOME THIS SEEMS SHIT AND NOT ALOT BUT I COULDNT BE MORE HAPPY. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH THANK YOU 1000000TIMES. SOME TIMES YOU COMMENT SUCH LOVELY THINGS LIKE THE OTHER DAY SOMEONE SAID THIS WAS THEIR SECOND FAVE FANFICTION AFTER 'AFTER' WHICH IS FUCKING INSANE BECAUSE 'AFTER' IS PERFECT AND NOTHING COULD EVER EVER BEAT THAT. THANK YOU SO SO MUCH LOVE.
** rant over now, I could go on but I wont ahah**
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