Chapter 34
The next two days, when I woke, were some of the more memorable moments I've experienced waking up. With a man lying there with me in bed to welcome me to a new day. I get it sounds retarded folks, but just waking up with Luke next to me... affected how I felt for a good portion of the rest of the day. I was more than happy to experience it when I woke up Sunday to the same, but never tiring, man with me.
The dim winter morning light was prying my eyelids open - the light that managed to sneak past the blinds and bars. The heat caressed my face and it only made me that much more soothed and coaxed into wanting to go back to sleep. But when I felt as if I was surrounded in a sea of a familiar scent I knew to be my home, I felt my lips tilt up instantly; then I couldn't fall back asleep when that known excitement filled me. Luke... Luke was here with me. I could smell him. And after a moment more of consciousness, I realized I could feel him.
I was laying on my side, I could tell with the more conscious I became. But then I felt something more besides blankets circling me. Strong arms were wrapped around me from behind me and I felt his chest was pressed into my back; he was spooning me. At this point, I no longer desired any such form of sleep; not when I have this in my reality at the moment.
Opening my eyes, I felt my smile grow when my sight adjusted. Facing the wall and closed off window, I also looked down and saw his arm that was draped over me held me to him lightly from where his arm slanted across my chest. It felt so nice... to be tucked into his chest with his body a puzzle piece against mine. My senses reaching me, I noticed his other hand rested above me on my pillow above our heads, holding my hand in his there. A second of waking up later, I also noticed something that I wasn't sure why I didn't feel it before (maybe because it felt so natural). His nose brushed right against the back of my neck, his soft breathing tickling my hairs there. I moaned slightly at the wonderful feeling of it all.
I instantly shifted back more and into his arms deeper, loving how surrounded I was - in him, my blankets, and in the warm feeling given from both. Moving my head slightly once more, I glanced up above us to see our hands that were clasped together. But from that movement, it made Luke - who I didn't realize was awake until a moment later - speak up in a soft fragile and tired voice.
"Are you awake?" His lips that spoke brushed against my hair since I moved back and closer to him more.
My smile grew to a bright grin at waking up to that voice. As my answer, I turned over slowly in his arms that surrounded me. When I settled there and came to face him, my chest was now against his under the covers. With how close he was before, his nose brushed mine slightly now as we faced each other. His eyes lit up when they met mine, alive and ready for the day (even if we both weren't too excited over what this day was going to consist of).
"...Hi," I whispered, still blinking the sleep out of my eyes, clearing my vision and letting more of his mossy color pierce through me even more. Taking a deep breath, I felt my body react to apparently laying on that same side for so long. Raising my arms, I tensed my legs out and craned my body, stretching against him, making him cock a grin at me. Eyes searching me, I felt him let out a small breath of amusement when I raised my arms up and wrapped them around his neck. Moving closer, I bent my head lower until my cheek rested against the pillow where his shoulder was, tucking myself within him more.
His arms wrapped around my back, holding me there, I felt his soft breath turn into my music. We continued to just... lay there in silence. It was so relaxing, and just... nothing. It was so nice... It's not often you have the pleasure to have nothing going on, with me anyway. Of course though, it was just for this short amount of time. Of just me and him and nothing but this too comfortable bed we were wrapped in. We weren't ready to face the day we knew would be filled with tension, like I said before. But with knowing it was coming... 'nothing' couldn't exist forever.
"What time is it?" I asked against him, closing my eyes again and resting my entire self there. Maybe going back to sleep wouldn't be so bad....
I felt his body shift slightly a moment later and I knew he moved up and craned his neck to look at my clock that was behind him on the bedside table. "It's 9:27." Luke moved back and rested back against me where he was before.
I groaned. "Oh boy," I said sarcastically.
"I know," he whispered. "Unfortunately, this can't be another Friday morning for us. We have shit to do."
I sighed. Waking up Friday, the day after that tense dinner with Clare the first time I saw her after the hospital, was amazing. And it wasn't just because it was with Luke beside me. Clare had been gone, working, and me and him were home, off from work and from school since I was still getting over what happened (I was fine but Luke thought a break was necessary after what happened). So we both stayed home. And... it was one of the more relaxing, laid back days, I remembered. We woke up together and didn't do anything. Nothing. It was perfect. We laid there, talked.... Then when we were both fully up without much of a push, we had breakfast, watched TV, talked... did nothing. It felt like such a relief for once.
Saturday was a different story. Clare was home, and things weren't resolved between her and Luke. I didn't know where I stood on if she was buying it. Luke played tough like he should have, showing he had no reason to worry about her feelings. To hopefully break her down more so she cries and begs for forgiveness. We saw her crack, show her loyalty... but not to the extent that I was satisfied with. Tense, tense day to say the least. She left the house, did the shopping for once to get away. That was probably the only up side for her wanting to be away. Because it wasn't helping our hope since we needed her to stay loyal to him for as long as she could.
Now, today was Sunday. And we knew today would be tense too. Only shit was actually happening. And you thank Francis for that. Trust me, I wanted to give him a proper ass smacking, I wasn't in the mood to deal with people when all this tension is in the air. I loved Luke's family. But it wont be a great experience. Not with Queen Bitch still showing how pissed she was at Luke. Not to mention, since Luke's family knows Clare put me in that place, they wouldn't be too happy either. Yes, Francis clearly didn't think this through. We honestly wanted to call it off. But we figured that maybe it would help Clare give in with his family around at dinner tonight. Hope was all we could do.
"I would love to just stay here with you, honestly. The world can go fuck itself up on its own," I moaned and felt his hand move slightly, dragging his nails slightly up and down my back. After that, we just laid there some more, listening to the other's breath. Silence around us, our thoughts wondered on our own. That was until his were forced to the surface though words.
"Albany?" he whispered in question, breaking that line of nothing but silence.
"Hmm?"
When he spoke, he leaned down more and whispered his words directly against my ear. "You should go make me breakfast," he said in an amused voice. He knew how I would react to his statement.
Looking up from against him and leaning back, I met his eyes in mine. Teasing, I tried hiding my expression as best as I could. Staring at him now as I was propping my head up on my arm, I narrowed my eyes at his smirking lips. "You sure like starting fights with me, don't you?"
His smirk diminished, but only for a moment when I saw him slightly bite his bottom lip. Searching my face, he said, with attitude even, "You bet."
Unable to not smile, I went with his playful goad for an argument. "Looking for an ass beating, copper? Huh?"
"From you... absolutely."
Smiling brightly, I pointed a small finger up towards his face from unwrapping my arms from around his neck. "Pervert!"
"What are you going to do about it?" he pushed.
"Shove your face in a toilet! That's what I'll do."
"Yeah?" he asked, his voice getting louder, more exaggerated, and more playful. His face was stern though; eyes almost dared me to go on. "Well I'll shove your face in another one of those disgusting cakes like the one we made and make you eat it! How do you like that?!"
"You're the reason condoms were invented!" I belted as a last resort. That's right; shit's getting real now.
He began to break, his smile reaching the surface and his voice filled with amusement and chuckles. "Whoa, whoa... way too far. Way too far, lady."
Laughing out now, I just shook my head in the humorous cloud we reached, especially once he began to laugh with me. I loved how funny he was with me, how comfortable, and sue me for enjoying the fake arguments we have. Yes, still a lot to get use to. But I was happily doing so.
My laughter reaching him, I saw his smirk turn into an adoring smile. Ugh. Adoring... please tell me we are not at that stage of this relationship yet. I guess I can't complain though. I loved how he looked at me. He shook his head himself, looking down at me, propping his head up as well as we faced each other on our sides.
"That crossed a line." He said. "And by the way, dumbass, condoms have been around long before little me was born."
"Well..." I muttered, looking down at the pillow before back to his teasing eyes. "The whole idea must have come from someone like you."
Continuing to shake his head, chuckling once more, this time he said, "That was just mean."
Smiling, I leaned closer to him more and his smirking lips. Moving my free hand up and over his chest, I glanced up to see his glowing eyes in mine. So full of a warmness I wanted to be dissolved into, I moved my other arm propping me up towards him to. I wrapped that hand behind his neck. However, with my trailing hand up his chest, I stopped it and pushed him back. Going from his side to flat on his back, I smiled as I swiftly followed after him. Moving on top of him before he knew it, I laughed again as seeing his eyes widen, not expecting that.
My hair falling around him as I was laying against his chest, over him, I said, "I'm only mean because you deserve it." Leaning down towards his surprised but grinning face, I brought my hands up to cup his cheeks. In the next moment, I brought my lips down to his.
So good... tasted so wonderful. God, I loved him. Loved everything about him. And I was especially fond at the moment of what just occurred between us. That type of teasing... moments like that reflect the position we are both in within this... relationship I guess you could say. And guys, I was fucking liking it! Including the sensation of my lips pressed against his passionate ones.
Kissing him for the longest moment, I knew this was where I would love to remain all day. However, his one reminder was enough. Today, his family was coming over for dinner tonight. And with the amount of help Clare always is, I can assume by now you guys understand the amount of work will be on just me and him. Not only for preparing the food, but for dealing with her. It would be tense like we never knew it before. Everyone knew what Clare did to me, whether they thought I was unstable in that way or not. They would have a huge issue with her, that's for sure. So... yep, quite an interesting time we have ahead of us.
***
It was a... awkward day with the three of us in the house. Luke and I were preparing dinner. I was proud of him for not inviting her to help; he needed to stay strong with making her be the one to apologize first. That was key, even if both of us would have felt better if he showed her sympathy. It would make us feel more secure... but it wouldn't guarantee it. So Luke was holding out. Unfortunately, that meant completely ignoring her as she was doing to him. I have come to the conclusion that with enough tense moments between all of us, I'd be happy never to be in the middle of one again.
However, it was a completely different story by the time evening arrived. And so did his family.
Clare was upstairs getting ready (avoiding us) when we heard the first car pull into the driveway from where we sat anxiously on the couch. We were both very nervous. Who knows how they will treat Clare. And the scary part was her reaction was even more unpredictable at this point. We wanted to cancel on Francis's brilliant plan. But we figured this would happen at some point. Might as well get it over with right now.
When the hollow and fast knocks reached the air though and caught my attention, despite that uneasiness, I was filled with happiness too. I loved his family and was excited to see them. Raising from the couch, I headed towards the door to answer it and welcome in who I knew to be Brooke from the consistent little knocks.
Before I could get there though, the door opened and she came in. Just like her father.... Smiling brightly when her small figure came into my sight, my heart couldn't help but jump. Seeing her never gets old. Reminds me so much of Emily... so pretty and proud. Her hair was pulled up in pig tails again, her staggering feet behind her as she sped in making them bounce at her shoulders at her entrance. Past the obnoxious barking of Jack as he raced up to her, I noticed her eyes found mine after lighting up for an excited Jack. And they lit up even more.
"Albany!" she squealed in a joyful voice, eyebrows raised up at me and smile widening, her teeth flashing with that grin. Seeing me, she ran over toward where I was standing, half way to the door, and gave me a hug. And just when she hit me, her pink jacket cold from the freezing weather outside, chills went up me. But not from how cold her jacket was. It tugged at my heart... looking down at her, I felt myself almost cringe but I didn't. I still wasn't use to this. It was hard accepting this type of affection from anyone really - besides Luke, who I was still accepting and trying to process with how amazing he felt when in contact.
"Hi Brooke," I chuckled, resting my hands on her back when I bent down and gave her a hug in return.
In the next second, I felt an intake of breath from her and in a swift motion, she moved back and away from my hug. I was confused by her sudden movement as I took in her round eyes. "Albany!" she said, in a much more high voice. "You wont believe what Daddy got me! An All American Girl doll! An All American Girl doll! Can you believe it?! I've wanted one for so long and he finally--"
"Hey," I heard a lower voice from behind me. "Where was Uncle Luke's hello?" he asked in mock outrage. Brooke stopping in the middle of her story, mouth open, her smile returned when she took note of Luke. No longer on the couch but approaching us. Eyes finding him, her body didn't wait.
Her small feet took her to him as she through her small arms around his massive body once he knelt down to her level. "Right here!" she chuckled, hugging him to her. A soft smile for her in return, Luke held onto for a moment before my attention was drawn back to the door, where I heard someone else make their entrance. Or should I say, the king making his grand and fabulous entrance.
Francis came to stand in the frame of the door. Hands on his hips though his green sweatshirt and jeans, his face was poised just predictable for such a man (yes, he was the type that figured a sweatshirt is just as good as a jacket since he didn't wear one). Smirk, teasing eyes, and an air you couldn't mistake for anyone else's. Hair curled back and messy behind his ears, his eyes glimmered in mine for a moment through his thick black frames before finding Luke. "Well... I sure smell something wanting to be digested!" His eyes glanced towards the kitchen, nose tilted up as if sucking in the fumes the food that just finished cooking was giving off.
I was on his side. Completely. "Oh I know dude you have no idea! That spaghetti is tormenting my senses," I said. And I meant it with all my heart. I loved spaghetti. Smelling it in wait for others to arrive was all but torture for me.
Francis chuckled when he looked back over to me and Luke. Eyebrow cocked, I could only guess why. But I had to ignore that. Him and his dumb theories could wait. It was just nice to see him and Brooke and know the rest of his family was coming too. It made me want to execute Clare that much more because I didn't want any tension when I was just happy to see these guys.
Before Francis could say anything, we heard another car door slam followed by another directly after. My attention went to the new window in place where the other one was before (because you know, Clare had to put me through it). Taking a couple steps back towards the coffee table to see the driveway through the window, I smiled at the sight when it reached my eyes. Mike and Jan, their coats wrapped around them, began walking up towards the porch, light smiles on their faces. I noticed Jan was carrying a little box with her, that looked like one of those Christmas presents I had unwrapped before. Why would she be carrying a present?
By the time both of them came inside, I felt my bones tighten even more with how... loving everything felt in the air with them here. Smiling as I watched them take their coats off and shoes, Luke was the first to approach them and greet his parents with a smile. All I could do was stand there like an ass, as if locked into place.
But when I saw Jan's eyes flicker up to mine, the welcoming color in her eyes seemed to transform to something that made my insides twist. Such a loving and sorry expression from her... She stood still, facing me from by the door and her smile slightly feel. Then, I remembered that this was the first time they were seeing me since the mental hospital. They must feel sorry for me. Great. Sympathy is the last thing I want. But at the same time... it was strangely something that made me feel better at the same time.
Francis and Mike talking, I also noticed his confident and bold eyes glance to me a couple times. When I looked back to Jan, I figured I just need to act as everything is fine. Because it's true in a way. I was out of that place and I was in good condition, even though I could still feel some sore spots. My face was still somewhat black and blue from where the doc hit me. But it didn't bother me. It sure bothered Jan.
Snapping myself out of it, I smiled brightly to her and took a couple steps closer to her. And though the words felt strange, I still said them. "Hey, it's nice to see you!" I said as I neared her, about to give her a hug. I've learned that this family loves to do that.
I saw her swallow hard and her eyes buried in mine seemed... very intimate. She took the few extra steps closer until I felt her wrap her arms around me first, almost urgently, and hold me tightly. Her head resting on my shoulder, I felt my own throat tighten at the feeling. It was so nice. I don't feel safe often, really only when I'm with Luke, but this time I felt protected by her. I felt safe with Jan and it was a strange feeling. One that felt too good and one I knew I should ignore. It's not like she's my mother.
Trying to keep my smile up and not falter from the overwhelming waves of sadness and joy going through me, I slide my arms around her back too and rested my hands against the material of her soft shirt. Resting against her, I hugged her back.
"You have no idea how nice it is to see you too," she whispered slightly and I felt my throat tighten even more.
We stayed like that for longer than usual. Then, when she let her body slowly move back, she offered me another sweet but sad smile. I was so distracted by her stare, I didn't notice that Mike was coming over here too. Eyes lifting from hers when I noticed him standing beside her now, I felt a certain connection hit me now... than I had before. Between both of them now. Because despite his words that always made me laugh, his eyes were as Jan's were.
"Look at that kiddo, proud battle scar," he said with a soft smirk, indicating the blotch of color on my face from where he punched me. I could only laugh at that though, even when I saw Jan jab her elbow against him.
"Thanks," I nodded just as I noticed him lean forward more and bend down just slightly as he gave me a hug too. And just like with Jan, it felt warm in a way that it felt safe. His long arms winding around me, I did the same and hugged him back. But at this point, my concern wasn't keeping up a smile. It was just keeping it together in general.
Just as Mike moved away as did I, my attention went back to Jan when she spoke, in a lower voice. "Hey, do you think we can see you alone for a moment?"
My heart dropped. Alone.... And no doubt it had to do with my time in the mental hospital. Biting my lip, looking between them, I guess I didn't see the issue with it. My only problem was how vulnerable I felt around them for some reason. They had that effect, especially Jan, to make me feel warm in a way I never felt before.
"Sure," I nodded.
By the time I guided them down the hall from the living room, the hall that led to the bathroom at the end. But we rounded the tight corner to where the sliding back door was. And across from that door was the door to the small bedroom that was basically being used for storage now.
I opened the door and entered the room I barely go in. It's not like there is much use for it, besides holding crap. Clothes, holiday decorations, and dust covered the dim and small room. But it's not like I wanted to go upstairs and talk to them; Clare was in her room and the last thing I want is her listening in on a conversation that would most likely include things she wouldn't like. After all, I had a feeling this was about what happened at the institution. No doubt they would say she is unfit for a mother.
Stepping into the room and flicking on the bright light on the ceiling, I walked in and neared the small bed that was against the wall. It was the only thing without something on it; the floor, the small tables in the room, were cluttered with shit we didn't need. I knew Luke even tried convincing her when he moved in to clean this place out. But Queen Clare said no. The fucking hoarder.
When I sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling somewhat weird to be speaking to them both seriously like this, I watched as Mike shut the door behind them. That playful smirk was off his face and it was down to seriousness.
I watched in curiosity as Mike looked around the room for a moment while Jan came to sit beside me on the edge of the bed. Her hands resting behind her, propping her up as she was slightly facing me now, I continued to watch Mike as he began to over to one of the cluttered small tables. It was just a little lower than the height of the bed and when I saw him pick up all the clothes stacked on top of it and drop it on the floor, I cracked up laughing at that, seeing why. He picked up the table, set it before me and his wife on the floor, and used it as a chair as he came and sat down, facing me.
"I'm sure there was an alternative way to sit down," Jan told him, chuckling softly.
In a quieter voice, and teasing, "Well, it felt good dumping Clare's shit on the floor." My smile widening, I chuckled at that.
But then, things started to get serious again - including the air. Silence rested between us as I looked between Mike and Jan, who I noticed was looking down at the small present she held in her hand. That was probably for me... great. That's the last thing I wanted. A gift. They were too nice and didn't need to get me anything just because Clare is psycho-bitch and put me in a mental hospital. Honestly, I should give them presents over the matter since it was their son that got me out.
Looking up at me, Jan's eyes showed more than sadness. They showed an energy I never saw in such form, an adoring and loving look, a protective and serious one too at the same time. Her hand that was holding the little gift moved forward and she gestured for me to take it. "Here," she spoke softly. "This is for you dear."
"But... why? Because I was in that mental hospital?"
"No," I head Mike speak up and draw my eyes to him. His sharp brown eyes found mine. When they did, he sat back a bit as he ran his hand through his greying brown hair that matched the prickles of hair along his cheeks and chin. Sighing, he said, "This is because you need to understand how much you mean to us," he said in a gentle voice. The sound alone, caressing and kind, already sent shivers up my body. I never heard him speak so... sincerely I guess you could say. Then, his words were a whole other story.
I knew they cared about me. But it was like they were trying to get across how much. They smothered me with kindness enough; more than I expected. How could they hold more care in their hearts for me. I was puzzled, even though my heart was beating slightly faster.
I took the box from Jan and ran my thumb along the sleek striped wrapping paper. Then, I felt that slight joy in me again as I began to rip it away. Shedding a piece away, I set the scraps on the bed beside me until I could feel the new texture of what was hidden before. Of a velvet case, one of those for jewelry. And with it resting in my hands, I looked up again to Mike then to Jan, their lips tilted up more now in anticipation to seeing me open it. Glancing back down to the box, I carefully opened it and my eyes widened at what it held.
My breath catching in my throat, I took in the bracelet that was held in the box. Against the soft material of the black, it shinned up and winked at me in when the light caught it. The best way to describe it is... silver lace. The silver band had a elegant design to it, a pattern that would catch your eyes. There were a few little diamonds placed along the silver lace too. Very very beautiful... and what really caught my eye was what the bracelet supported in the middle. A heart made of more of those tiny designs, the facets catching the light and brightening it even more. The heart filled with those tiny diamonds all together... wow. Wow.
"Um..." I said unconsciously. I felt my jaw was slack and open as I stared at it. When I got my senses back though, I looked up to Jan and Mike. They were smiling at me, so loving... and I knew now just how much they meant by showing me they cared about me. It was overwhelming. I didn't expect this. And I didn't expect to be faced with the reality of the extent of how much they cared. "Wow," was all I managed to say, shaking my head. The thing that was getting to me was the heart... that heart in the middle. It was shocking they got me a gift in the first place. But this... not only was it beautiful. It recognized how serious they were when saying I was like family to them. To me, words are one thing and actions like this are another.
"Albany," I heard Mike say, drawing my desperate eyes. He searched my face while he spoke in such a delicate tone. "I'm going to be honest with you right now. Clare is not fit to be your mother." He sat forward more towards me, elbows resting against his knees as he stressed his words with his eyes. "You know... after I found out that Clare had a daughter and she kept that secret, my trust in her was dead. My faith was gone. I still though figured she had common sense to know how to take care of her daughter. But after I found out that she put you in that place..." he shook his head swiftly, looking down and I saw his jaw tighten before he looked back up at me. "I know you will be 18 soon enough and by then will be free of her. But even then and now," he glanced to Jan then to me. "We want you to know that we are willing to be there for you. And I don't mean just as friends. You don't have to acknowledge what we are offering. Don't feel pressured. But you should know that Jan and I... care about you very much. And though we aren't your parents, we will be here for you like parents. You're a part of this family."
I was... reeling on what they said. Shocked. How... how? How could they want me in their lives like that? Unlike Luke and his siblings, they believe I have a condition. They know that I am 'unstable' in a sense because they didn't know the truth. They were amazing people. But why offer something so precious to me when they didn't even believe me?
I always wished I could have parents like them. And now... they were making that possible for me in a way. I felt so blessed... which sounds funny coming from me but I was serious. I didn't understand it... but I didn't know how to object to it. At the same time, how can I accept something so big from them. It killed me every time I felt cared for by them - including now with my turning stomach - and it's because I was never given this type of attention before. I wouldn't be able to handle it if I somehow lost it. Then again, it was the same thing with Luke. You accept it because it's worth the risk of hurting if you lose it.
Swallowing hard, I glanced to Jan and wasn't sure what to say to either of them. How to say no and how to say yes. "H-How can you offer me something like that?" I finally got out.
"What do you mean?" Jan asked, raising an eyebrow in curiosity - and caution too. I saw she was even a little scared at my reaction to such a proposal.
"Well," I said, my voice cracking slightly. Clearing my throat, I took a shaky breath and could feel it rattling in the pit of my stomach. That... feeling that I get over her. At a new level. I felt as if I might suffocate or pass out any second. "You... You both believe I have that condition. How can you offer me something like that when I have that history and that condition with my mind?"
"Because we trust you. Honey, if you love your mother, then I am so sorry we approached you on the matter. But I don't think you deserve what she is doing to you. She might be trying, might be trying to be a mother which I do give her credit for if that's true. But either way, you deserve someone to go to that wont... brand you like she has. I hate to say that about your mother, I really do..." she sighed, struggling and having a hard time explaining. And I understood. She probably felt like she was going behind Clare's back and she isn't the type that would do that. "Just... just know that if you want more than you are getting from her, sweetie, we are here for you. For anything. Do you understand?"
Nodding, I felt my head begin to hurt slightly at everything that was running through me at the moment. Glancing down and into my lap where I held the velvet box with the bracelet, I took a deep breath again.
"I don't love Clare," I said, looking back up between them. "Trust me, you guys are not imposing at all. It's just... a lot." I said, cutting myself off with the crack of my voice. "A lot you are offering me. And it's hard to believe."
I felt Jan shift more on the bed, closer to where I was sitting and felt her wrap her arm around my back, coming to clasp my shoulder. Looking down at me, she gave me a sweet smile. "We love you. We aren't asking for anything back. We just want to let you know... that we are here for you. If you ever need help, ever want to stay with us, anything at all... please do. We don't want to replace your mother. Just know we can be your parents too if you want."
"I... I don't know what to say." You say anything but that, dummy I thought to myself. But... I was so taken over by what they said, I didn't know what to think. They just gave me so much love in that moment and I was trying to let it sink in.
Mike spoke up. "I understand how this can be hard for you to accept. Just... just know that we meant what we said and we are here for you. In anyway you need us."
I nodded quickly, as if trying to show them I understood. And just as they stood up, probably to leave me to think or get back to the others, I didn't let them. I jumped to my feet the second they both stood up and sent my heart in panic mode. I honestly was still quite shaky over their words. But I didn't care. I loved it, loved what they told me. How they will be there as my parents when I need them. Setting the box with the bracelet down, I faced Mike before he could leave and wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug.
I haven't had much time to spend with him. The only real time we had together and had fun was when we went ice-skating. Same went with Jan. Yet, at the same time, that didn't matter. They were amazing people, amazing parents to their children, and knew that if they can accept me like that despite my 'condition' I can accept them. I don't know if I can even get to the point where I look at them and think mom and dad and not Jan and Mike. I don't know if I would even want to get to that point. But I was... just so... moved by what they said, I guess you could say.
"Thank you!" I said, my voice muffled from where my head rested against his chest. I could feel my eyes fill with water and it felt so... all of this felt so foreign and it was a strange feeling. But I liked it. And I wanted more at the same time. I felt so safe with them. But in a different way than how I feel from Luke. When I felt Mike wrap his arms tightly around me too, I felt as if I was almost shaking.
When I felt Mike hug me back, I was so lost in everything. How do we go from plans for dinner to hugging Mike out of love for what they said to me. I still can't believe I mean that much to them.... So strange with Mike, especially since him and I are kind of alike with always joking and being playful. This was genuine and loving and different and I-I welcomed it.
"Of course," I felt him say softly to me and I closed my eyes tighter... feeling the weight of this. Of this knew type of love being smashed down on me. They always showed me they cared. Just not to this extent. It was overwhelming.
After breaking away from him, I turned to a smiling Jan and gave her just as big of a hug. So weird... so nice at the same time. "Oh god, just... just thank you." Her arms wrapping around me too, I felt her hand move up and down in comfort as she held me to her and I did the same.
"No problem, hon. Just know if you need anything...."
I nodded, moving back and smiling as I looked into her heart-filled eyes. "You'll be there. I will go to you if anything happens," I smiled. "Trust me, I will."
***
Clare wasn't down yet from 'getting ready.' I found it quite funny really. I was wearing jeans and a purple and grey stripped shirt. The only explanation for why she is taking so long is probably that mask she has to try to glue onto her face every day. It's such a beautiful mask... I guess it just refused to fit her ugly face today. But my mind didn't stay on Clare long; my mind was occupied with something else.
I greeted Shannon when she got here, almost just as Jan, Mike, and I left that room. But my mind was lost as I said hello to her. I went up to my room after that; I just needed a breather from everything. I was happy to get it.
"Oh god," I sighed, sitting on the end of my bed. Jack, who followed me upstairs, jumped up on the bed beside me and climbed stealthily up in my lap. Looking down at my furry friend as he crawled slowly over my leg, as if he didn't want me to catch him, I chuckled and began to pet him. "You sneaking little doggy," I smiled.
I was satisfied with just sitting here like this with my dog. My body called for a break. I didn't really need to think over what they said to me. It was still surprising to me but I loved what they said. I just physically needed a break. It reminded me of what happened on Christmas. Things just got to me... the amount of affection, the hugs they all gave me. At that time, I felt physically incapable of consuming all they were offering me that night. That's how I felt now. I just knew better. I wasn't incapable of showing love or accepting it. I just needed to get use to it.
They said they were willing to do anything for me... that alone got to me. To say they would be willing to be my other parents was over the edge and plummeting pass my capacity. At the same time, I think that might be what I needed. I was showing my love for Luke now, as usual as that thought still is. But I'm welcoming it. And I needed that wake up call they gave me. That they are there and it is up to me with how I perceive them. Because they are willing to be like parents to me or just friends. I'd just have to slowly warm up to that idea. Was it pathetic I was looking forward to that? I could feel myself smiling just thinking over what they said.
The door of my room opening interrupted my thoughts. Raising my eyes from a very relaxed Jack in my lap, I met my eyes with Francis as he took me in. Stepping in slightly, he shut the door behind him. I expected this to be about Luke and I; him teasing me. I was waiting for it really as he neared me where I was sitting at the edge of my bed. But looking up at him in curiousity, I didn't see that smirk. I saw seriousness. Something you don't see much with Francis.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing," he sighed. Then, after he glanced down to Jack then back to me, his eyes glowed brighter and the sight made a shiver run over me. "But after dinner, I need to talk to you and Luke," he said quietly so cry baby bitch on the other side of the wall couldn't hear us (what a bitch, taking her time so she wouldn't have to face anybody).
I raised my eyebrows at his words nonetheless, my eyes widening. His words... sounded the alarm bells off in me. He must have talked more with the gang, figured something out. At this point, I couldn't remain sitting in place. I moved Jack from my lap and set him on my bed. I stood up on my feet and took a few steps towards him, almost cautious in a way. I didn't like that quiet and serious tone, what his eyes revealed, and what this must be about.
Reaching him, I crossed my arms and gave him a meaningful look. "Francis, if you have more information on the gang, you better tell us right n--"
He shook his head. "After dinner," he said sternly, which made my eyebrows raise. He must have seen the worried expression on my face. "Don't worry about it. Just tell Luke I need to see you both privately after dinner."
Before I could stop him or try to beat it out of him, he turned around and left. He knew I would want more than that; that's why he bolted. So, as I stood there stunned, all I could think was that this was bad. He said not to worry but he sounded serious and I knew he had information. But just how relevant was it? His eyes, his body I noticed was tense... yeah, I was almost positive this was going to be a big bomb dropped in my lap and Luke's. Just one more thing we needed to deal with.
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I'm able to post today because I'm home from school again. This time, I'm actually sick. But that's okay, I guess. When I'm sick, it means I get writing time. So whatever you do, don't hope for me to feel better haha ;)