AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Hey guys! Thank you so much for all the comments last week, I think it was the most comments I've had on a chapter yet and it made me super happy :D
Today's picture is a dancing doughnut. You'll see why when you read!
Next week I am away in Holland so I'm not sure what to do about updating... I might have to take a week's hiatus... But I'll see if I can post when I'm out there! Kind of depends on how much writing I can get finished before I go!
I'll keep you posted! Let me know what you think of the next chappy :3
Becky xx
***
Chapter 19
Support
It's first thing Monday morning. The start of a brand new week. The start of a brand new life.
This is the first morning I've ever woken up as a lady in a proper relationship. I've got to admit, it feels pretty darn good. Even if the news has been something of a bombshell to the rest of the household. I've literally been dodging my entire family since yesterday afternoon as they bombard me with endless questions.
Who is he? How did you meet him? How old is he? What does he do? What does he look like? Why didn't you mention him earlier? How serious is this? What have you been doing with him? Has he been treating you right? Are you sure you're ready for a boyfriend?!
Needless to say, I've been hiding out from them all as much as possible. Last night I took on kitchen duty to keep myself out of sight and this morning I have no intention of leaving my room until my afternoon shift starts. I'm currently sprawled out in bed, still in my pyjamas with my laptop resting on a cushion in front of me.
There are dozens of windows open at the top of the screen. I'm perusing as many online clothes shops as possible, trying to find anything at a discount which might fit the sexy new look that Jaxon wants to see me in. I can't afford to buy anything else this month, but I figure there's no harm in getting some ideas. Maybe I could even start selling some of my old clothes on eBay. I could revamp my entire wardrobe if I set my mind to it.
As well as clothes shops, I'm also secretly spying on Chloe's Facebook page again. I need to keep studying her style and work out which bits I can copy. I know that sounds bad, but she's the only person I know in real life to take inspiration from. And it's pretty clear that Jaxon thinks I should be more like her. If she's into boys as well as girls then I have to make sure she doesn't steal his attention away from me.
She's so nice, I'm sure she wouldn't do that. And I got the vibe she was totally more into girls than boys. But I don't know her that well. She might be on the rebound. She might be looking for something new and Jaxon might be the perfect person to experiment with... Oh God, the thought makes my stomach churn with anxiety.
Hmm, I wonder if I could pull off blue hair? It's been red for as long as I can remember. I've never even dyed it a normal colour, let alone a crazy one. But what if it's completely boring? What if Jaxon literally hates it and wishes it could be blue like Chloe's? Or pink? Or green? Or...
Badunk. The sound of an incoming message cuts across my thoughts, making me jump. I accidentally hit the keyboard and almost send Chloe an unsolicited friend request but manage to cancel it at the last second. I get the feeling Jaxon would go mad if he discovered I'd added his workmate on here. I know I'm a crazy stalker, but I don't want HIM to know that. And she might say something to him if I add her.
I click to the flashing message in my inbox. It's from Chunk. Seeing his smiling little face in the thumbnail picture makes me smile too and I read it straight away.
"Hey Ash! So it seems like congratulations are in order? I know I've come across as a bit of a grump at times, but I'm honestly happy for you. It's good to see you've got a reason to smile again. Did you and Jaxon have a good time yesterday? Hope I'll get to see you both again soon. X"
The words warm my heart. I shift myself into typing position and before I know it, my reply comes spilling out of me at full force.
"Hey Chunk, it's so lovely to hear from you!!! Thanks for the congrats, that means a lot. I had a really lovely time yesterday thank you. Went shopping in Northcastle then had a delicious Italian meal for lunch where we made things official EEK!!! It was really perfect. Well, apart from Jaxon forgetting to bring his wallet.... LOL! Such a silly boy. I'll forgive him though...!!! ;) How's everything going in the shop? We should def all meet up as a group soon, would love to see you! Xx"
A few seconds after I hit send, I see little pending dots showing that Chunk is typing a message back straight away. His response pops up before I even have time to change tabs.
"He forgot his wallet?"
Typical. Out of my whole message he chooses to hone in on the one negative thing that happened. I hate to say it, but maybe Chunk isn't as supportive as he's making out after all. I try to keep my cool as I compose my reply back.
"Yeah, what a scatterbrain eh?!! But it was just a mistake, he's going to pay me straight back. Xx"
Maybe I shouldn't have even mentioned that part of the day. Actually, why did I write it at all? Before I have time to over-analyse the situation, Chunk's reply flashes up.
"Just make sure he does pay you back. Forgetting his wallet is one of his favourite party tricks. And then conveniently forgetting about paying you back. I've let him get away with murder in the past, don't want to see him do the same to you. Xx"
I stare at the screen for way longer than I probably should. I don't know what I was expecting to read, but it wasn't this. The words don't even make sense to me. I pound my keyboard furiously as I type out an answer.
"What do you mean? I thought you and Jaxon were friends so why would he do that to you?"
Something from yesterday is ringing in my head. Jaxon warned me this might happen. I didn't want to believe it, but I'm getting scared it might actually be true. I take a deep breath, willing to hear Chunk out. Surely he wouldn't lie to me? Not sweet, friendly Chunk who always has my back?
The next message pops up after a long pause.
"We are friends. Don't get me wrong. But sometimes I feel like Jaxon takes advantage of that fact a little bit too much. I'm not trying to cause trouble or anything, I just think you should know what he can be like. I don't think I've ever seen a penny back from all the times I've leant him money. Make sure he doesn't start pulling the same kind of crap on you. I couldn't bear to see him mess you around. Xx"
OK, now I'm getting annoyed. Seriously, Charlie? You're Jaxon's supposed best friend but you're telling tales about him missing a few payments here and there? As if he didn't have enough to deal with right now. Before I can stop myself, I'm jumping to my brand new boyfriend's defence.
"It was a genuine mistake Chunk. Why are you always criticising him? I'm sure he'll make it up to you in other ways if he forgot to pay you back for stuff. That's what friendship is about, isn't it? Give and take. He needs you now more than ever so cut him some slack already."
I know I probably shouldn't get too involved with Chunk and Jaxon's friendship, but how can I sit here and say nothing? Jaxon is having such a hard time right now. His parents have thrown him out, he's got no proper home and I expect anything to do with money is stressing him out big time. He's got no access to online banking and must be paying out for things his parents usually cover. That's why we have to support him. Both of us.
My gaze wanders around my room as I wait for Chunk to reply, finally falling on the beautiful red rose Jaxon gave me yesterday. It's lying pride of place in the centre of my desk. A token of what he feels for me. I sigh affectionately as I look at it. I know that Jaxon can be a little tricky and guarded, that sometimes he can even be downright spikey. But he doesn't mean it. Deep down, he's just reaching out and looking for people who care. We can't let him down like his family has. We're all he's got.
The chat box makes the plonking sound of an incoming message and I whip my head straight back to the screen.
"I'm not trying to criticise him, but I've known him for a really long time and I've seen the way he behaves sometimes. I'm just trying to help... Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I just want you to be happy Ash. Also, what do you mean he needs me now more than ever? Is there something I don't know about? Xx"
I blink confusedly at the message in front of me. Chunk doesn't know about Jaxon's situation? That really surprises me. But then again, Jaxon is such a proud character that it makes sense he would hide the truth from his friends. I wonder if Dev and Raj know about his living arrangements? Jaxon is saving up to live with them so they might do. But equally, he might have withheld the specific details about just why he wants to become their new flatmate.
Now I don't know what to do. Jaxon never told me his family problems were a secret, but it's not my place to start talking about them. Not even to Chunk. I decide to evade the question.
"I just mean he needs support from his friends right now, not being picked apart. It's a big thing to start a new relationship! We both want to know that people are on our side, not looking for reasons to split us up..."
I know I'm being quite blunt, but to be honest I'm feeling blunt. I don't have time to tread on eggshells or worry about Chunk's feelings. If he's jealous of his friend moving on then it's not my problem. He's either for us or against us. I can't deal with all these cryptic little games anymore. He's supposed to be our friend so why does he keep on doing this?
Is it because he wants Jaxon's life? I know from experience how hard it is being the sidekick all the time. Sometimes I swear I spend my life in Annabelle's shadow. But I'm still happy for her when she needs me to be. That's just what you do when you care about someone.
"Ashleigh? Are you up love?" My Mum's voice suddenly sounds through my bedroom door, startling me somewhat. "Can I come in a sec?"
I glance between the door and my laptop. Chunk is composing a reply. "Um, yeah... Hold on a minute, Mum."
She ignores my instructions and barges into my room anyway. "What are you up to in here? Are you talking to your friends on Facebook?"
"Don't just walk in without permission," I sigh tetchily. My mother has no respect for privacy. I must remember to put a lock on my door for when Jaxon starts coming over.
"Oh, there's nothing I haven't seen before, love," Mum laughs, sitting down at the end of my bed. I have to bite my tongue. Why does she still treat me like I'm five years old?! One day she'll walk in on me doing so much more than having a tea-party with my teddy bears. And when that day comes it will be all her fault.
Finally, Chunk's message flashes up on the screen. I try to read it quickly so I can switch the tab away from nosey parental eyes.
"Oh Ash, I'm so sorry this has come out all wrong. I'm not trying to split you guys up. I would never try and do something like that. I'm actually rather distraught that you think that, please let me try to fix this and explain better. Are you free to chat on the phone or anything? Your friendship means the world to me and I don't want this to come between us. Xx"
As I take in the words, my Mum sidles up closer to me, trying to peek at the screen. "Ooh is this him? Jaxon isn't it?" She spots the thumbnail-size picture of Chunk at the side of his message to me. "Hang on, that's the boy who works down the greengrocers isn't it? You never told me you were seeing him! How lovely, he seems like such a nice young lad!"
I slam my laptop shut. Sadly Chunk will just have to wait before I can get back to him. "Mum, that's not Jaxon, that's Charlie Monk. I thought you knew that?"
Mum makes a noise of recognition. "Oh yes. That rings a bell." She waits a moment for an elaboration I'm not willing to give, then ploughs ahead with her questioning. "So which one is Jaxon? Have you got a photograph? How do you know him again?"
I'm beginning to wish I'd never made my new relationship public knowledge now. But I guess my interfering family were going to find out sooner or later.
"He's Charlie's friend," I mumble, inching underneath my duvet. "I don't have any photos to show you though, he's not on Facebook."
This is only a half-lie. I could technically show her that picture of me posing with him from our first date, but I'll never hear the end of it once Mum's seen it. She'll be all shocked by his tattoos and lip-ring and start lecturing me about the dangers of motorcycle gangs or something.
"Oh, that's a shame," she tuts in disappointment. "I guess we'll have to wait to meet him in person then."
My heart spasms in panic. "Meet him?! When are you planning on doing that exactly?"
Mum laughs at my horrified reaction. "Well, whenever you like love! You can invite him over anytime." She pats my legs which are cocooned in my duvet. "Only if you want to of course. I just wanted to come in and tell you the offer is there."
I wriggle inside my bed, pondering the suggestion. Maybe it's not such an appalling idea after all. In some ways, it might be kind of fun to show off my sexy new boyfriend to my family. But then again, this is MY family we're talking about here. And they can't be trusted.
"I don't know. Benji and Taylor will probably say something mean to show me up. And Dad too. It doesn't seem fair to subject Jaxon to them already."
"Well, it's your decision," Mum answers, shifting herself up from the bed. "But if you do want to bring him round I'll give them a talking to and make sure they're on best behaviour."
"Hmmm," I murmur. I'm really not convinced. So far my stupid brother has done nothing but tease me about my love life. He'll probably be on annoying-overdrive if he meets Jaxon in person.
Finally, Mum edges out of my room. "I'll leave it completely in your hands. I just thought it was only fair to offer since Benji's had Taylor here all this time. And as you know, I treat you both exactly the same."
Yeah right. I don't get away with half as much crap as Benjamin does. He's so blatantly the favourite child. Still, I resist mentioning this fact out loud. "OK, thanks Mum."
"OK dear," she answers. "I'll be off then." She lingers unsubtly in the doorway. "I'm just downstairs if you need me..."
I can tell she's waiting for me to change my mind and suddenly spill more gossip to her, but I'm keeping my lips sealed. "Alright, Mum. Bye."
Eventually, she gets the hint and shuffles away. I heave a sigh of relief. At least one round of grilling is out the way, but I'm sure it won't be the last one today. Which is why it's safer to stay in bed for as long as possible.
I lift my laptop lid back open and find another message from Chunk waiting for me.
"Ash are you still there? Please don't be angry with me. Xx"
Oh no, it looks like I was ignoring him. He's irritated me a bit, but I can't be angry with him. It's physically impossible. I quickly type back a reply.
"Sorry Chunk, my Mum came in to chat. Look don't worry about it, I know you're only looking out for me. I didn't mean to snap at you, it's just that this relationship means a lot to me and I want to know we've got everyone's support."
The words resonate deep within me as I write them down. Support. It's all I'm asking for right now. Not nosey, know-it-all brothers making fun of me. Not interfering parents trying to meddle. Not so-called friends trying to put obstacles in the way rather than focusing on the positives.
I just want everyone I care about to be happy for me and Jaxon. Is it really so much to ask for?
Chunk's reply pops up in less than a minute.
"Of course you do. I will always be there for you Ash, anytime anywhere. Just promise me we are still friends! Xx"
I smile at the screen and type my response.
"Yes, we are still friends. You doughnut. Xxx"
A moving picture of a giant googly-eyed jam doughnut dancing suddenly appears.
"This is me doing my "I support you guys" dance. Xxx"
A loud burst of hysterical laughter escapes my lips and I instantly forget any trace of annoyance I was just feeling. Chunk is far too sweet and funny to stay grumpy with, even if he does skirt a little close to the line at times.
I send back a Cookie Monster devouring cookies. "Watch out, you're making me hungry....!"
The war of stupid pictures carries on for far longer than it probably should do and I spend the rest of my morning in absolute fits of giggles.
---
"So... I have a question to ask you."
It's just gone 1pm. I'm still lounging around in my pyjamas, but now I've swapped my laptop for my phone. Jaxon is on a lunchbreak at work and I couldn't resist ringing him to say hi. We've spent the last few minutes making flirty small-talk back and forward. I asked him what he's designing today. He asked me what I'm wearing today. And now I'm taking the plunge with a slightly more important question.
"It's not about the money is it?" Jaxon answers me with a sigh. "Because I told you, I can't get to a computer easily right now..."
"No, no," I exclaim shrilly. I am sick to death of hearing about that bloody money. As far as I'm concerned, the dinner conversation is over. I decide not to even mention what Chunk said about it because I don't want to think about it a second longer.
"Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to come over sometime this week."
"Come over?" Jaxon echoes. "To where?"
"My place," I reply brightly. "Well, you know. The pub."
I hear the sound of Jaxon eating and a pondering murmur. "Hmm. Isn't that where you work with all your family and stuff?"
"Um, yeah," I say, trying to sound oh so casual. "But you know, they wouldn't mind meeting you if you're around." Oh no, that sounds way too forward, reign it back Ash! "I mean, no pressure or anything. They'll be busy working and we can like, hang out. Or whatever."
"It's kind of soon to start meeting the parents, isn't it?" Jaxon answers, sounding sceptical. "Can't we just keep hanging out in Northcastle for the time being? I like it when it's just the two of us."
"Yeah, of course, me too," I exclaim. "It's just you know... money and everything. I don't know if I can keep affording the train fare."
There is a short, unenthused silence before Jaxon finally speaks. "Oh. OK. Can't you find a way to make it work?"
I bite my lip guiltily. Do I sound like I'm not making any effort? Because that is definitely not the reason for my hesitation. "It's kind of tricky at the moment. I'm on weird hours all week like usual and I really need to cut back on nights out until payday."
"They really do make you slave at that place don't they?" Jaxon states. "No time off, no decent pay. I don't know why you take all this shit, Ash."
A flurry of defensiveness shoots up my spine. "It's not that bad, that's just what it's like working in any business like this. We're open long hours and it's just the five of us."
"So your parents should get more staff and stop putting on you. They're going to be screwed if you ever decide to leave."
I force a laugh, trying to lighten the conversation. "Come on, you're making them sound like monsters. They're not that terrible. You might even like them if you get to meet them."
There is no answer.
"It's really not a big deal Jaxon! It's just my family. We don't even have to hang around the pub, we can go into the village or something."
There is muffled laughter down the end of the line. Someone else is in the room with Jaxon. A female someone else. I can't hear what they are saying beyond some mumbled giggling.
"Jaxon, are you listening to me?"
"Sorry Minx," Jaxon chuckles. "Chloe just came in and tried to kick me off my chair." I hear more laughter. "Chloe, get OFF! I'm so gonna get you back when you least expect it."
My heart twists painfully. He's messing about with Chloe. Cool, rocky, blue-haired, bisexual, every guy's fantasy Chloe. And I'm fading into the background. Like I always do.
"Tell her I say hi," I shout into the phone.
I suddenly hear her voice sounding out from a distance. "Oh, are you talking to Ash? Hey Dudette, how's it going?"
"OK, I'm not being messenger for you two," Jaxon huffs jokily into the phone. "I'd better finish my lunch now. Call you later, Minx?"
"Yeah, definitely," I reply. "And you'll think about what I said about coming over?"
I'm not sure if he hears me. He's already hung up the phone by the time I finish my sentence.