Emma
Panic induced asthma attack – I'm 12 years old all over again and it sucks just as much now as it did then.
I'm in full on panic mode, cold sweets taking over my body as I shake under his gaze. Harry looks desperate as I take a quick glance at him to try and calm down but it's not enough. I hate the hurt and fearful expression on his face. His eyes lack that particular Harry Styles sparkle and I hate that I'm doing this to him so I bury my face in my hands.
God my hands are clammy. What the fuck Emma, concentrate.
Suddenly long fingers grip around my small wrists and pull my hands from my face as I stare at his kitchen floor.
"Emma please... just breathe for me" he begs me pressing his forehead against mine and pulling my hand against his chest, his minty breath taking over my senses for a brief moment as I shudder against him.
I try, I really try to take in a breathe but nothing comes of it. His hot breathe covers my face once again as his eyes bore into mine. I shake my head trying to shake the asthma attack away but it's a fool's errand.
I want this over.
I want to breathe.
I want to not be like this.
I want to be back in bed curled up next to Harry.
But I need my inhaler.
Harry
The sound of Emma wheezing next to me is literally the worst sound in this world. Well maybe the sound of her sobbing in her sleep is worse than this but whatever this is is a close second.
"Em, please" I emplore her to just look at me. "Just give me a clue on how to help you love, please." I scootch closer to her, pressing her hand against my heart hoping the contact will somehow calm her down.
She's just shaking underneath my hold as my nerves continue to boil over uncontrollably. I just stare at her, her eyes squeezed shut as her forehead rests against mine. A few moments might have past of Em taking in tiny bouts of air but to me it feels like forever.
Suddenly her weak blue eyed gaze hits mine before diverting it to her bag that was thrown on the kitchen counter. That's all I need.
I rummage through it, looking back at Emma every few seconds as she continues to fail to take in breath. This is more than a panic attack and the answer is finally revealed stuffed in the side pocket of her duffle.
Since when does she have asthma? She didn't have it when we were kids?
I grab her inhaler and rush back to where she is curled on the floor and place it between her lips. "Here Em, just breath" and for the first time since this started her eyes meet mine for more than a brief moment with that stare that tells me to just shut up.
She takes in another dose and removes the nozzle, taking in deep breaths, still ragged and uneven but atleast she's breathing. "Em, you scared the shit out of me!" I cradle her face in my hands and take in the features that I tried to memorize just minutes ago in her sleep.
She looks terrified as she stares back at me, her breathing finally slow and steady as she shakily wraps her slender fingers around my wrists. "I'm sorry Haz." Her words are strained and hoarse and completely unwarranted.
"Don't Em, I'm just glad you're okay." Tucking her sweaty strands of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry. But you're not gonna fuck this up. I promise. I'm not going anywhere, I know you're nervous but there no need, alright? Please believe me."
She leans down resting her head into my chest and I just hold her close on my kitchen floor, breathing together for a few minutes, rubbing her back gently.
"Harry?" Her voice is so quiet and small I wouldn't recognize it if she wasn't pressed up against me.
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell your mum. Or anyone, please." She sounds like she's almost begging me as she fractionally shakes her head against my chest. Slowly she pulls back and stares up at me "Not yet." And she means it. It's written all over her face, she's scared shitless and I have no idea why.
She's beautiful and worth everything that I have and more and she doesn't know just how much she means to me. "Love, I won't tell anyone. Not yet. It's just you and me, promise" trying to reassure her with a soft but lingering kiss on her forehead.
Without another word Emma rests her head on my shoulder closing her eyes. She looks exhausted and rightfully so. After a full body attack like the one she just had anyone would be spent. I know she hates this but I tuck one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders as I stand up from the floor with Emma in my arms, bridal style.
"Harry? What are you..."
"Love I know but we're going back to bed. It's just me, relax." I whisper as I make my way to my room, not waiting for her excuse. I rest her back on my bed before joining her under the covers and pulling her small frame against my chest.
I don't know how long we lay silently pressed against each other, her back to my front. Don't een care really. She's safe and with me and that's all that matters at the moment, we can talk later. I think she's fallen asleep when she threads her fingers through mine.
"Thank you Haz" pulling our conjoined hands against her own chest before kissing my knuckles. I have no idea why but this simple gesture, this simple connection shows me something about Em that i never really knew for certain before this moment.
Em's more broken than I thought and it breaks my heart.
"Always Em" placing a soft kiss on the back of her neck.
I wanna ask her what's going on underneath that beautiful mess of blonde but it couldn't be a worse time. She's calm and breathing steadily, I'm certainly not gonna ruin that.
Why doesn't she want anyone to know about us?
Why did she react the way she did to the mention of my mum?
Is this about her past? Did recalling our childhood trigger something?
Does this have to do with whatever her nightmare is about?
When did this whole asthma/panic attack thing start?
Could I have prevented it?
I have no answers to any of these questions, obviously, but I need some. It's taking every fiber of my being to not explode these questions on her weak state as I hold onto her tighter. We need to talk about this. We have a great night and then I go screw it up... somehow. It's comical really. She's so scared of fucking this thing up between us when in actuality it's me who's been shitting all over this relationship from the start.
Em's so thick sometimes I swear.
She needs to get it through her thick skull that there's nothing she could do that would keep me from her. The only thing I can think of is my own stupid pride and the thinly veiled threat that psycho Jess threw at me yesterday after Emma left but those are really the only things that would push me away.
It's not like she really meant it - 'you're gonna regret choosing her over me. Mark my words, you both will' - I mean Jess couldn't have meant it.
Jess and I didn't have some long all consuming relationship but I think I know her well enough to know that it's a hollow threat if that. Jessica's bark is worse than her bite. She had her chance the other morning if she really wanted to get Emma and I back. Besides nothing can happen to us as long as I have Emma in my arms, I won't let it.
Yeah, I'm not worried about Jess, she's out of the picture and Em's all I can see.
Emma
Harry Edward Styles is the only person I can bear to cuddle with.
The all consuming heat, the subtle movement of his chest against my back, the tickle of his curls against my skin. I would hate it with anyone else, I'm sure of it, but definitely not him. I don't think he's awake yet as I turn over in his arms to come face to face with him only to find two blazing green irises staring back at me, instantly pulling a smile across my face.
"Some first date huh?" he chuckles as he gently rubs my back, pressing me closer to him.
"Oh yeah, first date doesn't mean shit without a panic attack and a scary movie right?" I tease. I feel like myself again, hoping this banter will continue. There is nothing like jeering with someone who gives it right back to you like Harry does with me.
"I know you haven't gone on many of dates but no Em" causing both of us to laugh.
"Glad you find it funny Harry then. Not sure many other guys would put up with me." I say brushing hair out of his face.
"You're right. But they'd all be crazy if they didn't."
"Guess I'm lucky I found you then" tapping his chin feeling the slight stubble on his skin.
"I'd say...So what are you gonna tell Sophia? Date good enough to skip practice this afternoon?"
"I think you're doing pretty good—" wait Sophia? How does he know about my deal with her?
"What's wrong?" It still hasn't clicked yet because of the broad smile that's between those two dimples of his. There is only one explanation, he listened to my conversation with Sophia when I asked him to wait outside by the car and he obviously didn't listen.
"How'd you know what I said to Sophia?" The color drains from his face and his fallen expression tells me that all that's going through his brain is 'Shit shit shit!!!'
"Emma just uh..." he titters off, rubbing the back of his neck, as I sit up and finish his sentence for him, twisting around and look down at him as I do.
"Let you explain?" And I sigh.
Why can't life just be a little easier. Geez!
I feel him sit up next to me as the mattress ships, kissing my shoulder. "You can't do one simple thing can you?" I say as I shrug him off. I don't know whether to be annoyed or calmed by his little stalker move.
"Look I'm sorry but it's not like you're perfect either, you're keeping secrets from me for no reason while I'm over here just wanting to make sure you're alright" pulling my shoulder back so I am facing him as he speaks.
He's got concern laced with a little bit of annoyance written all over his face. I don't know whether to be pissed off or just let it go. It's not like he heard anything of real value, if he had he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself, that's for sure.
"Seriously? You listen into my private conversation and I'm the one at fault?"
"I'm not saying that Em, I'm just asking you to not be a hypocrite." A hypocrite!! How dare– I start to yell in my head but I don't. He's absolutely right. That's an insane thought. As well as the fact that I'm not yelling him out right now.
Very un-Emma of me.
A few moments of mulling over my next move and I decide to actually be a grown up. Of course that doesn't mean I'm gonna tell him anything.
"Okay, you're right Styles and like I said, I don't wanna fuck it up with my big mouth and irrational reactions so yeah..." this feeling is so unusual. Being rational, with a guy, even if it's with Harry... very unlike me and I can tell he's just as surprised by my response as I am due to his shocked expression.
"Okay?" He replies scrunching his brows together, still confused but accepting.
"Yeah" I shrug "I don't wanna be a hypocrite and... maybe I'm trying to grow as a person" leaning down with a chuckle and pressing my lips to his, shock waves vibrating through my every nerve ending. I lean into him, brushing my fingers through his long hair, pressing him into the pillows beneath him. He falters, only for a moment as I swing my leg over his waist to straddle him, feeling his aroused state against me. I grind against him as he squeezes my sides, deepening the kiss and moaning into his mouth. He feels so good against me. A part of me wants him right now but another part would rather lighten the mood and tease him a little bit.
I decide option two.
I press my lips against his harder as I slip my tongue between his lips. He snakes his long arms around my back, trailing up and down my spine with his fingertips before tightening his hold. A deep body shuddering moan escapes his lips as I pull back from him and peer into those big beautiful green eyes of his.
"So where are you taking me to dinner?"
"Haven't had enough of the Styles Treatment have you?" He smirks up at me suggestively before thrusting his hips up.
"Yeah, except you're taking me out this time. I love your food but I think it's time you made up for our failed first attempt tonight" I push myself up, using his chest for balance, tracing incoherent shapes against his skin.
"Want to be wined and dined before the carnal deed I see" taking a hold of my wrists and kissing the inside of my palm.
"I've got no idea what you mean Styles" dismounting and heading toward the door taking a peek at him over my shoulder and leaving.
This teasing thing is gonna be so much fun.
___
A/N: So I feel like this chapter is a little all over the place but I do have a clear direction for the next few chapters and I feel good about it.
Hope you enjoyed the chapter anyway. Big things to come soon.
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All the love, C.