**WARNING: some things in this chapter can be triggering**
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I woke up in a bright white room. I stood up from the floor and looked around, seeing nothing but white.
As I kept walking through the light, I came across a hallway of doors. I frowned in confusion and pulled open the first door, cautiously stepping inside.
My eyes widened as I saw four year old me with a man I didn't recognize.
We were in my parents' bedroom from our old house in Florida. I glanced around the room curiously.
"Rose!"
"Daddy...I'm scared." Little me gasped as the police kept banging hard on the door.
"Sweetheart, it's ok. It's going to be ok. They're here for me." The man kneeled next to little Rose, making her eyes water.
"No...no! I won't let them!" She cried out, clinging to his arm as best as she could.
"Rose, you're going to be ok. In a few years, you won't even remember me. You'll have a different daddy."
She shook her head at the ground. "No..."
"I'm a bad guy, Rose. Like in those cartoons you watch. I'm the bad guy." He whispered to little Rose, making her cup his face.
"My daddy is not a bad guy. Mommy's boyfriend is the bad guy."
I frowned at her words. Who is this man? Who's my mom's boyfriend?
"I'm so sorry, baby. But you're going to be ok, you know why? Because you're loved. You're so loved, Rose."
Little Rose sniffed quietly, looking up at the man. "But what happens when nobody loves me?"
He seemed shocked at her words, his eyes widened as he sat up straight.
Just then, the door broke down as policemen ran into the room. Three pinned the man to the floor and two grabbed little Rose, pulling her away from him.
"No!" She screamed and kicked, trying to get back to the man.
The man smiled sadly as the police dragged him out of the house, making little Rose sob loudly.
Then the room went white and I was out in the hallway again. I stared at the wall where the door was, not even blinking.
I couldn't think. I couldn't process what had just happened. I blinked slowly at the ground as I walked to the next door, opening it a crack.
I watched as fourteen year old me walked into the kitchen of my old house with a cake.
No...I remember this day. I remember it...
"Happy birthday dad!" She smiled widely at the man I recognized to be my father.
"What the h*ll is that?" He asked in disgust as he looked down at the cake I had made.
"A cake. I made it for you! I couldn't afford a present, so-"
"You know what I want?" He asked lowly as he leaned over to me. "You know what I want for my birthday?"
The other me just shook her head with wide eyes.
"I want to come home from work early. And you know what I want to find? I want to find you. Dead on the floor covered in your own blood. That's what I want."
She backed away slowly with tears in her eyes.
"Now get the f*ck out of my sight." My dad growled at the other me, making her drop the cake and run upstairs into her room.
She sobbed into her hands as quietly as possible, knowing that her father would beat her if she was too loud.
She pulled out a small pink box from under her mattress, making my head turn away from the scene. I couldn't bare to watch.
I knew what she was doing. She took out a small blade and held it up to her upper thighs as she sobbed more.
She carved the words die over and over again in her thighs.
I found my hand brush against my upper thighs where non existent cuts used to cover my skin.
I heard the front door slam shut, meaning my dad had left for work. The other me's sobs grew louder and shakier.
My eyes snapped shut as she screamed, "Why won't I just die already?!"
I covered my mouth with my hands, trying to stop the tears brimming my eyes from escaping.
I found myself in the hallway again with tears staining my cheeks.
What is this place?
I moved on to the next door, inhaling sharply before pulling it open.
I looked back at fourteen year old me as she slid down against the brick wall at the back of my old high school. I remember this year. Freshman year...I was so excited and for no reason.
The bell rang, meaning school was over.
She hid her face in her hands as she let tears fall down her face. A group of guys just happened to be walking by her. They stopped and laughed to each other.
"What's wrong, crybaby? Need your teddy bear?" One of the boys teased the other me, making her head lift so they could see her black eye and swollen bottom lip.
Some of them gasped and the rest gagged.
"Hide your f*cking face if it looks like that." One of them said, making the others erupt in laughter.
She stood from the ground and walked off in the direction of the woods with her head hung low.
"Gonna go cry to your mommy? Did we hurt your feelings?" They all mocked her as they followed her home.
"Please, just leave me alone." The other me mumbled quietly, making them laugh some more.
"You think just because you're so smart, just because you got to come to school so early, you're better than us? Is that what you think, you little b*tch?" One of them asked, walking right up to her.
"No, I never-"
"Or maybe it's because you're graduating a year earlier than the rest of us that you think you're all that. Well news flash, you still have three more years to go. And we'll make sure that it's a living h*ll for you." Another one snarled in her face, making her whimper.
"I-I don't think that I'm better, I swear."
"Yeah, I bet you don't. You're just lucky someone got to you before we could." One of them said as he pushed his fingers against her black eye, making her gasp in pain.
The other me's hand shot up to her eye as she backed up into the front door of her house.
She watched as the boys walked away from her house, snickering at her.
I exhaled sharply as I wound up back in the hall. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the roots hard as tears left my eyes.
"Stop it, make it stop!" I cried out loudly.
There was one last door. I looked at it with teary eyes. I shakily gripped the handle and pushed the door open.
Sixteen year old me sat at my old therapist's desk with her hands in her lap.
"Rose, how are you today?" He asked nicely as he sat down across from the other me, making her smile.
"I'm ok."
"How have you been emotionally? I know you're still getting over what happened with your father but he's in prison now. He can't hurt you anymore."
She sighed deeply, avoiding eye contact with the man. "I'm alright, I suppose. My mom has been helping me a bit."
"Yes, how is your mother? I know how she treats you, how she cares about you. I know you feel unloved. But Rose, so many people love you." He stressed the word love, making her look up at him in confusion.
"I know I'm not unloved. Because if I were unloved I wouldn't belong here."
He tilted his head back slightly. "And who told you that?"
"I...I don't know. It's just what I've always went by." She stuttered quietly, making the therapist nod slowly.
"Just remember that you are loved." He replied with a small smile.
"By who?"
He leaned back in his chair and thought for a second. "Well...you know who loves you, don't you?"
"I want you to tell me." She answered, knowing he had nothing to say.
"Look, Rose, your mother loves you. And you yourself know who loves you." He said plainly, making the other me shake her head slightly.
"Is it normal to feel numb all the time? Like you're dead?"
The therapist seemed taken aback for a second. "For some people, yes."
"Is it normal to want to die?"
His mouth was slightly agape as he tried to find words. "Um...that's suicidal thoughts, that's normal for some people who have some serious emotional and mental problems."
She just nodded slowly, looking down at her lap.
"Rose, I can't help but notice how nice you are to people who don't even deserve it. Why is that? Your life has been very hard and cruel yet you're so sweet and forgiving."
She thought silently. "Because I never want anyone to go through what I went through. No matter who they are, I'm nice to them because I don't know what's going on in their private life. It takes one second to say something horrible and another for someone to kill themselves. Did you know that?"
The therapist cleared his throat abruptly. "Um...yes, yes I did."
The other me was about to add something when the therapist's assistant told him that time was up.
"Have a lovely day, Rose."
"You too, sir." She replied with a smile as she left his office.
"Mrs., are you sure you don't have time to discuss your daughter's mental health?" The lady at the front desk asked my mother who was waiting for the other me.
"No. For the last time, I'm a very busy women. Now good day!" My mom snapped at the poor woman before taking the other me's hand and dragging her out of the office.
But she made sure to give the lady at the desk a sincere smile before disappearing out the door with my mother.
Once again, I ended up in the white hallway. I wiped my wet eyes and sniffed quietly.
"I messed up bad. I've never been happy until I met Harry. And I was so childish! I should've never said the things I did. It's my fault, it's all my fault. It's always been my fault." I cried out to myself as I cover my eyes with my hands.
"Don't be so hard on yourself." I heard a small voice from beside me, making my head tilt upwards.
"What?"
I looked back at the woman who I recognized as Anne Styles. My eyes widened as I stood up straight.
"Mrs. Styles? Where are we? Am I dead?"
She smiled at me as she brushed some strands of hair from my wet cheeks. "You're in between life and death."
My mouth fell open as I stared back at her, unable to speak.
"It's ok, Rose. You can choose. Either you live or you die. It's your decision."
I blinked away my tears as I ran a hand through my hair. "I...I don't know what to do."
"You've never been happy. I can see that. But I can also see that you're happy now. Because of my son, you're happy." She said as tears built up in her eyes.
"I'm trying to help him find peace. To be with you. I'm trying to help." I began rambling at the mention of Harry, making Anne laugh softly as she cupped my face with her hands.
"I wish he could find peace with Desmond and I. I really do. But...I'm afraid the world has something else in store for him." She spoke sadly, making me frown.
"What are you talking about? I can help him, I know I can."
"It's not his time. It never was." She whispered quietly, making me shake my head.
"No, you're wrong."
"I may be. But that's in the future. You have to focus on the now. You just got him. Don't loose him." She spoke softly, making my eyes fall to the floor.
"You're right." I mumbled softly, unable to look at her.
"I know, dear. And I know you'll choose wisely." I heard her voice fading slightly.
I turned to see her just as she disappeared, leaving me all alone again.
I glanced behind me, seeing the white room now black. I glanced in front of me to see a bright white light.
I knew that the darkness was life and the light was death. But I had to do the opposite of what I really wanted.
For Harry.
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That was some deep stuff...
I know y'all might have a lot of questions but don't worry, they will be answered very very soon. This chapter was supposed to be a bit confusing.
Please vote and comment<3
Hopefully I'll update again tomorrow:)
See y'all then!!
Xx