Chapter 29
There have been multiple times in my life where I knew I was close to death. Close enough to know that one little push, one more breath or second, could cause it all to end. Cause me to go under and never be able to come back. At times, I would have thought that to be my best option, to just die. Prior to Luke entering my life, I didn't see much of a use to live. There was nothing appealing about continuing on this path of misery, abuse, and ache of just knowing there was no way of fixing it. From Clare's beatings, to sleeping in alleys, to knowing I couldn't escape my branding of insanity... that it would be nice if everything just stopped. If I didn't need to live in a place so cruel. Death sounded like paradise.
Then, I came home. Sure it wasn't the warmest welcome in the world. An attractive cop pinned me down and arrested me. It was almost funny to know that that was the start of my own healing. Of my eyes opening wider and that I needed to value the fact that I have fought on my whole life. I've been through so much... and it would make death seem like an incredibly unfortunate ending in a way. Would those struggles fade and I wouldn't have to live like that anymore. Yes. But it was those struggles, that fighting back, the countless heartbreaking moments that would make it worth it. Because if death took me, all that fighting would have been for nothing. That's why the next few moments were some of the hardest in my life to process.
My heart beating a thousand beats per minute, it drove a fear in me that felt like I had been stabbed in my stomach. It spread through my body and I couldn't stop it. Because I knew that he wouldn't lie over this, that this would mean major trouble here. And looking up into his brown eyes, I saw the amount of hate in them. Bottled up rage at what happened, at what I let happened to his nephew. The man was shaking and by this point, I was either close to that point or absolutely frozen in place. Two completely different things yet during this moment, they were close to the same. My entire body wanted to shut down, leaving my eyes wide and permanently fixed on him.
"Y-You're his uncle?" I asked, clasping my lips tight shut after hearing the quivering in my voice. This could mean so many things... and they weren't good! Things he could do to me. There were so many options, scenarios going through my head. Everyone of them ended in me being too damaged to return.
He gave me a very tense grin, one that was true at having me here and helpless and at seeing how this was affecting me. He took pride in seeing the terror cross my face, at realizing what this could mean. And that was that I knew he wanted to finish me off.
"Yes. I am," he whispered under his breathy and somewhat shaky voice.
Looking into his eyes, seeing his rage, I felt my heart roll around in agony, screaming... and screaming. It resulted in my fast and wheezy breathing. I wanted to get up, move away from him. But I was frozen in place as he turned towards me, with that smug smile on his face. He knew he had his prey. His animal in a cage, his prized possession. And I was delivered by none other than the woman that I was realizing probably knew his uncle worked here. Mark's uncle.... Jesus fuck!
I felt trapped more than I have in a very long time. It wasn't the best feeling in the world either. In fact, at the moment, I was convinced it was the worst. So hopeless... so damn hopeless! There wasn't anything I could do! I felt like an animal my whole life. Stared at and on display in a cage. Nothing of worth for anyone that would look at me, as if I was the center of their amusement. Now, it was more real than ever before to my eyes. At least before, I could always try to run. Now, I couldn't. I was stuck here. With him to do whatever he wants to me. I was sure that was a reality to many patents here. However, I wasn't an ordinary patient. I was Albany Higgins, the most famous freak show around and classified insane. It must have been a treat for them to have me in their possession. I would get special treatment. And when I say 'special' I meant torturous most likely. They knew me to have beaten up on people before, to be a slut, someone that deserved no mercy for all the untrue things I've done. They would please many people if they didn't hold back on hurting me in whatever way they could. At this point, on top of all that, knowing this guy was Mark's uncle didn't help me one bit. That was probably the most threatening part to me.
I didn't know what to say to him as I stared into his eyes. I knew he was a sick man to be working here in the first place. This place was being run under what people notice and see. It was a massive cover up and for a reason. Because they were experimenting on people here, seeing what makes crazy people 'tick.' And in my opinion, that had to be an excuse to torture people when there were better ways in modern day now than before. This man enjoyed his sick work on all these poor people. Just because they were mentally sick didn't give him the right to show how sick he was back. I question whether these people were 100% heartless. Obviously, this guy wasn't. He loved his nephew despite his position here. It was a very touchy thing with him clearly since he wanted to take his anger out on me. I didn't know how to make that hate filled stare leave. All I knew was that I couldn't take it anymore.
"S-Sir, I... I didn't kill Mark. I didn't want him to die but he--"
Staring up at him, I noticed my weak attempt at reasoning was something he didn't even want to hear. Eyes were lit in fire and in the next moment, he cut my words off by raising his hand and swiping it forward, slapping me across the side of my face before I knew it.
I heard myself grunt on instinct when the pain his sharp hand inflicted traveled up the side of my face and cheek. Like the sting of snow smacking against your face, it stung more than a usual hit from Clare. Gritting my teeth, I could feel my eyebrows lower in pain. He had sent me from where I was sitting upright to my side on the cot; there was so much force behind his hand. Of course, all I could do was sit back up and ignore it as best as I could. I needed to expect this type of treatment from them - at least, until Luke gets to me.
The next moment, after I sat up from the aftershock of his tremendously hard slap, he wasn't done with me. I watched as he leaned down towards me where I was sitting and any form of professionalism in him - the little there in the first place - was nonexistent now. This was no sick psycho doctor. This was an angry and stubborn uncle who wanted revenge. And who did not want to hear any excuses from me.
Grasping the front of my white tee-shirt they gave me as a uniform, I felt him yank me forward with the rough material of my neckline, pulling me to my feet unexpectedly to face him. I didn't know what he was doing but it honestly was scaring the shit out of me now. I can only image what he wanted to do with me.... I didn't have too much time to wonder on the matter of what he was doing though. He dragged me a few steps over to where he could slam my back against the wall of the room. Pushing me back in a hard force, he held me against the wall like that and the only thing I could see was his face in front of mine, full of fury.
"You are done," he growled and I saw a sly smirk reach his face. "Do you understand? Done! You're not getting away from this. For all you have come to cause, for all you did to ruin people, and to fuck up my nephews life, I will fuck you up! Come tomorrow, you will be finished. You wont be able have one conscious thought besides the excruciating torment and pain you will feel. And after that, none at all. You will be a lifeless waste of space when I'm done with you and for all intents and purposes, you... are going to be gone. So please, entertain me of you will. Enlighten me on some sappy bullshit I don't give a fuck about hearing regarding your innocents to his death! Whatever you have to say, is worthless to me. Being the nut job you are, you should have learned that by now."
When his words hit me... it felt like a train smashing me to pieces. Today just built up and up and up. Only to get to this point right here, where I knew this was the most I could take. Because he not only confirmed that he was going the distance to bring me down... a few words stuck out to me. And it made a lot of my hope crash as everything raced through my head.
Come tomorrow, you will be finished.
What the hell was that suppose to mean? It was the scariest thing to me. Come tomorrow? Come tomorrow what?! What does he mean I will be finished? He can't mean killing me, right? No, no, no he couldn't be thinking about that. He said I will be gone once he is done with me, right? That could mean experimentation. Drills in the head, piking at the one sliver of my sanity that hasn't snapped. Doctors around me, eyeing their little animal.... Oh god!
I just rapidly shook my head at him as I stared into those intensified eyes. All I could focus on were his eyes. There was no appealing to him; he was set on this. But my main concern now was what he was going to do. Insides shaking to the point where I felt ready to pass out, I forced the words from my throat, needing to say them.
"Tomorrow? What happens tomorrow?!"
"You will be finished," he whispered to me again those words he said as I felt his hard and rough hand move up from gripping my shirt to wrap around my neck. He didn't squeeze; he just wrapped his fingers around my throat. It felt even more suffocating than before as he guided me to move forward with him when he turned and pushed me back, letting go. Falling onto the lumpy cot on my side, I felt myself in need to scramble away from the bed's edge. As if I could get away from him.
Sitting back up, I scowled and demanded what I needed to know. "What are you going to do to me?" I yelled at him, in anger. In sadness. And in total fear.
Standing still over me, his eyes found mine with the same power in them as before. Glaring down at me, his lips were screwed up tightly in a scowl like mine were, aimed towards me. "What you did to Mark."
"What, you're going to shoot me a couple times in the chest and call it good for the day? Huh?" I shouted, my voice getting louder I noticed. I couldn't help it though. It was frustrating knowing that the only thing keeping me in this room was the fucking cell door and all these dumb fuck doctors. That's what's going to take me down - these losers. Talk about embarrassing sure, but talk about a complete shame to know how close I am to freedom. We were in the middle of finding evidence, finding answers, getting Clare busted and me becoming free. Then, Clare drags me here. Was I scared? Of course I was; out of my mind in fear. But I can be scared and still be be one pissed off bitch. "Will that bring him back, doc? Shooting me? Or are you going to shove a pick through my head and make the pain unbearable?"
"Not exactly," he said in a very neutral voice. His eyes finally broke off from mine, only to look down at his watch he supported on his wrist when he raised it. "We should start your dose now."
My heart faltered and I could feel my stomach rolling. He still didn't directly tell me... and I could barely stand it. With telling me I will be starting out on a drug though, that did not help my jumpy nerves one bit.
"Dose?" I asked, trying to keep that same angry expression on my face.
Looking back up to me, he gave me a brighter smile. "Yes. You will take one pill every six hours until I'm ready for your... procedure. Which is scheduled tomorrow morning. I figured I'd give you tonight to pray. Pray for mercy."
"Mercy from what?! Tell me!" I demanded and felt my voice crack in my throat and could feel my guard coming down. I couldn't help it now. This wasn't going to be good or turn out in a way I will find satisfying.
He only grinned even more at hearing the desperation from me for wanting to know. Watching him, he saw how much this was getting to me. He wouldn't answer me - no many how many times I asked. That was my present for tomorrow, finding out I suppose. Whatever it was though, it wouldn't be good. I would be... gone, as he put it. In what way gone? In what fucking way...? I took shallow sighs, dropping my head and away from him, looking at the floor as I gripped the material beneath me on the bed. Gripping it tightly, I could only close my eyes for that moment and take in deep breaths. Luke will come... I knew he would come. Calm down....
The question is when will he come I thought and it nearly sent me into panic mode. One I could not afford right now, in the presence of a man that would take too much pleasure in seeing my pain break open. I kept repeating in my head, from the time I came in to this horrid place today, that I would be strong. I will not cry.
Glancing back up to his eyes, I narrowed them and let my mouth work on its own. "You can't hurt me anymore than I have already been hurt."
His lips tilted up at that. "When the things I need get here tomorrow morning, I will show you that you are wrong," he said in a quiet, calm, and definite voice.
Next shipment of what? Of what?! Jesus Christ. He sure didn't want to give me any answers so he moved on to something else on his agenda. The first step of this horrible process I didn't even understand. He crossed his arms before me and I saw his eyes look me over, as if observing my behavior in a cautious way. "I'm going to assume you will refuse taking the medication you need?"
I almost scoffed. "You assumed right."
He gave one calm nod, his face going blank. In the next second, without saying anything, he finally turned away from me and walked off towards the cell door that was across the dull room. Stopping at the door, I watched as he dug something out of the long white coat all the doctors seemed to have on. The next moment, I saw it was a card of some sort that he took from him pocket. Watching carefully, I saw him swipe it quickly by the bars, where I assumed there was some type of sensor. And in the next moment, there was the sound of a ring through the air before I heard a very distinct click. The door clicked open and from there, Doctor Peterson swung it open. Then just as quickly, shut it behind him as he headed down the hall and out of sight.
Why did he leave, just like that randomly? Why? And what did I get out of anything he just said? He asked me if I would take the drugs without a fight. Him leaving only made me guess he was about to do something about that. Something in order for me to take the 'medication' without it being a struggle for him like I was planning on starting.
After a few minutes of just sitting there, thinking over where he possibly could have gone, what he was doing, I saw I was right. He walked back into sight through the design of the bars and stood on the outside. He opened it the same way he had before and I watched as he entered the room again. Only this time, I noticed another doctor I hadn't seen before follow him in.
Shutting the door behind them when they entered the room, I felt my heartbeat speed up again when they both came to stand before me. I was sitting on the bed - and I was positive I didn't look anywhere near happy. The creepiest part was that this doctor I hadn't meet yet seemed happy enough for my liking. His eyes lit up when they met mine and it scared me how he instantly looked me over and wouldn't look away from me. Dark blonde hair combed back, he was taller than Peterson, and looked to only be nearing his late 30s. He looked like an average dude. I knew better than to trust that - especially with that look of hungry amazement. Like he was so infatuated with me.
"I'm going to ask you again. Will you willingly take this pill?" he asked quietly, and he raised one of his hands up to show me the pill he held between his fingers. The fact that any regular hospital would never support the idea of a man forcing a pill down my throat with his dirty hands made it worse. That wasn't how things worked anymore! What doctor in his right mind would do something like that? And in such an uncivilized way. This dude apparently. "The alternative is a shot," he put calmly.
"I will not take it willingly," I said, leaning towards them more and narrowing my eyes. These fucking pricks... God! I just wanted to get out of here, leave, and run. Run freely anywhere I wanted to just because I could. I never valued that freedom as much as I am now. "Why don't you have you're helper there," I said, nodding towards the other doctor. "Shove that pill up your ass."
I heard a long and lingering sigh escape him, his eyes still pinned on mine. And, in the next second, they were moving instantly. The blonde guy lunged forward and grabbed my shoulders, putting his weight forward over me. Before I knew it, he was pinning my body down with his over me. Grunting at their fast and shocking moment, trying to understand what the hell they were doing, through the quick haze I saw Doctor Peterson come to kneel on the bed by my head. I had hands pinning my shoulders, my wrists, my leg down. With both their faces above mine. The man still looked mesmerized by me when he stared down at me. Obviously, neither had to do much to keep me down. Both were capable and strong enough. No matter how unorganized it was, how stupid they went about doing it, they did pin me.
Either way, it was instinct what I did next. I tried kicking, bucking them off me but they were just so damn fast. I couldn't get them off me. I started to scream at them but that was all I could do while I tried fighting them off me.
"Get off me, get off me!" I yelled in both their concentrated faces, arching my back up as much as I could. Whatever it was they were doing, I didn't want it happening. Preparation, was basically why I needed to take the pills. To be ready for whatever the hell it was he was going to do to me. And it scared the living shit out of me! What could possibly deserve medication before hand...?
Surgery, my thoughts answered for me. From that paralyzing thought, my breath hitched to new heights. My arms were stuck. I managed to move them maybe an inch all together but that was all. All I could do was thrash back and forth underneath them, trying anything I could. Then... then I felt myself start to fall more and more. I knew what they were doing as I stared up between them through my bucking body. Scrambling as they both tried to keep me down, my doctor finally had the chance to free his hand with the pill in it; that hand was hovering over my face and I couldn't prepare for what happened next.
Grabbing my chin with one hand, he gripped me so hard with that jerky movement, I could hear a bone in my neck crack. Of course, those were the least of my worries! He was trying to force me to take the pill. And the worst part was I didn't know what it was for! It wouldn't affect me now. But more pills later on will add up according to him.
"Just take it! Take it you little bitch. You fucking killer."
Hand pressed down on my chin, keeping it in place, it must have been the other guy's job to get my mouth open. Because after seeing the pill between his fingers hover over my mouth, I cut my screams short and refused to open my mouth. However, this blond doc knew what he was doing. He didn't fool around when he didn't hesitate to raise one hand from my arm and use it to cover my nose. His big rough finger tips squeezed from the bridge of my nose and down to my nostrils. And I knew then that there was no way out of it. He closed my nose off from air in order to make me open my mouth for breath. Until that needed to happen though, I gave it all I got.
With only one of their hands left pinning my arms down, it wasn't enough to fully stop me. And I took advantage of it. I needed to get out of this, out of here, and I couldn't take this pill. I wont! I suddenly started thrashing under them again where they didn't expect it, something Luke showed me even if that wasn't my thought process. I broke my hand away from their bounds and raised it instantly, cocking my hand back and shoving my palm up and into the blond's nose that was over me.
It happened incredibly fast. Shoving my palm up and into his nose was quite a blow, especially when I knew I put all my muscel behind it in that short distance. After I hit him, both of his hands retracted from my arm and my nose where he came to back up off me. He stumbled back and off the bed, cupping his own nose as he stood now beside the bed. I didn't stop after that either. No, not after he was off me, finally, and I had a chance.
When Peterson saw what I did, I felt him to try to grab me and hold me down. But I was so fast, so needy just to get away from them both. Being calm at that moment wouldn't have helped. I knew I was trapped in here anyway. But I would fight because that's what I do. I wont let them do it to me even if I knew it would end in them getting what they wanted. I needed to try and do something. And that's what I did.
I sat up and turned my body towards Peterson, who knelt back up at my movement. I didn't hesitate when I turned my body and clenched my fist. Winding it back, I swung it forward to where I was watching his shocked face. My fist coming into contact with his jaw, he jerked back and nearly fell back onto the floor but caught his feet in time. He however couldn't catch me in time before I could scoot my ass off the bed and try to move away from the both of the moaning and hurt men.
Unfortunately, before I could manage to move much more, the blond doc shot an arm out towards me. Before I could avoid it, he had me pinned against him. Crushing my back into his chest, I started kicking and trying to wiggle out of his arms but I didn't get much of a chance. With a quick whoosh of motion, the man had me on the floor and on my back again against the cool cement. And this time, I wasn't moving. Looking up at them stunned at the movement, blond dude didn't look happy and I saw Peterson rub the side of his square face in worry from my punch. The next moment however, he looked down at me in the most disgusted look I've seen from him yet.
"Fucking cunt," I heard Doctor Peterson groan while I heard him come closer. Looking up to where he was standing, he knelt down besides me swiftly. He grabbed my chin roughly again, if not more so this time, and I couldn't shake his hold. Head being held in place, I felt my eyes widen when the other one cupped my nose again and squeezed. My lips were tight and shut. The problem was that I couldn't breath now like they wanted. That pill he had poised near my lips was ready to strike if my lips open. All I could tell myself was my only possible option: keep struggling, keep lips shut for as long as I can. Come on, come on, hold on. Don't open your mouth for breath, keep fighting.... I kicked at something but air and the hopeless ground and it was becoming evident how I couldn't get away. And worse, I needed to breath! Breathe, breathe, breathe air!
I tried opening my mouth quickly and only just partially. But it didn't work. The other man had his fingers clawing at my parted lips and open mouth in that quick second. Screeching through the fight of trying to close my mouth, I felt absolutely useless when I couldn't. You know you are in big trouble if you can't even control when to shut your mouth. Even worse was the humiliation when he dropped the pill in my mouth and I swallowed it. Somehow, before I knew it, someway... it went down and with it, went my dignity.
It wasn't long after this that they stood up and shoved me back on the bed. It was quite uncomfortable when that blond man just continued to stare at me before as he stood there before leaving. Without even saying a word. I felt maybe one percent of relief when they neared the door and opened it with one of their cards. Walking down the hall, they were soon gone and away. They did their job. Now it was mine to deal with it.
After they left, the realization that it was in my system bothered me big time. My first instinct was to try to stay calm. It wont affect me at all, I knew. The issue was that I was even closer to becoming his lab rat (even if it already felt that way with the cell doors). And sitting here... on the cot in this bland room, I felt it start to crash on me. The fact that tomorrow will be a changing moment in my life if Luke doesn't get here by then. By tomorrow. And honestly, there was a big chance of that happening. I knew, knew with all I had, that he would come after me. That he would find me. But if that happens anytime after tomorrow, he wont find me in the same condition I was before. I most likely would be fucking brain dead and never see that man again.
I took a shaky breath and forced myself to move from where I was sprawled across the cot. Biting my lip, I moved over on the bed until I was laying on my side, facing the blank white wall. That's all this place will do to you... make you blank. Body nearly quivering in the weight of everything, I felt my knees raise on instinct towards my chest where I was laying. Facing nothing... the most beautiful and the most ugly sight there could be in a place like this.
Closing my eyes, I felt my face couldn't relax. My eyebrows were stubborn in staying dipped down. This could be it for me... this could be it. I tried thinking about what Luke could be doing right now. By now, he must know I'm gone, right? That I'm stuck in here. It's been hours since Clare took me here. I had no windows, no clocks to validate anything for me. What sucked worse was that Luke maybe still could be working without even knowing what happened. Once he gets home though, that will be a different story. Either that or Clare had the balls to face him on what she did. I figured that last one was most likely because there was no lying your way out of how I managed to get in this place. She may make excuses. But I figured she would tell him what happened to me. Right? Right?
Swallowing hard... another thought came to me. Of what would happen if she didn't tell him. He would manage to figure it out. But it would slow him down greatly. Enough so he wouldn't get here in time? Well, I could only hope he gets here in time. That was about the only thing that existed in this place from my eyes: my lingering hope for Luke.
***
I laid there... for who knows how long. That was the irritating and scary part. I didn't know how long I stayed laying there, facing the wall if I wasn't facing the inside of my eyelids. I didn't go to sleep though; I refused to in such a place no matter how tired I was becoming (honestly, I was more hungry than anything). There were enough sick people here that I didn't trust them to leave me be - and I don't mean the other patients here when I say sick people.
Of course, they sure fell under some category. It wasn't long before I recognized the screams of others here. Some were voices traveling the halls of psychotic laughs from other cells. I heard one girl being dragged through the hall by doctors for some reason. Some, and most, were random bursts of uncontainable and gut retching screams that pierced my being and aroused the hairs of the back of my neck. However, I refused to move. I wouldn't look towards my door. I didn't want to see the noisy patient pass by my door. I didn't want to know they existed. It was hard enough to stand hearing them. It brought a new chill, a new edge in the air when all the doctor's chatter was gone from the halls and that's all there was. Just their screams. I heard a man chanting "Mary Had a Little Lamb" and I honestly, for the first time in my life, felt like I was crazy after I heard that. Everything, all of it, put me in a daze.
I just wanted Luke. I don't know if I would consider it praying but that's all I seemed to ask for in my head. Just to be okay, for Luke to make it, and for Clare to rot in hell. She knew this place was like this! She had to have to! I mean, she just had to have known that this particular place was stuck in the torturous ways of the old days at an institution. On top of that, what are the chances that Mark's uncle would be working here? It began to back up the idea that Clare was working with the gang if she knew of his uncle, where he worked... I guess it could be a coincidence but really? I doubted it. Nothing in my life seemed to be much of a damn coincidence anymore.
Sighing deeply as I laid there, I heard another voice come from the hall. Only this time, it wasn't a distant scream or the chatter of the doctors and workers here. It was clear, crisp, and close, directed at me.
"Albany Higgins?" I heard a light voice ask me and for a moment, I didn't move. I didn't want to face one more person in this damned place. I would either start breaking even more (something I was desperately trying to keep from happening) or get so pissed off I wouldn't be able to calm down. So no thanks folks, I didn't want to answer whoever it was wanting my attention.
The voice wouldn't stop though and I could tell this time that it was a lady when she spoke this time. "I would like to talk to you about the time you will be spending here. It would be quite beneficial to you. And we would also like to know more about you to know the proper way to make you feel at home."
I could laugh. Turning over on my other side, showing what I knew was a disgusted look on my face, I finally caught her eyes and thought she was even more overboard with how bright and cheery that smile she was offering me. She had thick dark brown hair that rested at her shoulders, her eyes lightening when they met mine. With her small figure, I saw her hands were clasped around a file and she seemed very happy, actually. I was close to assuming she was patient with what she said. Did she look around at all at where she works? She spoke as if this place is a fucking resort.
"You know what, lady?" I said. "I think it's time you go home for the night, have sex, and come back tomorrow a little more awake." I had no tolerance, at all, for dealing with any more shit. I had enough to think about. Like where things went wrong in my life. Because at some point, I should have found a way to have avoided a place like this at a much younger age. Maybe by killing Clare sooner.
I was about to turn back around and face the wall like I was before but I noticed she didn't accept that as an answer. She swiped a card that opened the door and, at seeing her small figure, I was about to jump her when the thought hit me when she opened the door. Between me and her, I'd win a fight and take that card from her. But she knew better I guess because behind her after she stepped into my room, came two other doctors I haven't seen before.
Shutting the gate to my freedom behind them, I was already on edge. With wanting to attack her for the card, to stressing over the fact that this could be another pill for me, I was already sitting up stiffly as I took them in.
"Relax," she said to me, smiling. "It's alright, I'm only hear to talk and ask some questions," she said and I noticed her cautiously walking towards me on the bed. And even more carefully, she slowly sat down at the edge of the cot, her eyes never leaving mine from where I sat only feet away.
"What are they for then?" I asked, nodding towards the other two doctors.
She offered me a sympathetic smile I wanted to smack off her face. "Well, you see dear, they are hear to make sure you don't become anymore sick. They will just stand back and be quiet. You wont even know they are there," she smiled, her voice, I noticed matched that of a kindergarten teacher. High pitched, overly happy.... Was she blind or what? "So do you think you can answer some questions and tell me a few things?"
"Well you didn't really give me much of choice, did you?" I frowned. She was the one that came in with that intention. She shouldn't pretend as if she wasn't involved in their business.
"First of all, my name is Linda. And I want to know if there is anything that I can do to make your stay here more convenient?"
Ha! I felt myself respond immediately with laughter. I truly did find it funny and incredibly cruel and sad at the same time. Her eyes in mine, I licked my lips and noticed she waited, with actual curiosity on her face. "Um, yeah, a cheeseburger, a puzzle to keep me busy, and oh yeah, maybe my freedom?" I asked her sarcastically.
"Now Albany, I really don't appreciate that tone of voice."
"W-What?" I was seriously blown away by this lady. It was frustrating that she seemed to literally just not get it. That we were in a mental hospital! That she was working for people that tortured people! Fuck, how naïve can you be?! Did she not know that? "Do you understand what you guys do to people?"
"Treat them," she answered simply.
"You're torturing them!"
"We are not," she said in a defensive tone - well the closest thing to a defensive tone. "We are here to offer you our services in order to help you with your illness. That's what I'm trying to do here and it can get better for you."
"Uh, no, you dumb bitch it can't. You guys are shooting me down the crapper tomorrow. I don't know what they plan on doing to me but I can guarantee you something and that's that you can't make it any better unless you get me out of here."
"I don't appreciate you calling me names," she said. "And I understand where you are coming from. Just tell me if there is anything I can get for you right now?"
I didn't get where she was going with any of this. But I knew freedom was off the table, if she really was offering me whatever I wanted. So I asked for something that has bothered me the moment they took me to this room. "Yes," I said as calmly as I could. I was actually being serious. "I want my necklace they took away from me." They actually took away the necklace I never took off; the one Luke gave me.
She grimaced and I scoffed before she even said anything; of course, she couldn't get it for me. "I'm sorry but I don't think I can auth--"
"Yeah, yeah, figures." Sighing, I tried to control my anger. Honestly, the hardest thing thus far though was holding it in. Any minute, I would have welcomed curling up in a ball and sobbing my eyes out. I didn't care if I was too strong to cry. They only reason I wasn't doing it now was because I wouldn't give them that satisfaction. Not to mention, if I have a meltdown like that, I would have a hard time getting it back together.
I watched as the lady, Linda, opened up the folder she had as well as a pen she had. "Okay... I'm going to need to know how you feel about your condition."
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. It was either mental hospital or therapist. Not both. "Alright, look, I've already got a therapist asking me all these dumb questions you're probably going to ask me--"
"Oh I know," she smiled. "Your therapist Veronica actually backed up your mother's decision to bring you here for treatment."
I raised my eyebrows at those words and I wasn't sure if I understood exactly.... "Wait. My therapist wanted me here too?"
"Yes. In fact apparently, her and your mother have kept in contact for a while and agreed this was the best option for you."
I should have known! I should have known Veronica wasn't just some therapist. She would get involved too. I mean, Clare led me to her. She wanted me to go to her and talk. Only 'coincidentally' she was assigned to me. No, no. This is what happened as it sorted itself out in my head. If Clare was involved and talked enough with her, it was very possible she could have paid her off in order for Veronica to send her approval to me coming here. She might not have known about the conditions of this place but the more my mind was spinning frantically around the idea, the more I believed she was paid off.
It begs the question... Just how many people is Clare involved in with what she is doing to me?
***
The woman asked me some questions that I didn't really understand. They were easy to answer but it made no sense why they would need them. What did it matter how I felt? Why did it matter my past involvement with certain medications...? It's not something that matters to them. They were hear to make me worse, not better. My guess was that it was something to at least have on file to back up that they are doing professional work here.
She talked to me for a little bit after the questions and explained she would give me a full tour tomorrow - which I doubted anyway - and would get me on track with meals. Apparently, I couldn't eat today for some reason. What a shock because these people obviously take care of their patients. Their food would probably be filled with maggots anyway. She left rather quickly after that and once she was gone,
I felt somewhat relieved again. It had to be dark by now and all I wanted was to be by myself. However, I had to wait. I should have known better than to believe I would have had the chance to be left alone for a while. Doctor Peterson, Mark's uncle, returned a few hours later along with that same blond doctor that didn't say anything before. And this time, he actually gave me an answer.
"One more pill for tonight. Then you continue them tomorrow until I'm ready for you," he said, his eyes lighting up at that last part. Yeah, he and that Linda lady were not on the same page. Two different plans for me. Tomorrow though I knew would be dedicated to him... doing whatever he is going to do to me.
Of course, when the blond and Petterson tried to hold me down again to give me the next pill, I tried to fight them off me again. They still handled taking me down, pinning me. I couldn't ignore the blond feeling me up a bit and it only repulsed me more, making me struggle. It didn't work though. They managed to get my mouth open enough to drop the pill in. This time though, I actually managed to spit the pill back out and at them. Eventually, they made it go down. It was not pleasant.
That second pill was a reality check, boys and girls. The fact that this was the last for the night... meant just that. It was night. I noticed there were barely any people left walking the halls and working. Most had gone home, probably. The screams didn't stop though. They constantly echoed through the building and it made me ready to accept it. That maybe by tomorrow I'll be like them. Maybe he will get his revenge on me and shoot me (though I doubted that one). Maybe just strange experiments... either way, I wont be the same.
It was alright that Luke wasn't going to make it in time. He will still keep to his word I knew, though. He will find me. He will just be too late, I realized with every minute passing by like speeding cars. I laid there and laid there, my mind racing and just when I figured I was going to break, right when I was about to allow myself to because I heard nobody, no doctors... I couldn't.
I heard a loud bang coming from down the hall and a couple shouts coming from quite a distance. Maybe not even this floor. It was a new sounds; a nice change from that of the screaming patients. Like a loud door swinging open or closed. Then after that, all I could hear were frantic footsteps approaching where I was. Heading down the hall, I heard it must be more than one person - two probably.
That thing that peaked my interest was the fact that I heard no doctors or anybody up here for over a good hour or more. Everyone was gone. That's why it was interesting to hear what I did. I sat up on my cot and looked out towards my door. Black was all you could see for the most part. The narrow and dirty halls though were lit dimly with lights hanging from the ceiling. But I waited and waited for whoever this was to pass by. Part of the reason I was alert was because I was almost sure that it was some doctor that was here for me - like they all seemed to want to see me.
I heard the voices talking, one angry and full of energy but not clear enough to hear the words or much else. However, the voices, the footsteps came closer. Then I heard a man's voice reach me before I saw him....
"Point to it, you son of a bitch!" I heard the voice say and just as I placed it, just as my heart jumped from my chest, he came into sight and stopped, another man with him.
My eyes met his and I nearly cried then. I held it in all day and at the sight of him... dear god, I felt so blessed. His eyes were angry, stone, and fire. But a beautiful and passionate emerald I thought I might not see again. They met mine but showed nothing but pure hatred at what happened. And with good reason, especially with what I realized he was doing when I took in everything else.
Luke stood there when he saw me, standing outside of my cell door, and came to face me through the bars. The man with him, the man he was yelling at before... was Doctor Peterson. With Luke pointing a gun at his head, demanding he open up my cell door.
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I want to thank you guys for your support and your responses to my last message. I was just very unsure of myself and I was just trying to see where my readers thought I was in comparison. So thank you for that because it really helped me and it's greatly appreciated. And also, I am not against people offering up their opinion. I just sometimes ask to elaborate on what they mean if I don't exactly understand. But I truly love hearing about what you guys think and I'm grateful for your feedback.