You were nervous. You hating eating around people, especially around your best friend Spencer.
Recently you'd noticed him watching you carefully and you were having to be extra careful with what you were doing. For the past three days he'd suggested you go out for food after work. You'd dodged him the first two times but he wouldn't take no for an answer on the third day, even insisting he'd pay.
You'd cut the chicken you'd ordered into tiny pieces, only eating every third piece and spreading the rest around your plate. When he'd got up to go to the bathroom, you dumped half of your fries onto one of the leftover plates on the recently vacated but not yet cleared table next to you.
Twice you chewed a mouthful of food, only to bring your napkin to your mouth, discreetly spitting the chewed up food out into it, wrapping the napkin carefully.
He'd finished eating twenty minutes ago and seemed intent on watching you, waiting until you'd finished.
"You're not going to finish that Y/N are you?" he finally asked quietly. You shook your head.
He sighed signalling for the bill, and paying for it before accompanying you to his car.
The drive back to yours was silent and you were surprised when he got out of the car locking it behind him and following you to your door.
"Are you coming in?"
He nodded, and you unlocked the door, a sense of dread overcoming you.
You hung your coat up and kicked off your shoes. "Do you want a drink?"
"No thank you. Can you.... Can you just take a seat? I want to talk to you about something."
You really didn't want to. Generally whenever someone told you they wanted to talk about something it meant they knew. And you thought you'd been so careful this time.
You sat on your couch crossing your legs beneath you, him sinking to the couch beside you.
You'd been friends with Spencer for the past eleven months now, joining the BAU to assist Penelope Garcia. It was suprising to everyone how quickly you'd taken to each other, Derek constantly teasing you that Spencer had a crush on you. Yeah....As if.
Spencer turned to you, reaching out and taking your hand, causing you to flinch at the contact.
"Y/N......Why are you hurting yourself?" his tone was gentle and caring and enough to make the tears start to rise.
"I'm... I'm not," you shook your head, not looking at him.
"You're starving yourself. In the past four weeks you must have dropped around 12 kilos and you were already slim. Your clothes are baggy, you're paler than usual and you're not yourself. Why?"
Why indeed. You'd never really got to the bottom of why you did this to yourself. You'd be fine for months, even years on end and then one day you'd wake up, look in the mirror and hate what you saw. It had been this way since you were fourteen. When you hated what you saw, you started to feel out of control. And when you felt out of control, the only way to feel better was to not eat.
Five weeks ago you'd opened an invitation to your high-school reunion. You had no intention of going, but seeing the schools logo on the piece of card bought back all the horrid memories. The taunts, your so called friends calling you ugly and fat, the boys calling you a slut. It had triggered a reaction in you that you hadn't felt in two years.
"I'm not starving myself. I'm just.... On a diet. I could do with losing a few pounds."
"Please don't lie to me. You're my best friend and seeing you doing this to yourself is tearing me up inside," his voice cracked.
You made yourself look up at him, his soft amber eyes full of concern. "I'm sorry," that was all you could offer him. "I just want to be perfect."
"Y/N..... To me, you're the most amazing and beautiful girl in the world, inside and out. If someone somewhere has made you feel less than perfect then they were wrong to do that. The funny, kind, sassy girl who could kick my ass at poker is starting to fade away, and I don't know where she's going. Please come back to me. Please..... Don't do this to yourself."
"I...... I....Can't not. I don't know how not to. It's the only way I can take control, the only way I can be perfect," your tears started to fall, every time someone had confronted you about this in the past you'd flatly denied that you had a problem. But there was something in the way he was looking at you and talking to you. He wasn't judging you. He was just... Being there.
"Can I hug you?" The fact that he asked before touching you made your tears fall faster. You nodded, his arms circling you and holding you tightly. Your cried into his shoulder as his hand rubbed your back soothingly.
"You don't have to tell me what's caused this Y/N. I don't need to know the ins and outs unless you want me to. But I can see what you're doing to yourself, and it kills me inside that you feel that you have to do it. If you need to talk I'm here, or if you don't want to talk to me, then we'll find someone you can talk to. You don't have to go through this alone."
"Why do you care so much?" you sniffed, pulling back.
"Because you're my best friend, and you don't deserve to feel bad about yourself. You're.... You're perfect already Y/N. You always will be to me. I know that doesn't mean a lot to you, but just know that there is some one out there who thinks that of you."
Spencer thought you were prefect? No one had ever said that to you.
"Spencer, it does mean something to me. It means the world to me."
You leant back in, burying your head into his neck before finally whispering.
"I'll try, if you help me. I can't do this without you."
"You don't have to."