Nik
Inevitable as it was, my eyes averted from hers to her lips which were shaking a little. I couldn’t turn away, waiting for them to part.
I didn’t really know what I would’ve done if the opportunity did come. ‘cause it never did. And who stopped it from ever happening was that familiar voice which was starting to make a habit of ruining my moments.
“What the hell are you doing?”
When she finally remembered to turn to her friend who, by the sound of her footsteps, was sprinting towards us, I stepped back. Didn’t look her way, though.
It was, yes, because I was looking down. Even if I didn’t really regret what I’d done, that doesn’t mean I hadn’t noticed that look in her eyes: confusion first, then understanding, then something I wished I hadn’t figured out: pain. And I was forced to learn that I couldn’t take it: not from her.
Elizabeth made no bones about her distaste for me when she unnecessarily tried to shove me off stomping in between me and Rina. I gave way, anyways, and watched them argue in eye-language. I then realized there was another one beside us in the hallway.
“It’s time we left.” I didn’t know if Rina looked my way before she was dragged off by her best friend. I didn’t know because I couldn’t look away from mine.
The bell began to set off. They felt to me like hours, the few seconds we spent standing there: eyes locked. He didn’t speak a word. He didn’t need to. The look on his face more than did the job.
I still hoped, though, he’d understand me.
But when the ringing stopped, instead of speaking his mind in actual words, the guy spun around and began walking away.
And instead of feeling relieved that he was doing that, I ran after him and turned him back around.
“What the fu*k is this? Getting steamed up?” I didn’t know why I was so mad. And his reply took its sweet time.
“What was that you said that night?” Don’t say it. Don’t. “What, perverted dyke?”
“Watch your mouth, man. Friend or not, I’ll …”
“Friend, who are you calling friend? I don’t see mine here.” I hadn’t thought that would hurt coming from him. I was wrong. He stepped closer, edging till mere inches were left between our faces. “No friend of mine would do something that disgusting …”
It wasn’t my intention but I hit him pretty hard. He lost balance, almost falling sideways but I noticed with his hunched back turned to me that his hand never went to his face. And to my utter surprise, I heard him chuckle. The empty corridor began to get filled up with students but all I knew existed was us.
“Look, I didn’t mean to. But you did make me …”
“I stood by you when you posted those photos of Mia on the school’s homepage just because you saw her talking to another guy.”
He didn’t stand by me! He just kept mum.
“I stood by you when you slandered Carol because you felt like it.”
Finally he turned around, letting me see what I did to his lips. It was bad. I didn’t realize, though, that what his lips were gonna do to me was far, far worse.
“I … I piled every tragic story I could pull on that girl. Because I thought she was probably the only chance you’ve got at fixing yourself: forgiving yourself.”
I did, too. I still do. Just in a different way.
“And you made me think it could work. So even when it wasn’t that hard to see she had her own story to tell, I … badgered her … not to lose track of you.”
“Just get to the point, Steve. Might as well cry while you’re at it.” No, I did not mean to say that. I didn’t. I just wanted to show him that I don’t care what he thinks about me: something I don’t believe myself.
“All that was because I thought you lost yourself when you lost Marilyn. Was I wrong!” What is he saying? “You were found. … … This is YOU.”
“Just because I made a move on a girl, you come barking at me …”
“Nicole, … … she’s …”
“NOT … my sister!” I shouted out of inexplicable rage while the guy stared at me in disbelief. But I was surprised (shit, I was shocked) when he let out this cold smile I’d just made for Derek minutes ago. Only, he most probably didn’t feel the dread I’d got.
“And here I was thinking I understood you better than anyone.” He croaked, and for the first time broke the gaze. “But I never really knew you, did I?”
“Umm, Nik?” I began trying to steady my heart, which was beating so out of control, was getting so heavy. “Coach wants to see you. And he … … uhh said right nowbut you know what? I’ll tell him …”
“No, you don’t have to.” Steve at last wiped the mess off his face and said to the messenger. Then his eyes came to rest on mine. “We are done.”
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Rina
“Please, Elizabeth. I need … please let me be.”
Finally, Liz stopped cornering me with questions. Questions I didn’t want the answer to.
I’d thought she was giving me a chance to help her: so I could save my own soul, which was so damaged when someone I needed abandoned me: when I abandoned someone that needed me.
But I was just a girl to her: someone whose bed was downstairs from hers.
I was … easy.
“Maybe we should …”
“When Mom left,” I seemed to have surprised her by that. Didn’t look at her, though. “I thought I was done for, you know.”
“Oh, Rea.” Her hand came to rest on mine but I didn’t look up.
“I then found out I could live with it. With the fact that I’m just a worthless piece of shit no one really cares ab… .”
The car crash-stopped and while the seat belt I didn’t even remember I’d put on tore into me, I kept waiting for us to get rammed into from behind. What really happened, though, was … her hand slapping me?
I stared at her in disbelief, not of how she even managed it from an impossible angle, but of the fact that she actually did that to me. And funny thing was, she glared back looking like I was the one that hit her.
“I don’t really care if you’re feeling like you could kill me right now.”
I wasn’t, actually. Those tears on my cheeks were the proof of that. Shakily I turned away, making to get out of the car but she stopped my hands fumbling with the buckle of the belt.
“Look at me. I said look at me.” I didn’t and she gave up. “Your stupid f*ck of a sister knows nothing of what she’s doing and you’re saying that’s your fault? Listen to me, Rina. Hey, look at me. This’d better be the last time I heard that kind of bullshit.”
I found myself panting hard, swallowing back the sobs.
“Your mother left you,” I jerked around to face her, and waited. “Because she’s the real worthless piece of shit. You think she’s happy right now?”
I pray. I pray that she isn’t.
“And you think you world is destroyed just because Nicole doesn’t care? You’re so sure you don’t have anyone. What about Jennifer? What about Steve? What about me?”
That put me at a loss.
“What about me?!”
I needed to hug her. And it was just what I did.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t …,”
“You don’t go around apologizing, stuttering everyday believing that shit you just said. Jesus, how many times have I told you?! When are you gonna get it?!” Pulling away, she declaimed.
I kept watching as she looked away for a second just to turn back again and show me that look in her eyes.
“If there’s anyone that deserves the best, it’s you, Rina. Don’t ever forget that.”
The look that helped me pretend that I actually do deserve it.
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Sorry it’s taking me longer and longer to update. It’s getting harder to find time. And I apologize for putting so many punches and slaps in the last chapter, in this one and the next,(but this is PG 13 you're reading. :P) and of course, for making another drag (I’d mentioned it?). But this is the last one and after this, everything’s set.
I tried to do this in one post but being me, I wrote longer than I expected. And there were a lot of POV changes so I half-ed it. It’d really be great if you could continue on to the next chapter, which is up.