Chapter forty three.
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HARRY’S POV:
We drove away from her grandma’s house in silence, when Emma got into the car she smiled at me. What has she got to be happy about? She’s just broken my fucking heart. Now I’m starting to understand how she feels all the time, how I made her feel.
It’s like without Emma I’m nothing, there’s no point in my existence, literally.
After a little while Emma attempts to break the silence. She tells me the house is mine too, she’s wrong. If we were together maybe it would be different, but we’re not.
She starts giving me her usual self-pity.
‘’I really don’t need this right now?’’ She snaps at me.
I instantly scream back at her losing control of the car slightly.
Emma tells me to pull over I ignore her, I just want to get home at get away from her.
‘’No. I fucking told I love you Em, I want you! I want you to be mine, but your fucking not’’ I scream louder than before as the car skids about the road even more.
Again Emma begs me to pull over.
‘’No you want to die right? Well now I do too’’ I shout back at her the car skids completely over to the other side of the road.
‘’Pull the fuck over now’’ Emma shouts back, she doesn’t sound angry anymore she sounds scared.
I pull over, I can’t drive anymore there’s tears in my eyes so I can hardly even see.
‘’What the fuck was that? You want to die?’’ Emma screams at me, she’s trying to be mad I can tell but it isn’t working, her lips are quivering like she’s stopping herself from crying.
‘’Yeah Em, I wanted you but you don’t, so there’s no point anymore’ ’I tell her my voice shaking as the tears slip from my eyes, running down my cheeks.
Emma begins to unbuckle her seatbelt and climbs over so she’s straddling me. What the fuck is she playing at? She’s confusing the hell out of me right now
‘’Your so fucking stupid, of course I fucking want you’’ Emma whispers her delicate fingers wiping away the tears across my cheeks. Her voice sounds so beautiful, full of anger, terror and pain.
I stare into her eyes silently trying to figure out if what she just said was real or not.
‘’I fucking love you, you idiot’’ She whispers her voice shaking as her hand runs along my jaw.
She loves me?
‘’I love you’’ she whispers again confirming any doubts I had. Her lips quivering slightly, she’s still on the verge of crying. Her makeups all smudged and her hair is all over the place but she still looks perfect.
I pull her down crashing her lips against mine, she’s a little shocked at first but within a few seconds she’s kissing me back. It feels like heaven.
My hands run down her perfect body allowing me to remember every inch, every curve, and every imperfection which actually makes her even more perfect. I remember every touch we’ve ever shared, every kiss, every single perfect memory. I never want to go without her touch again, I never want to sleep alone, if I had my way her lips would be pressed against mine ever second of the day.
Emma’s hands grip onto my hair pulling at it roughly, the pain it leaves is incredibly. I let out a throaty moan against her lips causing Emma to giggle.
Feeling her smile and laughter against my lips leads me into laughter also, reluctantly I pull away from Emma allowing myself to study her face.
I need to know if she regrets this, I hope she doesn’t but usually she does when it comes to us.
She looks at me her eyes a mixture of excitement and fear, her lip pulled in-between her teeth.
‘’That was…’’ I breathe
‘’ I know’’ Emma interrupts a smile growing across her face.
‘’So now what?’’ She asks
‘’ I don’t know Em’’ I mumble my hand running though my curls.
‘’Oh’’ she sighs, clearly she was expecting me to have it all figured out.
I probably should of done really considering I told her I loved her first, I should of known what I wanted.
‘’What do you think?’’ I ask gripping my hands tightly onto her thighs.
‘’I want you. Remember I told me if you kissed me again I was yours, well I am now’’ she whispers looking into my eyes deeply.
‘’ I want us to be together, like an actual couple but you don’t want that’’ she continues sighing slightly as she looks away from me.
‘’And we can’t go back to before?’’ I question.
‘’No Harry how can we? That’s no feelings, no emotions and well I’d say loves a pretty big feeling isn’t it’’ she snaps a little angry with me now.
She’s right though, there’s no way we can do that again.
‘’So say we become a couple what does that make you? My girlfriend?’’ I ask my voice shakes a little.
‘’Yeah, but you don’t want that’’
‘’So you wouldn’t class yourself as my wife?’’
‘’No obviously not’’ she says laughing a little.
‘’Well if we were to do that obviously it would all be new to me, you’d have to help me out. It would take time for me to adjust, I’d probably fuck things up a couple of times so you’d have to be patient with me. And after all that it might not work out anyways’’
‘’ I know, that’s why you don’t want it. It’s too difficult, but all of this is difficult’’
‘’Be my girlfriend?’’ I ask literally petrified right now, I’ve never done this before. I can’t face her rejection, I just can’t.
Her eyes widen along with a tiny gasp slipping from her lips.
‘’ Really?’’
I nod silently biting down on my lip.
‘’Course I fucking will’’ she beams her eyes bright and happy.
‘’Did you even have to ask’’ she giggles as she presses her lips lightly against mine.
As I deepen the kiss my hands begin to roam up her leg, under her dress stopping just as I reach her panties. I’m just about to slip them off when I feel Emma’s head shake against my lips.
I pull back slightly ‘’ you don’t want to?’’ I ask.
‘’Not tonight… todays been a pretty difficult day for me and right now I just need you to hold me’’ She says her expression slightly worried.
‘’Of course’’ I whisper pulling her closer to me as I plant a kiss upon her head.
‘’So you don’t mind?’’ She asks quietly her head pressed against my chest.
‘’Nope… well obviously I’d love to… but umm… see I’m not good at this’’ I laugh.
‘’Go on, try to explain. If this is going to work we’re both going to have to talk to each other’’ she tells me encouraging me to go on talking.
‘’Well this is what’s different about a relationship isn’t it? It’s not all about the sex, you have to be there for people and be with them without constantly fucking them’’ I mumble as I trace circles across Emma’s back.
‘’Yeah…Well there can still be a lot of sex with us’’ she giggles slightly. ‘’ besides you’ve already done all that stuff haven’t you? You’ve been here for me more than anyone ever has these past few days’’ Emma continues as she releases herself from my hold.
‘’Can we go home now?’’
I nod slowly smiling a little as I do so.
Emma quickly leans in planting another kiss on my lips.
‘’I love you’’ she mutters quietly as she climbs back into her own seat.
‘’ I love you’’ I reply starting up the car again pulling back on to the road.
EMMA’S POV:
So we’re together now? Like boyfriend and girlfriend?
I really hope it works out, I hope we don’t fuck it up like usual.
The journey home is silent, but it’s a good silence, every couple of seconds I catch Harry smiling at me. The smile on his face is the biggest I’ve ever seen, he’s really happy and so am I.
When I get out of the car I grab his had quickly as we make our way up to the apartment.
‘’Mind if we just go to bed?’’ I ask once we’re inside.
‘’not at all’’ Harry smiles brightly at me.
I enter the bedroom followed by Harry I step out of the dress silently turning to face Harry.
‘’Mind if I wear your shirt?’’ I ask shyly.
His smile grows wider as he unbuttons it before tossing it at me.
I slip it on and do up some of the buttons whilst Harry undresses until he’s wearing just his boxers.
I find my eyes locked on his perfect body yet again, it literally is mesmerising.
‘’Like what you see’’ Harry teases.
‘’Yeah actually, I was looking at your tattoos. I’m thinking of getting a sleeve done, what do you think?’’ I shrug casually.
‘’ Oh my god please get it, you’d look so fucking hot’’ He says his eyes wide as he nods vigorously.
Laughing I climb into bed, Harry instantly does the same.
‘’Harry?’’
‘’Yeah’’
‘’Did you mean what you said? That you wanted to die?’’ I stutter slightly.
‘’Umm… Yeah, it wasn’t like an ongoing thing more like since I told you I love you and you didn’t say it back. I just felt pointless and empty, I didn’t see a good reason to live’’ Harry mumbles quietly not looking me in the eyes.
‘’I’m sorry’’ I whisper back making sure not to let any tears spill from my eyes.
‘’ I get it now… how I’ve made you feel. I’m not saying it’s as bad, because it isn’t but I sort of get it’’ he shrugs slowly looking up at me.
I nod a little as I reach out and turn Harry face to mine placing my lips against his before pulling away a couple of seconds later.
‘’we’re pretty fucked up aren’t we’’ I sigh a little laugh slipping from my lips.
‘’Yep’’ Harry agrees, laughing also.
‘’I love you so fucking much’’ Harry tells me as he drags me down so I’m laid beside him.
‘’I love you too’’ I mumble resting my head upon Harry’s chest, feeling the rise and fall of it from breathing instantly calms me.
Harry runs his hand up and down my back soothingly as I being to grow tired, my head is spinning from all of this. I can’t believe I’m actually Harry’s girlfriend and that he loves me.
Authors note ---- thank you all so much for reading, I love you all.
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