Never in my life had I ever dreamt of this moment, never in my life had I even thought of something like this possibly happening; although, never in my life had I ever even spoken of what happens behind doors - any door for the matter.
I didn't know what in the world to think as I laid on the cold, wet soil of this Forrest, staring up deeply into the sky, gears twisting and turning for any form of remembrance of where in the world my life will lead up to now after my grand decision.
The inner woman in me pummeled for me to keep going on, for me to keep searching, to scavenge for any form of evidence that would lead me to my path of my own future. I hadn't known what to do, how to manage of all that rebelled against the one and only who cared for it's every being after what seemed like an eternity of time in only a blink of an eye.
"Meghan..."
Before I could slip away into the darkness that crept into my from utter exhaustion, abruptly I brought myself up from the ground, brushing off both remains from the ground and the tiredness.
My heart drummed with remorse as angst coursed through my veins. I thought something like this had deemed to be impossible for as soul such as myself, that I knew for sure, except starting now I was a new person no matter how much deep down I wanted to deny it.
This was the way how it was, this is the way how things are going to be from now on; starting now I was a new person and I had to put into consideration of who exactly this person is...
Ronaline, that is.
"Meghan."
I want to be a completely brand new person, I want to be someone who experienced the exact opposite of what Meghan did, I want to be someone who lived her life to the fullest - opposite of Meghan, I want to be Ronaline and embrace her ever essence.
"Ronaline."
"What is it?" I answered to that name, making it seem as if I've been called that name thousands of times in my lifetime and in turn I responded thousands of times back.
From those first 3 words that the reborn girl had uttered, her eternal personality was set. And was I keen on my rebirth ending up as a complete stuck up woman? No, I wasn't. It wasn't the message I was attempting to send out.
Ronaline is the opposite of Meghan, Ronaline had the strength to stick up for herself, she had the capability to adapt into any form of world and still have class...she was a woman, she was my mask, my character.
"What do you want to do now?"
"You know," I spoke up once more, staring into the sky, ignoring the woman's question. "Why did I choose that name? Why did I choose a name that I've heard every now and then throughout my youth and even sometimes directed to myself?"
I knew that answer and I knew that she knew, too. Had I wanted to voice this aloud to anyone whatsoever at all? No, I hadn't. In fact, I didn't even wanted to admit it to myself...
Whatever was going on in this world wasn't real.
A small smile crept upon my lips from admitting that to myself for once, which was all I needed to grasp ahold a small fraction of reality. One time.
Glancing towards the woman above me to my right, starting from her extravagant black heels before working my way up, following her long, tan, unblemished flesh that peaked through various places of her ripped skinny jeans. Her wide hips complimented her thin but curvaceous body. My eyes followed further up her flat stomach and past her plump breast, greeting her creamy collarbone and neck that lead my eyes up to that ten billion dollar face that I have grown to know.
The woman's eyes was staring off into the ground distantly before hardening, fists clenching in response.
"No, that won't be necessary," her velvet voice soothed the air. Taken aback by the harshness evident in her voice to my response that, mind you, made no sense whatsoever, before I could let the words flow from my mouth, she spoke once more."One more dose and she's dead."
Closing my slightly agape mouth before getting up to my feet. I knew something strange was going on here, but it was more evident now that I had the grand opportunity to become someone else.
Wait...t-that doesn't make any sense, but then again now that I think about it, it did. I hadn't known what sick joke anyone had deemed to play on me or if God wasn't fond of me any longer, but what I did know as of now that I couldn't admit to anyone for no one was to be trusted any longer knowing this piece of information.
I couldn't remember, though, those pastimes where something that was out of the normal that effected me but now that I think about it, it affected me and it did so rather greatly.
In fact, I do recall my father's last strange words:
"Yes you can, and you will. If you don't kill me, I'll this whole household in the next 2 to 3 months, and if I don't, then he will."
"N-No, D-"
"Don't you call me that anymore. I am NOT your father anymore...I never was-"
A silent woosh had suddenly blown by my ear, stopping once it had came into contact with something hard.
"I spoke too much..." he muttered before his eyes had rolled back to his head and him to violently crash into my hard wooden floors.
That occurrence alone spoke many many truths and yet, instead of it haunting my ever finite existence, I learn to impossibly forget.
What sick joke was this? Who deemed that I was a worthy ally or even foe for a sick system such as this?
"I'm feeling quite parched this evening," I muttered, knowing Giselle could hear me, tilting her head aside from my strange, new mask's words.
"Where do you want to go?"
Giselle's probably fake, now that I think about it. In fact, every person that I'm surrounded with or who even walk down a street is model material. All speak truths of how indeed any mark on their skin is a beauty mark, enhancing their already gorgeous qualities.
"Home."
It was unheard of for a girl to jump off of a building unscathed, it was unheard of for any adult of any form to come into conflict of any form of abuse, it was unheard of for the treatment that I had received from both home and school to be unnoticed and for both myself and Noelle to be taken away from such.
This whole thing was unheard of from the moment that I stepped foot into kindergarten.
There were no pictures before that time, nor were there any memories of mine. It was as if it was all selectively plucked and probed in order to mend one another once more into a sloppy but hidden, well done job.
All because of this name change I was oh so suddenly aware of my past occurrence and I was well aware of the oddness of it all.
Why?
My eyes gazed into the woman's orbs above me, my legs still lifting up my now trembling frame as I attempted to make sense of it all. At that moment, I knew that she could practically see the gears cranking, ceasing, before reversing all throughout my head.
"Jason."
Closing my eyes, I prepared for the impact of any form of reality. And, though, I was confused as just as my audience was, watching or reading my every thought and every burning movement, I prayed that the lot knew that every word they read and the emotion that conflicted their being was exactly what I was feeling.
Yes, what they all are feeling - that confusion, that anger, that rage for the author that brought such havoc upon a mere upcoming woman, such as I - was exactly what I felt...for it was true that they are all experiencing my life, they are living what is mine, in a way they are me:
Ronaline McCarthy.
• • •
In a completely different world, in a completely different scenario; my eyes carefully watched each person that passed by me with caution. My nerves ran throughout my body, readily waiting for something - anything to happen, wanting my adrenaline to kick in.
Each person that passed whether it was male or female, young or old, wise and cunning or plain oblivious and dense, they all were dangerous within my eyes. They all were a threat to me for some unknown reason.
I hadn't allowed them closer than a foot, before I could react. They had to be kept far as humanely possible away from me. I wasn't going to let it happen again, I wasn't going to let him - just as my father warned me - get to me again. I'll out smart him and this time it'll be true, instead of him somehow being a mile ahead.
Each person's heads were down as they walked, eyes downwards but upwards enough to see where they were going. And those accompanied had glanced back quick enough to both see where they were going and know whether the person was with them safely.
People of all sorts that had passed were dangerous. None was trusted.
Where was I heading? And for that the author somehow managed to instill in me such information, information that allows me to break the fourth wall.
He was powerful man globally; although, myself in hopes that he will accept my presence, which I was sure that he wouldn't. Very fortunately, I have continued on in life after that certain event that happened of over my earlier life and took on the college life by accepting Harvard's letter and taking on business career, finishing at the age of 23 with impressive scores and finishing earlier than expected.
This had to be a dream of some sort realistically, but figuratively it was a foreshadow, or in my case it would be a prophecy of my future.
But with the background that I have in the future, I'll be able to hopefully and rather successfully be able to get into his office. And my reasons? To leave a hole I've been living in for all my 25 years.
My heels clicked against the uneven concrete, clacks getting on my nerves, also starting to cause my feet to ache.
The spring air that was currently shifting into summer caressed my legs which from the heels made my small frame look taller, luckily, giving me the advantage to intimidate those when needed. My sophisticated look also caused those to stand further a foot away from me, not wanting to intervene me.
I was thankful for this, also the reason for the author to decide this outfit. I wonder if she'll allow me to, at last, lose my virginity like a normal human being without anyone wanting to rip it away from me...and hopefully I'll lose it to a good man with, as what my mother says, a "good credit score".
My shades made everything I seen darker but that hadn't bothered my vision, it had actually helped my sophisticated appearance, my elegance.
Reaching the building, I looked up at the sleek glassed skyscraper that screamed wealth. Taking death breaths and swallowing down all fear I had within me I approached the doors, still not only closely watching those around me but the two burly men who were dressed in suits that awaited beside the two double doors.
"Name."
Getting into my character, I glared at the man with menace, arms crossing across my chest, as if I wasn't the person the should be commanding to no matter the tone they used.
Not answering, both men suddenly in sync opened the double doors for me, bowing with respect.
"Our apologies."
Swaying my hips, I strutted into the building. I made sure I wasn't walking like a whore but a woman. I was at last a being that I dreamed of being in a world such as this.
Being someone that you're not, a catfish almost that's swimming through the Internet for it's next prey over someone who they deem that what they're doing is completely harmless, someone that has the grand opportunity of being brave when you've honestly spent your almost last twenty years as a coward.
I was a woman for once.
Everything was polished down from the floors to each stained glass in the building. Not only were each and every object polished down but each female being that walked wore red lips while the men wore black ties.
Everyone walked around me, sparring me quick glances before carrying on with their lives under this building.
Approaching the tall counter, the receptionist with red lips and blue eyes smiled brightly at me with odd sincerity. She must've been getting paid well from him...
"Hello, thank you for coming to Stark Heights. Please tell me your name and your reasoning for coming."
"Hi, my name is Ronaline McCarthy and I'm here for Mr. Evans, please."
Her bright eyes dulled once connected to the computer in front of her, fingers speedily colliding with multiple keys as her thumb rapidly pressed onto the black space bar.
"You don't have an appointment."
"I know, but my company needs an interview from him."
Guessing his floor was the top floor, I rudely interrupted our informative conversation with sharply turning and speed walking towards the elevator. Knowing that hands would soon reach me if I hadn't hurried, I walked faster, praying that my years in track in high school had helped.
Seeing a door of an elevator out of the five closing, I walked even faster but was limited considering that I was wearing heels and couldn't take them off since that would not only lose me time but cause others to think less of my character than they already do.
Thankfully the person in the elevator saw me and stopped the elevator from closing so that I could safely make it inside without anyone touching me.
Closing the door before anyone could reach I went to press the top last for button, only to collide with a sudden warm hand, making me feel a good queasy and nervous. I was surprised I hadn't flipped as usual if anyone had breached my foot limit.
My eyes looked to the owner of the hand to meet warm brown eyes. I felt a strong sense of warmth seep in my stomach as I felt my character drop completely and for me, for Ronaline to appear.
He was good looking, oddly. Very attractive, very handsome and intimidating but I wasn't afraid. He had somehow in a span of a millisecond caused the exact opposite reaction to surge through me.
His eyes never leaving mine, he pressed the button to the top floor that was apparently both of our destination. They then glanced to my lips, brows scrunching as his mouth frowned a bit.
"You're not wearing red...unless you're defying my rules on what to wear or you're our guest," his deep voice rumbled as the elevator continued to elevate us to the top floor.
"A guest, but why does it matter with you?"
His whole expression brightened a bit with a small smirk.
"You're in what's mine and everything inhabited in here is mine...well almost everything."
With that a loud ding echoed from the elevator and the doors open, then out the mysterious man who had cause my heart a flutter.
But what has he meant by everything being his? The building had belonged to Mr. Klaus Evens...who's office (from where I had guessed) had resided at the top floor. Holy crap that was him.
"U-Uhm, I-I was sent here to privately interview you but hadn't had an appointment." I called, walking out the elevator as well, not wanting it to close on me.
He stopped in his tracks and tilted his head aside downwards to hear further of what I was to say but was deep in thought.
"Trish, who's my next client?" he called.
"Higgenbottom, Sir. You are booked for today and have a meeting in an hour."
"Move my schedule ahead by 2 hours," he commanded, this time taking slow and surely long strides to two large brown doors beside the large reception desk where the woman with red lipstick, "Trish", had resided.
"But Sir-"
"I'll fire you in a heartbeat if you don't obey my wishes, do I make myself clear, Trish?" He snapped, opening the door on his own, not paying the poor woman any attention.
"Yes, Sir. Please forgive me."
"Good."
And with that the door was shut with me staring at the poor woman who had tears in her eyes at the quick escalation of things.
Noticing me staring with small sympathy, she smiled.
"I'll be fine. I'm use to it, it's my job. Besides it's nice like yours."
She worked for him, that I was sure, meaning that in a way she was being paid to be someone that she is not or to be a completely different character; in a way, this woman was an actress. This pummeled my mood down to rock bottom, immediately and instinctively placing my character in place for safety and protection.
Once finally in the room alone with the person I've least expected to be the person to be my savior of what I've gotten myself into, my hope.
His office was large. The walls were aligned with bookcases that touched the extremely high ceiling as large pots of separate plants were neatly placed in corner. There was a glassed but also wooden brown desk with two leather seats in front of it and one large hair behind.
There was a coffee table within the two chairs and the floors were carpeted grey.
Everything here looked spotless and polished down.
"Please, have a seat," his deep velvet voice, smooth as silk, spoke echoing through the spacious office. "Ms. McCarthy."
Stopping in my tracks from seating I did a double take on him. Having doubt that this was truly him. He had to be one of them after what he just said confirmed it.
"How do you know my name?"
"I'm notified of each person that steps foot into my building."
"Why is that?"
"As I told you in the elevator. Everything inhabited in here is mine."
"So even the people?"
"No, it's what they own. But there is also something that I haven't fully owned just yet. But trust me when I tell you that I am not a selfish and proud man - except I will and always get what I want..."
Letting out a shaky breath I spoke, "And why is that Mr. Evans?"
He smirked before he slowly strolled around his desk, smirk clear on his face. I had felt a little intimidated at this but had pushed it down, wanting my character to resurface again. It wasn't good if he or they had seen this through their cameras, me letting my guard down.
But with all of these witnesses in this one large building, surely there wouldn't be a need for them except through only past these two double doors, his private domain. He was man, a strong one at that, so if he had took them down, it would be harder to sedate him to put them back up.
And surly he had to have known what my intentions were by having the company send me here. Especially with my misbehavior so far...
"Because I work for it, but I'm sure you're well experienced on that matter if you've gotten from a long term nobody to a high classed businesswoman with impressive scores from Harvard, might I add."
My instinct was to knock him senseless before fleeing like the coward I truly was, but I didn't. I kept my ground. I had slowly sat down in the chair with him now standing above me with the higher advantage. Crossing my legs, I flipped my hair with a small smirk of my own.
"I see he's well educated you on my own matter at hand."
"Only a little," he shrugged before taking out a two glasses and a bottle of some sort of alcoholic content from below his desk. "He considered you classified. But I had to get that information on my own. Somebody who was drugged for a stupid movie hadn't made any sense. I hadn't known why I was exactly apart of this exactly but I unfortunately was. I'm not exactly like you on levels but I am. He picked me up off the streets and told me to keep my mouth shut."
At this he took out a small ashtray from under his desk, placing it in front of him on top. It had made a small clank, and me to visibly flinch.
He handed me the glass that was filled halfway before him seating himself in his chair, lighting himself a cigarette.
"Care for a smoke?"
"No thank you, I'd like to stay as far away from death as possible."
"Really? Cause it seems to me that you're in death's grasp. Be honest with yourself, Ronnie, he could've killed you at any time he drugged you sleep."
Running my tongue quickly over my lipstick before inhaling deeply, I had needed to calm down my nerves. My character was slipping. I took a small sip of the alcoholic content, unsure but not wanting to seem rude or out of character.
"I understand," I exhaled, slowly and seductively leaving my chair to a stand, wanting to stand firm against this man. "Except he hadn't, and I'm using that as my upper hand advantage."
Feeling anger risen within my chest, wanting to leave before he had caught me within his hold, I turned from our conversation, making way to leave his office, never wanting to meet this man ever again.
"I like you, Ms. McCarthy. Perhaps we could meet again?"
Stopping at the large doors, turning my head aside with a soft shaky exhale. I had to decide whether to abide his words or heed them, warding away as if he were the plague.
But I had heard his low footsteps near me, him now standing directly behind me. Using his soft but rough fingertips, he guided my chin for my eyes to meet his once more, leaving me breathless almost.
"Perhaps," I whispered, as if a promise before racing out of the office, not caring if I had looked crazy for I had done something I shouldn't have.
I, Ronaline McCarthy, had just made a promise to the most successful and manipulative man in the world without getting what I initially had came here for. I knew that he would look for me, indeed he would find me. This man would stop at nothing if he truly had wanted me.
I may be a fool but I know the look he gave me all too well. A look a man had given me afar when a little girl had ran into a street for something she had smelled. A look of want, need, as if he had craved it.
He had wanted me and he would stop at nothing to achieve me, that I was sure. and my options were to accept him with open arms, having slight chances of leaving this god forsaken place once and for all, or running away from him just as I do the same with the man who I once had called to be my brother.
At this moment, as I started at the high numbers on the elevator drop, letting me know each floor was passed, I was unsure and that had brought me back to her, to me, to the girl once known as "Meghan".
She would've accepted him with open arms but with caution, wanting to experience something her father before hadn't allowed her. And now? What would Ronaline do? Thrown herself in her studies to forget that person.
But I was both Meghan and Ronnie, I can't be half of who I am anymore, not when I remember my other half. I would have to settle with an option somehow in the middle but a definite answer.
• • •
And that I was unsure of what...which is why this was a foreshadow, or a prophecy, if you will.
But because of that very prophecy or that insight into my future and the author that predicts my very future to allow me to see into her world of my very future and speak many truths to both myself and those going through what I am - the readers - means that I now know what path to go down that will lead me to reality.
And for that I am rather thankful for.