A/N: Hard to write and hardly proofread, but here you go.
We Won't - Jaymes Young
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Her album is about to be released to the general public. October seems to go by in the blink of an eye, and before she knows it, it is the 26th and she is a puddle of nerves. She has so many things lined up for the next day that she decides to spend the day before in the company of family and friends. Her parents and brother fly up from Nashville to visit, and some of her friends have made time in their busy schedules to attend the small get-together that Taylor is hosting. Karlie's friends even come, and the fact that the brunette had willingly included them gives Taylor hope that their relationship is progressing smoothly. It is the first time their respective friend groups are under the same roof, and seeing their worlds collide is oddly exhilarating for Taylor. But what truly means the world to Taylor is how well Karlie is getting along with her family. She knows the brunette had been mortified when she learned that the Swifts would be attending party, but she hadn't run away like last time. She had stayed, and had even brought her friends along, and to Taylor that meant everything. It's a step forward for Karlie. It's a step forward for them.
Taylor is sipping on her second glass of wine, and has her eyes and ears trained on the conversation that Karlie is currently having with her mother.
"Well I'm glad to have finally met you, darling. Every time Taylor calls there's always something to be said about you," Andrea's voice is warm and welcoming, and Taylor grins against the rim of her wine glass.
"Hopefully only the good things." Karlie laughs, but it is shaky and her smile is a tad forced. She is rubbing her palms on her denim covered knees, and Taylor can easily spot the waves of anxiety rolling through the brunette's shoulders.
"There were only good things to tell." Taylor says as she lightly rests a hand on the small of Karlie's back. Karlie is still tense, but the smile on her face spreads bashfully.
Andrea observes them closely, and if Taylor wasn't so wrapped up in Karlie she would've given her mom a pointed look for making everything so glaringly obvious. Taylor hasn't really told her family that she's seeing someone, but her mother has always been extremely intuitive when it comes to those types of things. Sometimes she knew Taylor liked someone before Taylor herself knew.
"I hear you read a lot?" Andrea draws Karlie's attention again.
"It's all I do aside from work." Karlie nods.
"What are some of your favorites?"
It's the perfect question, and Taylor smiles as Karlie's eyes light up. The brunette goes on to tell Andrea about her extensive book collection, and what she wants to read in the near future and what her all-time favorites are.
Conversation ebbs and flows around Taylor for the rest of the evening. She detaches herself from Karlie's side to make sure her other guests are doing alright, but she always ends up in Karlie's sights when she needs a break from mingling. Karlie doesn't stray far from her own group of friends after she finishes talking with Andrea. Every time Taylor glances across the room, the brunette is either chatting with her friends or staring longingly at the copious amounts of alcohol surrounding her.
When the clock strikes midnight, Taylor is sitting on the couch with her phone in her hand and supportive, smiling faces surrounding her. She's on the phone with Scott, the president of her record label and the man who had given her a chance back when was just an awkward girl with a guitar. He's as excited as she is, and confirms that the album has gone up on iTunes and is currently sitting on thousands of shelves across the world. The call is quick, and when Taylor ends it she lets out the squeal that she has been holding in since she woke up that morning. She hugs her mother first, and then her father pulls her into a bone crushing bear hug. Austin is next, and then her friends all flock around her to offer their congratulations in whatever way they can. At the end of it all is Karlie, who is looking at Taylor with soft green eyes and a proud smile. Taylor loses herself in that moment. She forgets that half of the people in that room don't even know she's dating the beautiful brunette who has been attached to her side for the better part of the night. She forgets that their relationship is supposed to be a closely guarded secret, and she forgets that Tree is currently in attendance, sitting right next to her parents.
Taylor bends down at the waist and pulls Karlie into a kiss. Karlie is unresponsive for the fraction of a second, undoubtedly surprised by the brazen display of affection, but then her hand reaches up to cup Taylor's face. Taylor stands there, feeling weightless and breathless all at once, and just loses herself in the kiss for a moment. Someone clearing their throat is what breaks them apart, but instead of shying away Taylor just rests her forehead against Karlie's.
"I'm so proud of you." Karlie whispers lowly, words kept just between the two of them. Her nose brushes against Taylor's intimately, and the blonde takes a deep, shuttering breath.
I love you.
She wishes she could say it out loud. She wishes she could be certain of Karlie's feelings, but the brunette is still the unfamiliar maze that Taylor met back in July. She's just getting better at anticipating the dead ends now, and this is a dead end.
Taylor presses another kiss to Karlie's lips, trying to convey how she feels through such a simple gesture, but she knows Karlie doesn't get it. Taylor wonders if Karlie will ever be ready for that step, or if she has subjected herself to forever being in a constant state of limbo with the brunette. The thought strikes fear in her heart, and she stamps it down quickly because tonight is supposed to be about celebrating.
After finally turning away, Taylor's cheeks flush red when she sees how much attention she and Karlie are receiving. Tree is knocking back the rest of her wine at an alarming speed, but aside from that no one looks particularly surprised. Her parents have already drawn their own conclusions over the course of the evening and anyone else who hadn't been in the loop about the budding relationship had simply assumed after seeing how close the two had been throughout the night.
"Well...alright then," Taylor's father Scott claps his hands together, breaking the stunned silence. "Are we going to hear the album or not?"
A chorus of agreements and cheers kick up, and Taylor has a permanent grin on her face as the project she has worked on for years comes to life in her living room. The fact that Karlie sings along under her breath makes it that much more special.
People start filing out of her apartment around two in the morning. Her parents head up to their guest bedroom after kissing her on the head, and Austin sticks around to help her cleanup. Her friends all have late night flights to catch, or hotels to stay in, and Taylor loses track of how many people she hugs and promises to call.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" Taylor asks as she continues to sweep crumbs off of the large Oriental rug that dominates the center of her living room. Karlie and her friends have stayed behind to assist in cleaning up, and as they get closer to being finished, Taylor gets sadder.
Karlie has been splitting up her time now. Sometimes she sleeps at Taylor's but she has started to frequent her own apartment over the last couple of weeks. Taylor thinks it's great that Karlie has reconnected with her friends, and is getting better at balancing the people in her life, but she misses Karlie being an almost permanent fixture in her bed.
"Jourdan and I are going in early to help Derek open up the bar tomorrow. I'm staying tomorrow, remember? And you're dragging me to that basketball game."
Taylor sighs loudly but just nods her head, knowing that her girlfriend makes sense. Their lives can't revolve around one another, at least not right now, and spending a few nights apart could be good for them. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?
When the cleaning process is finished, Taylor takes turns hugging Jourdan, Candice and Derek. She thanks them for coming and supporting her, and they all wear matching grins and thank her for inviting them.
"We should all hangout sometime, I feel like that's long overdue." Taylor says.
"Well I'm overlooking a gig this weekend at this really nice club, I've been trying to get these guys to come along and see the show. Maybe you could convince them and come along?" Candice looks hopeful as she buttons up her coat.
"Derek and I said we would go, Karlie's the fun sucker." Jourdan points out, giving her roommate a pointed look.
Taylor turns her gaze on Karlie, but the brunette is purposefully avoiding her eyes. She's staring down at the buttons of her coat, looking as if she has forgotten how to fasten them.
"Well I would love to go," Taylor says. Karlie lets out a small, barely audible sigh, and then looks up. She looks uneasy and unusually fidgety, and Taylor's eyes narrow at the strange behavior.
"I thought we could just spend the night in on Saturday." Karlie says, her eyes shifting between Taylor and her friends.
"We always spend the night in, why can't we go out?"
"I don't know...I didn't really like that club the last time we went." Karlie shrugs uncomfortably.
Taylor frowns, wondering what has gotten into the brunette, but she decides to just drop it. She's long since figured out that you can't make Karlie do what she doesn't want to do. That's just an argument and a headache waiting to happen, and Taylor's not about to pick fights.
"Okay, whatever. I just wanted to get out of the house." Taylor can tell Karlie's friends feel awkward witnessing the little disagreement between the two of them, and she forces a smile on her face to quell their worries. "Maybe another time, guys."
Karlie's friends just nod and start to shuffle out of the front door, thanking Taylor for her hospitality once again. Karlie starts to follow at their heels, but she pauses in the doorway and turns back to face Taylor.
"You're mad." She sighs, her eyes tracing over the pinched features of Taylor's face.
"I'm not."
"You are, I can see it."
"I'll get over it, Karlie. Just go home, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
Karlie looks hard pressed to argue, but she seems to change her mind at the last minute. She leans in and presses a soft kiss to Taylor's lips, and then another to her forehead, and then she goes off to join her friends by the elevator. Taylor waits there until the group get on the elevator, and then she sighs and closes her front door.
She goes to bed with the unshakable feeling that Karlie is hiding something from her.
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"Why are you so nervous? You're making me anxious." Karlie whispers after they shake hands with some suit-clad men who welcome them into Madison Square Garden. They receive the VIP treatment from the moment they step into the building, and Karlie feels out of place as they walk towards their courtside seats. But her nerves are nothing compared to Taylor, who looks like she's about to bolt for the nearest exit.
"I'm alright." Taylor says as they finally reach their seats. Karlie scoffs at the blatant lie but keeps her words to herself while people flock around them, asking if the seats are to their liking and if they'd like anything to drink or eat before the game begins.
Karlie asks for a diet Coke and is surprised when Taylor asks for a beer. The man doting on them looks mildly surprised as well, but nods his head and hurries away to get their drinks.
"You hate beer." Karlie points out.
"I'd drink anything right about now." Taylor rubs her palms on her black pants and fiddles with the hem of her black turtleneck.
Karlie wants to reach out and comfort the blonde, but she doesn't know if that's allowed in such a public setting. She still can't believe that she and Taylor are actually out on a date right now, in front of thousands of people. They are hiding in plain sight, and Karlie finds it oddly exhilarating. She's always been one for living on the edge, and the fact that she and Taylor are currently on a date, one that would be misconstrued as a friendly outing, is hilarious. Taylor doesn't seem to share her enthusiasm, however. She looks like she's waiting for the FBI to come and arrest them, or for the announcer to come on the microphone and announce that they were, indeed, on a date.
By the time the lights go down to start announcing the starting lineup for both teams, Karlie is well into her first bottle of diet Coke and Taylor is tense beside her. Karlie is sure that there are multiple pairs of eyes trained on them, and that Taylor probably has some good reasons to be on edge, but she can't help but reach out and rub at the blonde's arm. Taylor jumps a little at the unexpected contact, and starts to shy away until she realizes that it's just Karlie. Wide and frightened blue eyes met concerned green, and Karlie gave a tiny shake of her head and then rubbed her hand along the length of Taylor's arm.
"You need to relax baby," Karlie keeps her voice low, and is thankful that their surroundings are loud and provide them with a small semblance of privacy. "It's just you and me. Relax."
Taylor takes a deep breath and then nods, shifting a little closer to Karlie in the process.
"I'll try."
The basketball game is enjoyable, if not a tad boring. Karlie doesn't really follow the sport, but she used to play when she was younger so it's not hard to get into it. Taylor even gets excited when the Knicks start to pull into the lead, and by the time halftime comes she is her usual bubbly self.
Despite having a great time, Karlie is glad when the game is over and she and Taylor can leave. The lone guard that had been sitting directly behind them for the entirety of the game is suddenly leading them through the masses, towards the back exits. Karlie stays close to Taylor's side, but it doesn't seem to be close enough because Taylor reaches out for her hand and laces their fingers together. Karlie is surprised by the blonde's brazenness but doesn't pull away. She looks down at their clasped hands for a moment and then grins as they move off of the court.
Taylor even has the audacity to smile smugly at every cameraman they pass.
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"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Taylor asks seconds before they walk out of her front door. They are both dressed to go out, getting ready to join Karlie's friends at a club in the Meatpacking District. Taylor was surprised when Karlie showed up on her doorstep earlier than expected and proceeded to tell her that they could go out tonight if she wanted. Taylor had agreed, but she can't help but think that Karlie still looks on edge about the idea. She has barely said more than three words since they both started getting ready, and Taylor wonders what has the brunette so quiet.
"Yes," Karlie nods, though she sounds uncertain. "You were right about us always staying in. We should go out sometimes."
"And what brought on this change of heart?" Taylor asks as she watches Karlie lock up the front door with the key that Taylor had given her weeks ago.
"Derek said we're like a fifty year old married couple." Karlie mutters darkly.
"Is that a bad thing?" Taylor laughs lightly as they head for the elevator, Taylor holding onto Karlie's offered arm.
"No, but he's wrong. We're fun! We have fun, right?" Karlie asks as she hits the button to take them down to the lobby.
"Our idea of fun is cuddling on the couch, watching Grey's Anatomy and taking videos of the cats. Sometimes there's a little baking thrown in there too."
"Oh my god," Karlie breathes out, "we're old."
Taylor lets out a peal of laughter and turns her head to press a kiss on Karlie's cheek. The elevator doors open shortly afterwards, and they step out together.
"At least we're mixing it up tonight. I'm glad you decided to go." Taylor admits as they are led outside by the security that are escorting them for the evening. There are a handful of paparazzi standing out on the sidewalk, but Taylor does not take her arm away from Karlie's. She ignores the questions that are thrown at her and grins when Karlie steps back and helps her slide into the backseat first.
The club is surprisingly crowded when they pull up, and Taylor looks out of her tinted window at the long line hanging out of the front entrance. There is a huge, hulking bouncer manning the entrance, keeping certain people out and letting others in.
Getting into the club isn't a problem for them, and they hold hands as they push through the front doors, being closely followed by one of Taylor's guards. Taylor takes in the ambiance of the place while Karlie cranes her neck to spot a familiar face. The place is dimly lit, with colorful strobe lights hanging from the high ceilings. A large DJ booth is dominates the back left corner, and the dance floor is packed with moving bodies. The large bar on the lower floor is getting swamped with customers but the raised platform that leads to the VIP section looks inviting. Taylor and Karlie stand there for a moment, and then a head of blonde hair is rushing towards them.
Candice greets them both with tight hugs and kisses on the cheek, and then they are being ushered into the VIP section. Taylor and Candice talk animatedly while Karlie just keeps her arm wrapped around Taylor's waist and her mouth shut. She's still unusually quiet, and Taylor hopes that it'll fade away as the night progresses. They're going to be surrounded by good music and good company, there's no reason to be so broody.
Derek and Jourdan get up from the booth they snagged and more hugs and kisses are exchanged.
"So what are you drinking tonight, Taylor?" Derek asks.
"What are you guys drinking?" Taylor eyes the clear liquid sloshing around in Jourdan's glass.
"Vodka and club soda."
Taylor's nose wrinkles up, and she gives a small shake of her head. If she's going to drink hard liquor then she'd prefer tequila.
"I'll just have a margarita."
Derek gets up to get the drink for her, but Karlie suddenly leaps to her feet. "I'll get it."
Taylor grins as Karlie shrugs out of her jacket and then strides across the room over to the bar. Derek sits back down slowly, and gives Jourdan a knowing look before finishing off the amber liquid in his glass.
Taylor strikes up conversation with Jourdan while Candice and Derek bicker over something that has to do with Derek's bar. Apparently Candice is trying to get him to introduce live entertainment, and Derek refuses to budge.
"I'm not paying for some douche with a guitar to come and play a few songs." Derek snorts and pops a pretzel into his mouth.
"It'll class up that shitty hole in a wall you call a bar." Candice shoots back.
"Fuck you."
"Not even on your best day."
Taylor watches the exchange like it's a tennis match, and by the time Karlie returns she and Jourdan are giggling at the immature remarks Candice and Derek are making.
"Thank you," Taylor smiles when Karlie sits down her margarita. Karlie shrugs nonchalantly and then retakes her seat beside Taylor, their shoulders brushing together as she does so.
Three margaritas later and Taylor is starting to feel the pleasant, warm buzz that usually comes after consuming a generous amount of alcohol. The conversation at the table is loud and hilarious, but she has quickly tuned it out in favor of handfeeding Karlie pretzels. She's a little tipsy so sometimes she misses the brunette's mouth, but Karlie doesn't seem to mind much. Taylor's eyes focus intently on Karlie's mouth, and the moment the brunette is finished chewing on the pretzel, Taylor leans in for a kiss. Karlie stops her before she can get too close. Being the only sober one at the table has its benefits, such as stopping Taylor from doing stupid things in public.
"You don't want to do that." Karlie says lowly.
"That's all I ever want to do." Taylor says it softly, and she rests a hand against Karlie's cheek. "I lo—"
The words are right there, right on the tip of her tongue. Ready to be said prematurely, lost in the intimacy of the night and the moment. Ready to ruin everything. But then an uninvited presence sweeps down on the table, and suddenly Candice is getting to her feet and hugging a blonde who Taylor does not know. The words die on Taylor's tongue, tasting bittersweet in her mouth.
Taylor watches as the blonde hugs Jourdan and then shakes Derek's hand before turning to face her and Karlie. She looks so familiar but Taylor can't exactly pinpoint where she's seen her before, and her drunken state isn't helping matters much.
"Hey Karlie," the blonde's voice is simpering, and Taylor's eyes narrow a little. She's not too drunk to recognize when she's being encroached upon.
"Hey." Karlie waves dismissively, hardly meeting the blonde's intense blue stare.
"Who's your friend?" Toni asks as her eyes slide over to Taylor. Taylor is momentarily put off by the fact that the woman has no recognition of her, but she takes it in stride. It's a little refreshing.
"I'm Taylor." They shake hands, Taylor leaning over Karlie to do so, and the blonde's grin gets a little bigger, a little faker.
"Taylor Swift, right? I can't believe I didn't recognize you. You look a lot different in person, still pretty though, of course."
Taylor feels something flare up inside of her. Maybe it's the backhanded compliment that she has just received, or maybe it's the fact that the blonde is still throwing weighted looks at Karlie.
"I'm sorry, who are you?" Taylor tilts her head while Derek chokes on his drink.
"Toni Garrn. I'm a friend of Candice's. And Karlie's."
The name rings a bell, and Taylor slowly turns her head to look at Karlie. Her girlfriend is staring down at the table, and looks like she wants to be anywhere but there.
"Really? I haven't heard anything about you." Taylor says, talking more to Karlie at this point.
"We're not really friends." Karlie says it quickly, and two pairs of confused blue eyes flit over to her. "I mean, we are but it's not...it's not like...that."
Taylor gives Karlie a concerned look, and Derek starts to shake his head at Karlie, silently urging her to cut her losses. Jourdan is suddenly very interested in her half-empty glass and Candice looks like she's witnessing a car crash. The tension hanging over the table is palpable, and suddenly a multitude of things click for Taylor.
"You're the girl from the Instagram video." Taylor says slowly, looking closely at the blonde's face.
"Instagram video?" Toni looks genuinely perplexed. Taylor pays her no mind, and turns burning eyes onto Karlie, who suddenly looks a few shades paler.
"She is, isn't she? The one who you claimed you didn't know? The one who was 'just Candice's friend'." Taylor's words are sharp and surprisingly clear despite her level of intoxication.
Karlie opens her mouth to speak but Taylor turns away, and glares at Toni.
"How long have you two known each other?"
Toni hesitates and then looks at Karlie for help. Seeing that Karlie has nothing to offer, Toni clears her throat uncomfortably.
"I don't know...a month? Maybe a little more than that? We both go to the same therapist office."
"Oh, that's just great." Taylor practically snarls as she gets to her feet. She's unsteady but she doesn't intend on hanging around and hearing about Karlie's wonderful little relationship with a woman who had been written off as 'no one'.
"Taylor," Karlie gets to her feet as well, but Taylor brushes her off and looks around for her security. The man is by her side in an instant, looking alert and a tad concerned.
"I'm ready to go." Taylor tells him, holding onto the table for support. He nods and then speaks into the Bluetooth earpiece attached to his right ear.
Taylor stands there for a moment, looking between Karlie and Toni. Karlie looks so guilty that Taylor can hardly stomach it. The anger inside of her is turning into something dangerous, and she knows she is at the end of her rope.
"So have you slept with my girlfriend?" Taylor asks Toni, sounding as if she is asking what the weather is going to be like tomorrow. It's the alcohol talking, but Taylor knows she'll never get another chance to ask these questions so brazenly.
"Taylor!" Karlie hisses angrily, looking extremely embarrassed.
"No, I haven't. I swear." Toni shakes her head quickly, all the bravado she had had before now long gone.
"I bet you want to though."
Toni ducks her head, and says nothing. It is all the confirmation Taylor needs, and it is the nail in the coffin.
"The car's out front." Her security informs her. Taylor hardly gets out a goodbye to Karlie's friends, and then she is turning on her heel and following behind her guard. She doesn't realize that Karlie is following her until they get outside.
"Taylor just talk to me!" Karlie all but screams. They are causing a scene, and the drunken fog in Taylor's brain clears up a bit when she sees people getting out their phones to take photos and capture the entire thing on video.
"Get in the car." Taylor says stiffly.
They both climb in, and then the Lincoln is pulling away from the curb. The second they turn the corner, Taylor sets her sights on Karlie.
"Well?" Taylor says, waiting for an explanation, or even an apology.
"It's not what you think. Toni is just a friend, I swear."
"Then why did you lie? Why did you hide it?"
"Because I knew you'd react like this!"
"So this is my fault?!"
"No!" Karlie's voice raises to match hers, and it gets to the point where they are screaming at each other. Taylor has never heard Karlie's voice raised quite so loud, and she can't remember the last time she yelled at someone out of anger. She can't remember the last time she was this angry, or this hurt.
"You knew this would hurt me and you still lied."
"I lied to protect you!"
"Relationships don't work like that, Karlie! That's not how any of this works!"
"WELL I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS!"
A deathly quiet falls over them, and Taylor feels tears pooling in her eyes as Karlie punches the headrest in front of her.
"And I'm tired of trying. I'm never going to get it, Taylor. I just keep fucking up, and it's not going to stop. I don't learn anything, I just find new ways to lie to keep you happy. But it all comes back around, because I don't know what I'm doing."
"What do you mean you're tired of trying?" Taylor is scared to ask, but she needs confirmation. She needs to know.
"I mean that maybe it's time we stopped fucking kidding ourselves. I'm not right for you, and all we do is fight."
"You don't mean that." Taylor shakes her head, her voice cracking. "We can work this out."
"Yeah, we could kiss and make up. But what about next week? Or next month?"
"We'll figure that out when we get there." Taylor knows it's not the right answer, but she tries anyway.
Karlie gives her a sad smile, and then shakes her head. "I don't know what a relationship is, but I know it's not that. It has to be better than that."
The tears are freely falling from Taylor's eyes at this point, and her shoulders start to shake with barely contained sobs. Karlie pulls her in, and Taylor melts into what could possibly be the last hug she gets from the brunette.
When they pull away, Taylor is momentarily surprised to see two perfect tear tracks on Karlie's cheeks. She has never seen the brunette cry before, and it lets Taylor know that Karlie is serious. Taylor is about to lose her.
Taylor doesn't get a chance to say anything else. Karlie ducks out of the car while they're waiting at a red light, but not before pressing one more kiss to Taylor's lips.
"I'm sorry." Karlie says it right before she closes the door, and Taylor sits there and stares at the empty space that is now next to her.
"Should we go after her Miss Swift?" Her guard asks lowly, looking a little teary eyed himself.
Taylor watches Karlie walk down the sidewalk, until she disappears out of sight.
"No." Her voice is surprisingly strong, despite the fact that her heart is shattering. "Just take me home."