„As you can see in this diagramm, Dan's depression level has sinked almost 25% only in the last 4 weeks! You can really be proud of yourself, Phil!" PJ stated, excitedly wipping back and forth in his computer chair.
A huge smile spread across Phil's face. He really was kind of proud of himself! It felt really good to help a less fortunate person, even more when it was the person he had strong feelings for!
„But Peej, I didn't even do anything really! You, the nurses and Dr. Green did most of the work! I'm basically just hanging out with him!" Phil tried to play PJ's last statement down.
„However, Dan is doing a lot better now! It won't be long anymore and he can move out MIR! At his current state, maybe 3 more months?" PJ said.
„Really? That is amazing!" Phil stated excited, already imagining how it would be like to live with Dan.
PJ put the sheet of paper that he had just handed Phil back into Dan's brown folder, putting it back in the files drawer on his table.
„Now... PJ I have been wanting to ask you something..." Phil started nervously, fiddling around with his hands. „I want Dan to visit my house before he finally moves in, just to give him some security... so that he is familiar with his new surroundings then..."
„Sounds like a good idea." PJ briefly stated.
„Really? That'll be alright?" Phil asked unbelievably. He expected this to be with a lot more fuss around it.
„Yeah sure. Just approach Mr. Oakley in the administration, he'll help you fill out all of the documents." PJ explained while trying to lift a pile of patient files, but quickly surrendering.
„Uh... so... his health would actually allow this? Is he ready for something like this?" Phil asked worried.
„Phil, I have recommanded weeks ago that you should take him on a trip outside of MIR. Stop always worrying, he will be fine. If it'll calm you down, you can take your security guard with you." PJ answered while now trying to lift half of the pile.
„Alright... it just that it makes me sad seeing him freak out or... having panic attacks or something. I don't want to see him in pain..." Phil said.
„I know how you feel." PJ stated softly, now clearly giving up on moving the files anywhere. „I feel the same about Chris. Of course, you cannot really compare these two as Chris is a total other level than Dan but... Trust me, he'll be fine."
Phil sighed. That was all he wanted, making Dan happy. And if he could only achieve that with giving him a room tour at his house, then he would gladly do so.
*****
„Come in!" a high-pitched voice called from inside the room that Phil just knocked on.
As Phil entered the room, he saw Mr. Oakley sit in his usual spot behind the computer screen. But this time, someone was with him. A tall man, maybe 5 years younger than him and certainly younger than Mr. Oakley, was leaning over his desk. He had brown hair that was stuffed under a black beanie, he wore an oversized sweater and jeans that were ripped at the knees. He was even skinnier than Dan, which Phil didn't think was possible.
„Just come in Mr. Lester, he was about to go!" Mr. Oakley stated while gesturing the young man to go. „Thanks for the lunch Troye, see you later babe!" Mr. Oakley said and gave the young man a peck on the lips, as he leaned down.
So-called-Troye passed Phil and just addressed him with a quick nod. „Come and sit down please!" Mr. Oakley said to address Phil.
Phil, still baffled by the encounter, took place in one of the red chairs in front of Tyler's desk.
„Uhm... do you have a problem with gays?" Mr. Oakley addressed Phils dumbfounded expression.
„Oh god, no! I just..." he didn't finish his sentence.
„Now, how can I help you?" Mr. Oakley asked after he finished typing something into his computer.
„Well, Dr. Ligouri told me to come to you incase I want to take my patient out of MIR?" Phil asked, suddenly unsure of himself.
„For a trip you mean?" Mr. Oakley broached the subject again.
„Y-yes, I want to show him where he is going to live after he moves out here!" Phil stated proudly, while noticing that Mr. Oakley's hair colour had changed again, today it was a strong purple colour.
„Alrighty!" Mr. Oakley stated bubbly, while printing something from his computer. He took the printed sheet from the printer, handing it to Phil. „Now I know that this always sucks, but it has to be done. Your name, your patients name, date, where you are going, what you will be doing..."
While Mr. Oakley opened his lunch box and began to nibble on a piece of carrot, Phil pondered over the sheet as if it was a maths exam. Some questions were just too silly to be real, like what they were going to eat or how many people they would meet. As if Phil knew all of this quite yet.
„Oh, I'm seeing you'll be visiting your house?" Mr. Oakley stated concerned after Phil handed him the sheet back.
„So what?" Phil asked curious.
„Oh... nothing... He's your patient..." Mr. Oakley tried to talk himself out of the situation, scanning the computer screen for something distracting to look at.
„No, tell me!" Phil was now hooked. What was it that made Tyler concerned?
„Well... Dan has... been raped, right?" Mr. Oakley stated, after he quickly checked the system.
„And...?" Phil tried to make him continue.
„Well... I'm just saying that you should maybe talk to him about that first since rape victims are often scared by visting an environment without security." Mr. Oakley suggested. „Because maybe otherwise it could trigger him, especially when you are in the bedroom, if you know what I mean..."
„But Dan knows that I'll never do something like this! I'm not a monster! He trusts me 100% and we will enjoy our day in my apartment." Phil said, talking proudly about them and their relationship.
Mr. Oakley just nodded quietly, as he realized there wasn't anything he could do anyway. „If you say so..."
*****
Dear Zoe,
it's so great to hear that you finally make progress! I know that starting to trust someone when you first thought that you'd never bei able to do that is a huge step! I remember how hard it was for me to trust Phil! But now I am really thankful that I did, he is the most important person in my life at the moment and I don't know what I'd do without him!
You may have already heard from the gossip around MIR, that my mom came to visit last week. I wanted to write you earlier, but we have been busy...
However, I was a little pissed when Phil told me that he invited my mother. I never gave him permission to do that! To be honest, I myself thought about reuniting with my mother, but I just wasn't ready at this time.
I orginally thought about kicking her out the second she entered my room, simply to make her come back at a better time. But surprisingly, I didn't have a panic or anxiety attack, so I thought I could at least listen to what she has to say.
I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe I thought that she would apologize for everything that she did and that she would mean it. But her words where just empty, empty excuses to calm me down or whatever she was trying to achieve. She begged me to came back and to live with her and dad. As sweet as that sounds, she hasn't changed at all. She is still the person who always just worries about her reputation, that rather kicks out her own son than being the „mother with a depressed child".
She told the neighbours that I am in college in America. Can you believe it? She didn't even have the balls to tell the others that I am getting mental treatment and that she kicked me out, basically for not talking to her.
Phil was just the sweetest, he always stayed by my side during the entire visit. He even tried to give me and my mother a little privacy.
I decided, that I just don't want her in my life anymore. I really believe in giving people a second chance, I really do. But she showed me once again, that she is not a person I want to have around me the rest of my life. So I told her to go and never come back. I am the happiest I've ever been with Phil and I won't let her destroy this.
Speaking of Phil – we took it a step further. In my last lettre I told you about how the atmosphere is now a lot more chilled between us, because I've now got used to us kissing. I really like that to be honest, because it is just so casual, as if we were a normal couple.
I don't want to go into all details, but let me just say he looks really nice without his shirt on! ;)
Also, yesterday in Support Group, I had a private talk with Dr. Green that I make fast developments, which could probably lead to ending my recovery treatment very soon! Dr. Ligouri also mentioned that my results are better than ever!
But Zoe, I need to tell you something: I am afraid, I really am. I mean I've always wanted to live with Phil, and of course I STILL want to, but I'm just really anxious of what will happen then. Now don't get me wrong, I trust Phil 100%, but it's a lot easier to trust a person when a safety guard is right outside your door, if you get me. I'm just saying that there will be no one making sure that I'm safe as soon as I live with him!
I know Phil is a good guy. However, my concern always keeps coming back that this just might be part of a plan.
Enough talking about me, tell me about you and Alfie! Is he treating you good? How is therapy going?
Looking forward to hearing from you again,
Sincerely, Dan.
Someone knocked on Dan's door. „Hey Dan, it's me, Phil!" Phil said cheerily, as he entered Dan's room. He was very eager to tell Dan about the plans he had made for them to visit Phils home. First he was confused, seeing Dan sit on his table and writing something, as he normally lay on his bed doing something on his laptop. But then he remembered that Dan was keeping contact with a friend here in MIR.
„What are you writing?" Phil asked, as he walked over to Dan and lightly touched his arm. Dan quickly folded the paper in half and tried to hide it behind his back. Phil was sure that he saw his name multiple times on the paper, but he surely wouldn't ask about that.
„It's fine, I know that you're writing someone. Zoe, right?" Phil asked, as he backed off a little. He knew that in situations like this, when Dan was a little unsure, it was better to give him some space.
„Yes. Could you give this to Scott, please?" Dan answered, as he handed Phil the sheet of paper. Phil nodded and walked towards the door, opening it and stepping outside.
But Scott wasn't there. Phil remembered that when he arrived, Scott told him that he would quickly go and grab a coffee from the cafeteria. Phil just put the lettre down on Scotts stool that stood right next to the door and wanted to return to Dan's room, as he got a little curious.
Of course Phil knew that lettres were private, especially since he was sure that Dan wrote something about him. Normally, it was even unacceptable for Phil to only think about reading Dan's lettres, but since he now had the opportunity...
Phil looked around himself, making sure that nobody was watching him. As he heard the water flush in Dan's bathroom, he knew that Dan was occupied too. Phil quickly unfolded the paper, skimming through the text. He smiled at the comment that Dan found him „nice looking" without his shirt on. He almost wanted to fold and lay the paper down again, as he stopped at the last paragraph.
Dan was still unsure about Phil? He really thought that Phil was just making evil plans that he wanted to follow through with as soon as he was alone with Dan? Maybe that was what Mr. Oakley talked about earlier. Maybe Dan really projected the past happenings on situations like this?
Phil couldn't believe that Dan was still thinking like this. He knew that this train of thoughts could probably never be removed from Dan's head; the incident was just too defining; but Phil was sure that they were on a good way!
As he heard footsteps coming closer, he folded the paper, put it down on the stool and returned to Dan's room like a lightning bolt.
„I thought you were gone again...?" Dan asked with a sad expression as soon as Phil entered the room again.
„No, I just... had a little chat with Scott, you know." Phil chuckled, trying to act over the fact that he was really bad at lying.
„Really? I didn't even hear you..." Dan responded, sitting down on his bed.
Phil decided to let the subject fall. There was no way he would get out of this one safely. Instead, he sat down next to Dan, wrapping an arm around his waist.
„Is there something you want to tell me?" Dan asked, addressing the unsure expression on Phil's face.
„You look really beautiful today..." Phil chuckled, trying to shy away from the subject.
When he entered the room, he had been so sure of himself. He was so happy that PJ had given them permission to leave MIR for once, but now after reading the lettre and knowing about Dan's thoughts... It really put Phil in a bad mood.
Dan smiled at the compliment and quickly kissed Phil's cheek. „Thank you, but don't try to hide behind compliments. I see that something's bothering you...?" Dan addressed Phil, cupping his cheek.
‚Shit.' Phil thought. He needed time, right now, time to think. Somehow,he had to get away from this topic as far as possible.
„Is... is there a specific reason why we never go further than kissing?" Phil asked, even though he hated this subject even more. But with this question, he knew Dan wouldn't ask further as the topic is as uncomfortable for him as it is for Phil.
Dan looked at Phil with a mixture of sadness and confusion. „Like, do I smell bad or don't you like me enough or..." Phil started to speak before Dan could, more out of nervousness than anything else.
Dan chuckled. „Uhm... no, actually... I am really old-fashioned with this but... I like trying out new things with you, don't get me wrong but... I just don't want to go further with a man that isn't even my boyfriend..."
Now Phil was not expecting that. Honestly for him, they had always been together as boyfriends since their first kiss. But probably, for Dan, they are only together if someone suggests that they are. And because Phil never did that it never happened.
„Well, we could change that..." Phil said seductively, returning a kiss on Dan's cheek.
Dan looked at Phil with huge eyes. That wasn't even what he was implying! But OH MY GOD did the butterflies in his stomach take a rollercoaster ride!
„Daniel?" Phil started, „would you be my boyfriend?"
Dan smiled over his whole face, tears bottling up in his eyes. Oh, how long he had been waiting for Phil to ask that question! As an answer, he pulled Phil's neck towards him, slamming his lips against his. Suddenly, they lost balance and fell over on the bed, Phil laying on top of Dan.
As they continued kissing Phil was happy. He was happy that this beautiful boy was now his boyfriend. But he was mostly happy, that he didn't have to ask the other question now.
*****
A/N: Oh, I don't know about this chapter...
But maybe y'all still liked it! Please comment & vote as always.
See you soon and love you all,
Lena xoxo
(PS: I had the most amazing idea for my next phanfic, can't wait to finish this one!)