My head feels like it's going to split in two. That's the only thought that's going through my mind as I'm fumbling for my phone.
Elliot and I went out for drinks last night and we ended up back here looking for more tequila. When I finally find my phone I realize that it's 5 am. I forgot to shut off my alarm.
I can hear Elliot groan in the living room.
I force myself out of bed and look for sweats to put on.
I walk out of my bedroom and into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee.
"More tequila might have been the worst idea we've ever had." Elliot says with a half smile.
I laugh. I can't say I disagree. I feel like I got hit by a truck.
We were both a mess yesterday and thought drinks would be a good way to blow off some steam.
Elliot's divorce was finalized yesterday. I don't know what aspect of that hit him so hard. He keeps saying he doesn't miss Kathy and I believe him, but it hit him, hard.
A few months ago Elliot and we're called out on a domestic disturbance. When we got the house we found a baby, a baby girl, Macie. She was beaten, starving and screaming. Her father was the one who beat her, but we had no proof it was him, all we could do was take the baby from him. We put her in a foster home. And I went to visit her, make sure she was okay. She didn't have anyone to do that for her. But he got her back.
I got a call at the station last night from a nurse at Bellevue. Macie was in the NICU with a brian bleed. She's in a permanent vegetative state. She's never going to wake up.
I went to see her. And all I can think is that this is my fault. I should've fought harder to keep her in foster care. She was happy there, her coaster parents loved her. She was healthy, well taken care of.
I saw this coming. Everyone saw this coming. It was only a matter of time before he hurt her again. I should've stopped him.
Every single case we've caught in the past couple months have been brutal, worse than usual. The one we caught last night was a rape. Her name is Charlotte Montgomery and she's a doctor at Mercy. A pediatric surgeon. The rapist broke her eye socket and her nose. She had cuts all over the body. She ended up needing more than eighty stitches. I held her hand the entire time. And all she did was sob. There's barely an inch of her body that isn't covered in bruises or cuts.
"Liv..." Elliot says, touching his hand to my arm, bringing me out of my daze.
"Yeah, sorry, what?" I ask, pouring myself a cup of coffee.
"You alright?" He asks.
"I gotta go get ready, you should too." I say as I walk away.
I didn't realize I was standing there that long. I had been standing like that for 25 minutes.
I take another 20 to do my hair and makeup. I'm pulling on pants as Elliot walks into my bedroom.
"Elliot, you could at least knock first, I barely got underwear on before you were in here." I say as I button up my pants.
"Yeah sorry, Liv, we gotta go, I thought you'd be dressed by now. " He says
He gives me this look I can't quite interpret, and then glances at my boobs just long enough for me to notice that he was looking, and then quickly walking away.
He's never blatantly stared at my chest like that before. Sure, a glance every now and then but I thought thy was just a guy thing. That look he gave me before, I've never seen that look on his face before.
It could just be that I'm wearing a black lace bra and thong. It's not like I don't look good like that.
I put on a low cut blouse just see if it sparks any interest and then walk out the door.
As soon as I walk out, Elliot is looking at me again. Not that I mind, it's just odd that he's not trying to hide it like he usually does.
"El, my eyes are up here." I say as I walk out the door.
He clears his throat a little and pulls on his tie like its choking him.
I stifle a laugh and keep walking.
We stop at Bellevue to see Charlotte Montgomery on the way into the precinct. We get there and ask for Dr. Montgomery and the nurse tell us she's already been discharged but is still gathering her stuff.
I walk into her room and see her grabbing her clothes.
"Charlotte, you were attacked last night m, you should be resting here, giving yourself time to heal." I say.
"Olivia," she says, "I can't be here right now. All of these people are my coworkers. These nurses that are coming in to check on my stitches are people that I run codes with, people that work under me everyday. The doctor that keeps coming in to see if I'm still bleeding from when he forced himself inside me is someone I have to see everyday, we work together. This is embarrassing. And at this point all I need is sleep and to keep up with the antibiotics. I can do that at home without people staring at me all day."
"Okay, okay." I say, "At least let me drive you home."
She nods her head and Elliot and I drive her home, making sure she's alright to be by herself before we leave.
Elliot and I barely get through the day. Charlotte was shot in her apartment. She survived, and we caught the guy but it was rough. He thought he had killed her last night. And he wanted to make sure she wouldn't be making any identifications. She's gonna make it but she's got a tough road ahead.
All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep so I don't have to think about this anymore.
Elliot offers to drive me home and I say yes. His presence putting me at ease after a stressful day.
"Can I come up? Maybe cook you dinner?" He asks as we sit in the we in front of my apartment building.
I'm about to say no when I turn to look at him. Having him around tonight could only be good. It might even make me feel better after the day we've had.
"Yeah, sounds nice." I say tiredly.
When we get up to my apartment I put on pajamas and turn on the baseball game.
Elliot moves into the kitchen and starts looking through the cupboards and opening up the fridge.
"Uhh Liv, I was going to cook for you, but you only have tequila and tomato sauce. " He says with a little laugh.
"Well I'm still recovering from last night, so why don't we order in?" I say, "Chinese maybe?"
"Perfect," he says, "Do you mind if I crash on the couch again tonight?"
"Yeah, sure." I say, not thinking much of it. He probably hasn't found an apartment yet and I can't imagine Kathy wants him around.
I tell him whatever he wants. And I settle into the couch returning my attention to the baseball game.
We've been sitting on the couch for awhile and then I realize that he's staring at me.
"Elliot, what?" I say, "You've been weird all day."
He stares at me a moment longer and then starts talking.
"Olivia, I was looking at you thinking how lucky I am to have you as my best friend, but also that it's not enough." He says.
"What do you mean?" I ask, kind of slightly confused.
"Liv, I'm in love with you." He says. "I have been for years, ever since you walked into the precinct for the first time."
I don't have any words. I actually physically can't get words out. But he keeps going.
"My marriage was a mess, and I thought that's what love was supposed to be but its not." He says, "The love I have for you, is powerful, it's earth shattering , it's real and true, and I can't pretend that it's not there because it is, and it hurts too much to look at you and think that your not mine."
I feel a single tear slip down my cheek as he looks at me.
"Olivia, you are the love of my life, if you let me, I'll never let you go." He says quietly.
I don't know what to say to him. I just don't.
"El, I didn't know." I say stunned, "I didn't know you felt the same way. I've wanted to tell you for so long, It's just, I never thought you felt the same way. And I thought if I told you, you'd freak out and you wouldn't want to be friends anymore and I knew I'd rather have you as my best friend than not have you in my life."
He pulls me into his arms and I bury my face in his chest. He holds me tight against his body, kissing the top of my head.
I look up at him and he kisses me, and it feels like I've never been kissed before. Like it's the first one. He picks me and starts walking toward my room.
"Elliot what are you doing?!" I ask
"I'm taking my woman to bed." He says with a grin.
He tosses me on my bed and he follows suit. He kisses me until I can't breath anymore.
That was the most amazing thing I've ever felt. I think that sex doesn't matter until it happens with the person your supposed to be with forever. And that was magical.
I feel so safe curled up in his arms. it's the best feeling. And I don't want it to end.