Zayn's POV
I'm was still sitting next to dad when my phone beeped and I looked down to see I got yet another text from Carson. I sighed and dad looked over at me obviously confused. I opened my conversation with Carson and handed him the phone letting him read for himself.
"Zee, why didn't you tell us this was happening, this is not okay." Dad said once he finished reading.
I just shrugged and looked at my hands.
"Bubba please don't stop talking to us again, we both don't want to have to go through that again."
He pulled me onto his lap and I dug my face in his chest.
"Can you please make him stop, I can't take it anymore."
A tear fell down my face and Dad held me closer and I started crying again, just remembering everything was enough to make me cry.
"It's okay, this won't be happening again, we're going to block his number, and I'm going to send pictures of this conversation to his mother, and he will not be bothering you any time soon. You're gonna be okay bub, yea?"
I sniffled and nodded and Dad wiped the tears from my face with his thumb.
"How about you go talk with Papa yea? He just texted me that he's waiting for you outside."
I nodded and hugged dad before walking outside to greet Papa who was sitting in a chair on the porch.
"Hey bub you feeling a bit better?"
"Yea"
"How about we go for a walk and talk for a bit, yea?"
I nodded and he came over and grabbed my hand and we went out the back gate and started walking around the neighborhood. It was silent for a little bit at first but then Papa started talking.
"So how about you tell me how you're really feeling, just between me and you I promise."
"Tired."
"Like sleepy tired?"
"No, just tired, of everything going wrong, bad things have just been happening over and over to me and I'm just numb of it now, I'm just waiting for it to end, but I don't think it will."
"It's hard I know, but now that you told us what's going on its going to end, I promise, now tell what happened that made you decide you were going to cut."
"When he texted me to kill myself, I was going to, but then I thought about it and I didn't want to die I just wanted to take the pain away for a little bit so I did."
"Zee do you realize that if you had cut too deep by accident or if that razor had a little rust on it we would be in a much bigger situation than we are now."
"Now I do."
"Well tell me what you usually do when you're upset."
"I draw."
"Why didn't you draw instead."
"I can't draw when I'm tense like that, I felt dangerous."
"Why do you think you felt dangerous?"
"I'm not used to having the power like I did then, I could of ended it right there if I wanted to."
"But you didn't."
"I almost did."
"You made the decision not to, you're not crazy Zayn, you're not an "emotion wreck", you were just upset and you didn't know how to control it, it happens to all of us, I once threw my mum's favorite Vase at a wall just because she wouldn't buy me new shoes as a teenager."
I laughed for the first time that day and looked at Papa who was also chuckling.
"See what I mean Zee? Everyone gets angry, we just need to find something to help release your anger. Wanna know what I did?"
"What?"
"My dad bought be a punching bag and boxing gloves since he used to box and coached me in the basement, I wasn't even good or doing it right half the time, but it helped me a lot, do you think that's something you wanna try?"
"Will dad agree to that?"
"He's a looser we don't need to tell him."
"Ok then I'll try it!" I said laughing.
"Awesome, we can try it out tomorrow, now I was thinking how about we do this talking thing two times a week, just me and you and we can walk around and just talk, it doesn't even have to be about what happened it can be about anything, just a time for you to talk about whatever you're thinking, sound good?"
"Yea thanks Papa."
"No problem Baby Boy, now let's head home, I think Daddy has dinner out."
I nodded and we made our way back home where Dad was finishing putting food on plates and Niall and Harry were sitting at the table. I took a seat in between Niall and Harry and Dad gave everyone their plates and then sat down next to Papa. Throughout dinner I could feel Niall and Harry looking at me and the cuts that were on my arm. I rolled down my sleeve and put my arm on my lap and continued to eat with my head down.
"So boys, me and Papa were thinking of going on another vacation in a couple of months."
"Really?" Haz asked.
"Yea we're gonna go to Cali!" Papa said.
I smiled slightly while Harry and Niall cheered, I'm guessing Cali is an exciting place but I don't want to embarrass myself like last time. When everyone was done with excitement we carried on with dinner but it just got more uncomfortable, every time I would pick up my knife to cut my chicken Niall and Harry's eyes would dart right to me and watch my every move. Do they really think I'm going to cut myself in front of them and with a butter knife? I was getting really frustrated, Dad and Papa went on like it was any normal dinner which I'm thankful for but Niall and Harry would not let up.
"I think I'm just gonna go upstairs." I said as I started to clear my plate.
"You haven't even finished eating." Dad said.
"Not hungry right now, I'll have it later."
I went upstairs to my room and turned on the TV and watched some stupid movie that I did not even know what was going on. I gave up on the movie and was browsing through channels when I heard a knock.
"Come in."
The door opened and Dad walked in with my dinner that I never finished and he put it on my desk.
"I brought your dinner, you doing okay?"
"Thanks." I said ignoring the second part.
"What happened, you were so happy after your chat with Papa, what's got you in a funk?"
Dad laid next to me on the bed and wrapped his arms around me.
"Niall and Harry, I know they don't mean too but all throughout dinner they were just being so careful with me, I could feel them looking at the cuts too, every time I moved they looked over like they were trying to make sure I wasn't hurting myself."
"You know that they're just worried about you and want to make sure you're okay."
"I know, and I'm so thankful for that, it just sucks that everyone is looking at me differently."
"No one thinks of you any differently, they love you so much and just want to make sure you're okay, but I will talk to them okay?"
"Thank you."
"No problem baby, now I will leave you to finish your dinner!"
He kissed my head and was then out the door, and I made my way over to my desk to finish the dinner that was probably cold by now.